Dealing with Co-Workers Concerns

ashandstuff

I know the topic of others reacting negatively to your weight loss/ fitness journey is a regular one on MFP, but I'd like everyone's input on this situation:

My co-workers (and some of them are good friends) and my boss are starting to make inappropriate comments about my weight loss. I'm at a loss as to why it went from the "good job" and "great work getting healthy" comments I received in January to rude comments all of a sudden. I haven't even mention my exercise/diet to anyone in the office in MONTHS so I am just really confused as to why this is all happening all at once. It started off with a few rude or back-handed comments now and then, but now it's happening every few days!

Since Monday, I've gotten three comments that were not appropriate and frankly they hurt my feelings.

Examples:

"Did you lose weight by being sick or-??" --My boss
"No wonder you are wasting away, an apple and a salad"-- Co-worker #1, when I turned down stale potato chips sitting in the lobby.
"I gave your number to a guy at my church; I figured since you're hot now you two will hit it off."--Co-worker #2

So here is my question.
How do I deal with these sorts of comments when it's not a stranger but co-workers/friends saying them?

JoRocka

number comment would have made me explode- I would have told him he had no business passing out my number without my consent and I was going to file up with HR (at the very least- make a note and tell someone you trust about )

secondly- my go to response is
"If I wanted to look like you- I'd eat like you"

Making rude inappropriate comments is what people do when they realize you are actually making a change- and they are not.

Also "why do you care if I eat it- I'm not asking you to eat it"

"alright judgy mcjdugerson- what does your delicious meal look like and what can I make fun of you for in it?

I have no shame- I look good- and I work out- I'm one of the fittest and most active people in the office- and I have good success doing what I'm doing- it's hard to argue with results or something with a specific goal (recently: I am bulking to put on weigh to get a better deadlift)

good luck my dear!

pghfitgirl

They all sound very rude and are clearly overstepping professional bounds. Really, there is not much you can do about ignorant coworkers except nod, smile, and walk away...

Maybe tell them you lost all the weight because you have terrible IBS lately and you've been spending the majority of the time in the bathroom? That might stall the questions :laugh:

andreyadonna

Ouch. In general, deflection with a turn is how I would deal with that.

To the boss - a light laugh followed by "You are so silly, I lost weight so I don't get sick. Oh Hey, I was looking at the employee handbook the other day! There's a hilarious typo in the Harrassment section, you should go read it!"

To co-worker #1 - "I feel you, salad and apple for lunch is hard for most people. I figure if I keep going long enough I'll turn into an actual rabbit and I won't have to come to work anymore."

To co-worker #2 - "Oh, that's unfortunate. I really prefer ugly guys with personality and tattoos that say 'I love satan' do you know any of those? "

I deal with a lot of things with Rough humor.

Hornsby

I feel like woman have to deal with this sort of stuff a lot more often than men. I don't have much advice, other than to not worry about what other people are saying. Obviously, that's easier said than done.

I have had a few comments about how I am "losing too much" and what not, but I just keep on moving. I find that the only people that actually think that way are the ones that have always known me as a larger guy.

Hang in there though, and keep doing you.

bobbijodmb

Just keep doing what you are doing. I get some of the same things, not from everyone, but from enough people.

My 'favorite' is wow you are wasting away to nothing, pretty soon we won't be able to see you.

Thanks for the underhanded comment, but no thanks.

I just keep doing me and realize that it's their issue/insecurity, not mine

keep rocking it

ashandstuff

number comment would have made me explode- I would have told him he had no business passing out my number without my consent and I was going to file up with HR (at the very least- make a note and tell someone you trust about )

secondly- my go to response is
"If I wanted to look like you- I'd eat like you"

Making rude inappropriate comments is what people do when they realize you are actually making a change- and they are not.

Also "why do you care if I eat it- I'm not asking you to eat it"

"alright judgy mcjdugerson- what does your delicious meal look like and what can I make fun of you for in it?

I have no shame- I look good- and I work out- I'm one of the fittest and most active people in the office- and I have good success doing what I'm doing- it's hard to argue with results or something with a specific goal (recently: I am bulking to put on weigh to get a better deadlift)

good luck my dear!

Ah, your responses are great. I have no self-confidence though, and I know I would just be flat out mean if I said anything at all. Maybe all I need is to practice being more...sassy?

It's just weird to me, I'm NOT the thinnest/most fit person in the office. I am the only one to change dramatically in the past few years but still....

ashandstuff

Ouch. In general, deflection with a turn is how I would deal with that.

To the boss - a light laugh followed by "You are so silly, I lost weight so I don't get sick. Oh Hey, I was looking at the employee handbook the other day! There's a hilarious typo in the Harrassment section, you should go read it!"

To co-worker #1 - "I feel you, salad and apple for lunch is hard for most people. I figure if I keep going long enough I'll turn into an actual rabbit and I won't have to come to work anymore."

To co-worker #2 - "Oh, that's unfortunate. I really prefer ugly guys with personality and tattoos that say 'I love satan' do you know any of those? "

I deal with a lot of things with Rough humor.

Can I carry you in my back pocket so I have a instant-burn on hand when these people come around? Please & thank you.

JoRocka

number comment would have made me explode- I would have told him he had no business passing out my number without my consent and I was going to file up with HR (at the very least- make a note and tell someone you trust about )

secondly- my go to response is
"If I wanted to look like you- I'd eat like you"

Making rude inappropriate comments is what people do when they realize you are actually making a change- and they are not.

Also "why do you care if I eat it- I'm not asking you to eat it"

"alright judgy mcjdugerson- what does your delicious meal look like and what can I make fun of you for in it?

I have no shame- I look good- and I work out- I'm one of the fittest and most active people in the office- and I have good success doing what I'm doing- it's hard to argue with results or something with a specific goal (recently: I am bulking to put on weigh to get a better deadlift)

good luck my dear!

Ah, your responses are great. I have no self-confidence though, and I know I would just be flat out mean if I said anything at all. Maybe all I need is to practice being more...sassy?

It's just weird to me, I'm NOT the thinnest/most fit person in the office. I am the only one to change dramatically in the past few years but still....

it's okay- be mean- but smile.

it totally works. And it gets easier with practice!!!

DamianaKitten

number comment would have made me explode- I would have told him he had no business passing out my number without my consent and I was going to file up with HR (at the very least- make a note and tell someone you trust about )

secondly- my go to response is
"If I wanted to look like you- I'd eat like you"

Making rude inappropriate comments is what people do when they realize you are actually making a change- and they are not.

Also "why do you care if I eat it- I'm not asking you to eat it"

"alright judgy mcjdugerson- what does your delicious meal look like and what can I make fun of you for in it?

I have no shame- I look good- and I work out- I'm one of the fittest and most active people in the office- and I have good success doing what I'm doing- it's hard to argue with results or something with a specific goal (recently: I am bulking to put on weigh to get a better deadlift)

good luck my dear!

Ah, your responses are great. I have no self-confidence though, and I know I would just be flat out mean if I said anything at all. Maybe all I need is to practice being more...sassy?

It's just weird to me, I'm NOT the thinnest/most fit person in the office. I am the only one to change dramatically in the past few years but still....

it's okay- be mean- but smile.

it totally works. And it gets easier with practice!!!

This is true!!

When people are being jerks like this, I respond with equal insults and a smile. They usually shut up and don't mention it again. Sometimes (very rarely) they proceed to get mad and tell me I don't need to be mean. I then calmly explain why what they said in the first place was wrong, and watch them try to weasel their way through excuses as to why what they said was fine. I smile the whole time and wait for them to run out of steam and storm off, then laugh so they can hear me. :flowerforyou:

Pipsg1rl

So I agree that the giving your number out is inappropriate and unsafe.

Even within my circle of friends I DO NOT give out a phone number, I ask the person for their number to give to the other person. Personal AND Professional.


I think that what happens is that people feel ok teasing people about being skinny.

I would maybe say "I'm working really hard to improve my health and those comments are actually NOT compliments, even though I'm SURE that's how you intend it."

missdibs1

Lion do n ot concern themsleves with the opinions of sheep.

If it gets too bothersome, go to HR.

andreyadonna

Ah, I thought of a better one for the church person. "Gosh, I hope he's not an ax murderer. Then you'd be an ax-cessory to murder for handing out my number without my permission!" I'm done now I swear.

andreyadonna

Ouch. In general, deflection with a turn is how I would deal with that.

To the boss - a light laugh followed by "You are so silly, I lost weight so I don't get sick. Oh Hey, I was looking at the employee handbook the other day! There's a hilarious typo in the Harrassment section, you should go read it!"

To co-worker #1 - "I feel you, salad and apple for lunch is hard for most people. I figure if I keep going long enough I'll turn into an actual rabbit and I won't have to come to work anymore."

To co-worker #2 - "Oh, that's unfortunate. I really prefer ugly guys with personality and tattoos that say 'I love satan' do you know any of those? "

I deal with a lot of things with Rough humor.

Can I carry you in my back pocket so I have a instant-burn on hand when these people come around? Please & thank you.

Well, I'm not back pocket sized yet. I have a kid you could probably fit in a bookbag, but his zingers aren't that great yet.

ddrhellbunny

I know exactly how you feel on this. When I started to lose weight it was all " you are looking good!" or "good job getting healthy" etc etc. but as I kept losing more weight people just kind of made snide remarks like "you are wasting away!" "eat a cookie god dammit!" and just things that didn't make any sense... the worst one I got was from a manager who spread rumors that I had liposuction to get the weight off -_-* rude much?! that one peeved me off till no end.

However I would honestly just ignore them, they are only coworkers, least that's how I treat it. Yeah, I have "friends" at work too (only 2 are actual friends) but they are just work friends, not the kind of friends that would help you move cross country or anything, so why bother trying to talk to them about things that aren't even their concern? I'm sorry they hurt your feelings about it, but honestly, does it really matter what they say? just do what makes YOU happy and healthy. Don't ever let anyone put you down otherwise.
People can seriously be so rude with their comments. Does anyone think before they speak anymore?

amgreenwell

Good luck with the co-workers. I have this problem on a weekly basis and i'm learing how to deal with it and let go of the negatvity that surrounds OTHER people's lives. Once you realize it is THEIR problem, it gets easier. Keep that HR handbook close by though.

bethira

Truly the person that gave out your number MUST be talked to. That is so incredibly inappropriate and dangerous.

These statements sound like they are coming from jealousy. People look at your success and it emphasizes what they aren't doing. You're eating right and taking care of yourself and if they can sabotage you, it brings you back down to their level and they don't have to feel guilty that they just scarfed down a bag of stale potato chips.

See these statements for what they are, smirk and move on. Little people with little minds should not be your concern. You are great and above their petty inadequacies. I do agree with everyone about the HR comments. That's what human resources is for. If it continues, take your concerns to HR and let them deal with it.

SharonNehring

I totally agree with bethira. It seems they are trying to put you down in a way that makes them feel better about their lack of effort in regards to health. I do think they won't give up until you stand up for yourself in some manner, whether it's with your reply or a trip to HR.

snappyapples

When you start bettering yourself, people see the faults in themselves and take it out on you. You are doing a great job and forcing them to see how unhealthy they are. The difference between you and them is you decided to better yourself and they want to drag you down.

You deserve better and more supportive people in your life, I'd reevaluate these friendships if I were you!

MyPureSteez

Right in the middle of them making their lil comment say
"hold'on" pull out your phone take a selfie, look at it and say "damn I look good! Now what were you saying?"

GertrudeHorse

To get through to jerks you often need to be a jerk right back to them. Redirect the comment and say something that makes them feel uncomfortable in return. I find something simple like "do you always enjoy making inappropriate comments, or are you just feeling particularly insecure today?" Ultimately their comments reflect their own insecurities and judgement and don't indicate there's anything wrong with you.