feeling defeated

fit_little_britt

(before anyone gets on me for appearing to only be a MFP member since a week ago, I had another account that was two years old, so I've had my fair share of "trying")
Okay.
I'm actually somewhat about to resign myself to the fact that I'm going to be fat forever.
I always ate healthy, even as a kid...I wasn't really allowed to eat tons of junk food because I have a refined sugar and sodium intolerance. My body can't process it and it leads to migraines that are blinding and seriously debilitating and they last for days if not weeks. So, I never really had the option to eat tons of junk.
So basically, I've ate healthy.
And I continued to...but I eventually developed an eating disorder around age 15.
I didn't get skinny from it. In fact, my bulimia has caused me to gain around 20 pounds.
I'm in recovery, but basically I never lose weight. Ever.
I've never been skinny.
And I am convinced that I am an example of a person who has ate healthy all her life and been active (I used to participate in cross country, cheerleading, gymnastics, and karate -- and I still run daily) and will always be fat.
And my question is why.
WHY. What am I doing wrong?
The thing is, I can't picture myself skinny. I can't picture myself with a flat tummy or clothes that fit right.
I think I'm like destined to be the fat kid always, and it really upsets me...because why recover? There's no reward really.

SezxyStef

eating healthy does not guarantee weight loss...being in a calorie deficet does.

You need to weigh your foods, log accurately and be in a reasonable calorie deficet.

lemonsnowdrop

You can eat "healthy" and still eat too much. It sounds like you're eating more than you think you are. Start off by logging everything you eat for a few weeks (don't change anything yet, though), just to get a look at what/how much you're actually consuming. Weight loss is more about how much and less about what. You can lose weight by staying in a deficit and eating whatever you please (although, healthy foods do offer health benefits other than weight loss, so I wouldn't only cram junk food in there).

Trust me, though. I feel your pain. I've also never been skinny, never had a flat stomach, never. But I'm starting to see a difference in myself, so I know it's possible. Also check out the "Success Stories" section. Lots of inspirational posts there to prove that it is possible.

Tillyecl1

I am a vegetarian. I don't eat much junk food, I eat healthily about 90% of the time. I cycled and played football yet I still got to over 200lbs at my heaviest. It doesn't really matter what you eat, if you eat too much of it you will gain weight. My suggestion is weigh everything, portion control is king (at least for me :-)). If you weigh everything and know exactly what's going in but still can't lose weight maybe visit the doctor?
Also, please be careful, if you've had an ED then be mindful of what can trigger it, try and get some nice people to support you on your journey.

UsedToBeHusky

You should talk to an endocrinologist.

Proper endocrine function is essential to weight loss. You can do everything right and still not lose. And many of the disorders that can interfere with your endocrine system have very subtle symptoms and often go unnoticed.

Branstin

There is eating to be healthy and eating to lose weight. More importantly, if you have an eating disorder, you should be working with your doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, and therapist. Have you joined any support groups for people with similar issues? Don't try to go it alone. Use the resources around you.

JenMc14

Eating "healthy" foods is meaningless if you're eating more calories than your body needs. I don't know if. Measuring and weighing your food and counting calories would be triggering for you, but it might be eye opening to see how much you're really consuming.

bcattoes

Eating healthy foods doesn't necessarily mean you were eating healthy. Overeating is not healthy no matter what foods you are eating.

Since you have a history of eating related diseases and disorders, I would strongly encourage you to work with a qualified dietician who is familiar with your medical history.

You can lose weight, but you might have to go about it differently than others. And it may even be a little more difficult than it is for the average person.