Have you been in a long relationship BUT didn't last?

ChristinaOrtiz23 · March 2014

I have a question for all of you! Just curious that’s all!! Were you ever in a long relationship or married (not a year or 2 though, more like 4-5 years and more) but it didn't last? What happened? And do you regret it or was it the best decision?

Thank You

randomtai · March 2014

13 years long, 4 kids together. Leaving him was the BEST decision of my life. My only regret was that I didn't leave sooner. Never stay together just for the kids. NOT WORTH IT!

askeates · March 2014

Was married for almost 20 years, with him for 21 years.... best move I ever made was to leave! I have 2 children with him, they are the best thing to come out of our time together, but I agree with random.... I should have left way sooner, staying for the kids was not the best choice.

Lemonshake · March 2014

Yep.
He was lovely. And still is a great guy. But I needed a man. And thankfully for both of us I did cause now we are both happy separately. His wife is perfect for him now. We just would of made each other miserable!

lamps1303 · March 2014

Yup - 6 years, engaged for 2. Best (and hardest) thing I ever did walking away. So much happier now. When you begin to question your relationship that's when you know you need to leave. Leaving it too long will only cause more misery. Luckily I left before a house was bought (we rented) and a wedding was booked!

summertime_girl · March 2014

April 5th would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. Last year he met someone else, cheated, and moved out. We're divorced now.

kborton1122 · March 2014

THIS!!!! I'm in the process of divorce after 20 years of marraige. Been together for 23 years, since we were 17 years old. We grew apart. I couldn't be happier now!

RozayJones · March 2014

5 years, 2 kids later left him and haven't seen him since! I thought I knew what love was but I was so so wrong.

ninerbuff · March 2014

I've been married for 15 years and thankfully believe my relationship is still very strong. My question to those whose marriages failed is what do you believe went wrong? Was it he/she or both of you together? Did you live together first?

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

hunniebunn · March 2014

Well I have nothing on all you lovely people above me... I was with mine for 5 years. I emotionally checked out of the relationship like 2-3 years prior but stayed in the relationship because I thought he would change /get a job/get an education and his family was absolutely amazing to me. It ended one night when he had been drinking for over 8 hours with his friends, and he put his hands on me and called me every name in the book in front of all of our friends. I never spoke to him again after that point, but he had his family contact me to try to get me back. Even said he would propose to get me back. Never looked back after that night.
I am now with a wonderful guy, and we have been together 3 years. He supports me and my healthy lifestyle and I always know that I can count on him when I am down and out.
His cousin still talks to me now and then; said he got with a girl and she treats him like garbage. Karma sucks.

RozayJones · March 2014

ninerbuff - I was young, my life was not in the right spot (drugs etc.) he was abusive. But once I got pregnant with my first born I changed completely and thought he did too - sure he did for awhile but he put his hands on me one time when I was pg with my second and that is when I knew it was time to go - I have 2 boys and they would not grow up thinking that is ok...So I left.
Now I am married to my best friend - I have been clean for 9.5 years and I couldn't be happier!

mank32 · March 2014

started up something that shouldn't have been started and kept it going for 6 years. i'm kinda stupid like that.

Myhaloslipped · March 2014

8 years, engaged, and he cheated with a girl I knew really well. He decided that he despised her and wanted me back shortly afterwards. I wasn't having it. We are actually good friends now, and I am good friends with his new fiancé. They have a baby together. It's crazy how things happen in life sometimes. I don't regret anything, and I am better off now.

randomtai · March 2014

We weren't married and we just grew apart. We are the best of friends now, so it all worked out.

ninerbuff · March 2014

Yay for you now! For me, I still am baffled on how a man puts his hands on his wife. I'm assuming it's "learned" behavior from exposure to it. Lol, it's rare, but if I ever got really angry, I leave and go workout.:laugh: When I come back, I'm in a calmer state of mind and we talk sensibly. But this has only happened 2 times in my marriage. I consider myself very lucky to be married to the woman I love and who can tolerate my weak points.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ninerbuff · March 2014

Funny how that works sometimes. I know lots of people who are better off as friends rather than married together.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

WeepingAngel81 · March 2014

5 years and he chose alcohol over his child and myself. I hated the man he had become, but I still held out hope that he would get help. In the moment, he left in a violent rage, and it was devastating! Even after he was gone life was surreal. He no longer lives in this country, yet to this day he still tries to control my life. It doesn't happen, of course, but it's still hard.
The point is, you never really give up an ex when you have dedicated your life to them for so long. You may not live with him or her any longer, but there will always be a connection, good or bad. There will always be a part of them in your life. In my case, the split helped me become a better person. A better mother, a harder worker, and opened my eyes to so much that I was missing. I haven't heard from him in about 4 weeks, but I know that won't last long. He will want to talk to my son, and I will let him. I am lucky enough that he is in another country and I don't have to actually see him.
If you are thinking of breaking up a relationship, just be prepared....it may be the best choice you have ever made, but there will still be heartache.

MissKim78 · March 2014

I was with my ex for EIGHTEEN years...from when I was 15 years old! We got married in 2009 after being together for 16 years. We had bought a house in 2010 and a new vehicle in 2011.

Then in February of 2012....I found out he "wasn't happy" and that he had been sneaking around with one of my best friends for 2 months....and she not only acted like nothing was wrong but actually sought me out to hang out and do stuff. And the kicker....she was married to a childhood best friend of my ex. Two marriages ripped apart. Longtime friendships, ruined and over forever. My world came crashing down. I know now I wasn't in love with him anymore but that didn't stop that betrayal from destroying me. Especially what my friend did to me. The house had to be sold since neither of us could afford it on our own.

We were only super "in love" in the earlier years....and then I think it just became "comfortable". I had thought once or twice about leaving him in the later years, but was too chicken because I didn't know who I was without him. Not to mention I despise change and everything would change. It was easier to just stay....since I didn't know anything different....or that anything better was out there.

That was obv a huge part of my life. A part of me hates that I "wasted" those 18 years, but a part of me understands that it helped make me who I am.

I regret getting married....we only did it because "it was the logical next step" and because his parent were pressuring us to.
I regret buying the house....it was my dream home overlooking the ocean and it was a heart break to let it go.

But I am now with an amazing man, younger, hotter, better! If not for what happened....I may have never met him! I feel more loved, more safe, more myself than ever before! He tells me I'm beautiful all the time (my ex said I looked "nice" on our wedding day! LOL), we communicate more than I thought possible, we support each other and crave each other when we are apart. I can honestly say I don't know what I was feeling with the ex, but it is nothing compared to what I feel for my boyfriend!

ChristinaOrtiz23 · March 2014

HOLY **** this sounds like me!!! freaky!! difference, we aren't married and no house BUT we have a child!

MissKim78 · March 2014

Together 18, married for a little over 2 years of that, lived together for about 10 years prior to the breakup. We just grew apart....fell out of love I guess....but he was a coward and instead of talking to me, he snuck around and cheated. I just eventually found out.

Edit: We are NOT friends....He is weak, a liar and a cheat. He not only betrayed me, but his best friend who was married to the w**re he was cheating with! No room in my life for people like that. If I don't respect you, I can't be friends with you!

randomtai · March 2014

This is me now... and I have never been happier. Never settle. :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

JackieRL55 · March 2014

About 2 years ago I broke up with my ex of almost 8 years. He was and probably still is the love of my life but he is not the right man for me. I learned A LOT from that relationship so I will never regret it. Plus we had some great times, even though he cheated on me. I accept my responsibility in that and so did he. We're both better people coming out of the relationship and are good friends now. I know this is not typical but nothing ever is. My advice is always to follow your gut, not your heart. Your gut is usually right where your heart can make you blind sometimes.

seltzermint555 · March 2014

I've had two of those.

The first was for about 3 years when I was in college. It was a highly dysfunctional relationship that seemed very exciting & passionate to my 19-21 yr old self but was very unhealthy and awful. The guy was kind of violent and I didn't think he really took it out on me, but looking back I see a lot of terrible borderline abusive stuff that was going on but I wrote it off as caring, miscommunication, cultural differences, etc. Nope.

The second one was a marriage and it lasted for over 9 years. My ex husband was one of the nicest people you could hope to meet and we had tons of superficial stuff in common which made us seem like an ideal pair. We were basically the perfect roommates & very compatible, but we had ZERO passion, very little attraction to e/o, and our marriage was practically without physical affection or intimacy. We were just not that into each other...and stayed together for a decade. I don't recommend that! At the time, I truly believed that for "most people" that's what an adult relationship/marriage was like...being with your "best friend" and just watching TV and eating and caring for a pet together etc. Very unsatisfying in the long run, and for us the catalyst to end it was losing our home in a huge tornado and then being able to buy and furnish a new home and still being totally unhappy. We moved just an hour away from our family & friends but it was viciously apparent that they were what kinda held us together -- we'd always entertained a lot and had friends around 24/7, and once it was just the two of us we had no big interest in spending time together, no intimacy as I mentioned, etc. It was a pretty easy split considering how long we were together, and amicable. I think of him semi-fondly but it's almost like I barely remember him!! And this all happened just a couple of years ago!

Now I'm married to a wonderful, completely perfect-for-me guy and it is 100% different from either of those other two serious relationships. I could say it combines the BEST parts of both previous LTRs - and while that would be accurate - it just doesn't feel the same at all, and it's awesome!!

skullshank · March 2014

just out of curiosity....
if (and that is an IF) this was your first relationship, do you think you would have benefited from experiencing more before getting married?
i ask because i know 3 couples that have been together since high school with ages ranging from mid-60s to mid 30s.

glad you are happy now! :drinker:

Cliffslosinit · March 2014

Last November would have been 25 yrs.
She was an alcoholic, drug user and a cheater.
I was an *kitten*....all that doesn't make for a lasting relationship.

Ashes_To_Beast · March 2014

7 Years 1 kid, still not sure If it was the right or wrong thing to do, but with a child many ppl told me these feelings are common.

randomtai · March 2014

Definitely!! I wish I could have experienced different things instead of being with my HS sweetheart.

hbrittingham · March 2014

I was married the first time at 18 and it lasted 4 1/2 years. We had a child together. He was an immature porn addict who had major anger issues. He was also a very lazy man who acted like we had money (we didn't) in order to "keep up appearances", yet wasn't willing to work jobs that paid well because they were too hard. I could not be happier to have him out of my life.

I have been married to my current husband for 22 years in May and we've been together for over 23 years. He's a good man. Not perfect, but neither am I. We've had ups and downs, but the difference is, the ups way outweighed the downs.

When I was married to my ex husband and thought about the future, I would be totally depressed trying to imagine having to stay married to him. When I looked (and still look) at my future with my current husband, I look forward to what we will share together.

cwolfman13 · March 2014

My high school girlfriend and I were together for about 5-6 years. It didn't last because we were completely different people at 17 vs 22/23 years old. We changed a lot in those years and just grew apart and actually had very little in common towards the end.

My wife and I dated for about 5 years before we got married and we're going on 9 years married in August. We've had a good run and going strong.

sillygoosie · March 2014

I was married for 4 years but he turned into a workaholic and was never, ever around to be with me or my daughter. He thought material things could make up for his absence, but I'm not that type of person. I didn't care about the nice car, house, pool, etc. I just wanted a partner. He is a good man but that's not what I signed up for. I knew the rest of my life would be that way so I split. His new wife is now having the same complaints about him but I think she'll stay for the lifestyle. I thought he would learn some things from our failed marriage.. In his defense, his parents are exactly the same way. They have always done their own thing separately from each other, including most vacations. I've never even seen them hug or kiss each other. What's the point?

ETA: I'm a serial monogamist and most of my relationships have been fairly long term. My parents were high school sweethearts and have a great marriage. I think I've always wanted what they have so I trucking on. I'm quite sure I've finally found the person who shares a similar view of the future. He's the *kitten*.

ALNoog · March 2014

Was engaged for 4 years and it was such a waste of 4 years..... He was such a slimeball...... I don't know why i stayed.... I guess I was scared of change..

He was a manager at his job and was having sex with every under age employee that worked for him... I was at work working two jobs trying to make ends meet and he was screwing them on my bed.... Once I found out for sure I confronted him and he left while I was at work and took EVERY thing!! If I could do it all different I would have never been with him.

Have you been in a long relationship BUT didn't last?

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