Loved ones setting you up for failure!

Options
2»

Replies

  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
    Options
    Fitness and success is all about you. It's not about anyone else, you can't help her achieve her goals if she doesn't want to do it for herself. If you lose a friend so what, you gain confidence in yourself and you lose weight. I personally like going alone cuz I get more done. If she stops being your friend then it's not her fault. You tried to make an effort but it didn't work because she didn't put in the time and effort.
  • DevSanchez
    DevSanchez Posts: 314 Member
    Options
    I don't work out with other people for that reason--I like to really hit the gym hard. I love working out! And haven't found anyone who likes to match my pace on a regular basis. My one friend and I go to yoga class once a week (I do the elliptical 30-40 minutes beforehand), so that's worked out as a good compromise for us. Is that a possibility for you? Maybe your friend really isn't into working out, but wanted to spend time with you. A class could be a good structured way to get together and be healthy. And you can each throw yourselves into the class with whatever intensity suits you both as individuals.

    Funny story ... my friend wanted to lift with me and we went together. Early on, some weights slipped and banged into my hand. It kinda hurt, I figured I gave it a good knock. I kept on working out and avoided stuff using that hand. She was ready to go long before I was. Finally, I agreed to wrap it up, but I still wasn't done. Turns out my hand was broken (broke two bones in my hand). That's my example of why I don't work out with other people--worked out with a broken hand for 45 minutes and she was ready to leave way before i was. :)


    So true. I've been dealing with shin splints since I've upped my cardio. I've been doing elliptical and cycling instead of treadmill since its lower impact but my shins still are killing me not to mention Im so much more overweight than her and she is ALWAYS ready to go long before I. We will have the "breakup" convo soon enough. I love just popping my headphones in and going at my own pace. No one can motivate me as well as me!
  • DevSanchez
    DevSanchez Posts: 314 Member
    Options
    Fitness and success is all about you. It's not about anyone else, you can't help her achieve her goals if she doesn't want to do it for herself. If you lose a friend so what, you gain confidence in yourself and you lose weight. I personally like going alone cuz I get more done. If she stops being your friend then it's not her fault. You tried to make an effort but it didn't work because she didn't put in the time and effort.


    Couldnt agree more. Thank you for your straight forward honesty. Im somewhat of a pushover and the tough love is something I just need to do! In the end my health and happiness trumps all.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    Options
    Ohhh I know how you feel all too well. My younger sister tried doing the 30 Day Shred with me. It was great for about the first 10 minutes, then she wanted to pause every couple of minutes because she just wasn't that into pushing herself. We then tried jogging together, and the same thing happened. I found myself slowing down and not jogging for as long because she wouldn't keep up. (Note how I say wouldn't instead of couldn't - she's very able bodied, just not as committed.)

    When I was in your situation, OP, I politely "broke up" with my exercise companion. Just explain to her that you both have very different goals and it's super important to you that you meet your goals. Try to avoid saying anything that may imply she isn't exactly meeting your standards - just leave it at a "no fault" sort of thing.

    Sigh, unfortunately for me, I'm in a similar situation but worse - my exercise companion that won't push himself is my husband. The breakup speech is a little more awkward in this scenario! But this post makes me realize it needs to happen.

    You can do it, awkward or not, I have faith in you! :)

    haha me too...the "break up" speach didn't happen I just continued working out and he stopped...whatever...if he isn't worried about me benching more than him so be it...

    As for other workout buddies that are like that they are not setting you up for failure they are setting themselves up for failure...what you do it on you...not them.

    Just keep going to the gym, doing your workout and if your friend chooses to join you then so be it...you are your own person and this is your weight loss not anyone elses.

    As for what she does for a workout vs you...that is eh as well. When I was working out with my husband he did his thing and I did mine...
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    work out by yourself…

    whenever my friends are like "we should work out together" I just say thanks bro, but I work out better by myself..which is true…also, they are probably not on the same level as me so I do not feel like having to explain every single thing that I am doing and what the benefit is and I really do not like talking while I work out….
  • eldamiano
    eldamiano Posts: 2,667 Member
    Options
    Oh my word! That makes her such a bad person going into Dunkin' Donuts.....
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    Options
    Plan your own workouts, routines. Tell her to let you know if/when she wants you to meet her at the gym and don't say another word on the matter. If she wants your help she can then ask for it. And instead of her bringing you down, you can count those sessions (if they happen at all) as extra light workouts for yourself.

    I don't expect family, friends to all be on the same page as me. It doesn't bother me if they bring treats in, because its my choice whether or not I eat them. (Last night I did consider - but decided against leftover donuts.) This will never work if I must avoid every temptation in order to succeed - because temptations will always be out there. And sometimes I'll have a little, sometimes I won't.
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
    Options
    I meet up with one of my MFP friends at the gym for 5am workouts on weekdays, but we each do our own thing once we get there and don't really see eachother, aside from a short warmup on the treadmill. It's nice because we each have someone waiting there for us at 5am, so it definitely makes me less likely to bail out and skip a workout, but I am still working out alone.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Options
    Just make it clear that you're working out and she is welcome to join, but that it is your plan for the day. If she isn't interested in working out, schedule a separate time to hangout sans workout. Something like, "You're welcome to join me on Thursday. I'll be pushing myself really hard. If you don't want to go to the gym, we can do lunch/a movie/mani pedis next Tuesday." That way if she craps out on the workout, you don't have to let her drag you to dunkin donuts.

    Don't feel like you have to hold back there either. If she hops off the bike after 10 minutes and says, "Wanna go lift weights?" You can just say, "I need to finish [goal] first, I'll meet you over there after."

    If your gym offers any classes, that could be a fun thing to do with her. In a class, the instructor picks the pace and activities and you look weird for leaving prematurely.

    It sounds like your friend is not actually ready to commit to wellness. So many people buy some weight loss equipment/outfits/gym memberships and are self congratulatory just for taking "the first step."
  • jim180155
    jim180155 Posts: 769 Member
    Options
    Just make it clear that you're working out and she is welcome to join, but that it is your plan for the day. If she isn't interested in working out, schedule a separate time to hangout sans workout.

    I was thinking sort of along the same lines.

    Be honest with your friend. Tell her that her workouts aren't really workouts, they're an excuse to socialize. And while you love to socialize, your workouts have to come first if you're going to meet your goals. Tell her you're going to do your workout with or without her, then ask if she'd like to get together before or after your workout, and whether she wants to hang out together at the gym or someplace else.
  • Phrick
    Phrick Posts: 2,765 Member
    Options
    Just make it clear that you're working out and she is welcome to join, but that it is your plan for the day. If she isn't interested in working out, schedule a separate time to hangout sans workout.

    I was thinking sort of along the same lines.

    Be honest with your friend. Tell her that her workouts aren't really workouts, they're an excuse to socialize. And while you love to socialize, your workouts have to come first if you're going to meet your goals. Tell her you're going to do your workout with or without her, then ask if she'd like to get together before or after your workout, and whether she wants to hang out together at the gym or someplace else.

    The part I bolded above - do that only if you are prepared to lose the friendship completely! A better approach would be to leave off the part that basically accuses her of not being committed and not trying, and just say "I love to hang out with you but at the gym I need to focus so how about we meet after at ___ for ___?"

Categories