I am dumb and overweight. All I feel is negativity. HELP!

saralind21

Okay, so here is the deal.... I am 21 years old and 30 pounds over a healthy weight. Do you know how hard that is??? Every Girl I see on a daily basis is at least 20 pounds UNDER weight. And here I am........a whooping 50 pounds over what is SKINNY according to Paris Hilton and other movie stars. It is so superficial. I am normally not superficial, but lately it has been making me feel very negative. I have lost 10 pounds in the last month but I am still frustrated. Why do I keep comparing myself to other people? I know I am on the way to reaching my goal weight. But in the meantime I am so negative on myself. My question is... How do you all stay so positive on your goal to reach your desired weight? How do you get through the time between 50 pounds overweight to a healthy weight?

If anyone can relate, please help.

saralind21

Okay, so here is the deal.... I am 21 years old and 30 pounds over a healthy weight. Do you know how hard that is??? Every Girl I see on a daily basis is at least 20 pounds UNDER weight. And here I am........a whooping 50 pounds over what is SKINNY according to Paris Hilton and other movie stars. It is so superficial. I am normally not superficial, but lately it has been making me feel very negative. I have lost 10 pounds in the last month but I am still frustrated. Why do I keep comparing myself to other people? I know I am on the way to reaching my goal weight. But in the meantime I am so negative on myself. My question is... How do you all stay so positive on your goal to reach your desired weight? How do you get through the time between 50 pounds overweight to a healthy weight?

If anyone can relate, please help.

Razboo

Well... I can't exactly relate, but I have a couple of comments if I may.

First off, stop saying you are dumb. That kind of self-statement reinforces itself the more often you say it. Your IQ won't drop, but your self esteem will.

Next, I would suggest that you don't go for Paris-Hilton-"Healthy". I'm a male (I mention because i have no pic up) and that ain't attractive imo. You indicate that you know you have only 30lb to lose to get to a Healthy weight. Why would you want to go 20lb under that?

I was recently at my sister's wedding. She used to model and is very thin. Many of her friends are of that 'type'. Very pretty, very thin. At first when I was there, I thought 'My, what a lovely bunch of ladies all in one place!' But, after a while of prominent collar bones, shoulder blades, clavicles and knee bones, it started getting a bit freakish.

You have lost 10 pounds toward your goal on only a month!!! That's great! Not all of us on this board can say the same, yet we persevere by our will and commitment and with the support of like minded people. I can tell you I haven't lost 10 pounds and my first month is almost up.

Your accomplishment so far is awesome. I would suggest you use this site to start tracking your efforts and making sure you are getting the nutrition you need. There are many other helpful sites where you can get good information to help you along. You are in danger of losing weight too quickly, which has all sorts of negative drawbacks.

So, instead of being down, congratulate yourself. At the rate you are going, in only two months or so, you will be at an ideal, healthy weight! Personally, I've got more like 6 months to go, and if I focus on that, it can seem like a long time away and can be a bit discouraging, so I just don't do that. I envision that as an end goal, but I look no further then the current week to evaluate my success.

Losing weight, to me, is something that must be dealt with pound by pound. Each one is a battle and a success in the war that is your final goal. War's are never won in a single battle!

Welcome, and good luck!

mschwark

That sounds like a seperate issue that weight loss is not going to help. You have a self esteem issue and are not happy with yourself. Thinking positive thoughts and complimenting yourself exactly as you are on a daily basis would help. It will take some time, but if you do this everyday it will make a difference.

apaden4

Well put Razboo!
And for my 2 cents for Saralind -

I am 25 and a mother of 2 - I used to tell myself it was ok to be overweight because I had 2 kids, BUT most of my friends have kids too and they all look fantastic. I know that frustrating feeling that you are talking about, and I compare myself to people constantly. What I try to do is not to get down on myself for being overweight, and instead use my comparisons as a motivator. I can look at them and say, "that's what I am going to look like next year!" Sure, I would like to look like that tomorrow, but obviously it's just not going to happen.
Just remember it didn't take you a month to put on that 50 extra pounds, so why would you expect it to come off that fast? You are doing a terrific job, 10 lbs in a month is better than what we are pushing for! 2 lbs a week is a healthy weight loss, and that's what you should strive for. If you take it off too fast you are twice as likely to gain it back, so take a breath and take your time. Your doing great!
And anytime you start feeling down, just make another post here - these people know what you are going through, and are here for you!

CMJ1979

OMG, you are not dumb, you are smart to do something about it, rather then gain more weight. I'm sad to say I weigh more now then I did when I was 9 mths pregnant on my son and that was 9 years ago. I let myself get to this state and even though the weight is slowly coming off I am not being down on myself. Everyone would like to snap their fingers and have it gone instantly, but everything takes time and effort and that effort will pay off in the end.

As for Paris Hilton and all the girls who look like famine took over. Do you really think guys are attracted to a girl who is nothing but a skeleton. What about a round bum to squeeze, or a bit of breast to caress. These girls hardly have any body fat and therefore don't have waht guys are looking for. Believe it or not, but guys would rather a girl with a bit of meat on her bones then a bag of bones.

I hope this helps you think better about yourself and always remember EVERYBODY IS BEAUTIFUL!

If you happen to get the SLICE network on television make sure to watch "How to look good naked", it comes on Tuesdays. I watch that show and it is very encouraging to the female who is down on herself.

kjllose

You stay positive by coming here when you are down. This site is not just a journal for food. It is a very awesome support system. Please know you are not alone in this, I'm pretty sure everyone has days when they need someone to say "yes, yes, yes you CAN do it. I know I have been there some days and I come to this site and read or post that I'm tired and someone always give me the boost I might need that day to keep going on. That is what is so special about this site to me. You are definately not dumb, you have already lost 10 whole lbs which is wonderful and I know you can do this.

chrissi

I can totally relate to how you feel. I just turned 31 and am 50 pounds overweight. I have tried everything but nothing but healthy eating, regular exercise, and a healthy positive attitude will help. I have even been passed over on job interviews based on my weight, but to step up to the plate and do something to change it is the smartest thing you can do, and my kudos to you for the initial 10 pounds. Use that weight loss as a motivation to continue on a healthy lifestyle.

saralind21

Thanks all! I have been trying to keep a positive attitude and just lost two more pounds this past week..So thats 12 total!
Thanks for the support : - )

Loretta_Jo

You are doing great! Keep a positive attitude and your chin up. Before you know it the weight will be gone.
I had to laugh at the line “guys would rather a girl with a bit of meat on her bones then a bag of bones“. It made me remember something I read a good while back. “Only dogs want bones and they burry them” and “No man wants a woman they have to shake the sheets out to find”. Don’t try to lose too much weight….women were meant to have curves. Men do like curves.
Keep up the good work!
Loretta

charley078

FIRST of all, you are not stupid, cause u have recognized your situation and set a realistic goal to solve it.....SECOND,you have to stop worrying what everyone else weighs.... There is ONLY 1 reason to diet, for YOUR health,(the looking better and fitting into smaller clothes is really only a bonus), your friends and family will love you no matter what u look like...... you have to be dieting for the right reasons or it will totally backfire on you.... most of my friends are atleast 50-60 lbs. lighter then me, 3 1/2 months ago I was 2 of them put together (I weighed 252 lbs) and one of them is professional model (think Anna Nicole Smith when she was the GUESS girl & Pam Anderson on Baywatch who can compete with that? but she's my biggest cheerleader).... Just remember, you have to do it for you and no one else.... and remember, if u compete with the folks who just happen to naturally be thin (i.e.paris & nicole, who r both not cute anywayz....) that is how an eating disorder can start, plus I have actually surveyed guys (friends & strangers) they do like girls with some meat on them, apparently, when a girl is too skinny, her bones tend to stick out during sex & they leave bruises!!!!!!! nough said....

julieofthewolves

There is a voice inside of all of us that communicates to us who we really are as a person. Mine says that I am confident, smart, gentle, loving, caring, healthy and confortable in my own skin. We squelch that voice as we are pummeled by all the things we aren't and will never be but have somehow bought into thinking we should be that way. Turn down the external messages and let that little whisper become louder until it is all that you hear. Make it scream!!!! It is the you of you, the me of me and is where the motivation comes from.