Anyone feel bashed for "gaining weight" ?

kyliesuebam

I guess this post is more geared towards the ladies.

But I am 105 and 5 feet tall. I don't want to gain weight persay, but I want to get toned and that will put weight on me and I am okay with that. If I lose anymore I might start to look unhealthy.

Anyways, people always bash me. "You don't need to lose weight." "If I was your size I would eat whatever I want." "If I was a size 0 I would drive right past the gym." If I even talk about wanting to workout, or eating to tone up, I get criticized. Especially with he dreaded, "I WISH I had that problem." Comment.

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

Anyone else deal with this?

Ashleybrooke8783

Being comfortable in your own skin is a struggle. I can see you getting upset, it's not right to trivialize your feelings about your body just because being "thin" is more desirable to the general population. Bit if you feel too thin and have trouble maintaining your weight, that is just as frustrating as being overweight and having trouble losing weight.
Bottom line *kitten* what anyone else says- you have to do it for yourself and be confident in your improvements as they take shape

Rien5

I"m in the exact same boat as you! except 97lb 5'0. I tell them its for my health that I want to gain muscle because I don't have much. You can tell them that you aren't trying to lose just gain muscle. I don't talk about exercise and eating with certain friends because I find their comments make me self concious too. I ask them not to comment about my weight or exercise, eating and to not comment about their activity with these topics as well. I want people to support me instead of putting me down.

ksmithnh

I'm in a little different situation where I need to focus on losing weight and fat to get healthier, but I have to say that when I hear women talking about wanting to add some weight and gain muscle, I find it so inspirational. I hope to get to the point where I'm at the weight/size I want to be and can focus more on toning and adding some muscle. I say all the power to you

chrisdavey

I'm a guy so can't really comment but I would have thought that if you said to another lady that you were trying to gain muscle you would get an even more confused reaction from most. "don't get too bulky"

Lifelink

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

People got opinions about everything. You do you; to hell with them.

jenilla1

It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

People got opinions about everything. You do you; to hell with them.

I agree. Is another person's opinion about YOUR body more valuable than your opinion about your body? I don't think so. Who cares what THEY would do with your body? Ignore that noise. It's mostly B.S. anyway. If they had your body it wouldn't last long with their behaviors. If they were such experts, wouldn't they already have that body that they wish they had?

Lifelink

If they had your body it wouldn't last long with their behaviors. If they were such experts, wouldn't they already have that body that they wish they had?

Exactly.

Daisyisacat

It is jealousy that is doing the talking. You have to live in your our skin. Ignore the ugly green monster.

geekyjock76

"If I was a size 0 I would drive right past the gym."

Anyone else deal with this?

People who have this perception usually gain all the weight back because they only value exercise as a means to lose weight and not maintain a goal body composition and weight nor do they see the health benefits of exercise in general. They'd probably be yo-yo dieters.

FFfitgirl

So my situation is similar. I love working out and when I talk about cross fit or running I get those looks. Yes I am overweight thank you for noticing but I actually do workout

MelissaPhippsFeagins

I don't have that problem, but I have a friend who does. We are in our 40's and she still struggles to stay out of the kids section. Not juniors...little girls. She fights to stay a 1 so that she can buy clothes for work. Random women feel free to say they want her body. It's hard to be tiny....both of her kids are bigger than her. People think her hubby is a single dad. Good luck gaining...

Fithealthyforlife

I guess I'm lucky that my own family and friends see exercise as primarily a way to stay healthy, rather than a way to lose weight.

What some people have said to you is kind of like saying to someone, "You're young and in good health. If I were you, I wouldn't bother eating healthy; I'd just eat junk food and enjoy life."

As if eating healthy, or exercise, was something you only do once it's too late. Yeah...right.

kyliesuebam

Thanks everyone. It's truly nice reading these comments. I am letting others peoples opinions get to me. My last straw was the snooty worker at the clothing store that made a comment about me needing a smaller size.
I'm wondering if I should just completely ignore these comments, or start to say something....because when it comes to weight, my closest friends and a few family members make recurring comments.

I think it's obvious my self esteem is low if all the things others are saying push me back and hold me down.

AllyCatXandi

I'm kind of in a similar boat?

I was at my goal weight, and I assure you every single day is a struggle start on the path to regain it all. But as I have physical standards I need to meet (to qualify for a job), as part of the training for it I was eating over maintainence for five weeks straight. Which really was a challenge to get my head around, especially at first.

But the problem is, if you're normal or on the smaller side, there are very few places to vent. When I was trying to figure out how many calories I needed to maintain my weight, it was frustrating to see the scale hit uncomfortably close to an underweight BMI even though I was eating more and more. I'm lucky enough to have a couple people in my life who I know I can talk to, although I can well understand how upsetting it can be to feel like you're 'locked in'. That you can't say anything to anyone because normal sized people aren't 'allowed' to have issues with body image, to watch what they eat, etc.

I've seen how difficult it is for people who are intentionally trying to gain weight, and I have to say...it really is a lot like losing weight. The end goal is reversed, but a lot of the associated feelings are the same. Sometimes it crosses my mind that I'd like to be one of those can't-gain-weight people, but I realise that it's only because I haven't been in their shoes. Their frustrations and struggles are every bit as valid as my own, and that's something I've come to accept.

What I've found does help get people off your back is to draw the focus away from what you look like. If someone tells you you're too small/don't need the gym/that they wish they were you, tell them you're training for something. Or that you want to be able to do something. Or get better at something. It doesn't stop all the commentary, but to me at least it makes them easier to deal with.

kyliesuebam

But the problem is, if you're normal or on the smaller side, there are very few places to vent. When I was trying to figure out how many calories I needed to maintain my weight, it was frustrating to see the scale hit uncomfortably close to an underweight BMI even though I was eating more and more. I'm lucky enough to have a couple people in my life who I know I can talk to, although I can well understand how upsetting it can be to feel like you're 'locked in'. That you can't say anything to anyone because normal sized people aren't 'allowed' to have issues with body image

This is exactly how I feel. There are two ends of the spectrum and some people don't realize that. I feel like people are saying, "yes you're thin but don't feel too good about yourself."

__freckles__

I'm a guy so can't really comment but I would have thought that if you said to another lady that you were trying to gain muscle you would get an even more confused reaction from most. "don't get too bulky"

^^I get this all the time when people learn I'm trying to build muscle. OP - I found that if you tell people you are trying to gain weight they get pissed, but if you tell them you are trying to build muscle and are eating a million calories they think just you're crazy (if you're a female). I don't mind having people think I'm crazy so I just tell them i'm bulking.

lynn1982

I COMPLETELY understand this. I'm 5 feet and 110 pounds. I can't imagine getting skinnier but I definitely need to tone. I started a new job after I lost all the weight and my new coworkers say comments to me like that all the time. It's hard because, at least for myself, I didn't get to be a size 0 by eating whatever I wanted and driving passed the gym. That's how I became a size 14! I don't feel "bashed" by it - it's more that people tend not really to understand what it takes to be a smaller size.

__freckles__

*and I'm assuming everyone that is talking about "toning" knows there's no such thing and they really mean to say "building muscle".

greentart

I have a friend who's the same way. She gets funny looks because she pays close attention to her macros and weighs her food. People always say "Really?" When I'm with her I always say "Really. What's it to you?" But then again, I'm rather blunt and aggressive.

I would tell people that you're not trying to lose weight, you're trying to get healthier and that skinny doesn't always equal healthy. See if that'll shut them up.

lynn1982

*and I'm assuming everyone that is talking about "toning" knows there's no such thing and they really mean to say "building muscle".

Sure, that's what I meant. My apologies... But I don't think that was the point of the post. No need to bash others.

neandermagnon

It shows their ignorance and their bad attitude. They think that people who are fit and lean got that way without trying and don't need to put work in to stay that way. People who appear to stay fit and lean without effort are generally both naturally good at portion control and do regular exercise that they enjoy, which isn't a chore to them so it seems like they're staying thin effortlessly. Then there are people who look thin but are not healthy who stay thin by not eating very much and who don't do exercise and can't walk up a flight of stairs easily and have wasted muscles and low bone density... they may be thin but they need to start doing exercise for health reasons.

Exercise is important for *everyone's* health. A balanced diet is important for *everyone's* health, and portion control is important for *everyone's* health (which includes the importance of not undereating too). People who make silly comments like "if I was size zero I wouldn't go to the gym" don't understand the benefits of exercise, don't understand how to be healthy, don't understand that you're not automatically healthy just because you're thin. They also don't understand the importance of regular exercise/physical activity to *stay* fit and lean. I was very active as a teenager and young adult... then I got a full time job, quit playing ice hockey and guess what... I was obese within a year. I'm sure those same people would have seen the younger me and said how lucky I was to be naturally fit and lean.... well it doesn't work like that.

Anyway.... if they're putting the effort into going to the gym because they're obese and they plan to stop when they get thin then they can expect a lifetime of yo-yo dieting, which is actually worse for the health than just being plain obese, according to some studies. (though probably best to avoid either).

brosis85

I am one of those people who definitely had weight to lose ... and there is nothing more frustrating than when a person who is slim approaches you to say how much they wish they could lose ten pounds ... or whatever. But you are doing something completely different, getting healthy doesnt apply to size. If you are already slim, dont let anyone make you feel that getting in better shape is a bad thing. Gaining a few pounds of lean muscle is great, and getting too slim isnt good for your health.

The people that say " If I was your weight I would drive right past the gym, or eat whaever I want" really dont understand what it means to be a healthy weight ... skinny/slim doesnt mean healthy and unfortunately society doesnt get that!

Keep up the good work! You are definitely smarter than most!

Holly_Roman_Empire

Either they're trying to compliment you, or they're jealous. Either way, don't put much stock in it if it's not what you want to hear. After a person I work with kept calling me "skinny," I politely (but sternly) told her that I prefer not to be called that since it is not my goal. She was very surprised at my response, and after apologizing, she told me she meant no offense.

People often don't realize that their words aren't wanted, even if they are given with good intentions.

darrensurrey

Christ, you're old!












I'd focus on building strength and fitness. Then when people ask why you're going to the gym, you can say you want to improve your strength and long-term health.

clsindc

There's a great story on Nerd Fitness about Staci, who has packed on a good deal of amazing muscle, and she shares her thoughts of going from an untoned size 0/00 to having a healthy, strong, muscular body. You can google it to find out more. They have both the original story they did on her and an update from 2 years later. It's some fantastic reading.

asdelmonte

For some reason, people don't have a filter when it comes to thin people. I just ignore them.

quietvibes

People say stuff like this to me all the time, ESPECIALLY old people and overweight people. I think its because they dont understand that working out is not only for losing weight but to be and stay healthy. I weigh 114 and im 5'6 so im really skinny. People are constantly telling me I'm to skinny to be working out, sometimes i mess with them and tell them their crazy and im to overweight haha. But usually i just explain that theirs this thing called having a healthy lifestyle and they should try it sometime.

kyliesuebam

There's a great story on Nerd Fitness about Staci, who has packed on a good deal of amazing muscle, and she shares her thoughts of going from an untoned size 0/00 to having a healthy, strong, muscular body. You can google it to find out more. They have both the original story they did on her and an update from 2 years later. It's some fantastic reading.

Thanks so much for this! I immediately googled it and I love it!!

I was very hesitant to post this topic, but am so glad I did! I used to be overweight and worked myself way down, but now my metabolism is so high I know I could eat a container of Oreo's without really gaining anything f I wanted too...but the point is that I don't! I had a year of sedentary-ness and lost a lot of muscle and I felt weak and fat despite being thin. Floppy sagginess isn't sexy, even if you're 110. I try to get people to understand that my pancake butt makes me self-conscious, and that working out and building muscle makes me feel 1000% better.

There was a point it was all about weight to me, and then after being so very weak I realized that fitness is more than weight loss. Thanks so much everyone for giving me so much strength!

AliceDark

My BF's family are all bigger than I am (bigger than my whole family is, actually) and I get cr@p from them all the time about how I never eat. I happened to mention to one of his cousins that I'm trying to gain some weight and they were HORRIFIED. You would've thought I said that my new hobby was kicking puppies or something.

lporter229

Thanks for posting this. I am glad to know I am not the only one. I am 5' tall and 99 lbs. I have a chronic illness (Crohn's disease) that, when I am in a flare, will cause me to drop weight immediately. I struggle to gain weight in a healthy way. I am not about to sit down and eat everything that is in front of me. Besides feeling like crap, this goes against the good habits and healthy relationship with food I feel I have developed over the years. I have not always been thin. I have weighed as much as 130 lbs, so I know weight loss too. i think the biggest thing for me is exercise. I run and lift for my physical and mental well being. Some times I feel others can't understand this and think that these activities are in direct contrast with my goal of gaining weight.