Losing my "camouflage"..

Thaeda

A little background before my diatribe.... I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) for weight loss on 1/27. I have been following my nutritionists instructions to the letter and working out like a fiend. I have lost almost 35 pounds in a little less than 8 weeks. Obviously, clothes that fit me 2 months ago no longer do. Like most obese folks, I have a "range" of sizes in my closet, but my nicest and most "trendy" clothes are the biggest ones, as I had been between 280 and 300 for about the last 3 years.

"Shrinking" out of my clothes is a good thing because it means my hard work is paying off-- but here is the thing.... I have used my extensive (and what I consider fashionable) wardrobe as a way of "making up" for being overweight. What I mean by that is I always knew I was fat, but at least I dressed well, and I used doing so as my "security blanket". I felt good about myself because I had nice clothes (and hair, and nails, and shoes, and accessories....).

When I write that...admit that... it sounds silly and I feel shallow and foolish. It was like I was camouflaging my fat with clothes that made me feel at least a little better about a body I hated. I could minimize how horrible I felt about myself based on what I wore (and again, seeing the words makes me think of how silly it is to think that).

So let's fast forward a little... that was then... now, I am losing weight (yay!), and my fashionable, beautiful clothes no longer fit me, or do not fit me well. Yes, losing weight is good-- but it means I lose my "camouflage". It means I may have to settle for clothes that are a little more plain (and less expensive) because at the rate I am losing, I will only be able to wear them for 4-6 weeks. I understand in part this is cause for celebration-- and yet, I am frightened and saddened by the fact that my "pretty covers" have to be set aside.

I am intimidated by the possibility that I might have to learn to value me for me-- instead of for what I am wearing. I hardly know where to start. This desire to be "well covered" in ways that flatter and even impress is decades old for me. I learned from a very young age that it didn't matter how I felt, so long as I looked fabulous. It didn't matter if I could afford new clothes if the ones I had were too tight or too loose, I HAD to have the best, so I could "be" the best. I never considered being my best had nothing to do with what I wore. I never considered that the only person who cared about what I had on-- was me. I never learned to love my body and myself enough to feel secure and confident without "camouflage".

And I am not really sure about how to reconsider these things and learn to love me for me... but I am certain I am on the road to getting there.

WBB55

There are people who get rid of their "pretty covers" as they go in the opposite direction that you're going in.

Take your too-big clothes to the consignment shop, trade them in for other people's "pretty covers." If you've enjoyed shopping a finding things in the past, you'll enjoy this new activity, too. It becomes a bi-monthly treasure hunt.

I bought, more-or-less, "new" wardrobes every 30 lbs or so that I lost.

madhatter2013

Can they be taken in and made smaller? My mother is a seamstress so I don't plan to buy any new clothes until I get to my goal weight. New clothes is my reward to myself. Until then, I just have her take them in. Obviously not for things like denim but most of mine are light, lose fabric easily altered. Just a though. :-)

craftywitch_63

The previous posters gave some great advice and I have nothing to add to that, BUT I do have a recommendation. You have done an amazing job getting the weight off and following the nutritionist's and physician's advice. I can see from your post, though, you're a bit ambiguous about your body change. Before you undermine your awe-inspiring success, please get some counseling. If that's not possible, you could try cognitive behavioral therapy or any type of self-help therapy to help you with what seems to be your doubt about your weight loss.

http://www.nami.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Inform_Yourself/About_Mental_Illness/About_Treatments_and_Supports/Cognitive_Behavioral_Therapy1.htm

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15846683

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23171536

:flowerforyou:

pkw58

Google "Project 333" and you will find that a lot of us who lost weight also scaled back in many areas, but I will say that I have a brand new (some of it thrifted) smaller wardrobe, in size and quantity, but every piece is a "quality" piece. I saved two silk suits to have altered. but I lost 5 sizes in my waist, 4 sizes in tops and bottoms. That's a lot of alterations! So I may just end up donating those as we'll.

Enjoy!

Thaeda

I can see from your post, though, you're a bit ambiguous about your body change. Before you undermine your awe-inspiring success, please get some counseling. If that's not possible, you could try cognitive behavioral therapy or any type of self-help therapy to help you with what seems to be your doubt about your weight loss.

:flowerforyou:

Thanks much for this suggestion. I was in therapy for several months prior to the surgery and recently my therapist chose a new career path. She and I decided I would "fly solo" for awhile and if I felt I needed to go back to therapy I would. I do not see ambivalence as a warning sign that I am going to undermine myself. Instead, I see ambivalence as an opportunity to examine my feelings... to challenge my thoughts.. and to change my thinking as I move forward in this process of choosing health for myself. If, along the way, I find I am struggling too much I will seek the help of a professional in overcoming those hurdles. I appreciate the thoughtful manner in which you made the suggestion.

Thaeda

Google "Project 333" and you will find that a lot of us who lost weight also scaled back in many areas, but I will say that I have a brand new (some of it thrifted) smaller wardrobe, in size and quantity, but every piece is a "quality" piece. I saved two silk suits to have altered. but I lost 5 sizes in my waist, 4 sizes in tops and bottoms. That's a lot of alterations! So I may just end up donating those as we'll.

Enjoy!

That is just what I was looking for!! I have been wanting to simplify my wardrobe for some time... not sure I am brave enough to do it.... thanks much for this idea.

Thaeda

Can they be taken in and made smaller? My mother is a seamstress so I don't plan to buy any new clothes until I get to my goal weight. New clothes is my reward to myself. Until then, I just have her take them in. Obviously not for things like denim but most of mine are light, lose fabric easily altered. Just a though. :-)

I have a few pieces I will definitely be taking to get altered-- they are high quality "basics" and are just too nice to get rid of.