Trying to loosen vice grip on calorie intake. Help please.

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Hello, I apologize in advance for my wall of text. I'm a 5ft 11in 35 year old male who weighed 225lbs Feb 11th of last year. About 6 months ago I weighed 160ish, I currently hover between 140-144.

I do 45 minutes of step aerobics every day, planks 6 days a week, lunges 2 days a week, and pushups/simple dumbbell exercises 2 days a week. My heart rate monitor tells me I burn 500-700 calories a day working out depending on the day and how hard I push myself. At work I do fairly physical things for 3 hours solid and sedentary to moderate activity the rest of the day. I eat 30% protein, 40% carbs, and 30% fat.

According to this site http://iifym.com/tdee-calculator/[1] my TDEE is 2624 and my BMR is 1603. I eat 1850 calories six days a week and eat back all my calories (to a net of 0) once a week.

I have rather muscular legs and 'V' abs but rather scrawny arms and torso. I am not interested in becoming built but I realise I should be putting on a bit more upper body muscle for what exercises I do, I figure I'm eating too little for what's good for me.
Frankly I'm paranoid that if I increase my caloric intake more I'm going to get fat again. You can see the outline of my skull and the bones in my hands/lower arms. I am rigid about eating 1850 fixed cals a day (before it was 1700) and have only recently been allowing myself a day to eat to a net of zero. For a few months I'd get to a point where I would binge on sweets hardcore for 1-2 days a week, gain 3-5lbs, then lose it again only to repeat a week or so later. I've broken myself of that.

How much SHOULD I be eating considering my stats and exercise? I'm trying to loosen this stranglehold I have on my intake but, frankly, I'm frightened. I know it's not healthy but I don't know a healthy target to shoot for. My weight has been hovering between 140-144 even though I eat at a 900-1100 calorie deficit 6 days a week, though I have been putting on muscle steadily on my legs and my abs have become tighter.
Any advice would be greatly welcome.
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Replies

  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    I doubt you are building any muscle eating so little. You probably need to eat double what you are, 144 lb for your height is very underweight.
  • Sreneesa
    Sreneesa Posts: 1,170 Member
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    You definitely are underweight and could afford to eat in a surplus and lift heavy to build muscle without being worried about becoming fat IMHO.

    I hope some of the gentlemen who lift and already have muscle chime in to give you more accurate advice. But you need to eat more and gain more weight in my opinion. You're a male and 5'11...you should weigh more than 140-144. No offense.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I'm 5ft5 and 136lbs and I maintain on around 2200 cals... And I only burn about 200 cals 5x a week...

    Look into a heavy lifting programme and work your way up to maintenance and then add about 10%... 160 sounds like a more reasonable weight for your height.

    Add 100 cals a day to your food so it's not a massive jump all at once.
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
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    Dude, time to start bulking.

    Do heavy lifts with the barbell, 3 times a week, while eating at least 3000 calories.

    The first 20 lbs you put on, 15 of it will be muscle, and you'll love it.

    This is the jungle. Being big brings benefits.

    When you do gain a little bit of fat, you can lose it a couple weeks. You already know how to do that.

    Build some.
  • kliffoth
    kliffoth Posts: 29
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    Thanks for the advice so far guys. Like I said I'm not even worried about becoming much more muscular, I just see my lack of muscle gain as a sign of unhealthiness. My abs down look great and well muscled (I HAVE been doing steps 99% of days for about 8 months for 45 minutes a day and planks 6 times a week, my legs look really nice) but my arms and hands are rather skeletal and you can see my ribs from the back. I like being lean and like my current weight (I went down to 135 at one point and didn't like it, bones in my butt made it uncomfortable to sit!) my size 30/30 pants are loose on me, I keep telling myself 'as long as I can fit in them, I'm cool'.

    The scale is my nemesis. I know it 'lies'. For instance I usually eat only 1300mg or less of sodium a day, Friday I had spicy chicken chinese takeout, lots of salty sauce with some soy sauce on rice. This was the day I ate up to my net of 0 for the week. I got water bloated, of course, and weighed myself on Monday as I always do. 'Gained' 3.5 lbs for the week. MFP said I was 6500cals under maintenance for last week (I weigh and log all my food and use a heart rate monitor to log my calories burned while exercising). I see the 'gain', my brain says "dude it's water weight, there is NO WAY you ate 13000 calories over your maintenance last week! it's salt and MSG, chill". My emotions go "YOU'RE MESSING UP! YOU EXERCISE YOUR BUTT OFF AND STILL ARE MESSING UP! YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT AGAIN!" I'm tired of this, I know it's in my head. I keep saying to myself 'Keep eating at a 900+ deficit to make sure you've still 'got it' and won't get fat again. I hover at 140-144. I 'should' be losing more weight for what I'm doing but I think I'm just building muscle while cannibalising it for energy, causing the hover. UGH. Tired of this mess.

    I don't get sleepy during the day but I'm always one snack away from that 'starving' feeling. I can do the math and say 'yes, you can eat quite a bit more and still be under maintenance' but then I think 'well why aren't you losing weight faster then?'. My libido is almost nonexistent, when I was fat it was very much there.

    Ugh. It's seems the solution is to eat more (duh). Increase my cals to 2200 or so? Probably more but that'd be a start. But DAMN is it hard to. The scale makes me paranoid even when the 'math' doesn't check out. Getting this out on the forum is making me feel a bit better. Thanks guys. More feedback is appreciated.
  • kdiamond
    kdiamond Posts: 3,329 Member
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    I personally think you are bordering on disordered eating/mental food issues. The way you describe what is happening is very unhealthy. You are underweight at this point, your body is trying to hold on to anything it gets. You're too focused and hung up on specifics, and I think you're also over exercising for how much you're (not) eating. Let me tell you this is no way to live and you're gonna drive yourself crazy.

    I'd personally focus less on cardio (step mill for a guy? Unnecessary) and start lifting some weights. Not only will you feel better, you'll look better. You said it yourself in your title, you need to loosen the grip on calorie control. Try not logging for a week or two, lit will be liberating. Also, stay away from that scale!!! You said it yourself, you're hungry, so eat more!
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    You need to fuel your body, and you are kit doing a good job of it. It sounds like you have some body issues. You basically weigh what a 5'5" woman should weigh not a taller male. Is that the look you want?
  • irunforcookies
    irunforcookies Posts: 111 Member
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    I don't think I can give better advice that what everyone else said - but I just wanted to say that it sounds like you have an eating disorder. Please look into getting some help - you are not eating enough, and you are overexercising. You came here looking for help, but with all of the great advice you've been given, you don't seem interested in taking any of it.
  • Chris_Pierce
    Chris_Pierce Posts: 267 Member
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    I know how you feel. I do a ton of cardio, and lift 6 days a week. I eat like 3300+ calories a day to net 2000-2200. The weight lifting is just to keep the muscle I have though while I lose fat.

    It sounds to me that you've completely your weight loss and now it's time to "bulk" If you're worried about gaining too much weight then you should increase your calorie intake by maybe 20-25%, and also increase your protein intake, maybe just add a couple of protein shakes a day. Go to the gym and start lifting heavy. Get a personal trainer if you need to learn how to do the exercises correctly.

    Anyway, if you do end up over eating and putting on more fat that's no big deal. You already know how to lose the weight.
  • kliffoth
    kliffoth Posts: 29
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    "You came here looking for help, but with all of the great advice you've been given, you don't seem interested in taking any of it."

    I have been getting great advice, and I am interested in taking some of it. I just posted not long ago! :smile:

    Eating disorder? Probably. I've always hated the way I look (though I'm not ugly, even I can admit that), I had an....interesting... childhood. I have been making slow progress on that though. Like I said, I used to eat 1700 a day until I would lie awake at night SALIVATING over the thought of eating sweets, I'd DREAM about eating sweets, then binge on sweets for two days. We're talking 10000+ calories a day, gain a few pounds, hate myself, but feel good for having energy for half a week, lose the weight in a week, then do it again a couple of weeks later. I've just recently broken myself of this. It is progress.

    You all are right, of course, I'm eating too little, even though I don't go to bed anymore feeling like I'm starving I should still have more energy throughout the day.

    I will increase my intake from 1850 to 2200 while still doing my steps, I think. I love the exercise in the morning and it gets me going. I will give it a couple of weeks and see how I'm feeling. I will avoid the scale during this time, screw that little WiiFit board! After this I will see about increasing my calorie intake even more.

    I'd like to put more emphasis on upper body strength training but all I have is a 20 and a 25lb dumbbell. Weight benches and barbells are so expensive and I really don't feel comfortable exercising at a gym around strangers. I do triangle push-ups every couple of days and arm exercises with the dumbbells, I was getting stronger doing so while still having fat on me, I have plateaued for obvious reasons.

    A couple of questions:

    Does anyone know of a good upper body strength regimen I can do without weights? Again I'm not looking to get 'built' but would like to increase my strength a bit.

    Is 30% protein 30% fat 40% carbs a good macro spread?

    You guys are really helping, thank you!
  • Morgaath
    Morgaath Posts: 679 Member
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    Someone your size, weight, age, has a BMR of 1684
    Spending 45min on the stairs will burn you around 490cals
    So now we are at 2174 cals per day...and all we have covers is keeping you body alive and spending 45 minutes on the stair machine.
    If you are working out every single day, and living a normal life, your TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) is likely closer to 2700.

    I am 5'9", 190lbs, and burn on average just under 3000 cals per day walking over 5miles each day, doing a short little workout each morning (5 minutes running, 25 pushups & crunches, and a 13min stretching video), and hitting the gym 2 times a week to lift heavy (for me).
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    It definitely sounds like you have some disordered eating patterns and a great deal of anxiety around weight/food/exercise. It's great that you're recognizing that it's an issue and are taking steps to go in a different direction. If it gets worse or if trying to increase your calories starts to trigger you to restrict, please think about seeing someone. Unless you have a bunch of other symptoms, you probably don't have an actual ED and wouldn't need treatment, but having some short-term help might make it easier. (Totally my personal opinion -- I'm not internet diagnosing you :smile: ).

    As you start increasing your calories, the scale will almost certainly do some weird things. You'll see some added weight from water retention/glycogen replenishment, and you'll probably see fluctuations of a couple of pounds at a time. This is NOT fat. You're not going to get fat overnight, even though we're all afraid of that when we up our calories.

    If you can stand it, don't weigh in until you've been at your new goal for a few weeks. Put the scale away if you're tempted to weigh yourself. In that time, take measurements or pictures and don't just rely on your eyes! You know you're taking in more calories, so there's the chance that your brain will "see" fat because it wants to. The tape measure won't lie to you. Even while the scale is going up/down, the tape measure will tell you whether or not you actually take up more space. In the end, the scale number really doesn't matter.

    Focus on any other benefit of upping your calories. Even the littlest things, like having more energy at the end of the day, will make it easier for you to keep eating.
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    I'm 34, 5'11.6" and 173.4lb at the moment.
    I have got a biggish frame (at least big chest) - when I hit 170 I'm going to start upping calories by 250 extra caloires a day each week for five weeks or so - it may need to be six to get to a surplus for .5lb/week gain.
    If I average 1900 calories a day then the Libra app shows 2.5lb/week loss which is 1250 calories a day (I do 2400 on weights days, then 1400 on rest + all extra from cardio eaten back - some days are 3000-4000!)

    I would well recommend the Libra app for tracking weight as it gives you averages in weight and calories. Up your calories, keep an eye on the trend in libra and keep upping them until you are where you want to be. Keep logging with it to fine tune as you go along.
  • hmaddpear
    hmaddpear Posts: 610 Member
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    What everyone else has said. But to address your question of any routines to build your upper body, if you can't get to a gym, look into some body resistance training - www.nerdfitness.com has some great ones, or check out Mark Lauren's You Are Your Own Gym. Do press-ups and triceps dips. Get something heavy (a 5l water bottle, or gallon jug depending on your country of origin) and do rows with that.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    "You came here looking for help, but with all of the great advice you've been given, you don't seem interested in taking any of it."

    I have been getting great advice, and I am interested in taking some of it. I just posted not long ago! :smile:

    Eating disorder? Probably. I've always hated the way I look (though I'm not ugly, even I can admit that), I had an....interesting... childhood. I have been making slow progress on that though. Like I said, I used to eat 1700 a day until I would lie awake at night SALIVATING over the thought of eating sweets, I'd DREAM about eating sweets, then binge on sweets for two days. We're talking 10000+ calories a day, gain a few pounds, hate myself, but feel good for having energy for half a week, lose the weight in a week, then do it again a couple of weeks later. I've just recently broken myself of this. It is progress.

    You all are right, of course, I'm eating too little, even though I don't go to bed anymore feeling like I'm starving I should still have more energy throughout the day.

    I will increase my intake from 1850 to 2200 while still doing my steps, I think. I love the exercise in the morning and it gets me going. I will give it a couple of weeks and see how I'm feeling. I will avoid the scale during this time, screw that little WiiFit board! After this I will see about increasing my calorie intake even more.

    I'd like to put more emphasis on upper body strength training but all I have is a 20 and a 25lb dumbbell. Weight benches and barbells are so expensive and I really don't feel comfortable exercising at a gym around strangers. I do triangle push-ups every couple of days and arm exercises with the dumbbells, I was getting stronger doing so while still having fat on me, I have plateaued for obvious reasons.

    A couple of questions:

    Does anyone know of a good upper body strength regimen I can do without weights? Again I'm not looking to get 'built' but would like to increase my strength a bit.

    Is 30% protein 30% fat 40% carbs a good macro spread?

    You guys are really helping, thank you!

    Weights do not have to be expensive. I got a bar, plus 65lb of plates for $20 at a garage sale. Try Craigslist.
  • Morgaath
    Morgaath Posts: 679 Member
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    Get something heavy (a 5l water bottle, or gallon jug depending on your country of origin) and do rows with that.

    A quart of water is 2.09lbs.
    A gallon of water is 8.35lbs.
    A liter of water is 1kg (2.2lbs)
    5 liters of water is 5kg (11lbs)
    I get that 8-11lbs might be heavy for some people... But if you are aiming to add muscle, find a weight you struggle to use 12 times, rest 60 seconds, and do it again, rest, and again. When you can do 3 sets of 12 reps, up the weight 5lbs.
    If your main goal is adding strength, find a weight you struggle to lift 5 times, now do that 5 times with a rest between each set. When you can do 5 sets of 5, up the weight 5lbs.
  • SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222
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    yea I am a 5'10" female and I once weighed about 137 - I was disgustingly thin....and you probably look as thin or more thin than I did because you are both taller, and a male. You need to eat eat eat eat - you wont gain any muscle if you dont eat.
  • SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222
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    PS I think its time to see a psychologist.
  • Chris_Pierce
    Chris_Pierce Posts: 267 Member
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    Find a body weight exercise regiment if you don't want weights or a gym. Google "scooby pushups"
  • kliffoth
    kliffoth Posts: 29
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    Upping my cals to 2200, starting today. Will probably up again in a week. Going to clear space in spare bedroom and look into some strength building upper body exercises and possibly a weight bench. Not going to weigh myself for awhile. I'm really going to enjoy being able to eat more.

    Thanks for the recs on the exercises. Going to look into those scooby pushups.

    Question: Will a weight bench with an adjustable dumbbell set do

    (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000BH283O/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2FRRQPDO80X7G&coliid=I35JWAGUHBJWZ5)

    and

    (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001ARYU58/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2FRRQPDO80X7G&coliid=I3VYZEZ7HIZF6S)

    or is a barbell strongly recommended? I have money, but not a ton of money to spend.