judged for being fat

Polishprinsezz

has anyone else come across being judged for being fat? strangers in group settings who dont seem terribly interested in befriending you or finding it impossible to get a job that you are qualified for all because of the way you look? i have found it so hard to find work the last few years being 100 lbs overweight. i am a waitress. gotten several interviews but no hires also joined a few mommy groups and noticed that people tend to ignore me. i am a sociable and outspoken person too. just made me wonder if my physical appearance of being obese may have played a role. i know people can be quite judgmental. would love to hear experiences and feedback.

maryseb63

Sometimes I think it has to do with our confidence level. I know that at a certain weight I still feel good about myself, but when we don't we project that to others also. I do believe though that some people will judge you on your size. Once in my career I felt that I did not get a position because of my weight. The manager was a exercise maniac and all her employees were thin and pretty,,I did not get the job to someone that was much less qualified than me. I always said to myself it was her lost. Just hold your head high and if things are not going your way at this time, keep trying

piRsquare

Not sure (judged for being fat). I'm sure it happens in some cases, but all? Not sure.

However, I will tell you this: We must be careful of "assigning" reasons for the actions of other people - we don't know *exactly* why people do things or not do things. If we look for patterns then we can sometimes end up with what is known as "confirmation bias".

A very simple example.

One day "joe" was sideswiped by a red pickup truck. A few days later he saw a different red pickup driving erratically. Then a few weeks later he saw yet another red pickup running an orange light. His neighbour, who he doesn't really like, also drives a red pickup. His ex's new beau drives a red pickup.
Joe's subconscious forms a theory that people who drive red pickups are poor drivers and/or are otherwise unpleasant people. Now every time he sees a red pick he watches the truck to see if they are driving poorly - many times they are!

Do you see what happened there? Confirmation bias. Wikipedia has a good entry for it.

(I use wikipedia because I'm smart. I know I'm smart because I wear glasses.)

ps: congrats on losing 35 pounds - thats awesome!

lschu4

I definitely agree that it has to do with confidence. That's always been my problem. I was just thinking about that today. It's not that people don't like me, it's that I EXPECT them not to like me because of the way I look, so I don't even try. On the plus side, that's how I know my friends are real. They all befriended me, not because I threw myself at them and begged for their approval, but because they looked past my weight and confidence issues and saw a person they genuinely liked. Just remember, there will always be judgmental people, but they don't EVEN matter. The ones who matter are the ones who dig deep and invest themselves in getting to know you because they couldn't care less what you look like.

CrusaderSam

Everyone gets judged for everything by everyone all the time. People will judge you for your race, skin color, height, gender, being to fat, to fit, to skinny, how you dress, how much money you make, who your friends are, who you are going out with, what music you like, I could just go on for ever and ever. You are just seeing the one you feel worst about. The only good thing about being judged for being fat, is you can change it if you want.

snazzyjazzy21

However, I will tell you this: We must be careful of "assigning" reasons for the actions of other people - we don't know *exactly* why people do things or not do things. If we look for patterns then we can sometimes end up with what is known as "confirmation bias".

Bless you.