Dear Red Faced Girl

1princesswarrior

I saw you last Friday evening struggling on your bicycle to keep up with your partner. You were struggling to breath and obviously wanting to give up. You could probably feel people staring at your body on the bike wondering "what is that fat girl doing on that bike?" Or maybe some screwballs had already chastised you, made fun of you, or maybe even your riding partner who seemed oblivious to you.

Let me tell you what I was thinking. I wanted to roll my window down and scream "you rock, keep going, your next ride will be easier, I promise!" I apologize for not doing just that.

Don't worry, the next ride will be easier and before you know it each ride will be longer. Don't give up.

elghee123

I would have step down on my car and give her an applaud and cheers!!

just thinking...

LisaPower123

Then she may never have gone out again, because, all of her fears have been realized. People really do see & notice that she is struggling & her face is red.

I have been struggling to lose weight, but have been running for over a year. My face still turns red because I push myself to my limit every time I go out there. I would rather people just smile & say hi, then give me the thumbs up or say good job, or clap for me.

Sorry, just my insecure humble opinion.

Unknown

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OllyReeves

Then she may never have gone out again, because, all of her fears have been realized. People really do see & notice that she is struggling & her face is red.

I have been struggling to lose weight, but have been running for over a year. My face still turns red because I push myself to my limit every time I go out there. I would rather people just smile & say hi, then give me the thumbs up or say good job, or clap for me.

Sorry, just my insecure humble opinion.

When I first started, one of my first runs, I was a mess. Red faced, dripping sweat, stumbling, but I really really wanted to keep going. I was running through the park next me my house, and the guy walking his dog stepped onto the grass to let me pass, and as I passed, he clapped his hands together a few times and said 'Go on son' in an encouraging way, just quietly, he didn't shout it.

It made my day. Looking back, I think it made my week. I think of him a lot when I'm struggling and really want to stop.

SarahxApple

I hope she did go back out, I suffer with Rosacea and it means when I exercise (and at several other times) I go bright red to the extent I am nearly purple.

Aside from I agree with OllyReeves there is no need to shout encouragement (and potentially embarrass her further by drawing attention to her) it's the little things when someone sees you running up hill and smiles at you or when someone moves without you having to say anything, when cars/cyclists see you jogging on the spot waiting to cross the road and stop to let you go (happened to me last night and I live in London). That is what I find encouraging.

Oldtimer_65

A quiet "thumbs up" will work wonders....

Of_Monsters_and_Meat

Some people on this site would call you a creeper and go tell gym management that you are scoping them out.

My only question is, why were you looking head on instead of from behind?

LynneW1983

Is this not just a recycled version of the girl who ran.

wonderwoman325

There are a lot of us who would rather you just ignore our efforts and keep your thumbs up, loud clapping and encouragement to yourself while we struggle during our work outs. It's hard enough to ignore our own jiggly bits, red faces and huffing and puffing - and our self-esteem is already at that fragile stage where any comment will just be unwanted attention. Losing weight isn't just physical for us, it's a total psychological make-over as well.

jeffininer

Whenever I see someone struggling at the gym I always want to do just that....I am usually encouraging them in my head. Maybe next time I should actually say something

But, I probably look like that all the time. I get very red faced and drip with sweat in the first 5 minutes of working out. Sometimes genetics suck

Howbouto

Is this not just a recycled version of the girl who ran.

That's what I thought!!

msf74

Dear red faced girl.

Please stop passing me so easily when I am out cycling.

Do you know how much my bike costs!

JenToms80

During a run a couple of weeks ago a woman was guiding her husband out of the driveway (he was reversing out of their driveway), I heard her say "stop for a minute a we have runner coming"...as I got nearer to her I thanked for notcing me and she replied "you look fabulous keep up the good work"!

I smiled for the rest of my run I can tell you!

chelso0o

Dear red faced girl.

Please stop passing me so easily when I am out cycling.

Do you know how much my bike costs!

QFT!

Just because someone appears to be struggling doesn't mean they are. I'm well over 200lbs and I can wipe the floor with a lot of guys on my bike, AND my face gets red. Fact.

Holly_Roman_Empire

Is this not just a recycled version of the girl who ran.

That's what I thought!!

Yeah I think so, and I hated that one too. There's nothing encouraging about back-handed compliments. I wish we could just let people work out without commentary.

Lizzy622

I always wave or give a thumbs up to people running, walking or biking on my road. It is relatively quiet back road so we get a bit of exercise traffic. And as someone who has been red faced struggling to get back home a thumbs up does mean a lot. I live at the top of a hill so no matter which path I take I have to walk uphill to get back home.

Galatea_Stone

When you're out on your bike, the only proper response is to smile and nod as you pass. If you're in a car, don't honk, don't try to get someone's attention. Just keep going. Let a cyclist go about her business, please.

Let's hope this red faced woman never learns what it feels like to crash her bike because someone honked at her and scared the crap out of her. Just let her work out.

Whether the person is lifting in the gym, struggling with the stationary bike, on the elliptical, running on the treadmill, running on the road, or out riding her bike, a smile and maybe a polite hello goes a long way. Subtle approval is a lot less intrusive, and much more graceful. Also, it doesn't come across as condescending, and there's always a risk someone could take a loud "woohoo!" as condescending.

redheaddee

I AM this girl, only at the gym instead of on a bike. I think your sentiment is lovely, OP.

The negativity that follows your post is sad, but sadly not surprising.

Holly_Roman_Empire

I think your sentiment is lovely, OP.

The negativity that follows your post is sad, but sadly not surprising.

If someone wrote a letter to me saying "Dear Red-Faced Girl," I would not be happy. This is coming from someone who has gone running through her neighborhood and gotten honked at and yelled at. When someone hangs out their window screaming "Keep running!" it's hard to distinguish whether it's said in encouragement or sarcasm because you're obviously struggling.

There are so many threads on here of people, women especially, that are afraid to go to a gym because they fear people staring at them. Whether you are thinking positive thoughts or negative thoughts, the person you're staring at doesn't know.

And quite personally, the introvert in me would just rather everyone keep their comments to themselves, especially if they're going to address me as the "Red Faced Girl that's struggling."

SoDamnHungry

My face and arms still turn red and I am in the best shape of my adult life

x2 After I run three miles I look like a freaking tomato.

likitisplit

I'm of two minds about this. I had a neighbor who would shout "you go, girl" which laid to rest my fears of looking like a fool. I also tend to give thumbs up to the runners I identify with (bigger/slower) on my local trail and had one guy take it personally. I could see his point.

I nod and smile, but that's about it unless I've got a serious high from my run.

If somebody is out there, they'll probably continue to get out there as long as they see results, unless somebody shames or embarrasses them. Even though you want to applaud, it's probably best to just let them be adults and do it their own way.

culo97

Let me tell you what I was thinking. I wanted to roll my window down and scream "you rock, keep going, your next ride will be easier, I promise!" I apologize for not doing just that.

Don't worry, the next ride will be easier and before you know it each ride will be longer. Don't give up.

As a large person who loves to bike ride I have to say, "Please always resist the temptation to yell at people riding by on a bicycle." Unless there's an emergency, of course.

Most of the time, they can't understand or really hear the words you are saying. All they know is someone is screaming at them. The times when I could understand what someone said, it was stuff like "You need Jenny Craig." or "Move your fat *kitten*!"

Even the so called positive comments are insults. Like "Finally getting some exercise. Good for you." As if I'd never moved from the couch until the moment they saw me.

Plus the distraction of being screamed at unexpectedly can cause the cyclist to lose her balance or almost run into something. It's happened to me.

1princesswarrior

Okay people, if you had read my post, I said this in MY HEAD. I did not roll down my window and scream it at her. I'm not like that as I am very self conscious. I thought of the runner's story when I saw her is all.

Thank you I will no longer root anyone on who is not on my FL.

ETA: I also turn as red as a beet when I exert myself. I just didn't want to title it "Hey fat girl on the bike" I thought that was more offensive. Geesh

Holly_Roman_Empire

Okay people, if you had read my post, I said this in MY HEAD. I did not roll down my window and scream it at her. I'm not like that as I am very self conscious. I thought of the runner's story when I saw her is all.

Thank you I will no longer root anyone on who is not on my FL.

ETA: I also turn as red as a beet when I exert myself. I just didn't want to title it "Hey fat girl on the bike" I thought that was more offensive. Geesh

The fact that you are echoing this commonly-circulated story is offensive enough.



The fact is, you don't know that person's story.

levitateme

Okay people, if you had read my post, I said this in MY HEAD. I did not roll down my window and scream it at her. I'm not like that as I am very self conscious. I thought of the runner's story when I saw her is all.

Thank you I will no longer root anyone on who is not on my FL.

ETA: I also turn as red as a beet when I exert myself. I just didn't want to title it "Hey fat girl on the bike" I thought that was more offensive. Geesh

After 700-odd posts here, you should know what to expect. 1/2 of all replies to anything you say on MFP will be argumentative/negative no matter your intentions. Just roll with it your sentiment is nice.