Fear

cychogal

Today I saw a lady I had not seen for a long time. Last time I saw her she was looking great. She had lost weight and seemed so happy. Today she looked miserable. She had gained back all the weight she lost and then some. I don't know her well, she's just someone I see once in awhile, so I would not go and talk to her about it. I don't know what she did to lose the weight. I just know her daughter was getting married and I'm sure that was a huge motivator.
I have seen this before, way too many times. To me, losing a lot of weight and then gaining it all back would be worse than never losing it at all. I would be very depressed, I'm sure, if that happened to me.
So anyway, I don't want this fear to stand in my way. How do I shake this? I would love to be successful, but when I see people like this, who just don't seem to be able to stick with it, I don't know why I would be any different.
I want to feel strong and confident. I don't want to be afraid. I also have this fear of the scale. When I do well for a week, I want to see results and as we all know, the scale does not always show our hard work. And this gets to me too.
My scale needs new batteries. Maybe I should just leave it --- and not worry about the scale.
I was looking through pictures and I am not happy with how I look. I look miserable too because I am not meant to be this fat.
I think this fear I have that this will ultimately end in failure is part of what is holding me back.
I am going to keep telling myself that this is just about me. No one else's successes or failures have anything to do with me. Any other words of wisdom would be appreciated.
If I'm going to do this, I need to feel empowered enough that I can keep it up for the rest of my life.
I am 50 years old, and want to lose about 50 pounds.

yarwell

The key to it is making changes that are permanent and sustainable.

Some people are putting on 0.5 lbs a week in their daily life and getting very heavy. Sometimes they have a wake-up call and do something about it, losing 10 or 20 lbs in a prolonged effort of food restriction and exercise.

If they then say "phew, thank god that's over" and get back on the original behaviour pattern then in 20 or 40 weeks the +0.5 lbs a week puts back on the weight they lost and continues its upward trend.

0.5 lbs a week is only 250 calories a day, the sort of margin of error in BMR estimates and food logging without considering the sort of underestimated intake seen on shows like "Secret Eaters".

So are you able to recognise and accept the over eating that gained you the weight, and permanently correct it ?

Myxalplyx

0.5 lbs a week is only 250 calories a day, the sort of margin of error in BMR estimates and food logging without considering the sort of underestimated intake seen on shows like "Secret Eaters".

I'm new to all of this and don't want to take this thread off course but I thought .5lbs was equal to 1250 calories. Did you forget to put the '1' in front of the '2'?

Satiable

^What Yarwell said. :happy:

Also, if the main thing you're afraid of is losing a lot of weight then gaining it back, why not start with just a little? Lose 10 pounds to start with, then spend a month or three at maintenance levels to prove to yourself you can do it. Then, when you're ready, lose another 10 pounds. By the time you reach your goal weight you'll know exactly what it takes to maintain.

Best of luck!

yarwell

0.5 lbs a week is only 250 calories a day, the sort of margin of error in BMR estimates and food logging without considering the sort of underestimated intake seen on shows like "Secret Eaters".

I'm new to all of this and don't want to take this thread off course but I thought .5lbs was equal to 1250 calories. Did you forget to put the '1' in front of the '2'?

no I did not, 250 calories per day is 0.5 lbs per week. More coffee, sir ? :-)

(besides, 0.5 lb = 1750 cals)

mymodernbabylon

I'm making changes that are small and easy to keep for the rest of my life. So many people go on a 'diet' and lose a lot of weight but don't think about how to keep it off for life. I plan on losing the weight that I want (which is reasonable as I've been the weight before) at a very slow and steady pace (think 1/2 lb max per week and no loss some weeks) and then staying on here for maintenance reasons for about a year to make sure I'm keeping my habits in place.

I was one of those people who lost a bunch of weight and gained back most of it in the past (several times), but that's because I was on a diet versus setting up a lifestyle. I don't have an end date that I'm shooting for (like losing x amount by this date) because then I'm thinking about this ending...and I don't plan on dying for at least 50 years.

malina76

I am also one of the people who lost lots of weight and gained most of it back. I've started with over 100kg,managed to lose close to 30kg on low carb diet - felt great, was happy with my look, gained the confindence back and then...I can't explained what happend, but I woke up one day weighing back 95kg. I guess that being on the diet, exercising a lot just added lots of structure to my life - I was busy and focused with what I was doing and as I've seen the results I was also motivated to stick with the diet. Then I guess I just decided that I need to have a life - my niece loving fastfood was over for 2-3 weeks, and the weight went up. Quickly... I keep asking myslef the question why - if I felt so well with myself fitter and slimmer (I was still overweight then though) - did I allow the weight to come back? And I can't find the answer. I'm getting back on track to lose weight - but this time my goal is not to lose weight - the goal is to regain the control over my life - and food/eating is very big part of my life. Actually too big... Long way to go - but I'll try my best to finally gain confidence around food, control portions, evening snacking, just...live without fear.

Branstin

I am going to keep telling myself that this is just about me. No one else's successes or failures have anything to do with me.

This is exactly correct. We don't know everything that is going on with other people. Therefore, we shouldn't assume or apply their life to ours. As long as you keep your goals at the forefront of your mind then you will be fine. In my opinion, some people feel that once they hit their goal weight then the journey is over. Well, only the weight loss journey will be over but the maintenance journey will just start. The maintenance journey is just as important as the weight loss journey. Therefore, one should be just as committed.

cychogal

Thanks for the excellent and helpful responses.
I'm going be sensible and realistic. I'm not going on any program, or diet because if you go 'on' something, you eventually go 'off'. And that is where we get into trouble.
I'm leaving the batteries out of my scale.
I know my biggest problem is eating so I have to get that under control.
So I'm just going to count calories and get 30 minutes of cardio most days. Then alternate strength training and yoga. Nothing major. I'm not spending hours in a gym.
Weight should come off, if I do this. And I know I will feel better.
I have to stop thinking about 'when I get there' and just enjoy myself and life along the way.

cstringfellow2013

Fear is a natural feeling. As you last mentioned, take this one step at a time. Try not to worry too much about what you are going to do when you get to the maintenance level, until you get there. Deciding that this is a lifelong commitment will help you. I've found that now that I exercise regularly, I feel like crap on the days I am not active. So I know that when I get to maintenance, that I'll have the desire to continue to be active. There are days that I eat over my calories, but that is just one day. I get right back up the next day and do better. We will have days when we will have that birthday cake or eat the Chicken Marsala at Olive Garden. Doesn't mean we give up our lifestyle.

You can do this!