I'm here and so ashamed of what I have become

radiolove

Hi guys!

This is my first post and I thought I would just jump right in and introduce myself

I'm a 28 year old female with 3 children. Currently I weigh 181lbs at 5ft 7, 4lbs down from last week which was the heaviest I have ever weighed, even after having my children.

I've always enjoyed healthy foods and throughout my life I have managed to keep to healthy BMI. I was (and still partially am) a walker and walked everywhere. Over the last 3 years my life has settled down and I have discovered the joys of fine wine and mascarpone, among other naughty things. I have gradually gained weight - so slowly that I don't notice for months at a time. The final straw was not being able to fit into my vacation clothes to the point that I can't even get them past my hips. I decided to join MFP after researching and preparing myself for my lifestyle change. When I signed up, to my surpriseI had apparently made a account here before, I retrieved my password and logged in and to my disgust and dismay, I saw that almost 3 years ago I weighed in at 141.

I am shocked to the core. My body distributes my weight very well and I have only gained 2 dress sizes with the 40lb gain (going up the 2nd size only last week at the end of the 44lb gain)and so I thought I had only gained 15-20lbs or so. I am so so angry and mad with myself for not noticing the severity of my weight gain.

So here I am. I started counting calories and working out last week and am already down 5lbs (which I know is water weight) and I am determined to make this work. My first goal is to reach 175 by May 6th and then to reach 170 by June 6th. Ideally I would like to be 165 by June 6th (as I have a vacation then) but my goal is to lose healthily and steadily and I don't think losing 20lbs in 8 weeks is a good idea. I want this to work for the long term. Additionally, we want to have our fourth and final baby at the end of the year so my ultimate goal is to be 150 at least then.

My only difficulty is eating enough calories, particularly when I work out. I am an avid cook and am able to prepare healthy low calorie meals that keep me full for hours. I sometimes just can't manage to eat the specified amount, I'm stuffed to the brim. I going to work on adding calories in a healthy way. I allow treats but I don't want them to be a regular just to make up the deficit.

Anyways, I rambled, but I wanted to get this written out so I can be accountable.

I hope I can find someone to buddy up with too. I do so much better with someone to bounce off from