Defeated and Depressed

doris_day

Hi -
I'm new to the MFP. I've been reading for a while and thought it's probably time to introduce myself. I've been on here over a week and haven't lost anything, so apparently I can't do this on my own.

I'm fat and I'm defeated. I think about food all the time, when to eat, when not to eat, what to eat, why do I over eat, it's so exhausting.

I used to be a pretty girl - what happened to her? All my friends are thin. I'm not a recluse, but it's not so much fun being the fat girl, so I don't go out as much as I used to. I have a fantastic wardrobe of clothes that I haven't been in for at least 6 years, but I refuse to give them up. I look like a hobo, because I also refuse to buy any more clothes at my weight.

I have the most amazing family. My kids are awesome, healthy and thin. My husband is healthy and thin. I once told him I was sorry for looking the way I do. He always had dated skinny, thin girls. He told me that he married me, not those other girls and loves me the way I am. Are you kidding me? With an amazing husband like that I still can't lose the weight?

It all comes down to food. I ran a 1/2 marathon this April and I weighed 178. I think I was the fattest girl out there. I exercise all the time - I just can't control my food.

I cry just thinking about what I've become. I can't give up food for my own children?

I just feel so hopeless and I so desperately want to change. I can't even tell you how many times I've said this to myself in the mornings. I want to change - this is the day - and the weight goes up. The scale read 185 and I still ate 2 rice crispy treats last night.

I'm in my 40's and have young children. My dad died of leukemia and had severe diabetes. My mom has had triple bi-pass surgery at 60 and has really bad diabetes - and this is the way I'm heading. All of these major red flags and I still cannot control this one aspect of my life.

I re-read everything I've written and I sound so pathetic - who introduces themselves like that? I have to lose more than 40 pounds to be back to what I once was. That number seems so unattainable.

clothes_of_sand

You can do it. People have lost over a hundred pounds, and they're not any better or worse than you are. If you don't mind my asking, what *kinds* of foods are you eating, and in what portions? I had to completely cut out fast food, and now try to keep all of my foods down below 200 calories per food and make them healthy. As a result, I'm able to eat very often, which is good because I'm a snacker.

I will also say, though, that looking at your picture I can tell that you're still pretty. Also, a 1/2 marathon is pretty impressive. I doubt that I could run that far. It might be a good idea to focus on your successes as well as your problems. Don't give up hope. You can get back where you want to be.

MissKaylaDawn

This site is so supportive, accept every friend request and you'll see that pretty soon you have a bigger support system than you thought you ever could! When I first joined I thought for sure no one would talk to me or add me (it's just the way it's been all my life) but within minutes I had 16 friends. You'll love it and it takes a bit to get the hang of things, You have to find things that are good and healthy but also tasty at the same time. It's been 2 weeks for me, and I'm doing really welle (I'm amazed honestly!). But it really makes you see just how much you have to adjust your lifestyle. Welcome, Don't give up, ask around for recipes and help, we are all willing to help you out girl!

Best of luck,
-Kayla

RaeN81

Is it just me, or did you lose 2 pounds in the last week? Way to go!!

The pounds did not pile on overnight: this process will take time and patience with yourself.

Take it one day at a time and begin the difficult work of looking at the actual issues that underlie your unhealthy relationship with food. You can do this

platoon

Hi there! We're here for you! MFP is full of awesome and supportive people... Talk to us, and we'll cheer you on to your success! You're not alone. If you need a buddy, I'm here. Let's get this done! :-)

coronina

your story sounds so much like my own, keep trying it will happen , sometimes it takes awhile to get it right,DO NOT GIVE UP:flowerforyou:
:flowerforyou:

JeanRunge

You didn't gett fat overnight and you won't get thin overnight either. Depression can be a chemical imbalance in your body. Have you seen a medical provider? Please don't compare yourself to anyone else. No one else on earth is exactly like you. You are totally unique and awesome in your own way. Hang in there.

daniellek30

Hey there.

I would like to point out to you that anything is possible, if you just try hard enough. You look beautiful to me, so i'm not sure why you think you're fat, but I've had the same issues.

I love food .. it's my life, but you know .. there are ways to find foods you CAN eat that taste just as good as the ones you shouldn't be. I've been fighting with my weight for two years now. I lost weight, gained weight, etc. etc. My sister recently passed this summer and I gained ten pounds from it and nnow i'm ready to get rid of it.

Use that anger you have that you're having a hard time and put that emotion into your workout. When you feel like you can't do something, tell yourself you can! It's all about mind.

My boyfriend always tells me .. you can't have a a stool without three legs: Exercise, diet, and mentality .. and he always emphasizes the last one: MENTALITY! Don't tell yourself you can't do it, because you can!

ArchyJill

I will second the vote that you are pretty. I will also say that I suspect you are "fatter" in your head than you are in body. A half marathon! Not an accomplishment to be tossed aside lightly.

I have two suggestions: stop beating yourself up and do this for YOU, not because your friends and family are thin or you worry what people think.

What really clicked it over for me was cutting out all added sugar and flour of any variety. Sounds harsh, but for the first year I didn't count calories at all and dropped about 20 pounds. Really all it means is that you end up eating a lot of whole, relatively unprocessed foods...which is a good thing!

You can do this! You finished that half marathon so we know you have it in you!

KarenBorter

Hey there Glad you posted. Guess what? I have about 40lbs to lose too (I put my ticker at 160 because it seemed less daunting then 140). Good news is you found MFP. I have been on this site since September 1. That was the day I weighed myself and saw that I wasn't 170, or even 175 like I thought I was ... I was 180 ... I went home and drank my dinner. I was so depressed. That's when I decided NO MORE DAMNIT! I logged on here and haven't turned back. I have found so much support here and I give support where I can. It is a journey that each one of us is on but we AREN'T ALONE.

This is something to remember; You didn't get to this weight overnight and it won't come off overnight BUT if you use the tools here, exercise and ask questions IT WILL COME OFF! .

DRINK WATER ... I cannot stress this enough. Get your minimum 8 ounces in per day NO CAFFEINATED DRINKS! That stuff retains water like crazy. I am a water advocate and will hound people to drink more. Once they do, they find that weight starts to drop off.

The other thing to wrap your head around is this: To lose weight you have to eat more NOT LESS. If you eat less your body will hold on to every single calorie you put into it thinking you aren't going to feed it. I am eating SO MUCH MORE then I used to and already have dropped 8 pounds. One day that scale isn't going to move and I am going to be frustrated but then I will change something that I am doing to get that thing moving again. The name of the game is metabolism and your metabolism is boosted by EATING and MOVING.

You can do this darlin' ... I am going to send you a Friends request !

Sauchie

You can do it.... We'll be here for you.

ChrissyM

My biggest obstacle was figuring out why I was eating and how to change those habits. Like, I snack a lot more when I'm tired so I've been telling myself it's okay to lay down and take a 15 min nap to recharge-which isn't always easy to do with kids around-but it gives me some energy and I don't snack then. It has taken my a long time to change the habits and sometimes the old ways sneak back into my life but I'm learning to recoginze it and take charge of my life. Trust me with time the new habits get easier and soon the old ones are in the past.
I have also realized that getting healthy and loosing weight had to be for me not for my husband or my kids. When you take care of yourself it shows others that you think you're important, and that's a lesson I want my kids to learn.
Good luck to you on your journey.

ktbug1186

I agree with everything said above! You just don't realize how pretty you are now! Were all rooting for you girl!!!!!

Cindyleeoo1

Firstly, *hugs*. I used to be 275. I'm now 140 ish. I found that once you accept yourself, through self love, its easy to lose the weight. Sounds like you have alot of "i hate my body" feelings pent up. A super awsome book to check out is "Body for life for women" by pamela peeke. It doesn't talk at you, it talks to you. You can do this, just accept and love yourself and the rest will follow.

cypressmom

Holy cow, i feel like i just read something that I just wrote. I am in the EXACT same shoes! Same weight, same goal, same family and the same irritation with being fat. Come on....we can do this. Lets take it 10 lbs at a time. Friend me if you would like and we can support each other!

cameobelle

I am in the same boat!!! I am basically twice the woman my DH married!!! I LOVE food. I am a Southern Gal and LOVE my comfort food. I have the same wardrobe issue! Last week I finally forced my self to eat smaller portions and more meals while amping up the water so I felt fuller. I gained a pound but lost some inches. You can do it just hang in there and stay on here for support.

tennies

dont be so down on yourself. first off you have to think positive, everyone on this site is real supportive. but you have got to have will power. drink lots of water and log everything you eat and drink. hey im 49 weighed 170 the heaviest i have ever been in my life except for being pregnant. im going the menopause which sucks and puts the weight right in your gut. i used to drink a 12 pack a day of dr pepper. my sugar was up a little. i have diabeties in my family and high blood pressure. thankfully the only health problem i have as of now is asthma and i have had that all my life so my exercise is limited. i started walking 2 1/2 miles a day and started logging my food and put the dr pepper down. i havent had a soft drink in over a month. i have lost almost 20 pounds. and i am proud of my self for that i have about 20 more to lose, and im doing it for my grandbabies, i want to be around to see them grown. YOU CAN DO IT GIRL

TRACEYPACE

Your introduction echos EXACTLY how I feel! The difference is you had the guts to put your true feelings out there! I know what I need to do, but I don't stick with it long enought to see the results or keep them. My mom passed away at 42 of cervical cancer. My entire family history is riddled with diseases... heart disease,cholesterol, diabetes. I'm 40 and I see what's in store if I don't get it in check. Why can't I stick with it? I get so pumped up... early on. Then my enthusiasm doesn't dwindle... it plummets!
Please don't give up on yourself! It's so easy for me to say... just not to do! Let's get to know eachother a little more, and see if we might make a good team. Misery loves company... but "misery " needs to get lost! What do you say?

Bellydance

Okay, I teared up. You got me too. Just makes me wanna hug you and encourage you and for me and for all of us here. Introducing yourself that way is pure honesty and frustration with your efforts........Stay here and get ideas to switch up your food intake, timing, whatever it takes.

skinnyack

Nonsense about this being a bad first post or introduction- Here's what you have going for you- HONESTY. YOU just told us (and yourself) exactly what the problem is. How you will overcome the defeated and depressed feelings is through small successes. If you eat 4000 calories currently try 3500 for a week and then 3000 the next week. Or promise yourself you can pull two twinkies out the bow BUT you HAVE to wait an hour in between eatting them. In that time you may realize it's not worth it. Make small, obtainable, measurable goals. The successes from that and your ability to share with the friends you'll make exactly where you are at are going to make the "easy"-er than you are currently dreading. We are here cheering for you!

Mindful_Trent

Don't say "I CAN'T control my food" - say "I WILL LEARN TO CONTROL MY FOOD" - MFP is a fantastic tool for doing this. You've taken the hardest step - admitting you have a problem and taking steps (joining MFP) to address it. Use MFP - make the changes you want to make. You CAN do this. Will it be easy? No. Is it impossible? No! Take baby steps - pick one or two things to work on at a time. Every week or two, add something new. I started by just watching calories, then I started watching salt, then I started replacing more processed food with homemade... the list goes on and on. If you'd told me last summer how I would be eating now, I would've laughed at you - this is the best I've done in my adult life, but it took a year to get here.

Tell yourself every day when you wake up that the only person making decisions regarding what you eat is YOU. I find it helps to plan my days out in advance (as much as possible) - rather than logging as I eat, or eating and then logging.

Good luck. you CAN do this!

jillbedford

Hey there Doris.
Been in your shoes, babe. I understand. I did finally get the weight off. Nutrition is King, exercise in Queen. I ran about 40 miles a week and stayed well over 220lbs for years and years.
I had to get honest with myself about what I was really doing. I set about doing an extremely HONEST food diary. No holds barred.
For me, I was drinking too much alcohol. Way to much. That led to a whole new way of living, lots of AA meetings and finally weight loss that really lasted.
Weight loss is a mental issue too. For some reason you do not feel "safe" when you feel hungry. Why is that? For me it was because I honestly did not feel I deserved to look great. I had gone through years of abuse as a child and some real tough issues as an adult too. Both making me feel not good enough.
You are good enough. Watch this and repeat to yourself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
First thing, get some cute clothes that fit you right now. Get a massage. Maybe hit an "Overeaters Anonymous" meeting. They are free and very helpful for our "head" issues. At least go for the coffee and the love.
Weight loss starts in the head. You did not DNF in the half marathon. You will not DNF in this "race" to get fit finally either.
One day at a time, baby!

Jennifer0102

I agree with everything everyone else said. You did not gain the weight in one day so you are not going to lose it in one day. It does take time, patience and true commitment. It is obtainable though if you really want it, and you have come to the perfect place for amazing support and encouragement. We're all here for one another because we are all in the same boat. Everyone's story is so similar in one way or the other. You are not alone in this cause we will not let you be alone...You can do anything you put your mind to!

twnzmom

Just came on to log in my dinner and exercise for the day. Saw your introduction and photo, you are absolutely beautiful and worth being who you are. Don't give up just reevaluate your food choices, try to eat lots of fish, poultry, veges and fruit. I am 56, this was my first week and I logged onto this website every chance I got to read other peoples stories and questions I made some friends and that is what got me through the week. I also exercised eveery day for at least 30 minutes and more some days and that a lot for someone like me who hasn't done anything in 4-5 years, always an excuse. You made the decision to do this and do this you must, so you had a bad day start over and don't look back you can do this. Please put a smile on that pretty face and thank god for your wonderful supportive husband and family they will help you through this and so will we. What has helped me the most is before I put anything in my mouth I plan what I will eat for lunch or dinner and log it into my diary and see where I stand before I eat it and then it is too late. I hope to see you back on here soon friend me if you like it does help.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

chrisdavey

Don't say "I CAN'T control my food" - say "I WILL LEARN TO CONTROL MY FOOD" - MFP is a fantastic tool for doing this. You've taken the hardest step - admitting you have a problem and taking steps (joining MFP) to address it. Use MFP - make the changes you want to make. You CAN do this. Will it be easy? No. Is it impossible? No! Take baby steps - pick one or two things to work on at a time. Every week or two, add something new. I started by just watching calories, then I started watching salt, then I started replacing more processed food with homemade... the list goes on and on. If you'd told me last summer how I would be eating now, I would've laughed at you - this is the best I've done in my adult life, but it took a year to get here.

Tell yourself every day when you wake up that the only person making decisions regarding what you eat is YOU. I find it helps to plan my days out in advance (as much as possible) - rather than logging as I eat, or eating and then logging.

Good luck. you CAN do this!

VERY well said.

Persistence is the key. You are obviously fit and have strong will power for exercise so now just need to channel that same will power into the nutrition side of things.

"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

TubOlard

It does all come down to you. As they say, "The buck stops here!" I know how you feel and where you are coming from. Just last April I was at 270 lbs. and was heading downhill fast. I made the decision that I would not allow myself to continue on the way I was. Yes...you must find a focus point that will motivate you. Yours, like me, is your family and kids. Rely on us here to help motivate you but you have to be honest with your food diary and keep track of it truthfully. If you don't log your food correctly, you are only hurting yourself. I have now lost almost 55 lbs. and I feel great about it. People will become your motivator too. As you lose the weight, I promise the compliments will come and will drive you even more. That's how I did it and continue to do it. I still have about 25 lbs. to go but I cannot stop once I reach my goal. It will be a continuous maintenance and effort. It takes strength and hard work to make it happen, but I know you can do it, the people here know that you can do it and it's up to you to convince yourself that you can do it. Good luck and God bless!

leanmass24

Whether you say you can or cant do something, you are probably right, just dont give up and you can accomplish any goals you want.

PJilly

Hi -
I'm new to the MFP. I've been reading for a while and thought it's probably time to introduce myself. I've been on here over a week and haven't lost anything, so apparently I can't do this on my own.

I'm fat and I'm defeated. I think about food all the time, when to eat, when not to eat, what to eat, why do I over eat, it's so exhausting.

I used to be a pretty girl - what happened to her? All my friends are thin. I'm not a recluse, but it's not so much fun being the fat girl, so I don't go out as much as I used to. I have a fantastic wardrobe of clothes that I haven't been in for at least 6 years, but I refuse to give them up. I look like a hobo, because I also refuse to buy any more clothes at my weight.

I have the most amazing family. My kids are awesome, healthy and thin. My husband is healthy and thin. I once told him I was sorry for looking the way I do. He always had dated skinny, thin girls. He told me that he married me, not those other girls and loves me the way I am. Are you kidding me? With an amazing husband like that I still can't lose the weight?

It all comes down to food. I ran a 1/2 marathon this April and I weighed 178. I think I was the fattest girl out there. I exercise all the time - I just can't control my food.

I cry just thinking about what I've become. I can't give up food for my own children?

I just feel so hopeless and I so desperately want to change. I can't even tell you how many times I've said this to myself in the mornings. I want to change - this is the day - and the weight goes up. The scale read 185 and I still ate 2 rice crispy treats last night.

I'm in my 40's and have young children. My dad died of leukemia and had severe diabetes. My mom has had triple bi-pass surgery at 60 and has really bad diabetes - and this is the way I'm heading. All of these major red flags and I still cannot control this one aspect of my life.

I re-read everything I've written and I sound so pathetic - who introduces themselves like that? I have to lose more than 40 pounds to be back to what I once was. That number seems so unattainable.

I think about food all the time too, but MFP has allowed me to turn that into a positive, not a negative. I relate to so many things in your post. I'm in my 40s too, but barely. I turn 50 next month. My dad had diabetes, and he died last year of congestive heart failure. My mom is 100+ pounds overweight, and she has high blood pressure and other obesity-related ailments. I too have an amazing husband (although he's not as thin as he once was) and healthy and trim kids. My dad's passing was my motivation to finally get serious about taking off the extra pounds. And I did it! I've always been into working out and have been fairly strong and healthy, but I knew I needed to deal with my food issues if I really wanted to whip my butt into shape. I am so thankful I did it, and I am sure you will be too. This is an awesome community with extremely helpful tools. Take advantage of it. You won't be sorry!

turbojanem

you can do this! team work does help. there are many layers to this "onion". daily i am dealing with the why's. your goal to be healthy and change your family history is AWESOME! i don't have all the answers...but i love to cheer people on. team work and we will both be healthier. tell your awesome husband to give you a hug from me.

nikkilovesyew

I know a little bit about the whole weight thing...and believe me, you are doing much better than I am as far as wieght goes. Don't focus on your weight so much, it is only a category in your life and those that matter and love you the most do not care about your weight, only of you and your happiness. You are your biggest critique. The point of living is not that you be slim and look like everyone else...it is that you experience every single second of it. That's why we are given life. You are not defined by your weight, but your personality. Do not be dismayed, this is a small battle, and you are beginning in a great way. Stress and worry will only aid to this weight "problem," So, make sure you are not stressing out about things too much and your weight too much because it will set you back so much. Don't worry about the diabetes stuff either, those were your family's struggles and do not mean that you will inheret it either...yes, there is a big chance, but don't let it convince you that you are "doomed to diabetes" or whatnot.

I hope this helps you. I know it is hard, really, and being right at 300lbs....(yeah and I don't even eat like a fat person...LOL) and struggling with those thoughts and worries since I was in 7th grade, I understand what you're going through....these are some things that have helped me. All we can do is try and live one more day in that effort, everyday is a new day, new experience, and it is waiting for us to enjoy it. Dont let these things hold you back. Just let go and live.

Want2bHealthE

Welcome! I see you have a lot of inspiring and supportive notes to read already, so I just want to say great job on your first two pounds and for putting yourself out there so honestly. I have 86 lbs to loose and its easy to get depressed, but please never feel defeated. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and MFP is an incredible tool & network. Good luck!