Do I have unrealistic health goals?

Adiemus200

My friends, family and my boyfriend all tell me that I have unrealistic weight goals. Since joining my fitness pal they tell me that I exercise far too much and eat far too little.

My goal is to be a healthy BMI. I don’t even mind if it is the top end of healthy. Just for once in my life I want to be a healthy weight. I have always been a little chunky. About 5 years ago I was 13 stone and lost two and a half stone with slimming world. I am pleased with what I have achieved, but I would really like to be a healthy weight.

I’m a 33 year old female. I’m 5 foot 1 and 10 stone 1. My BMI is 26, my BMR is 1282 calories and my TDEE is 2211. My goal weight is 9 stone 7. I have lost 4lbs in two weeks since joining my fitness pal. If I continue this way I think I will achieve my goal soon. I would then like to try and maintain.

My starting weight was 10 stone 5 and I have been that weight for at least two years despite trying to diet. I have done slimming world and the 5/2 diet previously but kept on losing and gaining the same few pounds. My diets often get sabotaged by social situations such as meals out or visiting my parents. Then I always gain half a stone at Christmas or after a holiday. I lose it and then get stuck at 10 stone 5 again.

My mum tells me I will never be thin, she says “it’s not in my genetics”. My boyfriend is sick and tired of me being on a diet and it puts a strain on my relationship with him. All he wants to do is go drinking on the weekend with me in the pub or have a big unhealthy meal followed by plenty of beer on a Saturday night. He says I look fine the way I am and he gets moody with me when I don’t want eat and drink what he does on the weekend. I do go to the pub with him but I switch to diet coke after a few beers and I do eat out. I said he can eat and drink what he likes, but I want to choose healthy alternatives. But he doesn’t like it especially if alcohol is involved.

I have my fitness pal set to lose 0.5 lbs a week. It puts me on 1560 calories before exercise. I drink 2 litres of water a day, sometimes more. I am a competitive fencer and I train 3 times a week for two hours at a time. I also go to the gym twice a week and I have two rest days a week, one mid week and one on the weekend. I always eat back my exercise calories, which often puts me at between 1800 and 2000 for the day. On rest days I eat 1560 and I’m not hungry if I make healthy choices. I did go over today however because it was a rest day and I had lunch at my mum and dads house.

My boyfriend was in a bit of a mood with me today because he thinks I haven’t eaten enough! I was trying to eat 1560 today by having a small breakfast and dinner because of the higher calorie lunch I had today. I ended up eating 2000 calories in the end because we had an argument about what I was eating. My boyfriend is very slim and he eats what he wants with out gaining any weight. But there was a time when he was 20 stone and he lost weight by healthy eating during the week and having what he wanted on the weekend. I tried “his way” for 6 months last year and it didn’t work for me. He thinks counting calories is a waste of time and he often complains. I thought since he used to be overweight he would understand but he doesn’t. Sometimes he is very supportive, but this weekend has been miserable. He is very caring sensitive man and supports me in most of my endeavours, but we always argue about food.

Do I have unrealistic health goals?

alibee88

Your goals are absolutely realistic! It would feel great to make it to a "healthy" weight surely. Well done on your progress towards that.

I can't really understand how what you eat at home impacts your boyfriend. I kind of get it if it's affecting your social life, but I would tell him to just back off and mind his own business at home.

wilsoje74

How does it affect him what you eat??

Adiemus200

My diet shouldn’t effect what he eats. I tell him he can have what he wants to eat. I don’t understand what his problem is. We eat the same evening meals during the week but I just have smaller portions. If we are at home on a Saturday night I encourage him to get a take away for him self if he wants it or to have what ever he wants. I make something healthier for my self. But he won’t bother if I don’t “join in” and he will just eat the same meal as me but a larger portion.

When we eat out we eat different things. I have a healthier option and it doesn't seem to bother him.

When we go out drinking it seems to annoy him when I switch to diet coke after a few beers. I don’t understand why he gets so upset, he told me today that I exercise too much as well.

I’m glad to hear that other people don’t think I’m being unrealistic. I was really starting to doubt my self today.

writergeek313

It sounds like you're trying to make healthy and realistic lifestyle changes. Don't let anybody stop you from that! When your boyfriend is in a decent mood, try to talk to him to find out why he cares so much what you're eating and when you decide to stop drinking. Shouldn't it matter more that you're out and spending time together with friends? Don't let him put pressure on you to change your healthy habits. Maybe if you agree about most other things it's taking him awhile to understand that food is an issue that you'll have to agree to disagree on, at least for now.

JengaJess

Sometimes our loved ones can have a really terrible way of showing concern, especially men.
My boyfriend (no offense) seems a little more supportive than yours, but he has a great deal of issues with me focusing on weight loss and getting healthy. He's very supportive of me going to the gym and getting exercise and becoming more fit, but I think he worries about me fixating on my weight. I think sometimes he makes comments, or encourages me to eat more because he doesn't want me to become obsessed with my weight.
He wants me to live my life and enjoy everything and not worry about my weight. But I don't think he understands that this is not realistic for me. I have to worry about my weight, because if I don't, I'll become overweight, which easily can transition into becoming obese. I've been there before, and know I don't want to go back. I've always struggled with my weight and I just want to be healthy and learn what a healthy life style really is. I understand why you want to get to a healthy weight. It feels incredible to know you're no longer considered overweight. This is the first time being average has felt so good haha.
But I'm sure your boyfriend loves you the size you are and finds your attractive as is, so it might be hard for him to understand why it's so important for you to lose this weight. Maybe he just has a really bad way of trying to express concern for you. I'm sure he just misses when you guys would drink a bunch of beer, chow down on food and do what you used to do. He might just be worried that he is going to lose you because in his mind, you're focusing too much on your diet and exercise.
Maybe try explaining to him that your weight loss isn't just about looking better, or getting to wear a smaller jean size, but truly about your health.
Also, side note, I don't know how you feel about liquor but something like a rum & diet coke has less calories than a beer. Maybe look for some more low cal drinking options so you can still partake in all the fun

Good luck!

MonicaA2013

You are not being unrealistic. Sounds to me that when he drinks he is reverting to how he felt when he was over weight ( he didn't deserve you). He may be feeling that if you don't eat the same as he does then he will be left behind ( you deserve better). If you plan to stay with him for the rest of your life then let him know that you love him and your feelings will not change if you become thin like him. Hope everything works out for you.

__freckles__

Your goals, calorie intake, and workouts look solid. Nothing unrealistic about them at all. You're doing great! Keep it up!

Erikalynne18

My diet shouldn’t effect what he eats. I tell him he can have what he wants to eat. I don’t understand what his problem is. We eat the same evening meals during the week but I just have smaller portions. If we are at home on a Saturday night I encourage him to get a take away for him self if he wants it or to have what ever he wants. I make something healthier for my self. But he won’t bother if I don’t “join in” and he will just eat the same meal as me but a larger portion.

When we eat out we eat different things. I have a healthier option and it doesn't seem to bother him.

When we go out drinking it seems to annoy him when I switch to diet coke after a few beers. I don’t understand why he gets so upset, he told me today that I exercise too much as well.

I’m glad to hear that other people don’t think I’m being unrealistic. I was really starting to doubt my self today.

okay don't take this as offensive.. but is your bf overweight or self conscious about his appearance? My fiancé is amazing and has been very supportive of me, but this has actually been my 2nd time losing weight. The first time I was a teen and went to a very intense and very physical summer camp and went from a size 7 to a size 3 in a summer. My bf at the time was initially very happy, but then he started getting upset that I wanted to maintain the weight and discouraged me in whatever way he could. He said he didn't like the new me (confidence wise and appearance) and didn't like that other guys looked at me differently. Eventually we broke up, but unfortunately I gained the weight back before the breakup I'm NOT saying to breakup, just take a step back and assure him that you are doing this for you. A relationship is about supporting each other. Tell him you need his support now and re-assure him that you are still very interested in him I know my fiancé got a little nervous when I started loosing weight and he told me he was fine with the way I looked, but I explained why I wanted to do this and he understood. He is very proud of me now

beverleywestwood

A lot of couples collude with each other about what they eat which is probably what lead to me and my other half ended up so depressed about our weight in January. Between us we've lost 4 and half stone so counting calories has been effective and I've found losing weight much easier than with Weightwatchers or Slimming World. I'm also putting the money I would have spent getting weighed at a club into a pot that I will spend when I get to goal. Anyway, enough about me. As a woman of similar height I would say that your goals are totally realistic. Do you think that you eating healthily makes him feel guilty? Is he anxious that you may leave him when you are slimmer? Does he need you to be a bit overweight? Mums and other people who love us can also be fiercely competitive when it comes to weight. My lovely Mum doesn't comment on my weight but you can bet if I've dropped a dress size she will too! At your target weight you'll still have nice curves. In short, it might sound lovely to be with a man who 'loves you for what you are' but surely, if you want to be a bit slimmer and healthier that includes that too. Weight loss can be about unhealthy control but it sounds like people close to you also want to have control of you.