Telling professor about my bingeing?
Replies
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I am a college professor. Unless they are looking for help, I do not like it when students overindulge in their personal lives. It comes off as an excuse to get special treatment and free passes for not handling their responsibilities. If you are missing class and you need to make up assignments, you need to provide a note from a medical professional. Otherwise, you are just asking your professor to make exceptions for you. I tell my students that college is not only a place to learn but it is also 'dress rehearsal' for your real job. Most companies would not allow you to miss days for binge eating. If you are not actively seeking help for your condition, you can't expect your professors to help you by allowing you to miss assignments and class. You have to get help. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling and/or referral programs for students. Please seek help immediately for your eating issues. Your health and education are at risk.
+1. Former adjunct here. And please consider the impact on your lab partner. Depending on how much material you have already missed, you may want to consider withdrawing or requesting an incomplete for the class. Your health must be your priority. Please get well.
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I am a college professor. Unless they are looking for help, I do not like it when students overindulge in their personal lives. It comes off as an excuse to get special treatment and free passes for not handling their responsibilities. If you are missing class and you need to make up assignments, you need to provide a note from a medical professional. Otherwise, you are just asking your professor to make exceptions for you. I tell my students that college is not only a place to learn but it is also 'dress rehearsal' for your real job. Most companies would not allow you to miss days for binge eating. If you are not actively seeking help for your condition, you can't expect your professors to help you by allowing you to miss assignments and class. You have to get help. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling and/or referral programs for students. Please seek help immediately for your eating issues. Your health and education are at risk.
Harsh and judgemental much?
She is getting help, didn't you read her post?
I am so glad my school was more understanding than you appear to be, otherwise I would not have survived my ED.
And school is school, it is not real life, nor is it a job. An employee is paid, a student is the one paying. Big difference.
Plus most employers actually have empathy for mental health problems. And (in the UK at least) there are discrimination laws about it too - so yes, you would be able to take time off a job if you are having mental health problems.0 -
I am a college professor. Unless they are looking for help, I do not like it when students overindulge in their personal lives. It comes off as an excuse to get special treatment and free passes for not handling their responsibilities. If you are missing class and you need to make up assignments, you need to provide a note from a medical professional. Otherwise, you are just asking your professor to make exceptions for you. I tell my students that college is not only a place to learn but it is also 'dress rehearsal' for your real job. Most companies would not allow you to miss days for binge eating. If you are not actively seeking help for your condition, you can't expect your professors to help you by allowing you to miss assignments and class. You have to get help. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling and/or referral programs for students. Please seek help immediately for your eating issues. Your health and education are at risk.
Harsh and judgemental much?
She is getting help, didn't you read her post?
I am so glad my school was more understanding than you appear to be, otherwise I would not have survived my ED.
And school is school, it is not real life, nor is it a job. An employee is paid, a student is the one paying. Big difference.
Plus most employers actually have empathy for mental health problems. And (in the UK at least) there are discrimination laws about it too - so yes, you would be able to take time off a job if you are having mental health problems.
I think you took that really really wrong. She wasn't belittling the OP but advising her how to handle it and why. And yes, there is empathy for those suffering from an illness, but as she said above, provide a note.
Feigning an illness to avoid taking responsibility for missed work (whether school or a job) is not new and which is why oversharing tends to lead to suspicion and why it's recommended to just bring "proof" and keep explanations short unless they ask and you feel comfortable sharing.0 -
If I could slam 8000 calories I'd go on the competitive eating circuit - screw college!
Overeating can be an actual eating disorder and not just a compulsion/disordered eating thing. And if someone is suffering on the binge and purge side of things, then it makes it worse.
It's not something to aim for or joke about.
Seriously.
ETA. OP, you've gotten some great advise here. Explain your absences, but don't go into detail. And I agree that it may be better if you try to get back to normal and attend if you can. Pick yourself back up and I hope you're able to get back on track with your therapist.0 -
I am a college professor. Unless they are looking for help, I do not like it when students overindulge in their personal lives. It comes off as an excuse to get special treatment and free passes for not handling their responsibilities. If you are missing class and you need to make up assignments, you need to provide a note from a medical professional. Otherwise, you are just asking your professor to make exceptions for you. I tell my students that college is not only a place to learn but it is also 'dress rehearsal' for your real job. Most companies would not allow you to miss days for binge eating. If you are not actively seeking help for your condition, you can't expect your professors to help you by allowing you to miss assignments and class. You have to get help. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling and/or referral programs for students. Please seek help immediately for your eating issues. Your health and education are at risk.
Harsh and judgemental much?
She is getting help, didn't you read her post?
I am so glad my school was more understanding than you appear to be, otherwise I would not have survived my ED.
And school is school, it is not real life, nor is it a job. An employee is paid, a student is the one paying. Big difference.
Plus most employers actually have empathy for mental health problems. And (in the UK at least) there are discrimination laws about it too - so yes, you would be able to take time off a job if you are having mental health problems.
Not harsh or judgemental. I think this poster missed the part about OP seeking professional help but what she's saying is true and doesn't invalidate mental illnesses. If you are missing assignments or exams, you should be required to bring in a doctors note excusing your absence just as you would for a medical illness.
Edited to add that school is "real life". Why should the professor allow her to make up exams/quizzes or assignments without legitimate proof explaining her absence (a doctors note, not TMI from OP herself)?
You may be able to take time off of work for mental health issues but it doesn't change the fact that you would need proof from a doctor as opposed to just an employees word.0 -
I am a lecturer at a university, and I like to think that my students can tell me anything if they are looking for help. However, there is a point when oversharing can be inappropriate. In your case, I would let him know that you have been having health issues, and had to miss class (if you feel like you need to apologize for absences, which usually you really don't need to do).
Then, if you see a counselor or your health clinic on campus, have them provide a written note saying that you were not able to attend class for health reasons, but nothing more.
A lot of students see a need to explain themselves, but missing a few classes won't really hurt you, especially if you have a good track record with this professor already. Personally, I feel uncomfortable as the teacher when students divulge too much personal information to me when they are apologizing for absences.
Most people understand that everyone goes through emotional difficulties, and he should understand; but I wouldn't tell him too many details.0 -
Sorry guys, I meant that the classes total are 8 hrs long and I would have to go to the bathroom multiple times during them. I'm really not feeling good right now, my legs feel like they have tons of salt in them and I'm seriously bloated to the point of my skin hurting. Im not using excuses.
I didn't think he really cared but honestly wasn't sure how much in detail to go. If I do happen to miss, should I tell him that I'll see him about also missing last week in the email? And that I will see him in person on Monday after class during his office hrs that day? (He arrives at 8, then we have class, then he sticks around)
I'm really not sure how to phrase it, thank you so much.
8 hours is a long time for a class! Is it a lecture portion plus a lab portion in which students work independently? OK, it sounds like you need a script. I'll tell you what I have said and heard other people say. Just let the professor know before class, especially if there is a lecture portion, because that can be distracting for professors. So before the class starts, approach the professor and say, "I am feeling ill and I will probably have to leave a few times during class." You can add that you're not contagious. When you do leave class to use the restroom, try to be unobtrusive.
After class if you want to talk about the classes you missed and ones that you might miss in the future say something like, "I missed class last week because of a health problem that I am getting treated for. I might miss class in the future too because of it. What I do need to make up for the material and coursework that I miss?" So keep it direct but not overly detailed, and focus on being a good student and keeping up with class. Show that you're not looking for a pass or to be excused from what is expected of you.
I'll add that I have never dealt with ed so I have no idea what it's like but I think this approach works for a lot of other health concerns like migraines and the flu. I wish you success in your education and your recovery.
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So I did end up going to class, it actually 2 classes! I went to the one I didn't want to go to and am at the 5:00-9:30 one right now waiting till it starts. I walked in a little late and should have told the professor because he did joking comment on me being tardy but I just said hi (late reaction). My lab partner also ditched me today but she's here for my next class.
I would never use it as an excuse to miss class and I wasn't trying to 'confide' in him but I just wasn't sure how much to tell him. Lol @ all the Jewish comments, the only reason I mentioned that was to add details, I guess it wasn't really neccessary. I really have nothing against Jewish people, in fact I have a lot of Jewish fairness and one ex.0 -
Also thank you!0
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So I did end up going to class, it actually 2 classes! I went to the one I didn't want to go to and am at the 5:00-9:30 one right now waiting till it starts. I walked in a little late and should have told the professor because he did joking comment on me being tardy but I just said hi (late reaction). My lab partner also ditched me today but she's here for my next class.
I would never use it as an excuse to miss class and I wasn't trying to 'confide' in him but I just wasn't sure how much to tell him. Lol @ all the Jewish comments, the only reason I mentioned that was to add details, I guess it wasn't really neccessary. I really have nothing against Jewish people, in fact I have a lot of Jewish fairness and one ex.
"Some of my best friends are Jewish. I even dated one....once. I've seen Fiddler like seven times. "0 -
.....in fact I have a lot of Jewish fairness and one ex.
Okay, now I'm in. Tell me more about this "Jewish fairness". Are you saying something about your physical features like your nose or complexion or something? Or are you really good with money? Seriously asking, as I'm not familiar with this term.
Does dating the ex mean that you're cleared to make anti Semitic comments, you know, kinda how dating a black guy would give you a free pass to use the N word? Wait, that's not a free pass? Uh oh.0 -
I think she meant to say Jewish friends, not fairness, sort of like a typo . I think she was referring to the levity of her professor and his laid back attitude which she may think of as a Jewish trait. Btw, I have a lot of Jewish relatives,was raised in a Jewish house hold, and I didn't see how this was anti-Semitic. Where the heck did the N word come from? I didn't read any derogatory Jewish terms either. WTH does Fiddler on the Roof have to do with anything? It doesn't do the Jewish people any good if you look to jump on folks for every little perceived slight IMHO. I guess I lucked out in the Jewish relative dept. If I had to walk on eggshells every time I said anything it would be really aggravating.0
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Oooooh, it was an auto correct error and she meant that she has lots of Jewish friends.
Well, that certainly makes it better.0 -
I think she meant to say Jewish friends, not fairness, sort of like a typo . I think she was referring to the levity of her professor and his laid back attitude which she may think of as a Jewish trait. Btw, I have a lot of Jewish relatives,was raised in a Jewish house hold, and I didn't see how this was anti-Semitic. Where the heck did the N word come from? I didn't read any derogatory Jewish terms either. WTH does Fiddler on the Roof have to do with anything? It doesn't do the Jewish people any good if you look to jump on folks for every little perceived slight IMHO. I guess I lucked out in the Jewish relative dept. If I had to walk on eggshells every time I said anything it would be really aggravating.
Or. And I'm probably going out on a limb here. But just maybe. You could lighten up. Just a little bit. Maybe.0 -
OP, glad you went to class, honey. Keep moving forward and don't let binges paralyze you. Good luck:flowerforyou:0
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This ^^^^Get yourself to class. Tell your Prof you will be leaving frequently for emergency bathroom breaks. Tell your lab partner that also. Do the very best you can. Perhaps a normal focus will help you in the long run.
Hope you feel better. :flowerforyou:
^^^This. Best approach so far. Excellent.
Go to class. Go to the washroom as needed. Tell prof. you have health issues-and leave it at that.
Glad you went to class! Time to move on towards success! Way to go!0 -
Glad you made it to lab!
Another college professor here....
So, in the future....
Labs are hard to make up. When a student needs to make up a lab, that's typically 8 hours of additional work out of myself, our prep person, and the TA to make that happen. There's a such thing as being too sick to make it to lab, but if you can drag your *kitten* in, please please do so.
This isn't high school, so there's not "get a note, get out of doing work" going on at college. If you have health problems, you don't get a pass - your grade goes down OR you get to make it up. But making up work means that the subsequent week is going to suck pretty hard because you'll be doing your make up work at the same time as your regular work. I've rarely had students successfully "make up" more than a couple of days worth of work.
If you're at that point several times during the semester, it's time to talk to the dean of students, rather than your prof, about a medical withdrawal.0 -
OP, good for you for getting treatment! Recovery isn't easy, and there will be bad days. Learning to deal with the bad days is a /big/ step in recovery. So, congratulations to you for overcoming your fears and getting through your daily routine!!!
Currently, I am working in a university as a Teaching Assistant for 90 students. You wouldn't believe some of the personal stuff I hear from my students on a daily basis. I've had students that admitted to me they were suicidal, alcoholics, eating disorders, even had one girl tell me about her failing/abusive marriage. Personally, I really think it's great when students are able to open up to their teachers...because teachers tend to CARE about their students well being and development. Most professors have heard MANY MANY MANY different reasons (both good and bad) for missing classes. I wouldn't worry that he will judge you for having a real medical issue.
So, if you want to tell your professor about it then go ahead!
However, it's not necessary to tell him /everything/, but I'm sure he would appreciate knowing that you are dealing with a medical issue. That way he can be sure to be prepared to work closely with you should any problems/complications arise.
My point is...some professors are more strict about providing an excused absence note or what have you. Your therapist should be able to 1) give him a call and explain the situation, 2) write a note for you, 3) get you an appointment at a doctor/health center so you can get a doctors note. That should be good enough for most professors!
Good luck, OP!0 -
Whatever you do; do not tell your professor about your bingeing. He is very unlikely to care and it won't cover your absences from class. Go to the doctor and go a certified note. It's a legal issue, your professor cannot control this.0
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Oooooh, it was an auto correct error and she meant that she has lots of Jewish friends.
Well, that certainly makes it better.
This, I was in a hurry before class lol
Lab ended early just out!0 -
So I did end up going to class, it actually 2 classes! I went to the one I didn't want to go to and am at the 5:00-9:30 one right now waiting till it starts. I walked in a little late and should have told the professor because he did joking comment on me being tardy but I just said hi (late reaction). My lab partner also ditched me today but she's here for my next class.
I would never use it as an excuse to miss class and I wasn't trying to 'confide' in him but I just wasn't sure how much to tell him. Lol @ all the Jewish comments, the only reason I mentioned that was to add details, I guess it wasn't really neccessary. I really have nothing against Jewish people, in fact I have a lot of Jewish fairness and one ex.
Good for you for powering through!0 -
I am a college professor. Unless they are looking for help, I do not like it when students overindulge in their personal lives. It comes off as an excuse to get special treatment and free passes for not handling their responsibilities. If you are missing class and you need to make up assignments, you need to provide a note from a medical professional. Otherwise, you are just asking your professor to make exceptions for you. I tell my students that college is not only a place to learn but it is also 'dress rehearsal' for your real job. Most companies would not allow you to miss days for binge eating. If you are not actively seeking help for your condition, you can't expect your professors to help you by allowing you to miss assignments and class. You have to get help. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling and/or referral programs for students. Please seek help immediately for your eating issues. Your health and education are at risk.
Harsh and judgemental much?
She is getting help, didn't you read her post?
I am so glad my school was more understanding than you appear to be, otherwise I would not have survived my ED.
And school is school, it is not real life, nor is it a job. An employee is paid, a student is the one paying. Big difference.
Plus most employers actually have empathy for mental health problems. And (in the UK at least) there are discrimination laws about it too - so yes, you would be able to take time off a job if you are having mental health problems.
Not harsh or judgemental. I think this poster missed the part about OP seeking professional help but what she's saying is true and doesn't invalidate mental illnesses. If you are missing assignments or exams, you should be required to bring in a doctors note excusing your absence just as you would for a medical illness.
Edited to add that school is "real life". Why should the professor allow her to make up exams/quizzes or assignments without legitimate proof explaining her absence (a doctors note, not TMI from OP herself)?
You may be able to take time off of work for mental health issues but it doesn't change the fact that you would need proof from a doctor as opposed to just an employees word.
I wasn't questioning the need for a sick note, I just thought it was a v negative post overall, focusing on things like 'over indulge' 'free pass' 'not handling responsibilities' 'excuse' etc with a complete lack of empathy for what the OP might be going thru. Eating disorders can be a living he'll and I thought all the negativity in the response was unnecessary.
And no, imo school is not real life! 0 -
OP good for you for going. Hope things get better for you :flowerforyou:0
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bingeing is terrible. you've shed light for me today OP.
:grumble: the jewish track completely missed the yummy jewish foods.
autocorrect is awesome. so is dave.
i thought the ombudsman would be a place to turn for assistance? am i wrong?
OP made it to some classes! way to power thru.
no 8,000 cal competition jokes. I know NOTHING about bingeing but OP's OP made it CLEAR as crystal this is a serious problem
:sick: uptight lady is uptight and kinda unawares how racial/ethnic judgements can sneak into our consciousness and become okay.
so happy OP has a sense of humor, a spine, and follow thru, you will go far girlie~!:flowerforyou: :drinker:0
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