Starting over - can't seem to get in the right mind set - He

sroseber

So I fell off the wagon a few months back and have only made half-hearted attempts to get back on. I don't want to weigh as much as I do but I have a hard time finding the time and energy to REALLY do something about it. I know I'm just making excuses to myself and I'm letting myself give in but what can I do to get mentally/emotionally into changing my life for good? I know what I should be doing (at least somewhat) but I can't mentally motivate myself to do it. I give in to cravings too easily, I find plenty of excuses to not exercise, etc. I feel like there's this internal battle in my head with part of me saying "you want this, you need to do this, think about how great you will feel (or have felt in the past) when you do this" and another part of me that has all the excuses "I'm too tired, too busy, it's hard and takes too much time to plan it all which I don't have....and I really want that ice cream!" How do I get past this mindset because I really do want that end result and I know the only way to get there is to plan what I eat and track it and get exercise. Anyone have any advise to help motivate my mind to make my body do what I want? lol!

Also, I've been down this road before and have had success losing weight but then I end up quitting, something (life or vacation or something like that) gets me off track and I quit and gain it all, if not more back before I finally decide to do something about it again. I'm so tired of this roller-coaster ride. How do you stay on track when life events get in the way? Or how do you quickly get back on track when you've slipped off a little because of life happening?

naguilar210

sroseber,
One thing you need to remember....DONT BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF.
Start this jouney by making very small goals.
I currently lost 85 pounds in less than 6 months, it took discipline and hard work, but I made very small and reasonable DAILY goals. (Eating a very healthy breakfast, parking at the end of the parking lot, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator)
Preparing your food a day ahead helped for me too. The temptations are easier to avoid this way.
I know its hard, we ALL know its hard, but you will find that motivation.

stellcorb

I feel where you're coming from. I also have a constant roller coaster of weight gain and loss to the point where I can't buy nice clothes b/c I never wear the same size from season to season. I do well when I start back, but I'm so strict that it's hard to make it a true "lifestyle" change. I know it has alot to do with making healthy eating and exersise a priority but it's hard to do that when you're tired and angry. As far as how to combat this, personally, I'm trying to be more lenient with my diet so it's more realistic for the long term. I don't know if you have this issue too, but even when I do hit my goals and loose the wieght, I start getting bitter that I have to contantly think about it. That's when i start letting myself make bad decisions and get the "screw it" attitude. Not sure how to combat that, but maybe being open about these issues in a forum like this could help.

katzpawz

I totally get what you've experienced, as I've been through similar cycles myself. The thing that finally helped me change my mindset, was to think of one or two manageable changes I could make (one example is ordering my Mocha from Starbucks with skimmed milk, and leaving off the whipped cream). That change only required me to remember to order the Mocha made that way, it was pretty easy.

The other thing that made a huge difference for me was to realize that the path I'm on is a "Practice." I'm "practicing" a healthy lifestyle. That means that I have a starting place (for example, eating healthy) and I practice that. Sometimes I, as you said, "fall off the wagon." But since it's a practice, I just go back to the starting place and move forward. It's getting back on the wagon as quickly as possible that is the goal. I don't believe it's realistic to expect ourselves to "diet" and NEVER stumble. That approach has consistently caused me to beat myself up over and over again.

So, decide on a few small changes for now. Once you've gotten accustomed to those changes and they've become habit,think of a few more. This is the way to make changes that will last a lifetime, and not just until the next time you stray from your path. And when (not if) you do stray, just start over. Even if you start over every day (and I have done that many times) you're changing your awareness of how you see yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. The idea is to keep trying.

I've lost count of the number of times I've started over. I still have a lot of weight to lose (I just started over again a week ago). But each time I stumble, I manage to keep some of the changes that I've worked to implement.

Hope this is helpful!

Hope this helps!~

katzpawz

I totally get what you've experienced, as I've been through similar cycles myself. The thing that finally helped me change my mindset, was to think of one or two manageable changes I could make (one example is ordering my Mocha from Starbucks with skimmed milk, and leaving off the whipped cream). That change only required me to remember to order the Mocha made that way, it was pretty easy.

The other thing that made a huge difference for me was to realize that the path I'm on is a "Practice." I'm "practicing" a healthy lifestyle. That means that I have a starting place (for example, eating healthy) and I practice that. Sometimes I, as you said, "fall off the wagon." But since it's a practice, I just go back to the starting place and move forward. It's getting back on the wagon as quickly as possible that is the goal. I don't believe it's realistic to expect ourselves to "diet" and NEVER stumble. That approach has consistently caused me to beat myself up over and over again.

So, decide on a few small changes for now. Once you've gotten accustomed to those changes and they've become habit,think of a few more. This is the way to make changes that will last a lifetime, and not just until the next time you stray from your path. And when (not if) you do stray, just start over. Even if you start over every day (and I have done that many times) you're changing your awareness of how you see yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. The idea is to keep trying.

I've lost count of the number of times I've started over. I still have a lot of weight to lose (I just started over again a week ago). But each time I stumble, I manage to keep some of the changes that I've worked to implement.

Hope this is helpful!

Hope this helps!~

sroseber

Thanks! I'm trying some different approaches this time. In the past the best I've ever done was get about halfway to my goal and felt so good in comparison to what I had been that I kinda gave myself "a break" which never ended! I used to have my ticker showing what I had lost (I guess because I didn't want to face the number I still had to lose) but now I've switched it. I think maybe it will help remind me that my journey isn't over yet and help me face the cold hard facts that I am this big even if I choose not to look in the mirror and cover it up with clothing. And I need to do something about it.

I also used to set my goals to lose 2lbs a week which, while it would be nice and sometimes it happens, for the most part it's not a reasonable goal for me. Especially once I've lost a good amount. So this time I've accepted that it will take a while to lose it all and set my goals for 1.5 lbs a week for the first 12 weeks or so (I think about the first 1/2 or so of the weight I need to lose) and 1 lb. a week after that. Hopefully this helps me to actually reach these goals and not get so discouraged and quit.

I think one of the hardest things for me is doing this for me. I do it so I look better for my husband or feel better when I'm with him. Or I do it to be a better role model for my girls (or at least to not embarrass them around their friends who have skinny mommies). I have a hard time finding a reason to care that is for me and not someone else. The bad part of it being for someone else is that if they really don't care (like I assume they do in my mind) and they don't make a big deal of it when I do lose then I end up with a "why did I bother" attitude = I quit. I've experienced this with past loses and I know I have to have a reason to do it for me or it won't stick. Just not sure what that reason is yet.

tgaul

bump!

Thank you for the post! I am in the same boat right now. It is nice to know that we are not the only ones who struggle.

sroseber

thanks everyone for your support. I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this, that's why this community exists. Do you all find that challenges (exercising X number of minutes this month, trying 5 new healthy snacks this month, etc.) helps you? I used to be a part of an online group that set monthly mental/emotional, nutrition, and exercise challenges. It really helped me stay focused and kept me accountable to others who knew I was a part of the challenge. How do you feel about challenges?

jheller

I'm with you right now. I just keep telling myself I can't go backwards. I'm maintaining and for me right now that if fine. I knew this would come, like others have said, it always does but just keeping my mind focused on what I've done and hanging on to the feeling of that accomplishment is what is helping me a lot. I can't get into an exercise routine and feeling down makes it harder. I might eek out 2-3x a week but that is not enough for me. I'm supposed to do a 5k on Sunday and I'm having serious doubts about it. I'm just trying to not eat everything in sight like I want to right now and trying to keep up the positive self talk until I can get out of this funk.

Good luck to all - this site helps a lot!!

sroseber

wow, the thought of a 5K is completely beyond me and always has been (even when I'd lost a lot of weight and was working out a lot!) I admire all the people who do them but I can't even imagine wanting to do one! lol!

Maintaining is a good thing and I think what you are doing with being ok with just maintaining right now is good. My problem was always when I got to a point where I quit, I didn't quit to maintain for a while and then try to lose the rest later. I quit and went backwards. Maintaining for me is way harder than losing so I admire your mindset there.

I'm thinking about setting up some mental/physical/nutritional challenges for myself to keep me focused and motivated. I just sat down at lunch and made a list of things I need to do for me to feel good or better about myself. The negative self-talk seems so easy every time we look in the mirror. I'm trying to take those things I complain about that I can do something about and do it so that it's one less complaint I have about myself. My list is made up of mental things (mostly that I don't have time to think about things for me because I'm too busy taking care of everyone else's needs), outer body things like my complexion and nails (outer beauty things) and inner body things like eating better, exercising, taking vitamins, etc. I've been thinking about all aspects of this a lot today. I'm hoping the more focused I am on it and the more thought I put into it now will help me to get myself mentally and physically prepared this weekend to really get going with it next week. I need to do some meal planning and shopping and figure out and exercise routine (that I can start out slow with and build on)

I don't know if any of my ramblings help you at all but I hope you find you motivation too and can get out of your funk. You've done amazing but I see you are just past your midpoint and that's where it got REALLY hard for me to stick with it last time. Just think you have come this far and you are now closer to the end than you are to the beginning. Just do your best today and tomorrow do your best tomorrow and maybe you have to take it really slow for a while and just focus on one day only. But you will get there. Good luck!

Chenoachem

What I did to keep me motivated and keep going were a few things. I have a lot of scheduling conflicts being a mom, physics student, work as a chemist and want to be healthy doing it all. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and make excuses that the healthy part has to go.

So I purchased a small magnetic dry erase board for my fridge. On Sunday night I plan out my week for workouts. I make these non-negotiable "meetings" with myself. I vary the workouts between 15 minutes and 1 hr. I always get up early (which once it is a habbit it is easy) and do my workout before anyone else in the house wakes up.

For food, I have learn to substitute. Crave sweets, instead of a candy bar I keep dark chocolate nibs in my drawer and count out 6-10 and log them!! Only 6 calories instead of 150 calories but full of flavor. Instead of using bread for sandwhiches, I use lettace. Instead of ketchup I use salsa. Instead of mayo or mustard I use hummus. The list goes on. If you feel deprived you are not going to want to stick with it and it feels bothersome.

Setting small goals for yourself is helpful. Right them down on a calender and paste it to the fridge (again I see it everytime I go to the fridge and it makes me think better about what I was going in there for).

Good Luck.

TXBlockhead

I have started and restarted so many times. I am in a good place right now. I don't really know what triggers me when I decide to do this and do it right. It just happens. I also know that I won't be able to do it until I get myself to that point. I saw some pictures of myself recently and that helped me. I also watched Biggest Loser the other night and that helped. I know that when I go try on clothes it makes me want to do something about it too! Good luck and WE CAN DO THIS!!

sroseber

What I did to keep me motivated and keep going were a few things. I have a lot of scheduling conflicts being a mom, physics student, work as a chemist and want to be healthy doing it all. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and make excuses that the healthy part has to go.

So I purchased a small magnetic dry erase board for my fridge. On Sunday night I plan out my week for workouts. I make these non-negotiable "meetings" with myself. I vary the workouts between 15 minutes and 1 hr. I always get up early (which once it is a habbit it is easy) and do my workout before anyone else in the house wakes up.

For food, I have learn to substitute. Crave sweets, instead of a candy bar I keep dark chocolate nibs in my drawer and count out 6-10 and log them!! Only 6 calories instead of 150 calories but full of flavor. Instead of using bread for sandwhiches, I use lettace. Instead of ketchup I use salsa. Instead of mayo or mustard I use hummus. The list goes on. If you feel deprived you are not going to want to stick with it and it feels bothersome.

Setting small goals for yourself is helpful. Right them down on a calender and paste it to the fridge (again I see it everytime I go to the fridge and it makes me think better about what I was going in there for).

Good Luck.

Thanks for the great tips! I spend 10-11 hours a day getting ready for work, driving to/from work, and being at work, then get home and have supper with my family and get me and my girls ready for the next day and try to have a little time for myself or with my husband. So yeah, the busy life thing does get in the way and makes the exercise thing (especially when you kinda don't want to do it anyway) easy to push aside. When I was exercising regularly I was getting up before everyone else and doing it. I still hated doing it and had to force myself but I felt great afterward and the more I did it the easier it got and I didn't have to force myself quite as much each day. So I'm trying to focus my memory of it on how great it made me feel and how much energy I had to do all the other stuff I had to do in this busy life.

I do (or did) a lot of substituting with foods because I agree. If I felt deprived this would go absolutely NO WHERE.

Thanks so much, you are a great support and an inspiration!