romance in real life vs fairytales

curvygirly911

Romance in films vs life- what's the same and what's the difference? I'm wondering if I should really wait and expect prince charming since I have only seemed to find abusive frogs and toads. I know that you should never settle and that is why I am happily single right now. But I'm just wondering what one deserves to expect in a relationship? I'm talking about the surprises, the affection, the deep conversations, being told you're beautiful, feeling like a million bucks to that person, etc, a connection, bond, etc
What do you think is realistic and unrealistic to expect to receive from your significant other?

Random I know but just was curious. Thanks in advance. I know this is probably poorly worded and I apologize as I was struggling to figure out how to explain my question

ComradeTovarich

I̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶r̶ ̶W̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶e̶p̶i̶s̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶3̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶A̶n̶a̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶m̶b̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶s̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶e̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶"̶I̶ ̶H̶A̶T̶E̶ ̶Y̶O̶U̶"̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶r̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶v̶a̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶.̶

It's a nice feeling. Not really like what you see in stories or movies though. There's a reason they call overly embellished stories "romanticized."

pseudomuffin

Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
Intimacy only = liking someone
Intimacy + passion = romantic love
Passion only = Infatuation
Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
Commitment only = empty love
Commitment + passion = fatuous love

Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

BillyJan1992

ROMANCE

Evelynnn2014

Thanks Pseudomuffin. That was really insightful. It may be psychology 101, but it's new to me.

Derp_Diggler

Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
Intimacy only = liking someone
Intimacy + passion = romantic love
Passion only = Infatuation
Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
Commitment only = empty love
Commitment + passion = fatuous love

Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

I was going to say something similar to this, but not nearly as eloquently and well thought out. In other words, this^^^

vjohn04

Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
Intimacy only = liking someone
Intimacy + passion = romantic love
Passion only = Infatuation
Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
Commitment only = empty love
Commitment + passion = fatuous love

Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

Thank you for sharing this. I found your comment extremely interesting.

Sovi_

Can I just be a princess?

Myhaloslipped

Can I just be a princess?

Yes.

JenniCali1000

I̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶r̶ ̶W̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶e̶p̶i̶s̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶3̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶A̶n̶a̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶m̶b̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶s̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶e̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶"̶I̶ ̶H̶A̶T̶E̶ ̶Y̶O̶U̶"̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶r̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶v̶a̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶.̶

It's a nice feeling. Not really like what you see in stories or movies though. There's a reason they call overly embellished stories "romanticized."

Omg. This ^

PatheticNoetic

I̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶r̶ ̶W̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶e̶p̶i̶s̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶3̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶A̶n̶a̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶m̶b̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶s̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶e̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶"̶I̶ ̶H̶A̶T̶E̶ ̶Y̶O̶U̶"̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶r̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶v̶a̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶.̶

It's a nice feeling. Not really like what you see in stories or movies though. There's a reason they call overly embellished stories "romanticized."

Omg. This ^

Ha ha. I concur.

RabbitLost

Can I just be a princess?

Of course, m' lady!

JenniCali1000

I̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶r̶ ̶W̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶e̶p̶i̶s̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶3̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶A̶n̶a̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶m̶b̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶s̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶e̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶"̶I̶ ̶H̶A̶T̶E̶ ̶Y̶O̶U̶"̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶r̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶v̶a̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶.̶

It's a nice feeling. Not really like what you see in stories or movies though. There's a reason they call overly embellished stories "romanticized."

Omg. This ^

Ha ha. I concur.

I concur with your concurrence.

Slacker16

Faery tales are a mixed bag when it comes to romantic advice. Off the top of my head:

Bad advice:
- Spending months wining, dining and propositioning a girl who has repeatedly, clearly and consistantly rejected you.
- Becoming obsessed with a girl you saw at a party where she was so drunk she forgot her shoe and you were so drunk the only thing you remember about her is that she lost her shoe.
- Getting married to a random girl you've literally just met, that you've already made out with and who used to have eight male roommates before she OD'd on a laced apple.

Good advice:
- There are cases of Stockholm Syndrome resulting in love.
- If you meet a girl who can command birds and a magical tree demon, marry her on the spot!
- Killing your future mother in law by grilling her on a hot iron plate.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
Intimacy only = liking someone
Intimacy + passion = romantic love
Passion only = Infatuation
Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
Commitment only = empty love
Commitment + passion = fatuous love

Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

Yeah, this is good. I've often had similar thoughts. You have to be friends, roommates AND lovers, and function well in all 3 roles without letting either roll fall through the cracks. Add kids in and you have a fourth component of "co-parent".

I do think real love/romance exits. I don't think it's really like the movies because those only last 2 hours. I've been with my husband for 12 years. Things aren't always perfect. He's not perfect. He doesn't "treat me like a princess" and I wouldn't expect him too. He tells me I'm beautiful but I know that he doesn't find me the most attractive woman in the word. But the friendship, the passion is still there. Our sex life is pretty damn good. We often stay up late just talking. We get drunk and tell each other how surprised we are that we love each other so much, etc. We don't fight over the cleanliness of the house anymore (we did at first), how we spend money, our on how we raise or children. He treats me with love and respect (most of the time) and I try to do the same. We are interested in each other's lives and hobbies, proud of each other. It is real. And we are pretty happy.

pseudomuffin

Can I just be a princess?

That's my method, haha!

addictedtosweat

Can I just be a princess?

Hahaha yes! Me too....

margannmks

Yeah, this is good. I've often had similar thoughts. You have to be friends, roommates AND lovers, and function well in all 3 roles without letting either roll fall through the cracks. Add kids in and you have a fourth component of "co-parent".

I do think real love/romance exits. I don't think it's really like the movies because those only last 2 hours. I've been with my husband for 12 years. Things aren't always perfect. He's not perfect. He doesn't "treat me like a princess" and I wouldn't expect him too. He tells me I'm beautiful but I know that he doesn't find me the most attractive woman in the word. But the friendship, the passion is still there. Our sex life is pretty damn good. We often stay up late just talking. We get drunk and tell each other how surprised we are that we love each other so much, etc. We don't fight over the cleanliness of the house anymore (we did at first), how we spend money, our on how we raise or children. He treats me with love and respect (most of the time) and I try to do the same. We are interested in each other's lives and hobbies, proud of each other. It is real. And we are pretty happy.
[/quote]that sounds like real life,real romance,true love,hang on to it, sounds like yall have it figured out. It took out the previous persons quote that wasnt me sorry

wheird

Relationships evolve, flow, and ebb. You need to balance your expectations with reality and how long you're willing to wait for what you want. While I'm not Prince Charming, I do have a romantic side that I like to express when I can, and to someone who appreciates it. Believe it or not, but not all girls like cheesy just like not all guys like romance. People come in many different variations and with many different preferences.

MysteriousLdy

Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
Intimacy only = liking someone
Intimacy + passion = romantic love
Passion only = Infatuation
Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
Commitment only = empty love
Commitment + passion = fatuous love

Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

darkrose20

Never have I ever eaten a poisoned apple, gone into a coma, had my prince kiss me, came out of the coma and lived happily every after. Nope fairy tales are not real.