The challenges of living with someone

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  • corgarian
    corgarian Posts: 366 Member
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    I wish I had good advice.
    In my house I do all the shopping and most of the cooking so he eats what I eat weather he likes it or not.
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    I am in the same situation... my significant other totally supports me in my lifestyle change, but really hasn't been totally on board with joining me in those changes. I can't make him do so, and honestly, he is an adult. It's up to him to decide if and when this is something he chooses to do. He is a smoker and likes his beer, but interestingly enough, as I continue to lose weight and work out, I've noticed that he has cut back on how much he drinks. Wish I could say the same thing about his smoking, but I knew he was a smoker when I met him so it's not my place to "make" him change.

    Since July 1, 2013, I have been working hard at making permanent changes in my life... not sure how much I have lost since I choose not to weigh, but I can say this much: I have dropped from a very tight size 18 to a size 6. I walk a minimum of 5 miles a day...averaging 13K steps. He is constantly complimenting me on my progress... and two weeks ago, he asked me to show him how to operate my treadmill.... He started out walking 30 minutes a day... has added 5 minutes each day since. Now that HE has made the decision to walk, I do encourage him daily. This is a very big step for him as he has neuropathy in his feet and I know that this can be very painful. It's knowing how hard this was for me back in July and where I have come today, that has encouraged him to exercise. I am hoping the smoking will follow... he's used the excuse that smoking is an addiction and I just don't understand how difficult kicking an addiction is... uh... yeah, well, that doesn't fly very far for me.. I remind him that (prior to meeting him) I once weighed 270 pounds... and I didn't just wake up fat one day... it was all the peanut butter and chocolate I ate along with the cake and cookies and donuts... so don't tell me about addictions!

    For what it's worth -- I have been able to handle ONE piece of dark chocolate a day and am satisfied with that, had a couple of bites of my son's wedding cake two weeks ago and pushed the rest away... don't care for cookies or donuts ...but am deathly afraid of the peanut butter jar. :-)

    Point is... give it time, don't push him, don't lecture him... as he sees the changes in you, he'll come around. He's supportive of your endeavors and that's what is important right now. If he doesn't want to eat healthy foods you make, let him make his own. If he wants junk in the house, that doesn't mean you have to have it. (that jar of peanut butter is smack dab in the front of the cupboard every time I open it up... but I am stronger than that jar!). Once he realizes the changes you are making are permanent, he will undoubtably follow your lead.
    I hope he doesn't smoke in your home-that would have an equally bad effect on your health and wellness!
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    As long as he's supportive of your efforts, you can't really force him to follow suit.
    He may eventually join you in your healthy lifestyle efforts when he sees how great you're doing.
    It sometimes takes a health scare for people to do something positive for themselves.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    What are the "right" decisions?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    You need to have him on board to be successful.
    no you don't.

    the solution's easy: don't live with someone

    The solution is even easier than that-- do your own thing and don't expect your significant other to change just because you did.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Inhad a totally different dinner than my fiance. Often I'll make 2 dinners. I don't even care.
    my diet and my fitness needs and desires are mine alone.


    I don't need or want toforce them to join in
  • Jenni129
    Jenni129 Posts: 692 Member
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    THE CHALLENGE IS: You have decided that you can't do this on your own.

    Your spouse/partner doesn't have to do what you do! I personally like having time away to do my own thing and have some of my own hobbies. That is the beauty of being an individual. So what if he doesn't want to exercise or eat healthy? This is something you decided to do for yourself.

    If he changes his mind later... Cool! Otherwise why make such a big deal out of it.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    You need to have him on board to be successful.
    no you don't.

    the solution's easy: don't live with someone

    The solution is even easier than that-- do your own thing and don't expect your significant other to change just because you did.

    QFT

    The only person that should be on board with your decision is you. Just because you decide to have a lifestyle changing moment doesn't mean everyone else around you needs to change with you.
  • tycho_mx
    tycho_mx Posts: 426 Member
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    You need to have him on board to be successful.

    No you don't. I am an amateur cyclist. I train, sometimes 15-20 h / week. My wife is not athletic and she doesn't like competition. But she respects the boundaries, times, and tradeoffs that make any successful relationship work.

    As she realized that my sport is important to me, she's even adopted a little bit. She'll go for an easy bike ride - as long as there's an ice cream or a beer stop!

    I still work full time. I still take my kids to daycare. I still cook some dinners - and she's vegetarian, so sometimes this means two batches of things. And I train an avg. of 2 hours per day. If it is important to you, you'll make it work.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    You need to have him on board to be successful.

    No you don't. I am an amateur cyclist. I train, sometimes 15-20 h / week. My wife is not athletic and she doesn't like competition. But she respects the boundaries, times, and tradeoffs that make any successful relationship work.

    As she realized that my sport is important to me, she's even adopted a little bit. She'll go for an easy bike ride - as long as there's an ice cream or a beer stop!

    I still work full time. I still take my kids to daycare. I still cook some dinners - and she's vegetarian, so sometimes this means two batches of things. And I train an avg. of 2 hours per day. If it is important to you, you'll make it work.

    Sounds like my kind of woman.


    My husband has picked up a few of my habits too. He counts calories now and he's even started lifting a little. But it's taken a long time, and that's fine. It would have been fine if he never picked up any of it.

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