Is it normal to be closer to your friends than family?

LadyFlexible

*I'm not talking the stage of teen years where it feels like it. At home, I feel like I'm criticized a lot but with my friends. They'll tell me when to cool my jets with I do get over hyped but they won't attack me. In my house, I'm surrounded by hypocrites and what I feel are sort of xenophobic to what I like. For example, if my sister gets hyped about something or like something and I try get to hyped with it too, she'll either get mad or tell me to stop because I'm doing it wrong. They make assumptions if I deny something and call me a liar. They label me and use fallacies if I try to argue my point. Since I'm trying to join the military, they throw it in my face when I'm trying to get my point across that I wouldn't make in the military if I argued with my sergeant. Honestly, I'd feel more respect for my sergeant than my family. So their wrong on that front.

SugarBaby71

Hun, "Friends are the family you choose".

jennalennafur

I think It's normal. I share all of my secrets with my friends and constantly hang out with them. I barely visit my family and when I do it's awkward.

Sometimes your friends are your family.

jaya_lakshmi27

I feel ya. I'm so much closer to one of my friends than my family. She knows things about me that exactly two people know. She knows I'm trying to lose weight and is better than a sister. If only she actually were my sister...

"Friends are the family you choose."

seltzermint555

It sounds like joining the military might be one good way out of that home situation, OP. I wish you the best!!

For me -- I really AM pretty close to both of my parents. They're divorced, and I'm not really close to my stepmom or stepsister but I do like them. I don't have any biological siblings.

But with extended family...I have tons of it and my friends are MUCH closer and more important to me. I have a close knit circle of girlfriends that have been in my life for 20+ years, and some are more like sisters to me. I would do just about anything for them and have even been there through death, childbirth, divorces, a huge tornado that took apart our town, and many crazy happenings. My husband has a similarly close group of guy friends and I'm getting to know them well and consider them close too. I'm even still in touch with a few of my guy friends I met through my ex husband, even though we divorced they were almost like brothers and I couldn't imagine never talking to them again!

I have one set of grandparents still alive, and I've NEVER been close to them. I am not that close with any of my aunts, uncles, or first cousins (and I have over 40 first cousins). I've always felt like a black sheep (agnostic, childfree by choice, fairly liberal, artsy & kind of eccentric) or actually in some cases I guess maybe a white sheep (graduated college, don't struggle financially). I can't really even relate to my cousins, they are all decades older or super Christian right-wing and only talk about their kids...not to mention our families (on both mom & dad's sides) were not that tight-knit when I was growing up so it feels fake to push a closer bond in my 30s.

LadyFlexible

It sounds like joining the military might be one good way out of that home situation, OP. I wish you the best!!

For me -- I really AM pretty close to both of my parents. They're divorced, and I'm not really close to my stepmom or stepsister but I do like them. I don't have any biological siblings.

But with extended family...I have tons of it and my friends are MUCH closer and more important to me. I have a close knit circle of girlfriends that have been in my life for 20+ years, and some are more like sisters to me. I would do just about anything for them and have even been there through death, childbirth, divorces, a huge tornado that took apart our town, and many crazy happenings. My husband has a similarly close group of guy friends and I'm getting to know them well and consider them close too. I'm even still in touch with a few of my guy friends I met through my ex husband, even though we divorced they were almost like brothers and I couldn't imagine never talking to them again!

I have one set of grandparents still alive, and I've NEVER been close to them. I am not that close with any of my aunts, uncles, or first cousins (and I have over 40 first cousins). I've always felt like a black sheep (agnostic, childfree by choice, fairly liberal, artsy & kind of eccentric) or actually in some cases I guess maybe a white sheep (graduated college, don't struggle financially). I can't really even relate to my cousins, they are all decades older or super Christian right-wing and only talk about their kids...not to mention our families (on both mom & dad's sides) were not that tight-knit when I was growing up so it feels fake to push a closer bond in my 30s.

The last paragraph sounds somewhat like my family. One side is extremely liberal and the other particularly my dad's parents (they make other conservatives in my family look like they are really left wing)
Whereas I'm pro pot and coca legalization, DGAD about gay marriage as long as they aren't making me pay for said liberal (that's an umbrella for everyone, hetero, trans, bi, and homo)
I tend to middle out between liberal and conservative on other issues like the military, economy, and social programs.

seltzermint555

It sounds like joining the military might be one good way out of that home situation, OP. I wish you the best!!

For me -- I really AM pretty close to both of my parents. They're divorced, and I'm not really close to my stepmom or stepsister but I do like them. I don't have any biological siblings.

But with extended family...I have tons of it and my friends are MUCH closer and more important to me. I have a close knit circle of girlfriends that have been in my life for 20+ years, and some are more like sisters to me. I would do just about anything for them and have even been there through death, childbirth, divorces, a huge tornado that took apart our town, and many crazy happenings. My husband has a similarly close group of guy friends and I'm getting to know them well and consider them close too. I'm even still in touch with a few of my guy friends I met through my ex husband, even though we divorced they were almost like brothers and I couldn't imagine never talking to them again!

I have one set of grandparents still alive, and I've NEVER been close to them. I am not that close with any of my aunts, uncles, or first cousins (and I have over 40 first cousins). I've always felt like a black sheep (agnostic, childfree by choice, fairly liberal, artsy & kind of eccentric) or actually in some cases I guess maybe a white sheep (graduated college, don't struggle financially). I can't really even relate to my cousins, they are all decades older or super Christian right-wing and only talk about their kids...not to mention our families (on both mom & dad's sides) were not that tight-knit when I was growing up so it feels fake to push a closer bond in my 30s.

The last paragraph sounds somewhat like my family. One side is extremely liberal and the other particularly my dad's parents (they make other conservatives in my family look like they are really left wing)
Whereas I'm pro pot and coca legalization, DGAD about gay marriage as long as they aren't making me pay for said liberal (that's an umbrella for everyone, hetero, trans, bi, and homo)
I tend to middle out between liberal and conservative on other issues like the military, economy, and social programs.

I live in southern Missouri in the Bible Belt where it is the norm to be conservative in general. In my family, my dad's side is basically super-stuffy people who are obsessed with $$ -- socially I don't think they really care one way or another on most issues, they just want whatever will give them more tax breaks. On my mom's side everyone is kind of half-a**ed religious and takes a lot of old school conservative stances on things and aren't very open to new ideas, for example they would probably die before they would ever vote pro-choice or eat healthier food or be friends with someone from the LGBT community. So I'm basically the odd man out culturally and politically, and I'm not even crazy-liberal. Fortunately I don't engage much with the rest of them and we're limited to niceties on the rare occasions we have contact.

mxmkenney

I think that is normal. Family is going to be harder on you and more critical because they do care about you. I am in my 30s but when I was a young adult I thought my parents didn't know what the hell they were talking about. I couldn't relate to them and I was sure they did not get me. After some maturing and coming into my own, I later came to appreciate some of their then stupid comments and opinions. Especially after I became a parent.
What you don't realize is that you see your family at their worst and they see you at yours. Friends don't necessarily see the RAW you like family does. Family has always been there and always will be - whether we like them or not. I suggest you try to embrace the fact that they are not perfect (neither are you) and try to build those relationships. It takes time, and sometimes it takes time away from family to truly appreciate them.
That said, there is nothing wrong with having a closer relationship with non-relatives. Obviously we need friends and ultimately one of those friends will become a life-long partner. So friends are a part of your extended or adopted family - but unlike family, you do get to choose who your friends are!