I'm so angry at myself!

Trilby16

In Jan 2013, I joined MFP and over the next few months lost the 15 or so pounds that made me feel and look SOOO much better by diligently logging food and exercising. Then my father got very ill and in fact died, and I fell off the program-- at first only a little bit, but then I became ravenous as my BODY tried to get back to set-point, sabotaging all my months of hard work.

Yes, I feel like "me" and "my body" are enemies in a fight to the finish. Why can I not have mastery over my own body? The hunger, the craving, is too much. I just want to eat and eat and eat.

I love logging my food once I get started. It's great to know what I can eat and where I stand, and to have the pounds come off, albeit slowly. The hardest part is getting started. I've made a few pathetic stabs at it but I'm unable to follow through so far.

Why can I only eat so little? It's not fair. It's really my main physical pleasure, and I'm a good cook and I love to cook.

Please, please, please don't anyone suggest that I need to eat more!!!!!!!!! That ain't happening. I mean, I wish it were that easy. HAHAHAHA! Eat more and lose more. IF ONLY!!!!

I'm open to suggestions to get back on track. That would be great. Sorry if it seems like I'm just unloading, here, with my frustration. I guess I am. I'm so sad to be back at the starting point again, but with fewer comfortable clothes because I got rid of my fat clothes........... SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!