Balls to the Walls

spdoughe

I wanted to share a struggle.. I was embarrassed to share it at first because I had been doing so well.. I kept it to myself at first, thinking I could get back into it alone.. but feeling alone in this isn't how you succeed. I reached out to one of my first MFP friends for my confession.. this is what I wrote her..

"ugh, amy i fell off!! I have gone into a total spiral of emotional eating starting with last Friday. Like total binge eating. I dont want to post it on myfittnesspal yet, im too embarrassed but I need to talk to someone about it! It's like once I started I couldnt stop. And now the scale says i gained all 9 pounds back in just a matter of a couple days, I am so disapointed and mad at myself!! Just need some encouragment to get back on the wagon this week.. plus my knees are still in super bad shape I am not suppose to exercise for 2 weeks so I am really starting to freak out .."

She was so kind in her response, and without sharing her entire message, I did want to share the part that stood out the most for me..

"Don't give up...you have it in you and I love your attitude. We all have crap like this happen and that's why MFP is so good because we can be there for each other. If you are feeling brave, post your weekend binge and wait for the love to come pouring in. You'll have plenty of support, trust me. And there are days and weeks where I'm going to need some love too LOL so I'm sure one day you'll be writing this to me."

I couldn't be more thankful for Amy than I am right now. I shared with her that I got a tattoo yesterday. i am into the zodiac stuff (team Leo!) so i designed this cool Leo tattoo. I didnt tell anyone i was going, didnt get anyones opinion, just went by myself after work. for some reason, this process of getting the tattoo was significant to me, more so than just getting ink permenantly placed on my body. It felt symbolic, in that I was feeling really lost and looking for something to define ME. Something that would be a painful but rewarding process. This tattoo is a symbol of ME and who I am and who i want to be. While the artisit was working and I was squirming in pain, he told me to close my eyes and picture myself anywhere in the whole world. i pictured myself skinny, in a bikini, on a beach with my man, enjoying a drink and the sand.. my weight is such a source of unhappiness for me, i dont feel like i will be happy until i love my body, but I have to go through this process before I can see something beautiful. It's not easy, I will flinch, I will squirm, i will stamp my feet because I would rather veg on the couch than go have a cardio work out. But I won't see results unless I toughen up, roll up my sleeves and fight through the hard moments. Myfittnesspal has seen my first and not my last slip up on this final journey, but I refuse to let it define me! I am taking Amy's advice and braving the diary with my food intake. This is the only way to do it for me, all out there, balls to the walls, all in..

amy8400

^THIS is why you're going to succeed : )

I'm with you all the way!!

tmm_0127

http://youtu.be/wva3qypGPvA

^ relevant in some way ("confused German guy discussing American idioms - in this case Balls to the Wall" - DJ Flula, he's really funny)

Anyway!

No one will judge you for your weekend blowouts. We all do it, whether it's every weekend, every other weekend, whatever. The point of logging onto this site is to be honest with what you eat and how much you eat so you can gain control and perspective. If your problem is emotional eating, I'd try keeping a journal to track your emotions through the day so that you can pin-point specific triggers.

Grats on the ink. It looks fabulous!

kelleywolfe81

Everyone has those hours, days…even weeks that we fall off the wagon. What matters is that you know what you did wrong, you picked yourself back up again and got back on track. Don’t let a couple of days ruin what you have done so far at this point!