My Friends Think I Have an Eating Disorder

misspenny762

I came back from summer 15 pounds thinner, and I'm still losing. At first, my sorority sisters seemed thrilled for me, and that kept me really motivated. But today, a couple of my closest sisters told me that "a lot of the girls are really worried about you" and apparently there's talk that I have an eating disorder. I guess I should be touched that they're concerned, even if their concern isn't warranted, but I'm really angry/sad/hurt. I'm trying to do this the healthy way - my goal is within the healthy range for my height, I'm not losing more than 2 pounds per week or eating less than 1200 cals a day, I'm taking supplements for nutrients I struggle to get enough of in my diet... But the fact that people are saying this about me completely destroys all the pride I had been taking in my weight loss efforts. I guess I understand why they might think that - I tend to eat in my dorm, so most people don't see me eat, and I have been noticeably depressed. It just makes me mad that they would jump to a conclusion like that, and also that they would talk ABOUT me instead of TO me if they were genuinely concerned. I was crying about this today. What do I do? I don't want to be making a big deal of it, like "Look at me, I'm eating, see!?" I just don't know what to do.

Beebee78

Firstly massive hugs. It's not nice to go through this.

Unfortunately it does happen. It's called jealousy. Your determination to be healthy rather than just be concerned with weightloss will, in short p**s off these young ladies because they only wish they could have the same willpower. Hang in there and see their silly comments for what they are - jealous girls who wish they were you.

More hugs coming your way xxx

LuckyLeprechaun

:flowerforyou: you mention sorority sisters and being in your dorm so I'm going to make the huge leap you're in college. Which likely puts you into the 20-25 age range, yes?

As you grow and mature into the woman you're becoming, you're going to worry less and less about what others think. If you are achieving your goals in a healthy way, you need not prove yourself to anyone... you know the truth of what you're up to.

If you are engaging in unhealthy habits or undereating, then accept their concern as valid and find a way to reach out for help.

You look lovely in your picture. Perhaps you will consider whether you wish to continue losing? I'm so happy for you and so proud that you've accomplished your losses. Choose the right path for you, and don't worry about other's opinions. They have no power over you unless you let them bother you. Cheers! :flowerforyou:

haleighallen

Why don't you have a sit-down talk with some of them and tell them all exactly what you have just told us? Let them know you appreciate their concern, but tell them how hurt you feel by the conclusion they came to. Explain to them everything you do to maintain a healthy diet and why you do it. Just take a deep breath, and try to be as calm as you can.:flowerforyou:

JDMPWR

You look very fit and some people that aren't in that situation can secretly fear or are jealous of that and will show that as hate. I know it sounds like bs but women can be very caddy like that.

How much more are you trying to lose?

IMO i would confront the ones talking smack and tell them you want to hit a weight goal for you. Also state you are not anorexic or balemic(spelling?) and explain that being fit is what makes you happy. If want makes them happy is gaining and holding onto the freshman 15 then thats on them!

Never let people get to you or at the least let them know it, cause then they have won.

Are you eating 3-4 meals a day and how many cals are you taking in? I am starting to see a trend of what I would consider already super fit girls on here trying to lose that extra 5-10lbs and to be frank what passes through my mind is 1)either they are legitimately trying to get to that goal or 2) they are using this page/site to the benefit of their eating disorders or at least trying to take that psyche and apply it through a more healthy route versus the binging and purging or starvation, which to be frank I can't blame someone for trying to get on a better track but what I have even noticed is that I start to get super weird when tracking my cals. Sometimes I short myself at the end of the night just so the next day I will see the weight I am shooting for but I have learned that I truly gain nothing and am only hurting myself in the long run.

So stick to what you are doing but have a real sit down with yourself and decide if you are doing this the healthy way or are you doing it as a controllable starvation. I hope it's the healthy route and if it is then go out and eat in front of these girls to shut them up a little bit!!!!

Sorry for the rank/run on sentences.....

misspenny762

Thanks everyone for your support. To address a few of the points that have been brought up so far:

- First of all, thanks for your compliment about my profile pic! It's actually a few years old, buut I suppose I'm currently fairly close to what I look like in it. I'm 5'4", 123 pounds. My goal is 115, mainly because I've never been that thin before so it would feel like a great accomplishment - but I'm expecting to gain a little bit back. I'm hoping to maintain a weight of 120. So nothing extreme or unhealthy.
- Yes, I am doing this in a healthy way. Well, I eat a lot of junk and sugary food (chocolate and ice cream are my weaknesses) but if anything I think that's evidence I don't have an ED! I eat between 3 and 4 meals a day with lots of snacking in between. I'm definitely not starving myself.
- I would LOVE to confront the girls that have been saying these things, but no one will tell me who specifically it is, saying that "it's not their place". So I'm kinda stuck.

reneeot

You said you could see how they could have valid reasons for their concern. To me, true friends show concern, be thankful someone cares enough to notice your habits. Talk with your friends and put them at ease. You can tell by their attitude if they are truely trying to be helpful or spiteful/jealous.

Your mention of depression is of concern. I hope you take that seriously and address it if does not abate.

:-)


Renee

JDMPWR

Thanks everyone for your support. To address a few of the points that have been brought up so far:

- First of all, thanks for your compliment about my profile pic! It's actually a few years old, buut I suppose I'm currently fairly close to what I look like in it. I'm 5'4", 123 pounds. My goal is 115, mainly because I've never been that thin before so it would feel like a great accomplishment - but I'm expecting to gain a little bit back. I'm hoping to maintain a weight of 120. So nothing extreme or unhealthy.
- Yes, I am doing this in a healthy way. Well, I eat a lot of junk and sugary food (chocolate and ice cream are my weaknesses) but if anything I think that's evidence I don't have an ED! I eat between 3 and 4 meals a day with lots of snacking in between. I'm definitely not starving myself.
- I would LOVE to confront the girls that have been saying these things, but no one will tell me who specifically it is, saying that "it's not their place". So I'm kinda stuck.

How is it not their place to tell you who it is but it is to run and tell you in general?

Well next time they say it's "not there place" then say 'EXACTLY" when they want to be an adult and talk to me like one then it will be your "place" till then keep your gossip to yourself!!!!

If you want to gettem good then toss this one their way if you are feisty enough "jealousy is a ***** trait." I tell that to my friends(guys) all the time.

haleighallen

- I would LOVE to confront the girls that have been saying these things, but no one will tell me who specifically it is, saying that "it's not their place". So I'm kinda stuck.

Then I'd say muster up some kahunas and talk to all of them!! :laugh:

MsLisaB

I seem to remember from another thread that your profile pic is your fav one of you at your ideal weight? (tell me if I'm wrong)

I can only agree with what others have said. You definitely need to sit down with your sisters and discuss this. I think young women are barraged with so much information warning against eating disorders that sometimes that is the first thing that they think of when a friend starts loosing weight. Maybe you could even try holding a workshop on healthy eating and living for any of your sisters who are interested?

As LuckyLeprechaun said, as you get older you become more confidant in yourself and the opinion of others is not as important. Of course, it is always hard when the comments are coming from those close to you and during school there is always that pressure to fit in and be accepted.

Good luck. I'm sure once you talk to your sisters it will get better

haleighallen

How is it not their place to tell you who it is but it is to run and tell you in general?

Well next time they say it's "not there place" then say 'EXACTLY" when they want to be an adult and talk to me like one then it will be your "place" till then keep your gossip to yourself!!!!

If you want to gettem good then toss this one their way if you are feisty enough "jealousy is a ***** trait." I tell that to my friends(guys) all the time.

that would probably start an unnecessary fight... you said yourself that you know how 'caddy' girls can be, well......yeah, saying something like that would not be a very good idea at all if you're trying to keep the peace.

lordofultima

What Would Rambo Do?

Colonel - "What do ya say John?"
Rambo - "F**k 'em." *launches grenade*

JDMPWR

^^^Like that a lot.

Peace is overrated......be the alpha female!!!!

misspenny762

I seem to remember from another thread that your profile pic is your fav one of you at your ideal weight? (tell me if I'm wrong)

I can only agree with what others have said. You definitely need to sit down with your sisters and discuss this. I think young women are barraged with so much information warning against eating disorders that sometimes that is the first thing that they think of when a friend starts loosing weight. Maybe you could even try holding a workshop on healthy eating and living for any of your sisters who are interested?

As LuckyLeprechaun said, as you get older you become more confidant in yourself and the opinion of others is not as important. Of course, it is always hard when the comments are coming from those close to you and during school there is always that pressure to fit in and be accepted.

Good luck. I'm sure once you talk to your sisters it will get better

OK, so I think when this pic was taken I was around 120, so I might have been a little lighter than I am now. :] But I'm getting there!

Also, I love your idea about the health and fitness workshop, in fact, I submitted the same idea to our exec board this summer! They approved it, but they picked a different sister to lead the workshop. (A bit puzzled why they picked her... I love her to death but she is certainly not healthy, I wish that if they didn't pick me they'd at least pick someone who leads a healthy lifestyle, but I digress...)

Jena_72

Tagging this for later!

furrina

Your weight goals seem totally normal. The idea of sorority sisters weirds me out in general from the word go, but that kind of chitter chatter is very likely the jealous sniping of people who don't have anything more important on their minds (the "she has an eating disorder" talk among women is notoriously of that type). Seriously, it's really hard to say "don't care what others think" if you're a certain kind of person, which I am, you'll always care. But in this case you're in the right and the things they're saying have no foundation in reality. I disagree with sitting down and talking to them, I think that sort of talk is best ignored, don't even validate it by giving it the time of day. Ignore it and it will go away.

MysticMaiden22

I'm really sorry to hear that you are getting picked on by your sorority sisters. I know how girls can be. They pick on you if you are too heavy or too thin by their "standards." Girls always pull the "I think she has an eating disorder" thing out of pure jealousy. Just because you are doing well, they get jealous and feel the need to spread rumors to make themselves feel better.

I read your food diary and honestly, you aren't starving. You eat very well for a college student. I never lived on campus when I went, but I remember a lot of my friends in the dorms surviving off of Cup Noodles and whatever was on the dollar menu at the local fast food joints. You do your best to keep your meals balanced and even take vitamins.

You say that you are 5'4" and weigh 123....that is actually really good. I have a sister that is 5'4" and is usually around 130 and looks really tiny to me! She loves food, however eats in moderation and runs a lot. She's a little weight obsessed (like calling herself fat and such), but I'd never say she has an eating disorder. In my perception, she looks great. I guess it's all about perception for everyone. In your case, if you want to go to 115 and believe that is your healthy weight, go for it. You aren't doing anything wrong so far.

fitbot

umm, ya you dont have an eating disorder.
4get those sorority girls and become friends w the fitness kids.
ppl love drama

Maggie1960

I'd say it's a mixture of envy and genuine concern to be honest. Why do you eat away from the others? If you become more sociable at meal times, you will demonstrate the absence of an eating disorder and also be a good role model for those wanting to emulate your success. By never letting people see you eat reinforces their idea that you are eating abnormally. Share your healthy eating!

I would also urge you to seek some professional advice regarding your depression - when that's sorted out, you won't take personal remarks so much to heart.

misspenny762

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I really need and appreciate it right now

diet45

Be thankful you have a group of friends that care about you. Maybe they didn't know how to approach you and were disgussing it to see what the best approach is or maybe they are just talking about you behind your back. I'm not sure, but if they are true friends then maybe they have concerns whether they are valid or not. You should definitely talk to them and your journey. It might inspire them or others to want to start a healthy lifestyle.

rml_16

My mother was convinced I was anorexic. I see her about once a year and I lost a lot of weight in between visits.

I was doing Weight Watchers at the time. I don't know if you know how that works, but a quick rundown: You get a certain number of daily points, then 35 weekly points to use or not whenever and you get more points you can use if you exercise. During my time with WW, I ate every last point I got, and sometimes more and still lost weight.

When my mother accused me of being anorexic, I weighed 132 (I'm 5'3"). Most of my life, I was much smaller than that, so I'm not sure why she didn't remember that. Anyway, while I was there, I got a sub from Wegmans (we don't have it here and they make the best subs!). It was 14 inches and had cheese and mayo on it and I ate the whole thing in one sitting.

She stopped accusing me of being anorexic.

Also, in high school I was really, really tiny without even trying, but I HATED the school food, so I never ate lunch (I would eat ice cream and Little Debbie snacks and then get fast food with friends after school). I found out that an acquaintance who ate lunch with me every day was telling people she thought I was anorexic. I just laughed, it was so absurd.

Don't be hurt by it. They're probably just concerned. You know you're doing the right thing.

Scorpiomom222

Alot of people wouldn't recognize healthy weight loss if it slapped them in the face. My step mom is doing that to my sister. She thinks she's doing drugs to get thin. she's worked nearly two years to get where she's at, with exercise and healthy eating. My sister has always been the chunky one, and she's 5"2", so her healthy weight would be around 115-120. She's 120, and my step mom thinks she's got a problem. My sister smokes weed, but that's the only drug she does(recreationally lol). So, don't feel too bad. Some people just don't understand.

misspenny762

Thanks everyone! And I_wanna_b_an_RN, can I just say that I LOVE the quote in your signature... that's going up on my bulletin board as my quote for the week!

erinkate82

I used to be in a sorority so I know how difficult it is when a problem or issue arrises. When I was active, we would have weekly meetings to discuss upcoming events and what is going on within the sorority and on campus. Maybe use this time, after the meeting when everyone is all together, to talk to them. Let them all know that you have been made aware that some of them are worried you have an eating disorder and discuss what you have done to lose the weight and what you are currently doing to lose the last little bit.

The last meetings of the month (with my sorority), our VP of Programs would have someone come in and talk to us about differnt things. If this is something your sorority does, maybe have a Nutritionalist and Personal Trainer come in and speak to the group and "randomly" use your weight loss as an example. Make sure they talk about a healthy body weight/BMI, number of calories to consume a day, etc.

Best of luck, I know it's hard but you deserve to feel good about how hard you have worked! Keep it up!!

boomboom011

people that are truly close to you will know what you are doing and will see the hard work you are putting into this journey. Others are just hatin'. Period. Let it roll off your back along with the sweat from working out! lol Good luck and who cares what people think!

Scorpiomom222

Thanks everyone! And I_wanna_b_an_RN, can I just say that I LOVE the quote in your signature... that's going up on my bulletin board as my quote for the week!

Aw! Thanks! I made that one. lol I hope you feel better about your "sisters." And you really should be eating more in public or invite your sisters over for a healthy dinner. :bigsmile:

pizzy

your doing a great job, dont worry about what any one else says, like some of the people here they are probley just jealous, dont let them get to you. you are doing wanderful and keep up the good work.