Scared

allunits

Hi everyone,

I don't know where to start. I need to get healthier and feel better but I'm scared that it won't work because I can never stick to a program. When I was younger I was an athlete and then a weight lifter but I haven't exercised seriously in 10 years (I'm 36 now) and I have gained about 50lbs slowly. I'm weak, fatigued, I've developed unbearable plantar fasciiatis in one foot, am starting to breathe heavily, can't cross my legs and am constantly uncomfortable in my clothes. I don't hate my body, but I'm really uncomfortable. I have a 4 year old and I want to be active and healthy with him.

I've done diets before, went to groups, and I can never stick to it for a long time. I'm an emotional eater and although I don't eat the typical bad foods, I eat a lot of the good stuff. Lots of fats, baked things, anything with cheese, etc. You know the story.

I'm so scared that I can't stop anymore because I haven't stopped in years. I used to watch my diet and at least try a couple times a year and feel better for a while, but I haven't even tried in a long time and I feel like I'm getting worse. I'd like to feel good again

To be in the healthy range, I should lose 58lbs, but I'd be very happy with 40. I'd be happy with 15, to be honest, anything, just to see some improvement. I want to at least try and fail and keep trying, but I'm scared. I'd really love the help of a support forum because I've enjoyed online support communities in the past and I think I can also contribute for others. I'm in training to be a psychotherapist, and I like to hear other people's stories and consider different paths with them, but I can't really help myself.

I_Will_End_You

Go for a slow and steady approach. Don't cut out foods you love, just cut back on them a little. Create a modest calorie deficit so you don't feel like you're torturing yourself. Try a calorie calculator. ( http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/ ) Select 15 or 10% loss so you can still keep a good amount of your calories and start tracking. Adding in a little exercise (even if it's just taking a daily walk with your 4 year old) and go from there.

allunits

Thanks. I'll try that. I've been eating very mindlessly for months and am actually amazed I haven't gained more weight. I'm doing the MFP calculator and tracking has helped me in the past. I need some accountability too, which is why I want to reach out and post here. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. I appreciate it very much- and congratulations on your progress!

jlynnm70

I agree - slow and steady - you didn't gain it overnight and you can't lose it that way either. Start small - first I gave up Soda, then I started watching my portion (not so much a daily calorie goal, just portion sizes) then a friend told me about MFP and I started logging and staying within a calorie goal. I don't live and die by the number, but figure if I'm within 100 either way - I was doing pretty good (still kinda live by that rule too) Slowly I started adding some extra movement to my day - taking the stairs a few times at work. Not making my kids run to the basement to get something for me, etc. Then I added in a little exercise - a walk at lunch, playing wii fit with the kids, a short video from YouTube. By making one small change a week then it wasn't so overwhelming. I still have a way to go - but at least I see progress and that alone it motivating. Also i have some great friends that keep me in line.

Krys052490

I am also a parent to a 4 year old and the best thing you can do is get healthy. I started working out at home and have moved onto the gym. My daughter has started doing "push ups" and "exercises". It makes her want to be active.

Start out slow and work your way up. I started working out with HULU workout videos, now I go to the gym 5 times week and love it. I also suggest iifym.com . Use MFP to set your own calories according to iifym.com. Also, use MFP to manually set your macro %'s. I personally TRY to get 40% protein, 30% carbs, 30% fats.

Don't eat back exercise calories.

Krys052490

I agree - slow and steady - you didn't gain it overnight and you can't lose it that way either. Start small - first I gave up Soda, then I started watching my portion (not so much a daily calorie goal, just portion sizes) then a friend told me about MFP and I started logging and staying within a calorie goal. I don't live and die by the number, but figure if I'm within 100 either way - I was doing pretty good (still kinda live by that rule too) Slowly I started adding some extra movement to my day - taking the stairs a few times at work. Not making my kids run to the basement to get something for me, etc. Then I added in a little exercise - a walk at lunch, playing wii fit with the kids, a short video from YouTube. By making one small change a week then it wasn't so overwhelming. I still have a way to go - but at least I see progress and that alone it motivating. Also i have some great friends that keep me in line.

This. Take it ONE step at a time. Don't be scared to ask questions! It is definitely overwhelming and sometimes it can seem like a lot of people are snobby about helping. Ignore them. TRY to do your own research.

Buy a scale btw.

allunits

Thank you, that all sounds very good and measured. I need to shoot for long-term, which I've never done in the past. When I was active, it wasn't hard to stay healthy but now it's hard to imagine being that active again. Realistically, though, I would like to go on a couple of walks a week. I have a family, I work, go to school, volunteer- I'm totally overextended and it's hard to imagine fitting exercise in there too. But I would love to. I have to find some short online videos, I think I could do those with my son, even, for 15-20 minutes every day. Know any good ones?

allunits

Thanks, I feel better already. I have a scale How often do you weigh?

craftywitch_63

Thank you, that all sounds very good and measured. I need to shoot for long-term, which I've never done in the past. When I was active, it wasn't hard to stay healthy but now it's hard to imagine being that active again. Realistically, though, I would like to go on a couple of walks a week. I have a family, I work, go to school, volunteer- I'm totally overextended and it's hard to imagine fitting exercise in there too. But I would love to. I have to find some short online videos, I think I could do those with my son, even, for 15-20 minutes every day. Know any good ones?

www.hasfit.com has some great exercise videos and it's all free. You can register or not, either way you can access the videos.

Just remember that what you want to do it change your lifestyle one day at a time, so make the changes (slowly, I agree!) but don't make any changes that you don't think you can live with. For example, don't become an organic vegan if it's not feasible for you. Don't swear off Hostess Ding Dongs if you think you hear the Ding Dongs calling and you can't help but answer their call. Instead, have one Ding Dong a day, or two or whatever fits into your life. Making rapid, drastic nonsustainable changes sets you up to fail.

:flowerforyou:

Krys052490

I meant a food scale to measure out your foods. Measure EVERYTHING. Weighing is better than using cups, tablespoons, etc. when possible. This helps A LOT with calorie counting.

I only weigh myself biweekly or I would go crazy. Honestly, the scale is the devil. If you are on your period, it'll change. The week before / after your period, it changes. The scale is like that for EVERYONE but even more so for women.

Weigh biweekly in the morning with as little clothes as possible. Also, take before and after pictures but I would do those monthly. You can also measure with a tape used by a seamstress.

Again, the scale is the devil. Who cares if you weigh 189 lbs vs 123 lbs as long as your are healthy and feel / look good.

Krys052490

Thank you, that all sounds very good and measured. I need to shoot for long-term, which I've never done in the past. When I was active, it wasn't hard to stay healthy but now it's hard to imagine being that active again. Realistically, though, I would like to go on a couple of walks a week. I have a family, I work, go to school, volunteer- I'm totally overextended and it's hard to imagine fitting exercise in there too. But I would love to. I have to find some short online videos, I think I could do those with my son, even, for 15-20 minutes every day. Know any good ones?

www.hasfit.com has some great exercise videos and it's all free. You can register or not, either way you can access the videos.

Just remember that what you want to do it change your lifestyle one day at a time, so make the changes (slowly, I agree!) but don't make any changes that you don't think you can live with. For example, don't become an organic vegan if it's not feasible for you. Don't swear off Hostess Ding Dongs if you think you hear the Ding Dongs calling and you can't help but answer their call. Instead, have one Ding Dong a day, or two or whatever fits into your life. Making rapid, drastic nonsustainable changes sets you up to fail.

:flowerforyou:

THIS ^

Last night and tonight I've ate ice cream because my calories were down and my protein was up and I still had some calories to go. Dieting doesn't have to make you miserable, it's just an adjustment. You can buy workout DVD's at walmart.

Side note: The FIRST thing I would do, would be to cut out sodas etc. It's so hard and they use a lot of calories for such little reward. I never thought I'd be able to eat a meal with water and now I haven't had a soda, tea, or coffee in over a month. It's not even an issue anymore.

irisheyes226

Hi! I'm an emotional eater like you and am working on changing my eating habits. I joined a group on FB to learn how to eat clean and try to mainly follow that lifestyle. There are times when life gets the best of me and I give in to cravings but I am mainly able to control my cravings. I also am following an at-home workout program called FOCUS T25 that is only 25 minutes a day. I don't have kids like you, but am busy and 25 minutes is a doable amount to workout for me. Anyways, I'd love to connect with you more and maybe we can support and motivate each other? Send me a friend request if interested!! Best of luck to you.

VastBreak

I can relate to much of your post!

I've found fitnessblender.com to have so many video options. I try to squeeze in at least a quick exercise session daily!

wyec123

I am in the same boat and just started logging again this week. I have tried for about 5 years (my only child turns six next month) and have been unsuccessful. I loose some and gain it back. I am scared that I will fail again. I'm scared that I will change (attitude, personality etc.) because I am comfortable where I am in everything except my weight. I fear the jealousy of my family as I will be the smallest of my 5 siblings-three of them sisters. They can be pretty mean when they are jealous-- I am only about 5-10 lbs from being the smallest now! I am scared of how hard it is to work at it and am afraid that I will be working hard on it for the rest of my life--I am afraid I won't become a natural lifestyle change. But I am determined to give it my best shot and make it a lifestyle change because I have to do it for me and my family. I will probably not be one that loses 25 lbs in three months but if I do it in a year I will be happy.

amy8400

I'm 52, a bit older than you, but I could read so much of myself in your post! I was very athletic in high school and college, had three children and the 50 pounds of weight sneaked into my life over 20 years. I couldn't believe how badly my fitness, figure and body image had taken a nose-dive but I thought there was nothing I could do about it. I could never say no to anyone, so I was always doing a project or helping a cause...but I never gave anything back to myself. It took me until my early 50s to wake up and realize that I had to reclaim my life. I'm glad you're seeing it a whole lot earlier because you CAN turn this around.

I'm only down 25 pounds--halfway to my goal--so I'm no expert. But I can share the things that have worked for me:

1) Tackle one challenge at a time. For example, you might want to start by learning to say 'no' and not feeling bad for it. It's empowering, let me tell ya

2) Keep a food diary and treat it like your life depends on it. I found my best results started after I started logging everything that went in my mouth.

3) I don't do cheat days but I incorporate treats into my daily diet to help me keep my sanity. Just weigh and measure treats just like anything else. (No eating out of the bag :noway: )

4) I like to use beautiful small plates for my meals. It looks pretty and when the food fills the plate, I feel I'm getting a lot more to eat.

5) Get rid of the diet soda/pop habit, if you drink a lot of that stuff. That's the first thing I did before anything else and down went my cravings! I substituted iced tea and ice water with lemon during the summer and then in the fall/winter switched to hot green tea and ice water. After 25 years of a 2 liter Diet Pepsi every single day, I can now say I'm free of that devil.

6) Buy yourself a nice pair of yoga pants and a flattering workout top for the gym. Sure you can wear baggy sweatpants and a big t-shirt but if you feel good when you're working out, it can be mentally invigorating. Envision yourself as the person you want to be.

7) Give yourself little rewards--a pair of sexy sandals for spring when you lose the first 5 pounds; highlights in your hair after 10 pounds, etc. The best rewards are those that affirm the new you and what you're seeking to achieve.

8) Treat your workout time as "you" time. You deserve one hour out of 24 to focus entirely on yourself.

9) Build up a group of friends here who will support you every day--and do the same for them!

10) Find what works for you and stick with it. For me it's weighing in every morning and logging it on my calendar. Some people would go crazy watching the daily ups and downs, but I helps my accountability and I can see trends over the weeks. I just can't eat breakfast but I have a cup of green tea by 9 a.m. and try to eat a light snack by 11 a.m. It's not a real breakfast, but it's a compromise that I can live with. There's always a solution...you just have to find it.

ktliu

I have lost 47 lbs in 2013 and now maintaining, I have discovered the joy of the new me. My advice to you is, find something to do that you liked to do when you were younger. I love to dance when I was a teen, and I lost a mass of weight doing Zumba, Now I do a butt load of other stuff.
My advice is to join a class in the gym, make some friends and form some bonding, It worked for me. People in the gym are like people here. all sharing very similar goals to lose weight and keep fit. Try something else if a class didn't appeal to you. cause I found out that it sucks to workout alone, I worked out in the gym for 4 years and gained 10 lbs, and in an class environment. You have someone to look towards as your goal. and I've lost all I needed to lost in 10 mths time.
The most important thing in here is to log your food. If you eat a lot of processed food, the calorie count is crazy high, if not the sodium numbers are off the charts. Once you get an idea is how much food is in your allotment per day and what it looks like, you will make wiser decisions and hopefully not make the same mistakes twice.

And please, for the love of GOD, don't do fad diets, eat like a normal human being. and that's the only way to build a long term success sustainable. Good luck and friend me if you like what I wrote here.

BTW, from what I gather from my trainer, plantar fasciiatis comes from wearing shoes, try doing something like, Yoga, Pilates or Ballet barre classes(Classes that promote bare foot) , it helps to strengthen all the other muscles that help support your feet.

florentinovillaro

I've been through many up's and down's with my health as well. What I've found helped me this time was a strong NEED to lose the weight. I needed a trip to the E.R. to finally make the decision that I was not going to live that old life anymore. So I started with very small changes, first stopped drinking anything BUT water, second, slowly spacing my meals out evenly throughout the day, then I found MFP to track my actual calories. I started to see the weight come off, this fueled my motivation even more. So I started researching healthier foods, increasing the amount of time I took walks, before you know it, it's on auto-pilot. I've read and experienced first hand that a long term "habit" takes roughly 3-4 weeks to form. Hang in there for 1 month, and you'll no longer have the feeling of being "scared".

suejoker

I'm so glad you reached out! I've been a therapist for a long time and when I feel stuck about something in my personal life, I ask myself, what would I say to a client? So, what would you say to a client who was overweight and wanting to take action about it, but was scared that it might not work.

Here's what I would say. Fear is a very normal reaction to any change. The question is, what would be the costs and benefits of changing vs. not changing? Take out a piece of paper and make a cross in the center. In the top left corner quadrant write costs. In the top right quadrant write benefits. On the upper left side write change. On the bottom left side write don't change. Write down everything benefit and cost that you can imagine.

Next, I'd ask you, on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being not at all important & 10 being most important), how important is it that you change? It sounds like you have a fair amount of motivation to change. This matters, because change is more successful when someone has a high motivation for change. Then, I'd ask you, what are 3 things you can do that will make a successful change more likely? I think that reaching out and building a support network for yourself could be 1 of those things.

Anyway, best of luck to you in your weight loss journey. I waited until I was 75 pounds overweight and hypertensive, before I was motivated to change. I'm glad you came earlier.

jennifersmiles444

First of all, congratulations on beginning this journey now. I wish with all my heart that I had done this when my own kids were really young. Like you, I had slowly gained weight over the years, and was busy, but not intentional about eating right and exercising. I had tried and failed at several attempts to lose weight with specific diets. Unlike you, I had never really experienced what being in shape might feel like...I had always hated exercise! About a year ago, I stumbled onto MFP and read success stories about people who had started exactly where I was...tired, overweight and discouraged by failure....and were now healthy, fit individuals. Not only that, but they had gotten fit without having to swear off the occasional real dessert or pizza. I started the next day, and just believed that if I logged everything, fitting in my macros, and exercised, I would end up losing weight and feeling better. And I have lost weight and I do feel better. Learning to be a mindful eater and moving every day has changed my life. Some hints:

- weigh/measure everything if you can

- log faithfully and be honest

- Buy snacks, fruit, nuts, etc. in portion-sized packets instead of a big bag if you think you will be tempted to keep grabbing ' a few more' (especially if you are an emotional eater.) You can also divide food into small, portion-sized ziplock bags.

- Plan ahead to fit treats or restaurant meals into your macros/calories. You do NOT have to be the only one at the table without something tasty to eat! You can eat ice cream, pizza, whatever...just fit it in.

- Don't get on the scale every day. Try once or twice a week and take the lowest number.

- Be happy with 'slow and steady'.

- It's probably best not to do some crazy hard exercise program right off the bat.( I started dancing every day with Zumba videos online. It was kinda fun and got me moving for the first time in years without it feeling like 'exercise'. Also, I had no excuse if the weather was rotten or it was late at night. I walk if it's nice outside. After a few weeks, I started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, which kicked my butt, but after 2 weeks, I was really noticing a difference in my endurance and my body. I can't afford a gym membership, so I have stuck with fitness videos and walking.)

-Try to read a success story on MFP every day....and search for an NSV (non-scale victory) thread. These keep me motivated! NSVs are great because people are celebrating everything from a clothing size change (like XXL to XL) to doing a real push-up for the first time. Reading them helps me to notice different kinds of progress that I may be making, even if the scale isn't moving as much as I would like.

Don't be scared. You CAN do this:)

allunits

Thank you so very much. I didn't have time to respond until now but I read everyone's posts a few times. Thank you so much for the support and the advice. So, so, so much good advice and inspiration.

I think for now, I will just focus on coming here for support every day and on logging everything I eat. I think maybe I should get into this habit first because everything else sounds overwhelming. As spring and summer come, I'll be able to go outside more and maybe start moving a bit. But I have bookmarked this thread and as soon as feel more confident, I will come back to all of your other suggestions.

THANK YOU everyone for sharing your experience. It's immensely helpful.

Bernadette60614

One day at a time, one baby step at a time.

I read something which has really helped me:

Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going.

So, my advice:

Look for ways you can change your habits. For example, every day at 2 p.m. I tended to start noshing on junk. I don't even have to look at the clock, that's just when I start to eat without thinking. So, now I do something which keeps me away from food...it could be taking a walk, cleaning something, doing something...anything that is not food. It took about 2 weeks of real effort, but now, I don't slam down an extra 400 calories between 2 and 2:30 p.m.

Just pick something that you always do that you know isn't helping you reach your goals (maybe eating all the leftover kid snack food...I did that a lot when our son was your child's age) or sitting down in front of the TV at the end of a long day and just eating (I've learned never to eat while watching TV...that's 500 calories for me.)..and focus on those habits and changing them.

jenny181111

Hi, I have way over 100 lbs to lose, you can always 'friend' me if you like. 'll always be there for motivation and in the joy of your successes xx We can all do this, its Our story, we just need to write it

allunits

Yes, not eating while watching tv should be a great rule because I LOVE to do those 2 together, mainly because of how much focusing on the tv justifies not focusing on food.

waterwing

Hi there,
Yes... definitely one day at a time. I lost quite a lot of weight with MFP. Due to some personal stuff some of it has crept back on and so I'm here again because I know that this works really well.

Set yourself little goals and challenges with "non-food" rewards. Maybe cut out snacking or eating after 7pm or going for 20 minute walks or something that's attainable. Making small changes works. I find that keeping track of food on this is a great way to see everything I'm consuming and the support here is fantastic.

Feel free to add me if you'd like a supportive friend!

riverain

Hi, I think you are on the right track, starting with keeping a food diary! I'm an emotional eater too, and I worry about not reaching my goals a lot as well... If you want, you could add me as a friend and we could help cheer each other on (I need someone to click like when I remember to add to my food diary or take a walk, so if anyone else wants to add me as a friend that would be great!!!!)

Since you are training to be a psychotherapist, there are two books you might enjoy, the Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck, and Breaking the Pattern by Charles Platkin. They both got me thinking about why I do what I do, and they use proven methods to help change behavior.

tjsoccermom

I tell everyone to start by reading these two threads, helps get rid of some of the misinformation that you'll find on MFP and elsewhere. Have faith in yourself, you can do this! Write down a list of reasons why you want to do this, set an ultimate goal with small goals leading up to it. Buy yourself some cute workout clothes, I always feel better when I look good! And just do it!

Start with these two threads:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/975025-in-place-of-a-road-map-short-n-sweet

It won't always be easy, but the end result will be very worth it! When you're feeling discouraged, check out the success stories, that'll help get you going again! Best of luck to you! If you want to add me as a friend, feel free. I log everyday. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying my best and so far, I'm happy with my results. Half to way to my goal!

allunits

Thanks so much! Ill check those books out. And I want to add you guys as friends, but I don't know how yet!

HannahLynn91

You got this!

The difference from all the other times and this time... Your doing this for life.

That is what is helping me this time around. I had to realize that even when I hit my ideal number... I can't quit, my journey is not over, in fact I hate to say, I heard it gets harder. Once I changed my mindset to, "this is for life" It became more manageable. I need to exercise for life, I need to eat healthy foods for life and the faster I got used to that, the easier it became, for me anyways.

I didn't set a time limit for my weight loss. I just told myself, 2014 is all about health and that's my focus this year.

I also agree with the others, slow and steady wins the race.