Metamorphosis of Moi

GlamourBean

I am taking this journey one day at a time, one second at a time. I've put my body through so much during the last five years in our quest to successfully conceive.

The last time that I felt in control of my body was on my wedding day. I remember feeling so beautiful and young without a care in the world. Since my first miscarriage in August 2005, the quest to conceive swallowed me whole ~ my soul and everything else that I considered to be integral to me, my personality and who I am.

I drowned my sorrow with every traumatic loss with food ~ I love candy. Bring on the Milk Duds with every negative pregnancy test. My life was consumed by my monthly cycle ~ ovulation charting and multiple pregnancy tests every month ~ hoping for those two lines.

Of course, my weight gain only served to make conception harder since studies show that obese women have lower fertility levels but I just could not drag myself from the depths of dispair that had consumed me, and was pulling my husband down too.

My husband found the mental strength to distance himself from our TTC struggles, and lost 120 pounds during the past two years. While I was so proud of him, I resented him too for being able to release the pain and focus on himself.

Miracle upon miracle ~ we found out we were pregnant in November 2009 and that the pregnancy had a great chance of viability in mid-December. Brady Chase was born on July 27 of this year, and he lights up my life.

Two months later, I am now looking to lose the 95 pounds that I gained during the past five years. They serve as a reminder of my sorrow, my failure and my loss. With every breath, I want more out of my life now and am finally focusing on me again.

I want to be healthy for me, my son and my husband. I want to find the new Dawnne that has risen from the ashes of the infertility inferno. I am striving to leave the caterpillar behind and to fly again with the grace and beauty of a butterfly.

This is my journey ~ one day at a time.

amysj303

Congratulations on your healthy baby boy and welcome to MFP! I hope you will find the encouragement and support here, sounds like you have the motivation!

bobball

I would challenge you to think of those pounds not as "as a reminder of my sorrow, my failure and my loss" but as the price you paid for a human life... a success. Now its time to get healthy so you can be the best mommy and wife you can be for your family again....these are even more worthy goals than just for yourself.

One day at a time is perfect and don't get discouraged. Every thing you try that works...or does not work provides feedback. When you don't lose weight some week, it means you learned what not to do and you need to adjust.

Its all very simple - your body needs a certain number of calories to do nothing all day...and more if you are active.
Eat JUST UNDER that (do NOT STARVE YOURSELF) by a couple hundred calories at the most.
The metabolic rate is an estimate and can be off by many hundreds of calories...its just a starting point, you will have to adjust it up or down.

Thats it....it works, it isn't a diet, it is giving your body the nutrition and fuel it needs at the right time every day. If you consider this a diet, you will eventually slide back to the heavy side or fail. This is how body builders do it...they count calories and they exercise.....

Good luck and ask for help if you need it!

ashlee954

I would challenge you to think of those pounds not as "as a reminder of my sorrow, my failure and my loss" but as the price you paid for a human life... a success. Now its time to get healthy so you can be the best mommy and wife you can be for your family again....these are even more worthy goals than just for yourself.

WELL SAID!

Beebee78

Good luck on your journey xxx