Positive vibes needed for the fat girl in my head...

lamourrouge

I don't usually share on forums so feeling a bit nervous, but hello.

I'm really struggling to find weight loss positivity right now. I used to be a scuba instructor and before that, a dance teacher so I've always been pretty active. Bit since moving back to the UK and dieting I'm really struggling to gety head around my body. I'm working out three times a week, and am currently on 1,200 calories. I've seen some weight loss, but I know that I'm gaining muscle tone because of how much I cycle and walk so not expecting my weight to half. Every week I do 2x cardio sessions and 1x weight session. I have no problem keeping to eating well and working out ( I'm so used to going to the gym now) but I'm really struggling see my body in a positive light? I keep looking in the mirror and seeing a fat girl, and I constantly compare my arms, legs, and stomach to every single other girl. It makes me cry sometimes and I just want to feel confident about my body when I should be proud of my commitment and willpower? Is there anyone else out there struggling with stuff like this?

Rachel x

Lovett56

Hi! I'm a new poster to MFP, though I've been using this website since Dec. I actually was dealing with this problem not that long ago, and I found the only thing that turned the negative thoughts around was grabbing a pair of jeans I used to be able to fit perfectly (and when I started the weight loss, I tried them on to see how far I had to go, and found I could only get them to the middle of my thighs), and put them on. I did this about 2 weeks ago, and found out that I dropped 2 dress sizes, and was comfortably a 10. (: Seeing the before and after in some clothes (preferably pants or a skirt) makes it personal, and while I still am not happy with the jiggly fat, I know that I am making progress. Also taking measurements helps a lot, especially when I found out I lost 10 inches off my hips in 3 months. But definitely getting new clothes or fitting into older, smaller clothes makes it more real. (:

Edit: By the by, I forgot to add that I'm a 19 y.o. girl that has been a size 14 all her life. The only time I lost weight was when I started watching what I ate when I was 15, and got all the way down to a size 8, before hitting a major depression and put back on all the weight. I found that for muscle definition and high intensity cardio being logged, Joyce Vedral makes an intense workout that won't give you muscle-bulk, but sleek, toned muscles. Unfortunately, getting into that habit of intensity really wears on the motivation, so I save those exercises for one day a week. (:

SharonNehring

Many of us have this problem. I've read it can take up to a couple of years for your brain to "catch up" to your body when losing weight. Have you tried doing photos? Many times you can't see a difference in the mirror but can in side by side photos.

Have you done measurements? This too can help in seeing the true picture. Do you have a close friend whom you trust completely to tell you the truth, not matter what? Maybe sharing your struggle with this person can help as well.

I think the proper term for this is body dysmorphia. Look it up and see if you can relate to the symptoms.

AlbertJDaniel

It looks like you are doing all the right things and are having positive results. I pray you and not turning towards the same frame of mind as anorexia sufferers. From what little I know about their illness they never feel that they have lost enough weight and when they look in a mirror they actually see themselves as a much larger person than they actually are. Have you talked about this with your personal physician? It might be worth mentioning. God bless

ally_land

Hi Rachel,

Thanks for sharing. I used to think that when I had the "perfect" body, that I would be happy. Silly really, when I was a size 8 and had a very beautiful body. But all I could see was my pooch on my lower abs, stretch marks from pregnancy, etc. I exercised like a fanatic, obsessed about what I ate, and even started training for a bodybuilding figure competition. My body became really strong, really lean......and yet all I could see were the things about it that I didn't like. I realized after that my body would never be my source of happiness....I had the "perfect" body and was not happy. I started working on bringing in more joy, self-care, and self-love....difficult because I didn't love myself at the time. It took some time......years even (but worth it).......and now I feel confident about who I am...I feel confident about my body.....and I no longer compare myself to other women.

It is possible and I want to offer you encouragement to try to learn to bring joy and self worth into your life BEFORE you have the body you want. It will make the journey much more joyful.

xoxo!
~Ally

ktkdmommy

you are beautiful! the only person you should try and be better than is yourself. Keep your head up and don't compare yourself to others. I know its not always easy, but stay on this path and you will see results.

chimebird

Hi Sweetie. I've been there and I know just how you feel.

When I first started losing weight I felt like I was on top of the world, sexy and powerful and unstoppable. But when I started approaching my goal and the progress slowed down, I was misearable. I looked the best I ever had but I felt terrible, much worse than I did when I was at my heaviest, at least then I'd felt like it was something I was convinced I had no power or control over.

Soon my relationship with food and with the scale grew very unhealthy. I hated how I looked but I knew objectively I was in a healthy range. I didn't realize at the time how miserable I was because I'd convinced myself it was normal, that it was my fate as someone whose top priority in life was now staving off the weight.

Finally something clicked and I gave up the obsessive counting and monitoring. I also removed the majority of processed food from my diet, and cut back on drinking. I stopped weighing myself for the most part, hopping on the scale periodically out of curiosity. Instead I started taking photos and measurements.

I listened to my body. If I was craving something, I went ahead and ate it, no restrictions. If I could I'd devise a healthy alternative (frozen berries and bananas blended with yogurt instead of ice cream, avocado mousse with cacao and honey instead of a chocolate bar, I had fun getting creative!) but if I had to have an almond croissant from the French bakery, I did it and I was determined not to feel guilty about it.

I started lifting heavy weights. I got back in to yoga. I got off the damn treadmill and found a place where I could run outside once I week. I listened to music I loved and ran as far as I felt like. If it wasn't working out that day, I'd turn back after 20 minutes without feeling guilty. Other days, and there were more of these days, I'd look up in surprise and discover that I'd run further than I'd ever managed to go on the treadmill.

After several months of this, I've gained almost 10 kilos. This stressed me out at first but I've let it go. Because the photos and the measurements are telling me more than the scale. I haven't lost a great deal of fat (but I have lost some!), though my muscles look amazing and toned. Before I was sort of slouching and flopping around, now I hold myself up with ease and comfort.

Last week I started to feel like my eating habits were falling off track a bit, and it was hurting my stomach, so I decided to come back to logging on MFP for a little while, just to readjust my perspective a bit. And I think that's fine. My mindset is totally different now. I won't get sucked back in to the bad habits this time.

The way I see it, I was at the calorie counting long enough to have a good idea of what was in what. I went long past the point where it wasn't serving me anymore. Weight loss began to feel like a skewed goal. When I finally gave it up, I was more interested in being stronger, faster, more flexible. I was ready to trust my body to tell me what it needed.

And you know what? Being strong, fast, and flexible feels a million times better than the constant counting and measuring and logging and obsessing. And it's working better than restricting ever did.

I won't lie and say that I never look in the mirror and frown at my poochy stomach. I would still like to lose some more fat. But imposing more restrictions and more limitations and cutting further and treadmill-ing another 10 minutes is no way to get there. It's just not sustainable. Where's the limit to it?

Instead I'm going forward with joy and pleasure. I truly, genuinely love exercising and the way it empowers me. I love eating healthy food and noticing the way it makes my body feel.

And what I'm really trying to say here is that I want to urge you to do the same. All the solutions are in your head. They aren't in the number of calories you consume or in the hours you log at the gym.

Find pride and enjoyment in the way you take care of yourself. Start dancing again! Or try a bunch of new ways of getting active. Yoga, hiking, spin class, swimming, whatever works with your lifestyle and is super fun for you. Try eating a little more.

1200 calories a day is probably only enough for you if you are sedentary. You're starving yourself a little bit, and that's no way to treat your body and mind. I promise that more restriction does not equal more weight loss. There's a lot of science behind this that you can look in to on your own and I'm sure other people will share links to helpful articles. I didn't believe it at first either but I normally eat about twice what you eat calories-wise and I see plenty of progress. I eat to fuel my workouts and it feels fantastic. Eventually the progress is going to stall out for you and you won't be able to cut your calories any further without damaging your organs. Then you'll have to up your calories and gain a good deal of fat before your metabolism balances out again. Better to start eating more now. Do it in a healthy way, have lots of avocados and nuts, yum!

I hope this resonates in some way. The headspace you're in right now is really miserable, and it will fight to discourage you from following advice like "eat more" and "give up the control a little." It takes some time to get there and it's not easy. But it's absolutely worth it and it will serve you for the rest of your long healthy happy life. Good luck!