parents unsupportive

leooftheyear

So ive been listening to my parents for YEARS go on and on about how I need to lose weight and how im not healthy, last year I started going to the gym more regularly and my dad noticed a change but my mom kept harassing me saying "youre not losing weight" and basically implying that I wasnt actually going to the gym.... things got a little better fate I moved out but my mom kept implying that I wasnt losing weight and just kept making me feel like crap.... last year at a wedding I was able wear a dress I hadn't been able to wear in a few years, and I showed my mom pictures from the last time I wore it and she was like "oh wow you do look better" of course that didnt stop the whole her implying that im not losing weight.... about a month ago I ran into my uncle whom I hadn't seen since the aforementioned wedding, and he told my aunt that I looked good and had lost a lot of weight.... which got backto my mom at which point she began to acknowledge I was losing weight and when we went clothes shopping a couple weeks ago and I was in smaller sizes it was obvious that I had lost weight..... so this past weekend I talked to both of my parents about losing weight and how hard i am working at the gym, my dads reaction was "well dont become addicted to the gym because thats not healthy" this coming from someone whose been not the best person to seek advise on nutrition and fitness given hes been obese most of his adult life and does as little exercise as possibly but wonders who he isn't losing weight, so it was easy for me to nor or less dismiss his 'advice'.... when I brought it up to my mom her response was "well dont lose weight too quickly I just bought you two new pairs of jeans" this was not what I was expecting and was more difficult to dismiss.... I just dont know how to react but it makes me feel like crap that I didn't get the response and/or support I was hoping for...

MVY_

My parents are like that too but in our culture, we are not use to flattery from our parents. They tell us something negative to get us going. I know it's complicated.

What I would suggest is probably ignore or stop asking advice from them. It seems it is obvious you are losing weight and that is what they want.

They are your parents and I'm pretty sure they care about you even if they speak negatively towards you.

If you feel that this won't work for you, you should sit down and talk to them about your feelings.

wilsoje74

How old are you? Why does it matter what your parents think? Do it for you.

Branstin

Exactly!

You do it for you!

youngestadult

I'm sorry your parents are unsupportive, but you're doing yourself a service here by exercising and getting healthier! I'm very happy for you that you're obviously making progress!

Parents are very strange when it comes to this sort of stuff. I moved out one and a half years ago and started actively trying to lose weight since last September. I've also always got comments from my family about how I could stand to lose weight and that we're "a fat family" (myself included, of course) so I assumed they'd be happy that for the first time of my life I was getting into a healthy weight range. But they weren't, really. My Dad keeps saying "A skinny cow is not a gazelle" (meaning losing weight will not make me look better) and my mother has told me to stop losing weight (even though my BMI is at 24.8, which means I still have some way to go).

Sometimes people, even parents, are like that. They feel bad about themselves and if you do the same things they do (not exercise, eat too much, etc.) they'll see their own issues reflected in you and criticize you. If you make healthier choices and try to better yourself, they'll see what they could be doing, but don't, and insult you, too. You can't win with them.
The good news is, you don't need their approval on this matter. You're obviously progressing and you're going to make it, whether your parents support you or not. It sucks that your parents want to pull you down, but that's all that they're trying to do - it doesn't reflect your factual progress or actually anything about yourself, but it says a lot about them.

You're doing great! No matter what your parents think.

freemystery

My mother seriously thinks that going to the gym will give me pneumonia.
This is because somebody she knows at work went to the gym and happened to have pneumonia.

My mother also routinely calls me fat, tells me that my weight is creeping up.
But if I take a smaller portion or say no to dessert, she's the first one to warn me about anorexia.

Honestly? I think she's well intentioned and she doesn't realise how nutty it all comes across. All she thinks she's communicating is care/ how much she wants the best for me.
Take what you need from it and move on, do it for your sake. Hey- she acknowledged that you lost some weight. That's a great thing! Take the rest with a pinch of salt.

dopeysmelly

I've been there too, a long time ago.

It doesn't necessarily become easier when you move out. When I left home for college, my Mom's nagging took on epic proportions when I did see her. It was like she squeezed in all the nagging she'd saved up over the weeks/months. It only stopped about 5 years ago, when I paid for my parents to go on vacation with me while I was at a business conference, but I warned them I was perfectly willing to ship her back on my own $$ and have a great time with my Dad if she so much as uttered a word about weight or body image.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that my Mom has her own issues with body image, and that she's not really found peace with herself although it's mellowed with age. I remember her losing weight when she was the age I am now, and I think the feeling of her own accomplishment made her push harder for me to do the same, even though I am my own (stubborn) person and I'll do things my own way.

Alas, my sister has now developed the same tendencies. She lost weight, and then started nagging me about it, until I told her to can it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that family members love each other much, but that doesn't mean they're not odd and unhelpful, and there comes a time in life when you just have to do it yourself and f*&k them.

leggup

Why are you letting your parents have any say in how you feel about your weight loss? You're 24. Why are they buying you jeans?

Lose the weight for yourself because you want to, not because someone is bullying you into feeling like you should lose weight. If they bring up your weight or your workouts, tell them thank you for their concern, but you are taking your own responsibility for your health and you would appreciate it if they kept their opinions to themselves.

einzweidrei

I get annoyed and then remember: ignore them.

I wasn't overweight (but I almost was!) and now I hear, non-stop, "You're too thin! Gain weight. You look gross!" This coming from two incredibly unhealthy, obese people with a myriad of health conditions.

Bounce4

That sucks. I'm sorry your parents are not more supportive.

You know this about them though - and they aren't going to change - so the only thing you can do is to accept it and look for support somewhere else.

There is a saying in another circle of friends I have - Quit going to the hardware store for bread. You won't find it there. Ever.

Quit looking to your parents for weight loss support. You won't find it there. Ever.

I can throw up my hands in frustration but it won't change the reality of what a hardware store is. No matter how frustrated you are, it won't change the reality of who your parents are.

Doesn't mean I'm going to quit going to the hardware store - doesn't mean you should quit loving your parents - just know what you can get there, and what you can't.

loriq41

It's called being JEALOUS which manifests itself in being unsupportive....plus they must resent the fact that you are proving them wrong.

kmm0034

Just remember this. You no longer live with them. Make it clear that you won't put up with remarks like that. If they want you to visit, they need to respect you.

Sometimes, it can take awhile for your family to realize you aren't a kid. Some family members longer than others. You're an adult now. Put your foot down, and when they fuss, refuse to engage in the fussing. They gave you tough love, at times, growing up. Return it.

It should help out a lot. If your mom is still buying jeans for you, she may not see you as an adult yet. After all knowing and emotionally acknowledging something aren't the same.

SharonNehring

Stop worrying about what they think of your weight loss, fitness etc. Do the things that you need to do to be healthy and fit and make no excuses for it. Since they've proven to be unsupportive, I just would not discuss the issue with them.

Athijade

1) Don't talk about this topic with your parents. It's almost like you want them to make odd comments since you keep bringing it up.

2) Buy your own jeans so they don't have a "right" to bring that up.

Beet_Girl

Move out ASAP? And don't talk to them about dieting/exercise.

MattyFTM

Whilst generally my family are supportive of my weight loss, there are occasions where they say something that is unsupportive and annoys me.

It makes me feel a lot better to think about it like this: However wrong they are, however much they come across like an idiot/*kitten*/whatever - their heart is in the right place. They are only saying these things because they care about me and want the best for me. They may be misinformed. Their advice may not be great, but they have good intentions.

Ultimately, you know your body better than they do. As long as you are being honest with yourself and you are eating and exercising within healthy limits, you're going to be OK. Don't hold your family's bad advice against them. They care about you and are worried about you, even if their worry is misplaced. Try to look past their flaws and see that they love you and want the best for you.