ED/Restricting/going back to normal eating, anyone relate?

Charloo1990

So it's all hard to explain and i'm not looking for any ear bashing so don't reply if that's all you intend on doing.

Okay so basically i've struggled with disordered eating nearly 5 years now and every time i want to recover i want to quit cause i can't take the weight gain. My ED started the day i decided to start restricting from 800cals working my way to 200-500 a day or fasting and i went from around 175lbs to 124lbs in the space of about 5 months. It got bad when i went to live with a boyfriend at the time and would do quite a physical job (cleaning hotel rooms) and i would'nt eat all day then i would just eat whatever the bf's mum cooked but even made excuses not to eat that. I'd do everything like make out i'm full after a few mouth fulls, purge occasionally, stuff food in my pockets and give my food to the dogs when no one was looking. Anyways, after i got to my lowest weight to record of 124lbs i split with my then BF and moved back home where family and friends were worried about the amount of weight i'd lost. 124lbs sounds healthy but my face just goes too thin.

So after splitting with the BF i ended up emotianally eating and slowly started gaining again. I would never get past 140lbs and just kept constaly gaining and losing for a few years mainly restricting again,. Then all of last year and the majority of this year i've worked my way back up to 165lbs I binge ate a hell of a lot last year, it was out of control. Then over Xmas 2013 i lost 9.5lbs in about 3 weeks through restricting to 700-950cals a day so not as sever as before. Then recently having being sick of being stuck in a binge starve cycle, i decided to join the gym and give proper healthy eating a go. I feel under major pressure to lose weight cause i'm off to work abroad as a holiday rep in about a month and really don't wanna go at this weight But i'm feeling major fed up and like as if i've gotta resign myself to the fact that no matter how much i burn in the gym, i aint gunna lose weight

Granted i only started at the gym a week ago but i've gone about 6 out of 7 days now and burn 500-800cals off and have been eating generally 1250-1400cals and although it's only week 1 i already feel like quitting and restricting. I seriously wanna be healthy but based on eating 1200cals+ i feel soo bloated and massive, not once have i felt slimmer in myself, just bloated and fat despite the cals burnt. I get weighed on Fri and i expect a gain/maintain tbh.

I guess really what i'm looking for is for someone to tell me that there is light at the end of the tunnel =/ If anyone has experienced severe restricting but managed to get there bodies to adjust back to normal healthy eating and be able to lose weight healthily then please give me some words of wisdom cause i feel mega defeated right now Sorry for the length of the post, just wanted to give a little back ground.

Thanks in advance if anyone repies.

Graelwyn75

I used to restrict. I developed an ED at 13/14, hit my lowest at 18 (72Ibs at 5'11) and have struggled on and off ever since, being 38 now, almost 39. I was living on half a rice cake at my lowest weight and still walking around, somehow. But, the lowest weight did not last too long, and I got myself back to a healthy weight within a year. I have been very on and off with eating, going through phases of limiting myself to certain foods, but I am now more focused on health and fitness, and would not dream of restricting to anything below 1500 calories. In fact, I have lost weight eating above 2000 calories a day, with my workouts. I am thankful my metabolism seems to have mostly recovered, in spite of acquiring hypothyroidism as a result of my past eating issues.

I am one of those who believes that if you restrict for too long, your body adapts to this and slows things down, because it has to make the most of what little you are giving it. This is why, those who have restricted a long time, tend to see some gain once they up their calories. The key is sitting that out, getting to a point where you are eating at maintenance for a while, then lowering your calories in a sensible way to lose weight. Basically, you need to swallow your fear of the scale numbers temporarily, in order to benefit long term. I suggest finding out your BMR and TDEE, and upping your calories gradually until you are eating just below your TDEE, allowing your body to adjust and level out, then reducing calories to lose half - 1Ib a week.

Unless you want to spend the rest of your life eating under 1000 calories, and in the process messing up various bodily functions, this is the only way to do it really.

I also suggest seeking some sort of counselling as you need to get to the root of this at a psychological/emotional level, as well as dealing with the physical.

Charloo1990

Thanks so much for replying Graelwyn, your post has definitly helped and i'm certainly going to take your advice on board. The fact that you've got through it and now don't eat under 1500cals is so inspiring and i want this to be me eventually. I really am gunna stick it out, i know it'll be worth it in the end cause i'm tired of restricting.

Graelwyn75

Thanks so much for replying Graelwyn, your post has definitly helped and i'm certainly going to take your advice on board. The fact that you've got through it and now don't eat under 1500cals is so inspiring and i want this to be me eventually. I really am gunna stick it out, i know it'll be worth it in the end cause i'm tired of restricting.

Yes, it is not much of a life.
Don't be me, and reach this age, realising how much you wasted with the obsessing and endless restrictions.
I wish I could go back in time and slap myself as I was not actually overweight even to begin with.
If you get to a place of eating the correct amount of mostly healthy food, and focus on keeping active... find something you love doing, whether it be boxing, weights, running, skating, biking....you should end up at a weight that is right for you.

Charloo1990

I totally agree. Seriously, you've inspired me