My family has no self control.

Capt_Inzane

(I didn't read all the comments will go back and read)

I recently allowed my mom to move in with me and first off a 30 year old man should not live with their mom especially when he's single and ..anyways not on point.

One of the conditions when she moved in was she had to lose weight and start eating right. I'm spending around 500/month on groceries and if you look at my diary you can easily see I'm not eating anywhere near that amount of food.

I didn't even realize how bad it was until I came home one day and an entire bag of bagels, block of cream cheese, pizza, bread, sandwich meat, etc,etc were gone. In one day she ate upwards of 30 dollars worth of food.

Between this and not working out she's not losing any weight and at this rate going to cause me to become poor. I explained in detail that from now on I wouldn't purchase any additional food and if she eats it all it's gone. Tonight we're writing down together a pre-planned diet for every single day and meal that she's allowed to eat as well as me. If she deviates from this plan she will have to move out no questions asked (making her sign). I realize this may sound silly but when dealing with someone like my mom they must be hard consequences to her actions if anyone has a better idea I'm all ears.

It's difficult putting my foot down when it's my mom but the plan was for her to stay at my place for one year and move out on her own. It's been 1/2 of that time already and she's not making any changes to better her life. When I bring the topic up she either gets extremely defensive or passes it off as she's just not listening.

Sorry didn't mean to make this about me but I just wanted to write I understand where you're coming from and it can be incredibly difficult dealing with family members and food.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Start by stop judging other people. If they don't live up to your (new) standards of health and fitness, that's their problem and none of your business.

Until you move out try labeling/hiding/storing elsewhere or even locking up the food that belongs to you and you don't want your family eating.

As for there being temptations in the house, there's nothing you can do other than exercise self-control. Gotta learn it sometime, might as well make it now. Good luck with your goals.

How is she judging them? It's not unreasonable to be upset that someone else ate the food that she prepared for herself.

No, it's not unreasonable at all. However

my parents and little sister who are all overweight and not doing anything about it.

sounds kinda harsh and unnecessarily judgmental, especially seeing that OP makes it sound like she only recently made the switch to healthier foods herself.

demibugg

Start by stop judging other people. If they don't live up to your (new) standards of health and fitness, that's their problem and none of your business.

Until you move out try labeling/hiding/storing elsewhere or even locking up the food that belongs to you and you don't want your family eating.

As for there being temptations in the house, there's nothing you can do other than exercise self-control. Gotta learn it sometime, might as well make it now. Good luck with your goals.

How is she judging them? It's not unreasonable to be upset that someone else ate the food that she prepared for herself.

No, it's not unreasonable at all. However

my parents and little sister who are all overweight and not doing anything about it.

sounds kinda harsh and unnecessarily judgmental, especially seeing that OP makes it sound like she only recently made the switch to healthier foods herself.

The only reason I mentioned that they weren't doing anything about themselves is because I felt it was an important point. If they wanted to get into being fit and healthy of course I'd be fine with letting them eat the stuff I make, but I spend a lot of my paycheck on things that they wouldn't think twice about if I didn't bring them home, it just makes me a bit miffed that they can eat what they like and yet they go for the things I'm allowed first.

sullus

Mom, did you eat that pasta salad?

Yes, why?

Oh .. oh no ..

What? Why?

Nothing. It-it's nothing. You'll probably be ok ..

(then make yourself scarce for a couple hours)

elleloch

By the way, just discovered a trick-- If I put "their" food on top of mine, even if it's all in tupperware they'll go for the food on top first. I guess like me, they want the quickest, easiest thing!

Haha - nice trick!

Honestly I am proud of you for not losing your mind about this. I am pretty militant about my food, and if I were living at home and spent my paycheck on groceries, and everyone else ate it all... oh my God. Just oh my GOD.

demibugg

By the way, just discovered a trick-- If I put "their" food on top of mine, even if it's all in tupperware they'll go for the food on top first. I guess like me, they want the quickest, easiest thing!

Haha - nice trick!

Honestly I am proud of you for not losing your mind about this. I am pretty militant about my food, and if I were living at home and spent my paycheck on groceries, and everyone else ate it all... oh my God. Just oh my GOD.

Yeah!! I didn't lose my mind!! I don't even cry over food!! ... At all!! Yeah!! ;P

Jade0529

Mini fridge if you can, even second hand

lock on your door

portion your food into smaller containers and put some in the back of the fridge. Even if some of the ones at the front get eaten you should have a few to eat for yourself. Dark containers. I'd even consider putting the calories on the top and how many servings it is. Your mom may or may not seem to care but seeing those numbers might have some sort of impact

Keep dry goods/snacks in your room in a sealed bin/container. Where ever your family would not look for it.

How about making food for your family as well- I do that sometimes with my husband. Sort of a "you can eat this one" and that usually stops him eating the other container

Erikalynne18

this reminds me of a former roommate I had who bought no groceries for 8 months and instead ate all of my food! After a while I figured out that he went for the 'easy' stuff first. Blocks of cheese? full boxes of granola bars? 4 Litres of ice cream? 1/2 a loaf of bread? a full box of cereal? He even ate 2 full boxes of bakers chocolate! (He wasn't overweight, he just had a very high metabolism and only would eat at home since food was 'free' there... grrrrrrrr). We had to change what we bought since he believed anything in the kitchen was free game. So we bought a cheap plastic organizer and anything that didn't need to be refrigerated went in there in our room. As for vegetables and berries, I bought frozen (he was too lazy to thaw). Also there was a grocery store on my way to work so sometimes I would just pick up a few pieces of fruit on my way to work. It was a crappy way to live, but it worked as a temporary solution until he left.


and yes... I am so done with roommates LOL :P

Erikalynne18

is there a university of college in your town? if so go check online right now! Many students are heading home for the summer soon and if they don't have a place to store their stuff they tend to sell it for really cheap! Someone probably has a mini fridge!

lizzyclatworthy

Don't get me stated on lodgers/ flatmates...

but I can eat hotter food than most people so I over spiced everything for a while. it slowed them down but never stopped them.
living alone, well with a food phobic child, is a lot easier. These days I would be ecstatic if food was taken from the fridge.

bethanycopley1980

Today my mom woke up, grabbed a whole tupperware full of pasta salad I was planning on having for dinner, and digging in. This happens a lot, but for some reason this particular instance put me over the edge.

Say, "Hey, Mom, glad you liked my pasta salad. Can you make some more today because was planning on having that for dinner. Here's the recipe and list of ingredients you'll need. I'll figure something out for tonight because I'll be on the run, but if you can have it ready for me tomorrow that would be great. Thanks, Mom! Love you!"

Being a mom myself, I can see this as the least confrontational/aggressive move. If I had eaten it, i would feel bad about it, but then having someone rage out at me about it would put me on the defensive and a fight would start....over pasta salad. Try what they told you...if that doesn't work, get more assertive.

I wish it were that easy, but my mother does not experience guilt. If I asked her to do that she would laugh in my face, unbelievable as that sounds. And I don't rage at her or anyone. I'm not a loud, angry person in general.

I don't know, this whole thing is silly but she does things like it all the time. She likes to brush off my emotions and make a joke out of everything , no matter how many times I tell her it irritates me.

Not unbelievable....my mom was the same way, but I ran away when I was 14 and never looked back so I never had to deal with her after that. I am sorry you have to endure that. Can't wait til you get your place!

freemystery

I find the occasional ex-lax sandwich usually gets the message across.

Harsh... but not dangerous. And effective!

Seoul11

Edited because MFP thinks my name is a dirty word, apparently. :grumble:

My mom works in a dental office and this is how she brings home her lunch leftovers:



Could work.

Tabbouleh, anyone?

GiveMeCoffee

I find the occasional ex-lax sandwich usually gets the message across.

Harsh... but not dangerous. And effective!

This would be my suggestion... dice up some exlax sprinkle on top of pasta salad, leave in fridge. They might not want to eat your food so much after that.

Work on getting the mini fridge and moving out as soon as you can

Alex_murphyy

Start by stop judging other people. If they don't live up to your (new) standards of health and fitness, that's their problem and none of your business.

By her simply telling us that her family isnt healthy isnt her judging them but telling us the reality. And she is looking for support and advice. You dont have to make the very first point to your response negative.

RenaTX

No, it's not unreasonable at all. However

my parents and little sister who are all overweight and not doing anything about it.

sounds kinda harsh and unnecessarily judgmental, especially seeing that OP makes it sound like she only recently made the switch to healthier foods herself.

No it doesn't sound judgmental . It's pretty straight forward and factual.

It's a fact that there is an amount of weight a person can have to be considered over weight. It's a fact that if a person isn't trying to do something to lose that weight it qualifies them as not doing anything about it.

I agree that sometimes the truth does sound harsh but she's saying this to us and not her family.

RenaTX

Edited because MFP thinks my name is a dirty word, apparently. :grumble:

My mom works in a dental office and this is how she brings home her lunch leftovers:



Could work.

Tabbouleh, anyone?

This is awesome! I've also seen ziplock bags with fake mold.

amygauv

Mini fridge is on the list, as soon as I can afford it! Hopefully until then I can find other nooks and crannies to stuff my whole grains and veggies in!

I moved home for the summer last year and my mom was the same way, but even worse. She wanted to be healthy, but was lazy. I would pack my lunch the night before and next thing you know... my entire lunch got stolen and she would take it to work! I was buying my own groceries because she never wanted to pay for anything. She would eat all my food. Then...NOT TELL ME! ...totally understand your frustration. I bought a mini fridge for 50$ at walmart. She never touched my food again.

Confuzzled4ever

Put it in the back of the fridge, behind the almond milk. If they don't see it they are less likely to eat it. If *you* purchase the groceries with your money then you are certainly entitled to tell them hands off.

When I lived with my mom I had my own fridge and my own shelf in the pantry. I also cooked separate and did not do her shopping for her.

Confuzzled4ever

(I didn't read all the comments will go back and read)

I recently allowed my mom to move in with me and first off a 30 year old man should not live with their mom especially when he's single and ..anyways not on point.

One of the conditions when she moved in was she had to lose weight and start eating right. I'm spending around 500/month on groceries and if you look at my diary you can easily see I'm not eating anywhere near that amount of food.

I didn't even realize how bad it was until I came home one day and an entire bag of bagels, block of cream cheese, pizza, bread, sandwich meat, etc,etc were gone. In one day she ate upwards of 30 dollars worth of food.

Between this and not working out she's not losing any weight and at this rate going to cause me to become poor. I explained in detail that from now on I wouldn't purchase any additional food and if she eats it all it's gone. Tonight we're writing down together a pre-planned diet for every single day and meal that she's allowed to eat as well as me. If she deviates from this plan she will have to move out no questions asked (making her sign). I realize this may sound silly but when dealing with someone like my mom they must be hard consequences to her actions if anyone has a better idea I'm all ears.

It's difficult putting my foot down when it's my mom but the plan was for her to stay at my place for one year and move out on her own. It's been 1/2 of that time already and she's not making any changes to better her life. When I bring the topic up she either gets extremely defensive or passes it off as she's just not listening.

Sorry didn't mean to make this about me but I just wanted to write I understand where you're coming from and it can be incredibly difficult dealing with family members and food.

Wow...

- You're stuck with your mom. This has happened to two of my friends. Their mom who was staying for a year is still there almost 10 years later.

It's incredibly difficult to live with your mother as an adult. it's rare that two adults, who view themselves as the head of the household, will agree on anything.

If she deviates are you really going to kick her to the curb, even if she has no where to go?? I'd call your bluff. If you follow through with it, you will likely lose the respect of her, and most of your family. My aunt did this to my grandmother. The only family members left who will talk to her is her two kids. The rest of us have no respect for her.

You can't force her to eat the way you want her to. You *can* however not purchase the food she like to binge on. If she wants it, she will have to purchase it herself.

People, including your mother, will only change when they are ready to. if she's not ready, you're not helping the situation or your relationship with her.

Your mother likely put herself 2nd and 3rd and 4th her entire life to ensure you and your siblings, if you have them, had the best life she could provide for you. It's extremely disrespectful for you to treat her like she is "less then" even if your intentions are good. If my son told me i'd have to adhere to some ridiculous meal plan to live with him, i'd get defensive too. Regardless of his intentions.

You cannot control another person, you can only control you. If you do not want to spend that much on groceries, then don't. If she is still hungry she can go get it herself.

writergeek313

An old boss always ate my lunch at work, he was just lazy. I knew it was him, but he would never admit it I made canned cat food sandwiches and left them in the work fridge. He ate them. I then announced at work that someone ate my lunch and whoever did just ate cat food. My food never disappeared again sugar free candy or fart bars (aka Fiber One bars) are another go to revenge food.

This might be the funniest thing I've read on here!

OP, think about doing some food prep in advance but not assembling everything and hiding a key ingredient or two. You could also package your food in a way that will be extremely difficult for someone to mess with or even see what it is (multiple bags, rubber bands, duct tape, etc.).

Wtn_Gurl

What if you took some containers, jars, etc, that has a label for some kind of food that they would hate, then use the empty container and put your food in, make sure the label on the container is for some nasty weird food. then put your food in there and perhaps they will not eat it thinking it is weird disgusting food.

it might work unless they open it up. Until then, i dont know what else anyone can do.

JoRocka

If she deviates are you really going to kick her to the curb, even if she has no where to go?? I'd call your bluff. If you follow through with it, you will likely lose the respect of her, and most of your family. My aunt did this to my grandmother. The only family members left who will talk to her is her two kids. The rest of us have no respect for her.

I don't think that's fair to put that on someone else.

you lose respect for a reason- but it doesn't mean it was the right one. sometimes kicking someone out IS the right decision- just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong.

My friend kicked her sister out of the mother's house- she's a user and she isn't getting back on her feet- mom's not putting her foot down and all the sister is doing is causing problems. Big mean sister kicked her out and said off to rehab you go. You're going to lose respect for that?

I also don't agree with some else of what you said about forcing changes. I get that you can't MAKE someone change.

it's his house- it's his rules- if those are the rules- she needs to be making an effort. it's not about GETTING to the end- but if they agree to try- they need to try.

If she moved in under stipulations- then she should abide by the stipulations. It's not unfair if both parties agreed upon it prior to entering the living arrangements.

I absolutely agree on groceries- if she's binging or consuming more than her fair share- she should be paying for it.

Confuzzled4ever

Of course there are a ton of reason why people do what they do. . But I was commenting on this reason specifically. Over eating is not the same as being a junkie. They are two very different scenarios and require different methods of dealing with. And while it's his house, his rules. he can't make her do anything, even if she originally agreed to it. My son knows me well enough to know that while I say I won't eat the "insert food I love here" I most certainly will eat it. I intend not to eat it, but inevitably I do and he's just a teen. I know that pretzels are not safe anywhere near my mother. She will eat the entire container in one sitting. Him or me trying to change that will accomplish nothing but a lot of defensive reactions and backlash. It's just the way it is. And it's harder to do when it's family versus just a roommate. Spending too much in groceries? Fine, tell mom.. sorry I can't afford to feed us both anymore, you'll have to get your own food. But sitting down and say OK mom, you can only eat XYZ today and nothing more is ridiculous. Not purchasing items you don't want them to eat, or only purchasing enough for the week with no extra is fine. And if she wants more she can go get it. But to say you can't eat what is sitting there in the kitchen?? Good luck.

Life is unfair. It's unfair that he is taking care of his mother at such a young age. It's unfair that she is doing what she is doing. It's also unfair that she is dealing with someone trying to control her eating habits. She's not a child. He can tell her what he's willing or unwilling to do, but can't control what she does.

Losing weight is a great goal to have for your mother. it's awesome to try to help someone. But if they don't want the help or aren't going to stick to the plan, then you are only creating a rift.

I feel for the guy. It's completely unfair. But trying to control someone like this, isn't going to accomplish anything. I'm speaking from first hand experience, as I took care of my mother and grandmother and I help support my brother and his family and I can't tell any of them what to do, even though it's my money. To each their own though.