Is this normal?

louisedavies311

When I started this 2nd January my best mate was starting with me but it never happened I know she needs to get in the right head space and be ready to do it herself. But every time I see her she goes on about me losing weight and she wishes she could do it but she can't afford to (I know its not a very good excuse) but she keeps squeezing herself in to clothes 2 sizes to small for her but I can't say anything.

Now the question is, I was at her house the other day and she was cooking a roast dinner now she had a joint of pork which she put in a roasting dish with half a bottle of cooking oil, then topped it of with water and a block of butter I asked why she did that she said it keeps it moist while cooking and I use the liquid after to make the gravy then she made roast potatoes with the other half of the oil, what I really didn't understand is she wants to lose weight, her kids are over weight. Do I say anything or just let her carry on as I can make healthy meals that cost probable less than what she spend to make her roast dinner ?

earlybrd7

All that oil and butter sound kinda gross, there's not really any need for that... she could use some butter and a stock to baste it with and she'd save money. I've actually saved money on food because I eat less, dine out less and I don't get takeout or ready-made foods anymore. Buying foods in bulk helps save, too.. especially when cooking for a family. I don't think she can use the money excuse.

Just try to be an example of what a healthy lifestyle looks like and eventually the light bulb in her head will go on.

massoia

Eugh, what an awkward situation. I've been in a similar position in the past, dealing with friends who say they're unhappy about weight/job/relationship and yet don't appear to be very proactive about changing things. I think it's always difficult to give advice, because unless the advice is invited it can so easily cross the line into interference!

If you want to help her, I guess you have two options. The first option is to wait until she next raises the subject of wanting to lose weight (or you could raise the subject yourself) and use that as an opportunity to gently offer some suggestions. You could use the joint of pork as a starting point. I would tell her that I'd cook it slightly differently, explaining why all that extra fat is unnessary. You'll know best what other examples to use and what aspects of her diet could be easily changed.

The other option is what earlybrd7 suggested, namely to lead by example. Tell her about all the new foods and recipes you've tried, making a point of emphasising that they are not expensive. Talk to her about things that keep you feeling full, reminding her that eating fewer calories doesn't have to mean going hungry. The more you chatter on about these things, the more she'll learn and hopefully the more she'll realise that she does have the power to change things.

I feel for you! I know what it's like to want to help someone but not know where to start.

louisedavies311

Thanks for answers I think it will be best to leave it until she is ready. As I don't want her to feel like she has to be healthy to be my friend because that's not what I am about.

Thanks again

MelodyandBarbells

Thanks for answers I think it will be best to leave it until she is ready. As I don't want her to feel like she has to be healthy to be my friend because that's not what I am about.

Thanks again

Yeah I'd think you're better off doing it stealthily. Like when she said she needed oil and butter to keep it moist, you could give her other suggestions without referring to weight or calories. And of course people want to do things too drastically. She probably thinks she needs to eat bird seed and rabbit food to lose weight. She can always start small; she doesn't have to quit eating all the things she likes today. She can cut down the quantities or items she doesn't really need (like several blocks of butter on a roast)

Gingerkid05

I wouldn't. Especially don't bring up the kids. Pointing out something like that, even if it's true can send people off and cost you a friendship. I would lead by example and keep talking about how good you feel and how you are buying smaller clothes and stuff and when she says things like "I wish I could lose weight," Set up your next get together as a long walk or to go for a healthy lunch and take it as an opportunity to show her how to order in a restaurant. You could even show her this website and become her first friend. I have tried that with some folks. However, I wouldn't want your friend to see this thread if you put her on this website so you'd have to hide your connection to it somehow.

massoia

I wouldn't. Especially don't bring up the kids. Pointing out something like that, even if it's true can send people off and cost you a friendship.

Yes, I definitely agree with that!