Convincing myself I'm worth it

alishahowes

Please excuse the awful punctuation, was never my strong point
Hi,

Ever since I was a little girl I was told I wasn't good enough, NOT by my parents, they are wonderful parents and believe I can do anything. The kids I went to school with however, were some of the cruelest people I ever met.

I distinctly remember being called FAT and BEAVER and UGLY from GRADE 2! until grade 9. and even though the bully mostly stopped by the time grade 9 ended it was too late and the damage was done. I spent all my high school years convinced I was fat and ugly and that 90% of my class hated me. (i was 115 lbs and 5'5) I graduated and quickly started gaining weight. within 3 years I was 180 lbs and miserable. and here i am today. I am currently hovering around 167-169 this site has been a HUGE part of me loosing those 11 lbs. but even though it's only been a couple months of diet and exercise I find myself losing confidence and motivation. what was fun at the beginning is becoming a chore and making me sad. I'm convincing myself that this is the best it gets, I'm not going to lose anymore weight, and if I'm totally honest with myself. I don't think I deserve it. After all nobody else thought I did.
I guess though, I'm writing this to try and convince myself I'm wrong. That the people who I went to school with aren't in my life anymore. That they and their opinions of me DON'T matter and NEVER did, but that's hard. I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and my immediate thought is "wow girl you still have a LONG way to go." and I realize it is SO IMPORTANT that I change that to " WOW girl look how FAR you have COME." but I repeat : That's hard.
What I need to realize is I have to wonderful parents and they believe that I can do it and they are excited for me.
I have an incredible man who LOVES ME just the way I am RIGHT NOW! and he is so proud of me and rooting for me to succeed, but even if I fail he will love me anyway! his total belief in me makes me want to do this even more!
My two BFF'S, my girls, my sisters at heart, have already given me more positive feed back then I could have asked for.
and of course my ACTUAL BLOOD sisters, who are pretty much the greatest people in my life no matter how many times we argue, I know that they'll always kick my *kitten* if I need it. and hug me if i need that instead.

So what do I need to do? I need to learn something. I need to learn that
I am worth EVERY POUND I SHED!
I am worth EVERY POUND OF MUSCLE I GAIN!
I am worth EVERY CALORIE I DO NOT EAT!
I am worth EVERY TIME I SAY NO TO FAST FOOD!
I am worth EVERY CLOTHING SIZE I GO DOWN!

I am worth it.

now how long is it going to take me to believe it?

mailroomclerk

Don't convince yourself anything. Prove it.

How bad do you want it? A lot of people struggle with losing weight, especially women because life is already over by the time you have a vagina. I ****ing absolutely hate it when girls put up BEFORE pictures and dudes are commenting about how good they look. It's not that their wrong or their opinion is inaccurate but it's not the reason you put them up. You're saying that you don't want to be this anymore where others are telling you it's fine. It's not about them, it's about what YOU want. So clearly it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, even the people that say you look "good". Find what you want to be, make a plan to get there and execute it.

I find the best way to find worth in yourself is doing something you've never done before or what a lot of others have not accomplished. Try to find success in something you did that may not be related to fitness and apply it. When I was 19, I went to Japan by myself for an entire month and I hardly spoke the language. I didn't get any help (no money, no family support, nothing), it was insane but so awesome and nobody can take it away from me. I also do stand-up, have competed at a professional level in video games amongst many other things. I almost never bring it up and nobody even knows this stuff about me and it doesn't matter, they can think whatever they want and the world is mine to troll because they don't know.

You're worth it. This is just like dealing with a break up, once you're "over it" and you lost the weight it's easy, it's almost a joke even. You have to dig deep and think about what you want and if others are telling you you're fine and you're not? ****, 'em. Lol. You don't have to feel bad about yourself or hit rock bottom to change but keep your mind on your goals and just know what you're going through is all a part of the process. I was also 230lbs 26% bf or something, in some elitist way I knew losing it wasn't going to be hard but it was a done deal. I just needed some time. Have that mentality.

Peace

Sreneesa

I can't answer how long it will take for you to believe it.

All I can say is you need to praise yourself everyday until you believe it. No other way.

You got good people around you that are positive so that right there is gold. Most of us have no support other than MFP.

It's time for you to stop living in the past and allowing those jerks to continue to influence your life and self-worth and time for you to realize the STAR YOU ARE!!!

Get up each day. Go to the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful, smart, and worth it!

Negativity creep in your thoughts replace it with the truth; that you are a STAR!!!

You know you are. Now time for you to wash all that jerk juice out your hair and stop letting those kind of people control your life!

You are blessed to have great people and did you ever think that since they are great you got to be great as well!? People attract what they are and tend to migrate towards others like themselves.

So my last words of wisdom is to breathe, eat, sleep greatness and in no time you will believe what everyone already knows ... that you are A STAR!!!

acogg

Life is not about deserving anything, life is about earning it! Only you can decide if you are worth the investment. Your personal investment will be reflected by your own self-worth. Sit down right now and write out a list of why you aren't worth it in one column, write out why you are in another. My best guess is that your first column will have two entries and one of them will include "too fat". The second column will be endless.:drinker: