sick of 1200kcal, sick of the scale ruling my life

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Hi! My name is Alba and I guess I am here for the same reason you all first came: I am sick of eating 1200kcal per day and seeing no results.
I had lost 20 pounds on a fad diet that I regained in a couple months. Crazy, it is. However, I do look leaner than last time I was at that weight (thank you lifting!).
When I gained weight again I got my period back, a good proof that I was getting healthy again. After Christmas I decided I wanted to lose the weight again but healthily. I started eating at 1500kcal, slowly went up to 2000, then back down to 1800kcal. It is important to note that for the whole time I started cutting again at a reasonable deficit I had no scale. I thought I looked leaner after a month of doing this. My workouts got incredible. When I finally weighted myself I found out I was at a higher weight than the one I started at, whaaaat. Despite of looking better and knowing it's not all about the scale and that I have been lifting heavy 4+ times a week for seven months now and that implies some muscle gain, I am extremely discouraged. I went back to the old ways of eating 1200kcal but added a weekly refeed (three binges happened too :( ). I have lost around 3kg in a month. I am not happy. I am sick of the relationship I have with food and starving myself. On tuesday I will weight myself for the last time and I wont have scale until June (btw, I'm traveling the world, that's why I don't have access to a scale often). I want to eat more, to be happy, I want a sustainable lifestyle. I need to understand that it's ok if I take longer to lose the weight. I come here looking for support, I'm sure you've been through this. For the past couple days I have started eating 1500kcal. Today I finally decided that I will slowly up my calorie intake as my body responds to it and that all my calories will come from whole foods. I want to be healthy. I believe that if I start eating cleaner and listen to my body more, the weight will come off. However, after being a chronic dieter for a couple years now, facing the idea of eating more is challenging. How was your experience?

Alba
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Replies

  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
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    Your goal should always be to find the maximum number of calories at which you lose weight, never the minimum. While eating "cleaner" is admirable, you lose weight by eating at a deficit. Log everything you eat accurately & honestly. Logging works.

    Read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
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    What is your height and weight?
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    Sounds like the scale is bad for you, so ignore it. IMO you should set your goal to being strong and healthy and let your body figure out what weight that is, and what it looks like. So you are probably on the right track.

    Also, "eating clean" (whatever that even means) has nothing to do with how much you weigh, or gain, or lose. Log everything (that includes weighing/measuring) to find at what level you gain/lose/maintain and use that to determine what calorie count you need for a cut.
  • absrpp
    absrpp Posts: 20
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    What is your height and weight?

    I am 5'4" (163cm) and currently weight 128 pounds (approximately 58kg)
  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
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    At your size, a healthy goal is .5 lb. per week. Read the Sexypants link: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • Roisindubh32
    Roisindubh32 Posts: 8 Member
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    Hmm, now I'd ask why do you want to lose 20lbs? If you're lifting weights, you're going to be heavier and look leaner. Taking your muscle gain into account, maybe 20lbs is too much and your body is fighting it which is why you lost your period at one point. This can happen if you are underweight. You'd probably be a happier person if you met it someplace in the middle and maintained it there. It sounds like you're being way too hard on yourself.
  • HerbertNenenger
    HerbertNenenger Posts: 453 Member
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    If I had a dollar for every time a teenager asked how to lose weight when they are at or under a good weight I would be flying to Hawaii first class right now. Sigh.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,022 Member
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    What is your height and weight?

    I am 5'4" (163cm) and currently weight 128 pounds (approximately 58kg)

    have I read your post correctly? - you lost 20lb, regained it and now want to lose it again?

    That would make your goal weight be 38 kg :noway: - far far below a healthy weight.

    Actually I don't understand why you want to lose weight at all - 58 kg is well within the healthy weight range for a female of your height.
  • peggymunsell
    peggymunsell Posts: 124 Member
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  • Apocalypz
    Apocalypz Posts: 155 Member
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    Hmm, now I'd ask why do you want to lose 20lbs? If you're lifting weights, you're going to be heavier and look leaner. Taking your muscle gain into account, maybe 20lbs is too much and your body is fighting it which is why you lost your period at one point. This can happen if you are underweight. You'd probably be a happier person if you met it someplace in the middle and maintained it there. It sounds like you're being way too hard on yourself.
    Agreed. When I was working out 6 d/wk, I was a consistent 165 lbs. Now I'm not working out but eating better and I'm 125 lbs. Both are fine. At the same time, I shouldn't expect for my body to be 125 when I'm being much more active and exercising to build more muscle. Your body won't let you have both worlds; instead, you have to find what makes you happy in the middle.
  • Marcia315
    Marcia315 Posts: 460 Member
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    If I'm understanding you correctly, you want to go back to the weight where you stopped having your period?

    If so, get help.
  • peggymunsell
    peggymunsell Posts: 124 Member
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    If I'm understanding you correctly, you want to go back to the weight where you stopped having your period?

    If so, get help.

    This...if you are lifting 4x a week you need to make sure you are properly fueling your body. You aren't doing that on 1200 calories a day.

    Also, it seems you might be a bit obsessed of what the scale says. Take measurements. You said you are looking leaner. How are your clothes fitting?

    It does seem your relationship with how you view your body may need some work. So I definitely agree maybe talking to a counselor might be good. I don't mean any offense by that.
  • absrpp
    absrpp Posts: 20
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    What is your height and weight?

    I am 5'4" (163cm) and currently weight 128 pounds (approximately 58kg)

    have I read your post correctly? - you lost 20lb, regained it and now want to lose it again?

    That would make your goal weight be 38 kg :noway: - far far below a healthy weight.

    Actually I don't understand why you want to lose weight at all - 58 kg is well within the healthy weight range for a female of your height.

    20 pounds would leave me weighting around 50kg
  • absrpp
    absrpp Posts: 20
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    If I'm understanding you correctly, you want to go back to the weight where you stopped having your period?

    If so, get help.

    This...if you are lifting 4x a week you need to make sure you are properly fueling your body. You aren't doing that on 1200 calories a day.

    Also, it seems you might be a bit obsessed of what the scale says. Take measurements. You said you are looking leaner. How are your clothes fitting?

    It does seem your relationship with how you view your body may need some work. So I definitely agree maybe talking to a counselor might be good. I don't mean any offense by that.

    I am planning on seeing a councelor but I need to wait until July. I am traveling the world until then. Still, thank you for your respectful advice, really valued.
  • absrpp
    absrpp Posts: 20
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    Hmm, now I'd ask why do you want to lose 20lbs? If you're lifting weights, you're going to be heavier and look leaner. Taking your muscle gain into account, maybe 20lbs is too much and your body is fighting it which is why you lost your period at one point. This can happen if you are underweight. You'd probably be a happier person if you met it someplace in the middle and maintained it there. It sounds like you're being way too hard on yourself.

    that makes sense, thanks. I am going to ditch the scale and rather focus on listening to my body and judging progress from pictures.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,022 Member
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    What is your height and weight?

    I am 5'4" (163cm) and currently weight 128 pounds (approximately 58kg)

    have I read your post correctly? - you lost 20lb, regained it and now want to lose it again?

    That would make your goal weight be 38 kg :noway: - far far below a healthy weight.

    Actually I don't understand why you want to lose weight at all - 58 kg is well within the healthy weight range for a female of your height.

    20 pounds would leave me weighting around 50kg

    Yes, oops, sorry - got confused and subtracted 20 kg there, not 20 lb.
  • FranceyPants
    FranceyPants Posts: 98 Member
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    Hey, I know exactly where you're coming from. I am same height, same weight and around the same goal weight too. However I have my intake set on 1550 and it seems to work. I don't weigh myself because I hate the scale, and weight fluctuation is bad for my mental health, so I go based on how my clothes are fitting and what I see in the mirror.
  • TechnoEve
    TechnoEve Posts: 10 Member
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    What is your height and weight?

    I am 5'4" (163cm) and currently weight 128 pounds (approximately 58kg)

    can I have your weight..please?
  • banshee78
    banshee78 Posts: 14 Member
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    I'm 5'1 and I weigh 111lb I'm toned I dont lift, I'm a uk size 6-8 us 2-4 I think 108lb is low especially if your lifting weights.
  • TechnoEve
    TechnoEve Posts: 10 Member
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    MFP recommended i should eat 1200 kcal per day if i want to lose 1 kg per week

    But...i never eat 1200 kcal, it's always less then 1200 but i'm never hungry

    And if i add my exercises, i'm always far far away from 1200kcal

    I don't understand