As Rafiki said: It is time!

rompydompy

Time to be brutally honest with myself, and stop pretending the rest of the world is overlooking my unhealthy lifestyle as well.

I'm 28 years old, 5 ft. 9, and last week weighed in at 238.8 lbs.

I am ashamed. I have two young children that run laps around me, and beg me to play with them, and I can barely muster the energy, or motivation even, to humor them for 5 minutes.

I have an incredible spouse whom I am deeply in love with, but at the same time incredibly frustrated with, because, like me, he's unhealthy and unmotivated. I have all the wants and dreams of a typical 28 year old-- I want to go hiking in exotic places, explore caves and swim in the lake, etc-- but because he's even worse of than me, those activities never happen. We indulge each other's guilty pleasures in food, and feed off one anothers failures as excuses for our own. I don't have the courage to decline without hurting his feelings, or the wherewithal to otherwise turn down 4 slices of bacon, 2 eggs, and two pieces of toast in bed on a Sunday morning.

My mother, who is in her early 50's, looked just like me for most of my life. A couple years ago, she had bariatric surgery, and is now healthy and radiant. During Christmas, I went to have a 30 minute workout with her-- 15 minutes on the treadmill while she was on the elliptical, and a switch. I had to leave the room after the first 15 minutes, in tears, because I was so embarrassed that I was too exhausted to continue. Even my dad, who was also very large for most of my life, has found success with Atkins, and went from stretching out 2x shirts to wearing a mens size Large and having more energy, and more willpower, than me to stay fit. I was the fattest girl in the house over the holidays.

Fast forward to March, where I'd sunk into a deep, desperate depression over the state I'd allowed my body to fall in, and I had convinced my husband to spend $400 on a treadmill-- a very considerable sum on our budget. I've had it since March 6th.

I have been on my treadmill EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. since we brought it home. I started out determined to get 2 miles in at a time. I walked, mostly at 3.5 mph, never below, and completed my course in 35 minutes. In the week and a half since, I added first an additional 2 mile slow walk after a hard 30 minutes, and now an additional 3 mile slow walk (3 mph) to my 29 minute 20 second 2 miles.

I'm seeing progress in my speed, endurance when jogging at 5 mph, and on the scale. I see promise for my future at last-- I'm not counting calories, but being mindful of what and how much I eat, though the exercise makes my appetite less, and my thirst for water over soda higher. I am feeling empowered at long last, and as if I could finally finish something that I started. I felt it necessary to write it out, and put it someplace public, lest I give up with no evidence that I ever tried.

Hi. ^^ That's all the deeper, inner me's of why I'm here on MFP. The textbook intros, I think: Name, location, profession, etc., don't really matter so much here. I look forward to meeting all of you.

michelleneli

You're off to get start!

Michelle in Ohio