Feeling so lost and alone

BFL76

I've been down this path many times before. I was on this site a few years ago, did good and lost 35 pounds. Then it slowed down, I got depressed (over other things as well) and gained it all back and more.

I'm the biggest I've ever been, 5'10 and weigh over 400 pounds. My left knee is messed up, and my lower back hurts. I can't walk distances like I used to, can't chase after my kids.

I'm 37, I'm a single mom of three kids, work from home and I'm a college student. I have two on campus classes and I hate going to one because they have those grade school desks and I feel like a walrus shoved in a peanut shell. It's mortifying.

I walk across the stage in a year, and I don't want to do it like this.

I eat when I'm lonely, bored, depressed or anxious. Which is pretty much most of the time. I have one friend that lives in my town. I have no family nearby. I have no one to really talk to, text, chat with on Facebook. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I wish I had someone to text, motivate me, just friends. I feel pathetic saying that.

I have a 17 year old son, a 16 year old daughter and a 5 year old special needs daughter. My kids are my life.

I don't know why I'm here, posting this, except maybe I'm reaching out because I need and want to lose weight. I'm just not sure I can.

phillyb2013

Hi there, I am back on this weight loss journey again...I get so frustrated too.

its so hard and I guess its just about the fight....I get so made at myself for gaining the weight I have.

You certainly have a lot on your plate.....we need to do this for us and our children that need us :-)

I hope you have a good night :-)

Mygsds

Hello, I will be your friend. If I can help motivate you, please let me help. This is a wonderful site with very caring people. First, focus on all you have accomplished. You are a student, you could just be sitting around waiting for life to pass you by, you are doing things for yourself and your children. Start logging in and get a scale to weigh your food. Take steps each day to accomplish new goals. Stay focused and know this is a lifestyle change. YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS. Let me know if I can help or just vent.... :flowerforyou:

VFBloch0725

The fact you are reaching out and want to change your behavior is the first step toward being successful! I understand how emotional eating can play on ones self-esteem and confidence; I am the same way. I am 50 years old and have always been an emotional eater. The first thing to do is learning to forgive yourself and taking one day, even one step, at a time. The next step is setting realistic and achievable goals; what can you change to reach your goals, how can you achieve them, and who are you doing it for? If you are wanting to loose weight by graduation, set that as a goal. Pinpoint where your weaknesses are that leads you to emotionally eat, recognize the signs, and redirect yourself by doing something con.structive, for example, walking or doing some meditation, or stretching; and reach out just as you did today. DON'T give up, you can do this, just believe and tell yourself something positive EVERYDAY

jenmom2myboys

I sent you a friend request.

fauxpunker

I've fallen off the wagon several times now, but I'm finally realizing it's OK. It's not a race. Don't let a slip consume you. You've got a lot on your shoulders, and I don't doubt your mental toughness. This is just one more thing. No need to go full steam ahead. Approach it like you would a class, chipping away at information a bit at a time. That chipping away pays off.

MaPete142

Like everyone else I'm on the roller coaster weight loss ride too. Lose then gain, lose then gain, then gain & gain some more. It can be so depressing. I keep telling myself I don't care how many times I have to start over I'm gonna keep trying until I get it right. Just don't give up. Everyday that you wake up is a chance to start again. We can do this. Let's start over together.

booksgiver

Hi, you are not alone, we are all here for you and many of us understand exactly the place you are now. It seems that life has handed you some rough issues to deal with but the fact that you are capable to still be a loving mother, to pursue an education, and acknowlege your feelings demonstrate that you a woman capable of grappling with challenges. You probably know of the old adage that "a journey begins with one step". Never is that more true than for us who battle with issues of self control. Don't look back at past failures as they were lessons to help you today, but only look to what you need to do today to be healthier and ultimately happier. You can change not only your whole life in a positive way, but the love you have for your children will be manifested in the care you give yourself. All that said, add me as a friend, but I do tend to be a bit preachy. I am not an inspiration so don't mistake me for one. I am just like you, taking a step each day, in for the win!

brealee91

Don't beat yourself up too bad! Life can be rough, you are still young and have life ahead of you, don't give up!

Have you thought about reaching out professionally? In terms of seeing a therapist or getting on some antidepressants? That might help you in more ways than you could imagine.

I know what it's like to feel out of control around food and with your body, but sometimes we need to focus on the other things that are going on in our lives first.

Please don't take offense to my comment, it is just a thought. I don't know anything about your personal life and I am sending absolutely no judgments your way. I have been in and out of therapy for many years and it has helped me so much.

Don't lose hope in life, whether it's your fitness goals or anything else that may be dragging you down. You can turn your life around, it may just take some time to start believing it.

Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts!!!

hstnljean

I've been down this path many times before. I was on this site a few years ago, did good and lost 35 pounds. Then it slowed down, I got depressed (over other things as well) and gained it all back and more.

I'm the biggest I've ever been, 5'10 and weigh over 400 pounds. My left knee is messed up, and my lower back hurts. I can't walk distances like I used to, can't chase after my kids.

I'm 37, I'm a single mom of three kids, work from home and I'm a college student. I have two on campus classes and I hate going to one because they have those grade school desks and I feel like a walrus shoved in a peanut shell. It's mortifying.

I walk across the stage in a year, and I don't want to do it like this.

I eat when I'm lonely, bored, depressed or anxious. Which is pretty much most of the time. I have one friend that lives in my town. I have no family nearby. I have no one to really talk to, text, chat with on Facebook. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I wish I had someone to text, motivate me, just friends. I feel pathetic saying that.

I have a 17 year old son, a 16 year old daughter and a 5 year old special needs daughter. My kids are my life.

I don't know why I'm here, posting this, except maybe I'm reaching out because I need and want to lose weight. I'm just not sure I can.

I was encouraged by all of the exultant advice and encouragement every one gave you I need to read more of the post on MFP I knew I could do this but now I know for sure I can and will to this I am sending you a friends request and anyone feel free to add me
Jean

GOINSTD12

I'm 37, I'm a single mom of three kids, work from home and I'm a college student. I have two on campus classes and I hate going to one because they have those grade school desks and I feel like a walrus shoved in a peanut shell. It's mortifying.

I walk across the stage in a year, and I don't want to do it like this.

I eat when I'm lonely, bored, depressed or anxious. Which is pretty much most of the time. I have one friend that lives in my town. I have no family nearby. I have no one to really talk to, text, chat with on Facebook. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I wish I had someone to text, motivate me, just friends. I feel pathetic saying that.

I have a 17 year old son, a 16 year old daughter and a 5 year old special needs daughter. My kids are my life.

First of all, welcome back. We all have struggled with continuing the fight in the face of lonliness and depression. Feel free to friend me.
Congratulations on your determination to graduate - it's a huge accomplishment and you deserve to be proud of yourself for it - don't rob yourself of the well-deserved reward for all your hard work, just because someone might not like the way you look (including yourself!). Walk with pride, with your head up and shoulders back, knowing you have not only accomplished something many people never have, but that you are a wonderful example for your two teenage children that perserverence and hard work pay off. As far as that classroom is concerned - have you spoken to your professor? If she truly wants to help you learn, there must be something that can be done to provide you with a simple table and chair. In the workplace, that would be reasonable accomodation.
I envy you the opportunity to work at home, but if you have the flexibility to do so, you should consider working in your company's office at least one or 2 days a week. Why? Because working at home is contributing to your isolation. The human race is a social animal - we need others to interact with. Working outside the home at least a day or two a week will force you out of your comfort zone, and create opportunities to interact with others and make new friends. If working outside the home is NOT an option, consider taking an adult education class, such as pottery making or art appreciation or a group music class (like those classes where 30 kids all learn the violin together). Do it for yourself - I know your children are your life, but you need adult interaction as well, and their mommy needs a PLAY DATE once in awhile - you need a chance to expand your horizons so you can see the road ahead.
Dealing with a special needs child takes so much out of you,your whole life can become wrapped up in the next disaster. But this is the very reason that you need to step away from the situation occasionally and refresh yourself. Are there support groups for your child's special need? Agencies that provide assistance? Is there a community of others in the same situation that you are, that can help you with child care for an occasional evening or afternoon away? Look for community resources that can help you - a parent's mental health is as important as the child's needs, and others in your same situation may be able to give you that community of support you need.
If you can expand your horizons, you will begin to make friends and have less opportunity to be depressed and lonely. But you have to put a little steel in your spine - have courage - and put yourself out there, flaws and all, and don't be afraid to approach someone you've never spoken to before. You might be surprised, once you begin to do it, how much positive response you get. Don't just "expect the worst" - yes, you will be rebuffed and have your feelings hurt sometimes, but opening yourself to that possibility will also open up the possibility of joy and friendship in your life. It's hard, very hard, to allow the possibility of unkindness, but the rewards will be oh so worth it - I know friends are waiting out there for you. God bless you and strengthen you for the road ahead!
MFP is a place to make new friends and cry on someone's shoulder. Please use us - we are here for you.
Tracy

WorkInProgress323

You know you need to make a change and only you can do it. You have to really want it otherwise you will find every excuse possible to fail. You need to know that it's okay if you have a bad day and learn to make every day a new day.

Look at what you have accomplished so far.... being a single mom and finishing school at 37. That is so awesome! Every time you pick up something to eat because you're lonely, look at it and think, it's just food, it's not companion and it's not love. The pleasure of eating it will only cause you pain afterward. The pain you feel from not eating it will give you pleasure in the long run.

From Tony Robbins:

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you."

I don't know if you're into Tony Robbins or ever heard of him but he has some great CD's that you should listen to. Personal Power II and Get The Edge were my fav. They're expensive so look on ebay.

Sometimes it's hard to do these things for yourself, so then do it for your children. You need to be around for them. Do you realize what you can accomplish in a year? The year is going to come and go, like it or not, so do something now.

We're here for you.

lemurcat12

Welcome back.

I eat when I'm lonely, bored, depressed or anxious. Which is pretty much most of the time. I have one friend that lives in my town. I have no family nearby. I have no one to really talk to, text, chat with on Facebook. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I wish I had someone to text, motivate me, just friends. I feel pathetic saying that.

This is totally normal--we all need support, and not to feel alone. It sounds like you are in a tough situation, but even for those of us with a more local network of family and friends it's the kind of thing that's often difficult to discuss. For me, I really don't want to let on that I'm not happy at the weight I am, because if it doesn't work out you feel like a failure or vulnerable. But trying to go it without support or others to talk to about all the issues that come up wasn't working. Not long before joining MFP I read one of Tom Venuto's books about weightloss and getting fit, which focused on the importance of the mental aspect and a community or support system, as well as diet and exercise, and it kind of hit me why I'd been able to successfully lose weight once, 10 years ago, but each effort since then had gone good for a while and then petered out. Back then I'd had no idea how to go about it--whereas since then I thought I had, since at the time I'd lost it successfully and kept it off for years--so I'd joined a community at WebMD. I never really thought I'd fit in with or used the community, but looking back it's obvious to me how much it helped. When I was thinking about food I read posts or posted over there, or I planned my meals or came up with recipe ideas or the like. Basically, getting into healthy eating and fitness helped fill the space in my life that eating had (I've always been an emotional eater), and the community made that easier, made it feel like a hobby.

All that is why this time I decided not only to try and keep myself accountable to me, but also to join MFP. I logged at Livestrong off and on, but because there was never a community (and also because I was scared to get on the scale, so wasn't tracking progress), it ended up being more something I did when I was happy with what I was eating and then something I'd drop when I wasn't. Being over here makes a huge difference and although it's early yet I firmly believe that I will sustain it.

Anyway, I'm not trying to minimize your struggles at all and I know there's more to it, but I really think you can do it, and I think this community can help. One of the hard things it sounds like you are facing is that your feelings of discomfort about your weight and probably the physical difficulties too are making it harder for you to add those positive things to your life that would help get food out of the center of it. I think to a significant extent you just can't listen to your own mental voice here--that you feel bad in the desk doesn't mean anyone thinks about it, as most people mostly are just thinking about themselves and why they feel how they do--but I know saying that doesn't mean it's not how you feel. One of the things that caused me to feel like I had to take action to lose weight was that I found myself coming up with excuses not to see college friends who came to town or go to events I'd otherwise like to go to because I was embarassed for someone I knew when I was in shape to see how I look now. Self-defeating of me, but the kind of thing that lots of people struggle with. One good thing is that even just starting to take action and focus on positive changes as a replacement for that time spent feeling powerless or lost, etc., can make a huge difference, even before the physical changes are that great.

Anyway, I'm glad you are reaching out. I sent you a friend request and anyone interested is welcome to friend me.

bestnanaof2

I've been having those feelings this week of lost and alone. Differently from you, I can't put my finger on it, just that I am terribly discouraged and don't want to get near the scale. All I can say is that you have A LOT on your plate and God Bless You for attempting to get back on the wagon. Life is up and down and we can't control what we are dealt but good for you for trying to forge ahead and I'm in your corner (as is everyone on this message board). One day at a time!

johndee

We all need encouragement and a support system. I have been on MFP for years and have gone up and down the losing and gaining roller coaster ride.

I'm a bit older than you. I also have three children. When I turned 40 I lost 40 lbs and decided to finish my education. I had such a difficult time balancing working full time, attending night classes, taking care of my family and exercising. Swimming is my love and because of my hectic schedule, I had to give up something. So I gave up swimming. While working towards to finish my education, I gained my weight back and some and depression was right at my back door. I learned that if I am not exercising my endorphins goes down and I get depressed and agitated.

The best thing I did for me was making the decision that it was time to take care of me. I have taken care of my family for so many years and had always put them first, it was time for a change. You know the saying "If mamas not happy, than nobody's happy," well it's true. Two years ago I announced to my family that "this is the year of the Deedee" (my nick name) and since lost 51 lbs, mama is once again happy and so is the family.

I would love to befriend you and we can encourage each other.

cebreisch

It's natural to be frustrated in the weight loss arena. Your kids are your life, and I understand that because I have 2 kids of my own.

Remember you are their life too. I started this journey at 376 pounds and soon to turn 48. I know what it's like to struggle to walk "across campus" and "sit in peanut sized desks". Sucks royally.

You have to find some way to quit focusing on negative. Negative self-talk is more detrimental than any food you might eat.

Most of us have turned to food as a way to deal with our emotions: we eat because we're happy, sad, tired, bored, because it snowed this week, because the sun shone last week, because it's April and still 36 freaking degrees outside and windy!!! Because the jerk-face in the car next to you just cut you off, because the boss is having a bad day, because the teacher is having a bad day, because the teacher feels like nobody in college should be able to get an "A" in their class.

My therapist laughs at me saying, "Do you find now that things tick you off more than they used to?" ABSOLUTELY. Because I'm not eating my way past them.

Lately I've felt like I lost my motivation, but I've not given up. I'm restarting right now. I have to. I spent 2 years losing 115 pounds, and have gained probably 30 pounds back in the last year. A variety of things derailed me. It's time for me to realize that I do matter. I am worth investing in myself. I will walk start walking, and logging my food. We've been successful before, and can be so again. This isn't rocket science.

You can do it. Find your reason(s) and you can do this!

ValeriePlz

I just sent you a friend request also.

Losing weight and getting healthier with other people around you makes everything so much more fun - and bearable. You have people in your life, and here, who are cheering for you.

kirsty140185

Hi,

I have anxiety too. I have panic attacks too. I have previously lived with agoraphobia but managed to kick that into touch I'm a single Mum, I work full time too. Like you I don't have any family nearby.

I would love if we could be friends and motivate each other and talk about stuff.

pajouey79

You are doing so much more than other people in your situation do: going to school, teenagers and a special needs kid, You are a bada$$. You can do this for sure. Start small and you'll end up small. You need some people that can just talk you through your defeatist moments. We all get that way sometimes. I sent you a friend request. :bigsmile:

lanaloulou

I'm so sorry you feel lost and alone. I feel that way sometimes too. Sometimes life is hard and being overweight SUCKS, but you are here and you are still willing to try. That says a lot! If you need to talk, I'd be happy to chat with you. Be fore warned, I also need a little motivation right now. Just add me as a my fitness pal friend. Lanaloulou

michelleneli

I'm glad you reached out. One day at a time.:flowerforyou:

Michelle in Ohio

DucklingtoSwan

You are on the right site! I too have been an on-off member in the past and finally came back ready to do it right. Iused to half-heartedly track, only used the phone app and rarely did I ever come on here with the PC and check out the message boards. I also lost maybe three pounds, if any, and give up only to have the lost pounds come back and bring friends. Now I try to spend at least a few minutes here every day. Even if I don't post, I browse through topics that I can relate to (and even a few I don't) and I get so inspired by everyone's words, I just can't tell you.

Welcome back! I think you are so amazing, and I don't even know you :-) or maybe I do, in a way. A lot of people here know each other very well in our shared struggle.

Duck (Margaret)

uconnwinsnc

There are a lot of us here who will be your friends and like/comment on your updates and share ideas and emotions with you. We are all in this together.