I don't understand people.

hiyomi

I do not understand people. Here I am, I've lost 40 pounds, back and forth, I gained back 10-15 but I lost those again. I exercise 5 days a week, eat as healthy as I can. And I am surrounded by these monsters of people that tell me what I do is not enough or useless, or not working. They ridicule me, they scrutinize me, they belittle me, while they do nothing of what they say I should be doing to lose weight. They are all just as fat, and even bigger, but they all say "I used to, when I worked out, when I was thin" but now they do nothing, and here I am doing my best and they criticize me to no end. I've lost 40 pounds total over the last year and a half, and they continue to tell me what I do is useless and not going to work. I may have gained some weight back, but ultimately, I am still exercising and still eating better than what I used too. They shove burgers in their mouths while telling me I should eat less than what I already am. All these people are my real friends, and my real family, but when it comes to weight loss, it's a lonely journey. I do not comprehend how they can say all these things when they clearly see I have lots of results. Any time I eat anything, they say "should you be eating that", "isn't that going over your calories"? And frankly I'm tired of it. Sorry for this mini rant but I need to get it out. You guys can comment on this if you like, or if you are in a similar situation.

dsb188

I totally understand your point. I am down about 36 pounds and I hear from so many different people about dieting but they are bigger than I am. I am at the point in my life where if you aren't helping me than I can't have you in my life. I hear it from people who never struggled with weight or from people who are bigger than I am.

This might be far fetched but I think sometimes people are jealous. Just think you have put in all of that work and lost weight and they don't have the will power to do it. I'm not saying everyone is but sometimes I think people try to talk you out of your goals because they can't reach theirs.

I hope things get better.

albayin

curious if this comes from where you work/study or some where else? I have never encountered people like that...At work, usually people are pretty careful when it comes to fitness, weight loss or food choice...

hiyomi

curious if this comes from where you work/study or some where else? I have never encountered people like that...At work, usually people are pretty careful when it comes to fitness, weight loss or food choice...

These are friends, people I have know my entire life, sadly. They will be there for me in almost every other thing, but when it comes to weight loss, they are demons...

cranium853

I think people just want to identify with our journey. I've had people give me advice on how to manage a pregnancy, how to manage being on crutches, how to vote, to raise my kids, to worship, and the best advice is always when they simply walk the walk and provide a good example. Once I was worried about having to do a buffet at work and someone mentioned they had once had the same assignment and everything they provided was low cal. I did that and NOBODY KNEW that the punch was sugar-free and the fruit and veggie trays had no-cal dips and the sandwiches were just fine the way they were. When people tell me stuff I didn't solicit, I smile, say, "I 'll have to think about that," and change the subject. I've had 450-pound people tell me how to exercise when they are not showing me anything at all that works for them. Talking the talk is not providing the good example I want to follow. I remember with great fondness when my stepmother took me aside to ask about whether I was anorexic when at 5'7" I had gotten to 151 pounds. She thought I was about to die when I finally was within I think four pounds of what my doc said was normal back then. Go though these posts and look for the worst advice ever and you will laugh yourself silly.

dakotababy

I would reconsider who your REAL friends truly are. Everyone wants to sit around and point the finger while they sit and feel their *kitten* grow and complain how they need to lose weight. Start implementing boundaries, stop disclosing about your weight-loss.

DownsizingAaron

While friends and family can be great for lots of things, I too have found they can be detrimental to weight loss. I've stopped discussing the topic with them and use my friends here on MFP instead.

Here you find people who have been where you have been or are where you are and are looking for the same things as you. There are also a bunch of a-holes here too though so you still have to deal with some of it, but less for sure.

ghosthackexe

Sorry to hear that people want to but in on your life if it makes you feel any better I've had people do this to me a lot to some extent. They feel like giving me mountains of advice while being very over weight. I for one am very proud of your journey and I hope to work myself up there as well but in the end Results>Everything that scale isn't nice its not going to lie so rest assure that every single pound you've lost is what you did by yourself and with summer around the corner I'm sure they wont say anything when they cant compete with those results poolside

Jewlz280

Same here. But it's from a friend who has never had a weight loss issue. Just the other day, she flat out told me I would ALWAYS be unhealthy because I ate too much 'junk'. Junk being two pieces of chocolate candy. Even after I clarified and said no, not a whole bag, she just kept saying if I TRULY wanted to be healthy, I would just stop eating all of that. *eye roll* Sorry, but I believe in moderation and being HAPPY. I'm not going to sit here and KILL myself to fit whatever mold it is she thinks people should fit in. So, I flat out told her 'You do you, and I'll do what works for me.' I must've said it five times before she dropped it. So make that your motto -- when they start running their mouths, just look them straight in the eye and say 'Hey. I don't parent you. I don't tell you what to do. You do you, and I'll do what works for me.' And walk away. Eventually they will get that this is a NO area for you and to let you do what makes you happy. Especially since what you are doing is for you and you only.

hstoblish

Given that you say they're otherwise supportive, good people; this sounds like it's more their problem than yours. It's possible they're worried about losing you if you lose weight or worried that you might achieve something they haven't or didn't have the dedication to do. Maybe they feel like you are somehow betraying a part of your unspoken social contract by not being overwieght together anymore?

Obviously, they're not being supportive and nothing I've said above is any excuse, but maybe you can try responding individually to one friend "you've been saying things like that a lot lately and I'm surprised because you're normally such a supportive friend, is something on your mind?" and see how she or he responds to your question. It's entirely possibly that they'll get defensive, but they might also get the point that they're not being the best version of themselves about this.

amy8400

I'm sad to hear that the people you count as your friends (and family) are your worst enemies on your journey. The words you wrote, "They ridicule me, they scrutinize me, they belittle me, while they do nothing of what they say I should be doing to lose weight. They are all just as fat..." are telling. If they are overweight, obese and doing nothing to help themselves...how can they be supportive of you? They are only dragging you back to their comfort zone of over-eating. You represent what they should be doing and they don't like that.

I'm sorry but to me they are toxic and you need to find friends who are going to be there for you, not tear you down. I'd try to talk to them very openly and frankly that you need their support and love, period. No picking at your food choices, no criticism. If they can't do that, they aren't true friends.

jenilla1

Don't bring up the subject and change it if anyone else brings it up. Don't tell them what you are doing and give them no details. They won't have anything to criticize or comment on. Most people are just thinking about things that interest them, so if you don't bring it up, it usually won't come up. If people start coming with crap I usually just give them a smirk to let them know I'm not buying their bull$*#t. That usually works for me, anyway. If you need support, just come here instead! :flowerforyou:

hiyomi

I'm glad to see that almost everyone here has gone through this, not glad, but glad to see I'm not alone. It's hard because these people are my true friends and family and have always been there for me, but when it comes to weight loss, they become my worst enemies. I've never really tried saying anything back to them like "you talk the talk, but can't even get up to walk 10 minutes a day", but maybe if that's something I need to do, I'll have to be a man about it and do it. Because it really is frustrating and hurtful at times. I don't bring it up anymore, but they know I'm still trying and they still say things. We will walk in to a restaurant and I will get a dr pepper minding my own business, first thing I will hear is "hey! That's not diet coke!" Like I can't even eat in peace anymore =_= people seem to feed off of doing this to others =_=

Bebubble

You posted "I am comitted, but not 100%. I always tend to eat a lot more on weekends, which does hold me back quite a bit. 3/31" 9 days ago. This could be the problem that the family and friends you speak about do not think your serious about what you say. Also why do feel the need to talk about it? Just make it a lifetime change and not a diet. Weight loss on a diet is temporary just as temporary as the diet it self. So a life change, then no talking about it. You might find they respect you better.

levitateme

I've found that the more successful I am at weight loss, the more likely people are to offer unsolicited advice. My mother told me not to bench press too much because she heard one time some bodybuilder had an aneurysm from lifting something too heavy. My coworkers told me not to eat late at night because "it will turn right into fat." :noway: Family members have said I'm going to look like China (the wrestler) if I lift heavy weights.

Mostly I just listen to their incorrect advice and try not to be condescending when I explain that they are perpetuating myths.

hiyomi

You posted "I am comitted, but not 100%. I always tend to eat a lot more on weekends, which does hold me back quite a bit. 3/31" 9 days ago. This could be the problem that the family and friends you speak about do not think your serious about what you say. Also why do feel the need to talk about it? Just make it a lifetime change and not a diet. Weight loss on a diet is temporary just as temporary as the diet it self. So a life change, then no talking about it. You might find they respect you better.

That's not the point. The point is they are 0% committed and still feel they can ridicule me. I have lost 40 pounds and they sit there weighing 350 pounds and sleeping all day and they feel they can tell me what I do is useless. I don't talk about it anymore, read my last post. and it is a life change, but they still see it as a diet no matter what I do, a failed diet. I've told them I'm not dieting, just making better choices and they still go on. If 40 pounds is commitment, I don't now what is. I am committed and that's all that matters. they aren't committed at all and they say my commitment to lose 40 pounds has somehow been useless or what I have done clearly has not worked out.

ywalchle

I would reconsider who your REAL friends truly are. Everyone wants to sit around and point the finger while they sit and feel their *kitten* grow and complain how they need to lose weight. Start implementing boundaries, stop disclosing about your weight-loss.

THIS SO MANY TIMES THIS... Shortly after I started losing weight I had issue with one of my cousin's who's never had weight issues in his life, but his sister and mother did, make some really crappy comments on my facebook about the fact that I should cut out soda completely and do this and that and what ever HE thought would work for me. It put me in tears. Finally I wrote a long post and posted a copy of it here as well pretty much to the point of... if you don't support me in MY lifestyle change, I don't have a use for you in my life. Since than pretty much everyone in my life is on board and supporting me through each pound I lose. They tell me they are proud of me and even though I'm not eating "clean" or doing anything other than cutting back on a lot of what I do eat, they are proud cause I'm doing this for ME. No one else, just me.

craftywitch_63

curious if this comes from where you work/study or some where else? I have never encountered people like that...At work, usually people are pretty careful when it comes to fitness, weight loss or food choice...

These are friends, people I have know my entire life, sadly. They will be there for me in almost every other thing, but when it comes to weight loss, they are demons...

Sounds like envy, quite frankly. TBH I think I'd find some new, more positive friends. You don't have to completely wipe these people out of your life, but maybe just decrease the amount of time you spend with them if possible.

ywalchle

I'm glad to see that almost everyone here has gone through this, not glad, but glad to see I'm not alone. It's hard because these people are my true friends and family and have always been there for me, but when it comes to weight loss, they become my worst enemies. I've never really tried saying anything back to them like "you talk the talk, but can't even get up to walk 10 minutes a day", but maybe if that's something I need to do, I'll have to be a man about it and do it. Because it really is frustrating and hurtful at times. I don't bring it up anymore, but they know I'm still trying and they still say things. We will walk in to a restaurant and I will get a dr pepper minding my own business, first thing I will hear is "hey! That's not diet coke!" Like I can't even eat in peace anymore =_= people seem to feed off of doing this to others =_=

I drink two sometimes three dr peppers a day (depending on calories I've got left and how much water I've drank) anyone tries to take that away and I'm shanking someone!

hiyomi

I'm glad to see that almost everyone here has gone through this, not glad, but glad to see I'm not alone. It's hard because these people are my true friends and family and have always been there for me, but when it comes to weight loss, they become my worst enemies. I've never really tried saying anything back to them like "you talk the talk, but can't even get up to walk 10 minutes a day", but maybe if that's something I need to do, I'll have to be a man about it and do it. Because it really is frustrating and hurtful at times. I don't bring it up anymore, but they know I'm still trying and they still say things. We will walk in to a restaurant and I will get a dr pepper minding my own business, first thing I will hear is "hey! That's not diet coke!" Like I can't even eat in peace anymore =_= people seem to feed off of doing this to others =_=

I drink two sometimes three dr peppers a day (depending on calories I've got left and how much water I've drank) anyone tries to take that away and I'm shanking someone!

I can't live without some dr pepper a few times a week! >_<

ywalchle

course you could be a snarky b!tch and start commenting back on the burger they are shoving in their mouth...