I can do it! Right? Fear of failure...

molliepw

Hi all. Just looking to hear from those that have been successful in their weight loss journey. For some reason I'm having a mental block about believing in myself that I can lose weight.
I guess the fear of failure is holding me back for some reason, which sounds so lame but I think that's what it is. I am fearful that if I put in the work but then slip up and eat some crap that all my effort will have been wasted so why even try in the first place. UGGH, THAT SOUNDS SO LAME! I guess it just helps to vent.
Basically, those out there that have lost weight, I'm assuming that everyday hasn't been 100% perfect food and exercise wise, right?
Here's to believing in me!!

Iwishyouwell

If you're afraid of failure, you should be afraid of where you are now.

Giving up and not moving toward your goal is automatic failure.

You're already failing. Which is a great thing because it means any steps you take are automatically success.

AJ_G

It all clicked for me when I did the research and realized that cutting fat just comes down to an equation that I have absolute control over: Calories out - Calories in = Calories deficit = fat loss. You control every variable in the equation with your own actions. If you're willing to be patient and willing to do what you need to do it just comes down to a simple equation. It's not some unattainable thing, it's real and it's completely in your hands. Nobody will be perfect everyday, but that's not what it's all about, it's about a trend.

Brandolin11

Hi all. Just looking to hear from those that have been successful in their weight loss journey. For some reason I'm having a mental block about believing in myself that I can lose weight.
I guess the fear of failure is holding me back for some reason, which sounds so lame but I think that's what it is. I am fearful that if I put in the work but then slip up and eat some crap that all my effort will have been wasted so why even try in the first place. UGGH, THAT SOUNDS SO LAME! I guess it just helps to vent.
Basically, those out there that have lost weight, I'm assuming that everyday hasn't been 100% perfect food and exercise wise, right?
Here's to believing in me!!

A few things come to mind here:

First of all, please just know that you're not alone in thinking this way!! You're not weird, you're not LAME, etc... lol. You are in good company because everyone on this journey has felt like that from time to time.

These mental blocks can genuinely be scary. They throw us off. For awhile, perhaps, we felt like we had control. We were doing so well. We were so motivated. We just somehow *wanted* to do it and it wasn't that difficult. And then suddenly, it's like someone drops the floor out from under us and we're falling.

I'm here today to tell you that this is nothing more than a TRICK of the brain. It's not real. Your feelings of fear are real, yes. But this imaginary "fact" or "inevitability" you feel of failing is a total crock that your brain is trying to get you to believe.

Have you had failures in the past? Perhaps. Okay sure, who hasn't? But your PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO DICTATE YOUR FUTURE. Everyone has the right, chance, opportunity, and calling to CHANGE their past. This.......is yours.

The best artillery against lies about failure, is TRUTH. Reality. Honesty. So what is the truth in this situation?

Truth #1: "Slipping up and eating some crap" does not, and cannot, waste your entire efforts up until this point. Everyone slips up now and again. Perhaps you're afraid that slipping up and eating crap will trigger an entire backslide alllllllll the way back to the beginning? If this is the case, then it's time for you to tackle that issue, because that's an emotional problem (which can be fixed). You might have issues with perfectionism, with over-controlling your life so tightly that one little slip up makes the entire house of cards fall down. Or perhaps you have issues with being impatient and immature and wanting this weight loss thing to be done NOW, and if it's not then you're just gonna quit because it's not *fair*. Perhaps you know that you're barely controlling your cravings, you're hanging on by your fingernails, and if you were to have one bite of chocolate you'll never stop. Any way you slice it...these are internal issues that should be explored, tackled, and dealt with. THIS IS IN YOUR CONTROL. You do not have to let this steam roll over you. Take the reins. Figure it out. Read articles. Go to Overeaters Anonymous. Ask people here questions (like you are now). Unravel whatever it is inside you that sabotages you.

Truth #2: You do not have to "believe in yourself" to get this done. You need to believe in the basic mathematical process of calories in, calories out, which is a highly trustworthy process when you do it right. And then you need to *become* a person who finally does this right, instead of wishing and hoping for it to happen and fearing it won't. There's a HUGE difference between "believing" and "being". Stop with the nonsense of believing. It's passive. You must actually DO IT. You must BE PROACTIVE. You must DO, and BE. This is all there is. There's no "believe". No magic formula. When you DO it, you find that you BECOME the person you wanted to be all along. You become a part of the process of success instead of your own hindrance to it.

I miraculously learned these lessons a couple years ago. I had "tried" to lose weight for 10 long years (which really meant I just wished and hoped and sometimes controlled myself to the point of perfectionistic madness and sometimes kind of half-assed it and always ended up giving up and giving in to cravings). It was only when I stopped that crazy cycle, stood up, brushed myself off, sought answers and advice, sought to discover who I was inside, and finally followed a realistic plan for losing weight with "forever" in mind instead of "now" that my life changed. You can do this. Do it. YOU are your only hope here. It's gotta be you taking the step.

valm17

Its a mind game! Once you notice any results you will want to keep going... healthy foods become so yummy once you're used to them and fatty, greasy stuff becomes a turn off. You will notice the energy & changes in attitude once you start working out. I'm happier, nicer and love my life.. stress went out the window and the sun is shining! You got this!!! :bigsmile:

DaniMarie180

^^^ I needed this, Brandolin11. Thank you! :flowerforyou:

dakotababy

I promise you, that you will "slip" up. 100% of us do. Now, the question is - is that failure? or a learning experience? or just a healthy "cheat"?

This is a lifestyle change, and changes do not happen over night. You need to undo everything you have been doing to lead you to the point where you are right now.

I guess some individuals have a larger idea of what failure is. To me, failure is not doing anything at all. To others, it may be eating a McD's french fry (while in my opinion, is not even in the same ball park as failure). Are your standards too high? Do you tend to self-sabotage yourself? Are you really afraid of the unknown?

Sometimes it is helpful to play the worst-case scenario out. Okay, so you say you fail when you slip back and eat junk...then what? you give up completely? you just start over in the morning? (THIS btw, is the hardest challenge...though it gets easier and easier the further along you come.)

dakotababy

I promise you, that you will "slip" up. 100% of us do. Now, the question is - is that failure? or a learning experience? or just a healthy "cheat"?

This is a lifestyle change, and changes do not happen over night. You need to undo everything you have been doing to lead you to the point where you are right now.

I guess some individuals have a larger idea of what failure is. To me, failure is not doing anything at all. To others, it may be eating a McD's french fry (while in my opinion, is not even in the same ball park as failure). Are your standards too high? Do you tend to self-sabotage yourself? Are you really afraid of the unknown?

Sometimes it is helpful to play the worst-case scenario out. Okay, so you say you fail when you slip back and eat junk...then what? you give up completely? you just start over in the morning? (THIS btw, is the hardest challenge...though it gets easier and easier the further along you come.)

I want to add, sometimes it is a fear of change. "Who will I become?" You just need to realize that change is scary, but staying the same...well you know where you are headed if you dont change. What is scarier?

darlilama

You can do this. Forget fear of failure... Do you like how you look/feel now? If not, wth do you have to lose? What if you do "fail"? (I don't think you will, btw.) You're no worse off than when you started.

Best place to start is here. Best time is now. Same will be true tomorrow, and the day after that.

Don't let it overwhelm you. Start with one thing that you know you can do. Keep adding small goals and pretty soon you will have reached your ultimate goal and will wonder what you were so terribly worried about.

You'll probably get stuck now and again. You'll have bad days. But, you'll have great days, too.

Just start and keep going.

:flowerforyou:

Brandolin11

^^^ I needed this, Brandolin11. Thank you! :flowerforyou:

You're so welcome! (I'd post a flower back but I'm a technical idiot, lol)

jbyesh

I am 100% with you. I quit trying at the end of 2012 because while I was 1/2 assing it that winter; in Spring 2012 I got serious. Over the course of spring, summer, and into fall I gradually worked my exercise up to 2 HOURS/day & down to 1200 calories/day and only lost about 9 pounds. I finally went to a doctor bc seriously, WTF? I had months of food/excercise journals & he just scratched his head. We tried metformin; a blood sugar med as my BS was at the high end of normal. Still nothing. Then I got this horrible promotion that stressed me to the max & I quit the meds, workouts, tracking, etc I just could not maintain motivation when I worked so incredibly hard & did everything possible & saw zero results. All the doc could say was that I have a "metabolic disorder".

So FW to now, I was involuntarily signed up for the workplace WL challenge. But I'm terrified of disappointing my team because I CANT lose weight. I've actually been sticking close to 1200 calories the last couple weeks just to get in the right mind set & gained 1# which has, obviously, not alleviated my anxiety!

So it's not stupid, or lame to be fearful because this is hard. If it were easy, everyone would be thin & sites like this wouldn't exist. And u will slip up. But each day is a new start. If you slip up today, start new TOMORROW (don't wait a week to get back on track! Get right back on it; hell do it the next MEAL! ????)

molliepw

Thanks everyone!