How to respond - "You're starving yourself!"

beautifuldiskize

I too have this issue. Not so much with my mom, but with my friends. So, I always just say, "I have done extensive research for the past 2 years on fitness and I know what is or isn't healthy for me." And it seems to shut them up.

Good luck!

SezxyStef

I love how I'm totally getting work done today.

Over the last year I have gained quite a bit of muscle, which is probably why I honestly weigh more. I boulder (climb) usually 4 days a week (these guns? Come on... nice), and have taken up road cycling recently because I recognize that I need some cardio. My mom made mention at Christmas how muscley my thighs were and poked them through my jeans. That was actually a form of compliment.

Re: validation and letting her see the scale, I don't necessarily feel like I NEED to. Just like if I were to tell her "no" that I didn't want to do something, I shouldn't have to explain myself in depth.

Re: getting a doctor's note to give to her, wouldn't that be the same as letting her see the scale? It might invite her to consistently want updates and notes from the doctor. (Just my thoughts and wanting yours, I'm not trying to make excuses.)

Re: looking too skinny... maybe? I'm not sure. I know my face is much smaller than it was (I mean... look at my profile picture). I always have had dark circles under my eyes ever since I was little, so I could perhaps come across as gaunt? However my mom does often see me in my work out clothes and can see my entire body. As for others making comments about my body, they don't often get to see everything in... spandex or whatever.

for me the doctors note is a one time thing and you tell her you did it to ensure her concerns were alleviated through proper channels and that you took them seriously and did it to make sure you were healthy....I mean it's a doctor right is she going to disagree with a doctor??? wait...my mom would but that's a whole other topic...:bigsmile:

motivatedmartha

To clarify, I've not just fixed my eating to lose weight, I work out, too.

There are a plethora of issues with our relationship, but it could be perhaps that she doesn't feel needed. However I lived in a completely different state from her for six or seven years and only saw her on holidays anyway. Now that we see each other often, she constantly wants to eat out - which I hate, and never wants to do anything. She has a busy work-week, and I understand that she is tired, however she does not cook, and will often skip meals herself. It's a vicious cycle.

My best friend said I may as well bite the bullet and let her see me on the scale, and that's the only way that portion of it all will end. Opinions?

tabbyblack13

You can tell her that you are talking to a dr about everything that you are doing, even if you're not.

Also try burping really loudly in her face. :bigsmile: That tends to jar them out of their train of thougth.

motivatedmartha

I think to have to weigh yourself in front of someone is actually an infringement of your privacy - no way would I ask my children (since about 15 years old) to do that. If I was concerned that they looked a bit peaky I would suggest they went to the docs.

The_1_Who_Knocks

I've been getting the "it's time to stop losing weight" comments since I reached 210 pounds, which is ridiculous.

I just laugh them off and tell them I'll stop losing weight when every ounce of my belly fat is gone.

I'm 184 now and the answer is still the same. Not all that much left though.

tattsb4u

Could you possibly show her your MFP tracker....show her the types of foods you are eating so she gets off your back a bit? I actually downloaded the app for my mom to check out. Now she has a better idea about portion control and the calorie content in foods....Also, I saw you mentioned onion dip.....I just discovered Oikos Fat Free Greek Yogurt Onion Dip this past weekend.....its so good! 25 calories for 2 tablespoons...I actually used it in my chicken salad this past weekend instead of mayo

The_1_Who_Knocks

You know what else you could do? Just turn the whole thing around on her.

Explain to her that obesity is the biggest health epidemic in the US, and you are very concerned that she is eating herself into an early grave.

Yeah...that will work....that will improve your relationship with Ma.

knicholeg

Also, I saw you mentioned onion dip.....I just discovered Oikos Fat Free Greek Yogurt Onion Dip this past weekend.....its so good! 25 calories for 2 tablespoons.

Thanks, enabler.

Kidding, kidding

ktsmom430

Maybe you could tell her something like this, "Thanks Mom for your concern. I am an adult and am doing what I feel is right for me. I appreciate your advice, and respect your opinions, but I am doing this the right way, through good nutrition and exercise."
It is very difficult being a parent, and we worry a lot, even about our adult children. There may be a tiny bit on envy on your mothers part for your success, but probably mostly concern.

Iwishyouwell

You're 26 years old.

Time to learn the "smile and stare" approach.

Mom: You're starving yourself!
You: [smile and stare]

Don't want to engage in a conversation? Offer cheerful silence.

Francl27

No advice but you're definitely not alone, lol. My mom has always been overweight and now she uses any opportunity to say that I need to stop losing weight. So annoying.

SARgirl

I have actually shown people my diary when they say that I need to "eat a cheeseburger!". That usually works as I eat a lot! My SIL had asked once at a holiday dinner if it was a cheat day since I had my plate piled high with food. I said no and she didn't believe me so I showed her what I had eaten over the past week and she was awestruck:) I think people just get used to seeing us bigger and once we start to lose the weight it is a shock for them to see us getting smaller. Change is scary to people:)

markja

I'm guessing that this is just a symptom of the relationship that you have with Mom. You're actions probably took away her and her friends excuses for dropping weight. Sometimes you have to lovingly and kindly tell your parents that you are an adult now, not a child. Your wight is your business, no hers.

bethlaf

Yes I am losing too much weight ,... you should see what happens when I make a milkshake now... the worst part about all of this is having to buy all new clothes, and feeling ever so much healthier

molonlabe762

But...im not hungry