I'm sabotaging my overweight husband

Francl27

I wonder if I'm alone in this boat... My husband is obese, and isn't trying to lose weight. He was already overweight when we met, but he has gained more weight since (it's been 12 years). I worry for his health, he's quite a bit older than me, but I know there's nothing I can do about it until he decides to change.

But anyway, I never cooked before, just ate junk all day pretty much, and we had very easy simple meals in the evening. Now I've been cooking more, and I feel like I'm just making things worse for him... Like, I made brownies this morning, I was craving them, 'healthy' substitutions were just not cutting it, and I wasn't going to go out and buy a whole 1000 calorie a piece brownie at a restaurant (although the option was getting more and more tempting by the minute). So I had some, should fit within my calories just fine, but I'm not really planning on having much more, because, well, 370 calories for a small piece, lol.... so now we have a whole lot of brownies to eat (although I might just freeze them in a couple days). So he's probably going to eat most of it (it's totally delicious but my kids are aliens and never touch my baked goods). Like he ate that delicious apple pie I made two months ago.

Same for dinner... I've made some pretty good stuff lately and he ends up having seconds or thirds. Bleh.

Am I alone in this and how do you deal? I do feel bad. But I want to eat good foods too... I'd rather make something I'll like and eat it in moderation than feeling deprived and just eating unsatisfactory foods to get rid of a craving (he doesn't eat most of the 'diet' foods I make, unless it's from skinnytaste).

colibri23

I think the answer to the questions you're asking lie within your original post itself:

I worry for his health, he's quite a bit older than me, but I know there's nothing I can do about it until he decides to change.

Ultimately, it's up to him to decide how many brownies to have, or whether he's going to have seconds or thirds. In the end, I definitely don't think you're sabotaging him---rather, it's his responsibility to eat well/in moderation (and it sounds like you'd be an excellent role model in any case!). Have you tried to (gently) voice your concerns over his health? Has your success not inspired him at all?

stealthq

I think the answer to the questions you're asking lie within your original post itself:

I worry for his health, he's quite a bit older than me, but I know there's nothing I can do about it until he decides to change.

Ultimately, it's up to him to decide how many brownies to have, or whether he's going to have seconds or thirds. In the end, I definitely don't think you're sabotaging him---rather, it's his responsibility to eat well/in moderation (and it sounds like you'd be an excellent role model in any case!). Have you tried to (gently) voice your concerns over his health? Has your success not inspired him at all?

+1

But, you can help some. Individually wrap and freeze the brownies now. They're not as tempting if they're not in front of his face. Funny how having to put in even a little more effort will discourage people from overindulging when they might have otherwise.

Oh, and I can empathize. I love to bake. My freezer is currently stocked with homemade chocolate banana bread, slices of homemade cakes w/ icing in individual serving bags, some banana toffee scones, my pizza dough experiments and homemade soft pretzels (yes, I love bread and bread products as well) and several pints of ice cream. Just because.

And I have no problem regulating how much of that I eat - but others in my family do. So, I'll make things in advance and freeze them in individual servings. It takes 10-15 min in the oven at 350 to get them as good as fresh baked - enough extra effort that people rarely go back for seconds. (Plus the 10-15 min lets dinner or lunch settle in nicely before dessert)

MagnumBurrito

After you guys each have brownies for a night, bring it to work and share them with the coworkers. Or if you want to save your coworkers too, take them to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

mistress8956

Frozen brownies are even better then they are fresh! OMG lol me and my hubby are doing this together but I find he isn't always as committed as I am. At first this was very frustrating to me and I would get mad and be very critical of what he was eating. I got over that. Regardless of what you cook or even what foods are in your house he is going to eat what he wants and in the amount he wants even if he has to go out to get it! Be supportive and if and when he's ready he will make a change. Making brownies isn't sabatoge it's life. He's a grown up and makes choices just like you do. Best of luck

asciident

Make less or give the rest away? You can't force him to stop overeating, but you can make it less convenient for him...

Holly_Roman_Empire

After you guys each have brownies for a night, bring it to work and share them with the coworkers. Or if you want to save your coworkers too, take them to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

This is what I do. I make a whole batch, eat what I want, put some aside for my husband if he wants some, and pack the rest to take to work.

ittybittykittyy

It's not as if you're sneaking bad foods into his meals without his knowing. To me that'd be "sabotaging". He is well aware what he is doing when he eats multiple brownies. I want a brownie now... damnit.

SonicDeathMonkey80

In, because I love how these threads go.

Hybris13

I find that making just enough food for me and BF helps with things like that. He won't go for seconds if there's no more food left.
I suppose with kids it's harder, but cooking somewhat smaller meals and keeping a "clean" house (no tempting unnecessary snacks lying around) could help.

dym123

I love baked goods also, I also love to bake. My supermarket has individual servings in their bakery, so if I'm craving apple pie, I will buy a slice of apple pie, they have individual cake peices, cupcakes and brownies. When I do bake, I bake for others. I'll keep a peice for myself and take the rest to the office or to my grandmother's. She's only 100lbs and loves sweets.

The_Sandra

...me and my hubby are doing this together but I find he isn't always as committed as I am. At first this was very frustrating to me and I would get mad and be very critical of what he was eating. I got over that. Regardless of what you cook or even what foods are in your house he is going to eat what he wants and in the amount he wants even if he has to go out to get it! Be supportive and if and when he's ready he will make a change. Making brownies isn't sabatoge it's life. He's a grown up and makes choices just like you do. Best of luck

^^this.

My husband and I are also trying to get healthier and lose weight together, but I'm definitely having better success than he is because I'm more committed. It's frustrating to me that when I buy or make treats (either for the kids or for all of us), he'll eat them all up before anyone else gets a chance, and then get upset at me and ask why I buy/make this stuff when he's trying to lose weight. I just tell him that the kids and I have no problem regulating treats, and that he's a grown man and can decide for himself what he's going to eat. When he decides to get serious, he'll take responsibility for his own choices. Until then, I feel exactly zero guilt.

Derpes

If he had a desire to change, then it would be an issue.

You said that he does not want to change, so what difference does it make?

wilsoje74

I personally can't cook a whole pan of something and have it around without over indulging, so I can't blame him!! Can you not cook large portions of that type of food, and just buy one serving of it at a bakery if you really want it??

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I'm sure he could get brownies and apple pie anywhere. If he was really wanting to make a change, he would.

SonicDeathMonkey80

I'm sure he could get brownies and apple pie anywhere. If he was really wanting to make a change, he would.

I don't think we want hubby dipping into the neighbor's apple pie and brownies. That would be bad.

psmd

I'm sure he could get brownies and apple pie anywhere. If he was really wanting to make a change, he would.

I agree. I wouldn't feel too guilty; if he's not eating your brownies he's likely just going to eat something else unhealthy. This isn't your fault. Sorry that is happening though but I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Also it doesn't sound like you're making stuff like this all the time.

Amandawith3kids

the only thing i can suggest is to make "just enough" for that one meal, and if there are leftovers, plate them and mark them as yours for lunch the next day. i do that often, not so my hubby cant have them, but so i dont mess up at lunchtime. (i do plate hubbys dinner, because we eat at 6pm, and he gets out of work at 11pm or later. then i have to mark which is his and which is mine LOL)

_crafty_

sabotage is baking 3 dozen of your boyfriend's favorite kind of cookie and sending them to him. all of them.

that's how I roll.

:devil:

monkeywizard

Invite some friends over to have some brownies too!

Francl27

I actually remembered that he has a poker game tomorrow... so he can take the extras with him!