Totally off topic, just need to vent

_runbitchrun

I work in a hospital. And my grandmother is here, dying in ICU right now.
I am not close with that side of my family at all. I dont talk to anyone. (my mothers side.)
Everyone is up there and I am conflicted bcause i don't want to see anyone.
I don't want my mother to think just because her mother passes that things will be ok with us, or that I will make amends with anyone.
I don't know how to feel. I was never that close with my grandmother. She was never the "spend the night over, have fun, spoil" type of grandmother. My other grandmother was like that, and I still miss her 14 years after she passed.
We never had long conversations. Never had much in common really. Only saw each other on holidays and church when I was little.

I feel like I should be more upset. I was sad yesterday...cried a little...and shes not passed YET, but I know its gonna happen, and soon. I just needed to rant. No one seems to quite get it. I feel like a horrible person.

End rant/complaining/selfishness

Chieflrg

Don't beat yourself up.

Everybody handles things differently.

Just be yourself in the purest form and don't feel the need to react a certain way.

acogg

So sorry you and your family are going through this difficult time. :flowerforyou:

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sentaruu

you really can't help how you feel, nor should you feel guilty about it.

that being said I think your mother could probably really use your support right now.

I am sorry for the situation you are in :flowerforyou:

here is a .gif of a sleepy kitten.

RunMyOregonBunsOff

Years after my dad passed (we weren't close either) is when I mourned the loss...more because due to terminal illness I never got to know who he was as a person. It's ok to mourn the loss of what you can't have and not just the person you don't feel close to. You are allowed to feel however you feel and there is nothing wrong with how you feel. Feelings aren't meant to be controled.