Negative body image

MayaDyra
MayaDyra Posts: 90
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi all...I feel fat because my friend of 3 years that I see like a brother, Kazik, ended our friendship because he didn't like my weight and preferred thinner people. I am trying to lose weight now. As ashamed as I am to say it, I'm 5'3'' and 128 pounds. I work out daily, take exercising classes, and am very active but I'm still a fat whale. Trying without much success to find a swimming pool that's affordable so that I can exercise even more.

Replies

  • Meushichan
    Meushichan Posts: 82 Member
    If you're trying to lose fat, exercise can only do so much. You will definitely have to eat at a calorie deficit as well. :)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    This is pretty helpful/ inspirational.

    Also, I'm sorry that some loser made you feel bad about yourself. Anyone that only cares about looks obviously didn't care about you like you deserve. If you want to do this, make sure you are doing this FOR YOU. Not to get him back, or to make anyone happy. Changing the way you look should be personal, and healthy for you body AND your mind.
  • gigglesinthesun
    gigglesinthesun Posts: 860 Member
    I don't even know where to start ...

    you are not a fat whale especially at your weight ...
    if he were any sort of a friend he'd care for you regardless of weight, no really, who is friends with someone, because of their weight ... think about it

    imagine your sister/child/ close female friend would come to you and say what you just said ... what would you tell them ... I can guarantee you that it wouldn't be 'get thyself to the gym forthwith'
  • Mistraal1981
    Mistraal1981 Posts: 453 Member
    At 5'3" I'd say you were pretty much the right weight for your height. Hell, your current weight is practically MY goal weight and I'm also 5'3".
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    :huh:
  • MayaDyra
    MayaDyra Posts: 90
    Thank you guys for your kind words....just ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes and then did some dynamic lunges, my weight is 125 now, it's more some days for some reason.....I've been sensitive lately because I was sexually assaulted and Kazik wasn't there for me when I really needed him and I guess that has made me really start to care about my weight because he wouldn't have left me hanging if he weren't bothered by my weight. You're right though, he shouldn't have stopped talking to me because of my weight, now I have to deal with this alone and it's not easy, in fact it's hard to have strength to do anything other than go to the gym lol.

    Now I'm looking into joining a swimming pool which is hard because they're quite expensive, looking into one tomorrow, let's hope it's affordable, doubt it though >.>
  • becky10rp
    becky10rp Posts: 573 Member
    Can you talk to anyone? I'm worried about you...........................being sexually assaulted is a BIG thing to deal with - and you've mentioned that you are 'alone'......................Please understand that your weight has NOTHING to do with any of this - okay?! I don't want to slam this Kazik too much because it sounds like you care for him - but he doesn't sound like a true friend if he wasn't there for you after all that has happened to you. A REAL friend would be there for you right now! Again - your weight should have NOTHING to do with this - please don't focus on your weight right now - I think you need to find someone to talk to.........Please be kind to yourself, ok?!
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    First off, it really looks from what you have posted that you need to seek some professional counseling. I'm so sorry to read what you have been through and then your friend acts in this manner. NOT ACCEPTABLE if that is your friend. You are beautiful and you are not fat. Start with counseling first, and I believe everything else will fall into place. HUGS OP, you need it.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    :huh:

    ^^ This


    1. Never change who you are to please a man.

    2. 5'3" and 128 lbs is not fat!
  • chelstakencharge
    chelstakencharge Posts: 1,021 Member
    That is NOT a true FRIEND!!!! YOU are not FAT!!!! You don't need "friends" like that! I have friends in all shapes and sizes.
  • capergrrl
    capergrrl Posts: 8 Member
    I think you've lost enough dead weight with Kazik being out of your life. Dont talk to him every again, he sounds toxic. Focus on what makes you happy and seek counseling for the sexual assault and poor self esteem. I promise you, you are a wonderful woman and you just need people in your life to help you see that. Best of luck, you deserve better <3
  • MayaDyra
    MayaDyra Posts: 90
    Thank you so much people for your kind replies, I appreciate it.....I've started counseling...have another appointment on Thursday...can't help but focus on my weight since my closest friend Kazik did abandon me for that reason...I hope I will start feeling safer again soon about the whole thing :/
  • evileen99
    evileen99 Posts: 1,564 Member
    At your height and weight, you could hardly be called fat, much less a "whale." And I know you're hurting right now, but your so called friend is an @sshole. You are much better off without superficial people like him in your life.
  • GlitterGurl2
    GlitterGurl2 Posts: 9
    Hi. God is love and God loves you. You should care less what people say. You are probably a wonderful, kind, caring person. Maybe your friend isn't. I would like to suggest you find yourself some new, caring, supportive friends.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    he's a tosser, forget him

    you're a totally healthy weight for your height. He probably said that to hurt you or to make you feel insecure (some men try to make women more keen and dependent on their opinion by insulting them and getting them to change something about themselves to make him happy, i.e. control freak tactics.... red flag, red flag!), not because it's what he actually thinks. So take what he said to be a reflection of him as a person, not of you, and move on. You deserve much better than him.
  • ImpishVanity
    ImpishVanity Posts: 224 Member
    Thank you so much people for your kind replies, I appreciate it.....I've started counseling...have another appointment on Thursday...can't help but focus on my weight since my closest friend Kazik did abandon me for that reason...I hope I will start feeling safer again soon about the whole thing :/

    He didn't abandon you because of your weight. He abandoned you because of his OWN issues and insecurities. You have to remember the way people treat you has WAY more to do with them than it does you. Don't take it personally, because you didn't do anything to deserve his treatment. Even if you were 300+ pounds friendship has absolutely nothing to do with appearance.

    Now, as to your weight, you are already a healthy weight. I'm also 5'3" and the healthy range is 118-140, with 126 being the "ideal" range. You're already there! If you (and I mean YOU and not anyone else) don't like the way you look you could strength train which would build muscle and tone you up. But again, that would be for your OWN desires and peace of mind and NOT for anyone else.
  • Seireness
    Seireness Posts: 6
    Hi all...I feel fat because my friend of 3 years that I see like a brother, Kazik, ended our friendship because he didn't like my weight and preferred thinner people. I am trying to lose weight now. As ashamed as I am to say it, I'm 5'3'' and 128 pounds. I work out daily, take exercising classes, and am very active but I'm still a fat whale. Trying without much success to find a swimming pool that's affordable so that I can exercise even more.


    According to the Hamwi formula, a simple formula commonly used by many clinicians, 126 pounds is the ideal healthy weight for a female who is 5'3 and the recommended weight range is from 112 to 140 pounds.

    If you want to work out and eat better to be healthier or to tone up, then great do it. But, don't do it because some guy said you are fat. You are not fat.

    I am 5'3 and I weigh 287 lbs at my last weigh in. I am overweight for our height, you are not. Please don't put yourself down, try to build your self up and love your body.

    Good luck to you in all you do! :) If he doesn't want to be around because of your weight, regardless of rather you actually are overweight or not, then he isn't worth your time. *HUGS*
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
    You are not fat or a whale. If any friend of mine ever talk to me that way, he would never be a friend again. I am glad you started counsleing because the sooner you learn to love yourself and tell those who don't like it to go to hell, the happier you will be...trust me!
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
    This is very sad to read-I know all to well about giving our power away to people that don't deserve it. I was married for 10 years to a man that told me daily "if I gained weight he would leave me" I starved myself until I found out he cheated on me with a "fat" girl. This speaks volumes. It was never about my weight-it was his desire to control me. I sought help and left him. It has taken me years to accept myself and weight gain-which I really needed. I was much to thin. At 30 years old and 5'5 I weighed 98lbs.
    I am currently 47 and weight 121-learning to love myself every day and fighting the negative body image I allowed someone to make me feel. My current husband loves every single inch of me!

    good luck to you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    :huh:

    agreed!
  • Walter__
    Walter__ Posts: 518 Member
    Lol at all of you falling for a troll thread.
  • ImpishVanity
    ImpishVanity Posts: 224 Member
    Lol at all of you falling for a troll thread.

    *Shrug* I guess it's easy to do. I don't understand the point of these "troll posts".
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    GFfRdP8.jpg?1

    I'm glad you're getting help. You might want to talk to your counselor about this: Men have a lot of trouble relating to women who've been assaulted. They just can't handle it. I think Kazik used the weight thing to cover the fact that he's a spineless D-bag. Instead of helping you through your issues, he ran. Cut him out of your life, like one poster said, he's toxic. Even if he changes his mind, he'll do it again because he's now showed his true nature.

    Either that, or he's a massive narcissist and since it's not all about him he's butthurt.

    Either way,

    XZhuGV3.gif
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Lol at all of you falling for a troll thread.

    Do you know the OP? She isn't on your FL.
  • MayaDyra
    MayaDyra Posts: 90
    Evileen - thank you...

    Glitter- I appreciate it :)

    Neander- Hm hadn't thought of it that way...it's possible...hurts that he ended a long friendship though :'( horrible timing

    Impish- thanks...I didn't have an issue with my weight until all this :/ What do you mean his own issues?

    Seire: hugs too :) Yeah...weight shouldn't matter too much

    Branstin- thanks :)

    Sassy- eek, that's awful that he said that and cheated *.* good u r out of that now

    I'm not a troll, not sure why you're saying that, this is my first day here and everything I said is how I sincerely feel

    Crafty- IDK if that's why :/ He didn't know I was assaulted because he cut off contact with me so he didn't know what happened, just sucks he ended our friendship at this time

    It makes me feel really bad about myself when I talk about how I"m insecure about my weight and a girl is like "Wow I am much taller than you and I weigh less, hahaha" I don't know why some girls are so *****y and competitive :'( Glad to see a lot of supportive women here for a change. I just don't get it..like this girl I know, I've helped her a lot editing her essays and resume, but she knows I have negative body image and she still tells me "haha I'm the same height but I"m only 100 pounds" I don't know why she feels the need to say mean things about me when I've been a friend to her
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    I'm sorry that your friend sounds like a tool. Seriously, to dump a friend over superficial reasons like this... well you're better off without him.

    That being said, I hope you find what you're looking for. Don't think about the number on that scale too much. It's better to be healthy than to be so thin that you could hang glide on a Dorito chip. I have quite a few friends from Taiwan and I don't necessarily agree with their POV.

    Here's some reading for you: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

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