Anyone feel bashed for "gaining weight" ?

kyliesuebam

I guess this post is more geared towards the ladies.

But I am 105 and 5 feet tall. I don't want to gain weight persay, but I want to get toned and that will put weight on me and I am okay with that. If I lose anymore I might start to look unhealthy.

Anyways, people always bash me. "You don't need to lose weight." "If I was your size I would eat whatever I want." "If I was a size 0 I would drive right past the gym." If I even talk about wanting to workout, or eating to tone up, I get criticized. Especially with he dreaded, "I WISH I had that problem." Comment.

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

Anyone else deal with this?

Ashleybrooke8783

Being comfortable in your own skin is a struggle. I can see you getting upset, it's not right to trivialize your feelings about your body just because being "thin" is more desirable to the general population. Bit if you feel too thin and have trouble maintaining your weight, that is just as frustrating as being overweight and having trouble losing weight.
Bottom line *kitten* what anyone else says- you have to do it for yourself and be confident in your improvements as they take shape

Rien5

I"m in the exact same boat as you! except 97lb 5'0. I tell them its for my health that I want to gain muscle because I don't have much. You can tell them that you aren't trying to lose just gain muscle. I don't talk about exercise and eating with certain friends because I find their comments make me self concious too. I ask them not to comment about my weight or exercise, eating and to not comment about their activity with these topics as well. I want people to support me instead of putting me down.

ksmithnh

I'm in a little different situation where I need to focus on losing weight and fat to get healthier, but I have to say that when I hear women talking about wanting to add some weight and gain muscle, I find it so inspirational. I hope to get to the point where I'm at the weight/size I want to be and can focus more on toning and adding some muscle. I say all the power to you

chrisdavey

I'm a guy so can't really comment but I would have thought that if you said to another lady that you were trying to gain muscle you would get an even more confused reaction from most. "don't get too bulky"

Lifelink

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

People got opinions about everything. You do you; to hell with them.

jenilla1

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

People got opinions about everything. You do you; to hell with them.

I agree. Is another person's opinion about YOUR body more valuable than your opinion about your body? I don't think so. Who cares what THEY would do with your body? Ignore that noise. It's mostly B.S. anyway. If they had your body it wouldn't last long with their behaviors. If they were such experts, wouldn't they already have that body that they wish they had?

Lifelink

If they had your body it wouldn't last long with their behaviors. If they were such experts, wouldn't they already have that body that they wish they had?

Exactly.

Daisyisacat

It is jealousy that is doing the talking. You have to live in your our skin. Ignore the ugly green monster.

geekyjock76

"If I was a size 0 I would drive right past the gym."

Anyone else deal with this?

People who have this perception usually gain all the weight back because they only value exercise as a means to lose weight and not maintain a goal body composition and weight nor do they see the health benefits of exercise in general. They'd probably be yo-yo dieters.

FFfitgirl

So my situation is similar. I love working out and when I talk about cross fit or running I get those looks. Yes I am overweight thank you for noticing but I actually do workout

MelissaPhippsFeagins

I don't have that problem, but I have a friend who does. We are in our 40's and she still struggles to stay out of the kids section. Not juniors...little girls. She fights to stay a 1 so that she can buy clothes for work. Random women feel free to say they want her body. It's hard to be tiny....both of her kids are bigger than her. People think her hubby is a single dad. Good luck gaining...

Fithealthyforlife

I guess I'm lucky that my own family and friends see exercise as primarily a way to stay healthy, rather than a way to lose weight.

What some people have said to you is kind of like saying to someone, "You're young and in good health. If I were you, I wouldn't bother eating healthy; I'd just eat junk food and enjoy life."

As if eating healthy, or exercise, was something you only do once it's too late. Yeah...right.

kyliesuebam

Thanks everyone. It's truly nice reading these comments. I am letting others peoples opinions get to me. My last straw was the snooty worker at the clothing store that made a comment about me needing a smaller size.
I'm wondering if I should just completely ignore these comments, or start to say something....because when it comes to weight, my closest friends and a few family members make recurring comments.

I think it's obvious my self esteem is low if all the things others are saying push me back and hold me down.

AllyCatXandi

I'm kind of in a similar boat?

I was at my goal weight, and I assure you every single day is a struggle start on the path to regain it all. But as I have physical standards I need to meet (to qualify for a job), as part of the training for it I was eating over maintainence for five weeks straight. Which really was a challenge to get my head around, especially at first.

But the problem is, if you're normal or on the smaller side, there are very few places to vent. When I was trying to figure out how many calories I needed to maintain my weight, it was frustrating to see the scale hit uncomfortably close to an underweight BMI even though I was eating more and more. I'm lucky enough to have a couple people in my life who I know I can talk to, although I can well understand how upsetting it can be to feel like you're 'locked in'. That you can't say anything to anyone because normal sized people aren't 'allowed' to have issues with body image, to watch what they eat, etc.

I've seen how difficult it is for people who are intentionally trying to gain weight, and I have to say...it really is a lot like losing weight. The end goal is reversed, but a lot of the associated feelings are the same. Sometimes it crosses my mind that I'd like to be one of those can't-gain-weight people, but I realise that it's only because I haven't been in their shoes. Their frustrations and struggles are every bit as valid as my own, and that's something I've come to accept.

What I've found does help get people off your back is to draw the focus away from what you look like. If someone tells you you're too small/don't need the gym/that they wish they were you, tell them you're training for something. Or that you want to be able to do something. Or get better at something. It doesn't stop all the commentary, but to me at least it makes them easier to deal with.

kyliesuebam

But the problem is, if you're normal or on the smaller side, there are very few places to vent. When I was trying to figure out how many calories I needed to maintain my weight, it was frustrating to see the scale hit uncomfortably close to an underweight BMI even though I was eating more and more. I'm lucky enough to have a couple people in my life who I know I can talk to, although I can well understand how upsetting it can be to feel like you're 'locked in'. That you can't say anything to anyone because normal sized people aren't 'allowed' to have issues with body image

This is exactly how I feel. There are two ends of the spectrum and some people don't realize that. I feel like people are saying, "yes you're thin but don't feel too good about yourself."

__freckles__

I'm a guy so can't really comment but I would have thought that if you said to another lady that you were trying to gain muscle you would get an even more confused reaction from most. "don't get too bulky"

^^I get this all the time when people learn I'm trying to build muscle. OP - I found that if you tell people you are trying to gain weight they get pissed, but if you tell them you are trying to build muscle and are eating a million calories they think just you're crazy (if you're a female). I don't mind having people think I'm crazy so I just tell them i'm bulking.

lynn1982

I COMPLETELY understand this. I'm 5 feet and 110 pounds. I can't imagine getting skinnier but I definitely need to tone. I started a new job after I lost all the weight and my new coworkers say comments to me like that all the time. It's hard because, at least for myself, I didn't get to be a size 0 by eating whatever I wanted and driving passed the gym. That's how I became a size 14! I don't feel "bashed" by it - it's more that people tend not really to understand what it takes to be a smaller size.

__freckles__

*and I'm assuming everyone that is talking about "toning" knows there's no such thing and they really mean to say "building muscle".

greentart

I have a friend who's the same way. She gets funny looks because she pays close attention to her macros and weighs her food. People always say "Really?" When I'm with her I always say "Really. What's it to you?" But then again, I'm rather blunt and aggressive.

I would tell people that you're not trying to lose weight, you're trying to get healthier and that skinny doesn't always equal healthy. See if that'll shut them up.

lynn1982

*and I'm assuming everyone that is talking about "toning" knows there's no such thing and they really mean to say "building muscle".

Sure, that's what I meant. My apologies... But I don't think that was the point of the post. No need to bash others.