I NEED to get this off my chest!

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24

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  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    the problem you have is that you dont feel like you deserve to lose weight... so you always self sabotage, am i right?

    You need to work on loving yourself REGARDLESS of your weight, and then you can work on making yourself healtheir and fitter (which will lead to weight loss) BECAUSE you love yourself and you, like anyone, deserves a happy healthy life...

    being thin wont automatically make you happy... that comes from within.

    ^^^^ this

    and address your lack of confidence. It's likely it doesn't come because of your weight, and you won't suddenly become a confident person just because you're thin. It''s easy when obese to view ourselves thinner as a kind of idealised version of yourself, i.e. who you want to be. But all you change with weight loss is your size. If you're not applying for jobs/promotions etc because of a lack of confidence, I don't think this would really stem solely from you being obese. plenty of obese people have fulfilling careers and are good at what they do....

    learn to love yourself for who you are, to accept yourself, then it becomes much easier to reverse the obesity, because you're doing it because you *deserve* good health. you become more confident because you start to believe in yourself (and this happens before you get lean) and you start to go for the job opportunities because you believe in yourself and know you can do those jobs, and you know you can handle it if you *don't* get the job and you know you can try again next time and that's okay. If you need counselling/therapy to get to the root of the lack of confidence and self belief and learn to love yourself then do it. That self love is the momentum that keeps you going. It's not about willpower, it's about realising that YOU deserve better and going out and getting it.

    ^^^^^^This is great advice. Do it!
  • VanessaRudden
    VanessaRudden Posts: 198 Member
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    Hang in there - tomorrow is another day - Please Hang in there - and Start small - Be well!!!!!!!!!!!
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Keep this list handy and let it motivate you. Take one day one pound at a a time. Love yourself.

    Today is day one
    small goals. Good Luck, beautiful!
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
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    This may not be what you want to hear but you need to find out why you engage in self-defeating behaviour and, perhaps, some time spent with a good psychologist can help with that. Many people resist the idea of seeking help because of the undeserved stigma surrounding mental health issues. A good counselor could help you understand your behaviour and develop strategies to work around them.

    Good luck!
  • KariOrtiz2014
    KariOrtiz2014 Posts: 343 Member
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    Tomorrow is a new day, and I promise myself I will make changes, I have to or else I'll feel miserable for the rest of my life.

    This is how I feel too. So everyday, I wake up and decide that it's going to be a good day! You have to be positive because if you're not you'll just find yourself back at square one!! Learn to love who you are now. We didn't gain weight over night so we're not going to lose it overnight either!! Baby steps will change course for you, trust me!!
  • ljmcf
    ljmcf Posts: 98 Member
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    Your message struck a chord with me, as I’ve been there – especially in relation to not going out due to how you feel you look, and losing friends in the process because you’re never up for doing much! I’ve also been that person that’ll ‘try’ to be good but temptation is just too much when it comes to buying food for the cinema etc. I’m a big binger – but you’ll know as well as me, you might enjoy it while you’re eating it, but you feel absolutely rubbish afterwards…guilty, and uncomfortable! My advice in this area is don’t buy in bulk! If you really want a packet of crisps, but ONE packet…know your limits – I know that if I have a multi pack of crisps in the house, I will eat the multi pack of crisps!

    I promise that cravings for these ‘bad’ foods will diminish greatly if you give yourself that chance. I came into work to find mini eggs and a crème egg on my desk this morning, I’m looking around to see who I can give it away to! Just stick with it a day at a time, and before you know it, the lbs will start to come off. Do some light exercise, build it up. You’ll start to enjoy it! Just very recently people have been commenting on my weight loss ‘how much have you lost now?’ and I can feel a difference in the way my body feels. Nothing motivates you more than this.

    Also, don’t beat yourself up if you have a set back, it does not mean you’ll always fail – fall down 7 times, stand up 8. You’ll get there, move on and try to stay focused. Most importantly – love yourself! Having some fat does not make you a bad person, and it’s something you can fix one step at a time.
  • jellybeanhed313
    jellybeanhed313 Posts: 344 Member
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    I can totally relate. I felt this way for most of my life and even after losing 100 pounds, I still feel this way sometimes. I think it has less to do with weight and more to do with my feelings about myself. I keep losing weight, then binging and gaining a lot back. Its a cycle that I've been going through for a few years now. I don't know why I feel like I don't deserve to be thin(or happy as "thin" seems to mean in my mind). Recently, THAT is what I've been working on. My own worth and happiness. This is truly the only thing that has helped me lose weight. Now, I'm working out most days and it makes me feel accomplished and proud that I spent that time working to improve myself. Sure, I still ate 7 cookies last night, and went over my calories by 700 or something crazy, but I am not beating myself up about it becasue that isn't going to help anything.
    This kinda turned into a rant and I'm not fully awake yet, but it is all true and I know just how you feel. Send me a friend request if you like. Its going to be ok and you can do this. You have to believe in yourself and that you are deserving above all things. Hang in there sweetie. <3
  • Vicxie86
    Vicxie86 Posts: 181 Member
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    Start today and don't even give a thought to ever looking back again. If you stumble along the way, dust yourself off and continue matching. I have had days when i went over my kcals by 1000, 1500, 2000, 2500 (seriously!) but the fact that i did it while being concious of what i was doing made me not feel any guilt. I didn't throw in the towel and say "f**k, i've put on 10lbs in 2days, might as well stop" because i knew it was just water weight. This is the problem some people have, confusing water weight for fat and then they give up.

    You will have days where you fluctuate 5lbs and days where you're busy celebrating your 2lbs loss only to step on the scale the next day and be 3lbs up again. Do not give up. 2 things that play a major role in water weight are carb and sodium e.g you have been eating 150g carb and suddenly eat 300g carb, you will retain some water for awhile or you have been having 2500mg sodium and suddenly eat 4500mg worth, you will retain water.

    Always pay attention to what you are eating so that you can notice trends and how different food affects your body. This has helped me alot.

    You can do this!
  • Nadal1991
    Nadal1991 Posts: 13
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    The best weight lost tip I've learned from MFP: What you eat doesn't determine your results and nothing is impossible but something take time patience self love and a supportive environment. Like you said tomorrow is a new day so as I'm sure you can see from this thread there's plenty of people who can relate and support you. Good luck and I hope today is better then yesterday and tomorrow even better. (sorry for the cheesiness)
  • la_te_ra_lus
    la_te_ra_lus Posts: 243 Member
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    You HAVE to be the hero of your own story. you can do that you can be that...You can be the hero of your story that woke up today..You can be the hero in your own story at whatever age you maybe. Stopped got out of bed and said i'm not doing this anymore I'm doing this differently. I'm gonna figure this out and i'm gonna do it only by my instincts and only by my morals and ideals and my mind,and i'm gonna be dead honest with myself. because i'm realizing this won't last forever....
  • starrylioness
    starrylioness Posts: 543 Member
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    Every day is a new day. You made a mistake. Maybe LOTS of mistakes. We all have, believe me. Pick yourself up and move forward! You can do this. You have the power to change your life. You just have to not lose hope.

    I would be happy to add you as a friend if you'd like some motivation and friendship.
  • SisterMable
    SisterMable Posts: 40 Member
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    Print all this stuff out. Highlight the parts that touch you - tape this stuff up where you can see it. It's all kinds of loving support! :)
  • sugarlips1980
    sugarlips1980 Posts: 361 Member
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    Lots of people feel your pain. Being overweight affects you in so many ways. In a way, this rock bottom feeling is a good thing as a wake up call for you to take action. Don't ever forget how bad this is making you feel. But also, you need to take steps to change and work on losing the weight as well as steps to feel more positive and good about yourself. Because feeling sad and hopeless about your weight can be a vicious cycle. Losing weight - not just the destination of your 'ideal weight' but the journey there - can be a hugely rewarding, life-changing experience for you. it's not rocket science, nor does it take will power of steel. It's about making small changes - to eat a bit less and healthier and move more - consistently over time with regular treats in moderation thrown in to keep you sane. it's about changing your attitude to food and exercise until it becomes second nature. Believe you can do it!
  • lizzyclatworthy
    lizzyclatworthy Posts: 296 Member
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    Print all this stuff out. Highlight the parts that touch you - tape this stuff up where you can see it. It's all kinds of loving support! :)
    ^this!
    I used to have affirmations stuck all over my mirror.
  • bethira
    bethira Posts: 132 Member
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    Oh I understand. I was so heavy when I decided enough was enough that my scale didn't measure my weight. I go from 300 lbs because that was the first weight I could verify. I was a couch potato, I ate until I was sick, then ate more because I was already sick, so what did it matter. I was about as unhappy as a person could be, engaging in horrible lifestyle choices. It really was a matter of time until I ended up dead from one thing or another. That was 60+ lbs. ago.

    I've fallen off the wagon more times than I can count, but the key is you gotta get back on and be accountable to yourself and keep pushing forward. I'm going to send you a friend request. Accept if you'd like. We can cheer each other on.
  • fluffyfour
    fluffyfour Posts: 11 Member
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    First of all I am writing this as someone who's been fat as long as I can remember, and who's felt everything you're feeling. I've now succeeded in losing 25 lbs, though I have LOTS more to go.

    For every bad thing that keeps you up at night and causes you tears, there is a consolation prize we give ourselves. As everything else we do, being fat (unless you have a very rare thyroid problem) is a choice. I realised I was using it as a barrier, to stop people getting close so they couldn't hurt me, but also as a way of getting noticed. Once I lost a lot of weight and seemed to be fading into the background; people didn't see me any more, I was ordinary - normal - so I put on weight again. I didn't realise it at the time, but - My actions and my choice.

    I tried every diet imaginable. Each morning I'd start and by lunchtime it was over. The abuse I got from strangers sent me to the nearest Mars Bar - or Bounty - or Twix - or, frankly, all three and some fish and chips - because it gave me the reason I needed to make the choice to eat..

    Now I make small choices each day. Am I going to have the large bowl of cereal in the morning? No, the small. Will I have two bananas? No, just one. Will I have chips with my chicken? No, I'll have salad.

    The weight took a long time to go on, so it can take a long time to come off, but it will be permanent if you continue to make small choices like this - and if you go off the rails? Bury it ( as they say at work about mistakes), it's happened, move on and make a better choice next time.

    Make small goals. Not 'I will be thin' just I will lose 5lbs, then 7, then 10, then back to 5 maybe and it will all mount up.

    I wish you the very best of luck, I so know how you feel. It is in your hands. Small choices, huge rewards, and your confidence will increase with each small success.
  • theocine
    theocine Posts: 36 Member
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    A lot of god advice here. I'm going to be a bit contrary, though, to address what appears to be your core problem: not weight, but self confidence. The contrariness is that I'm suggesting you DO examine your past. This time, skip the failures - we all fail, even the most successful people fail. Look for one or two times when you succeeded. Something you did well. I'm sure there's some success (not necessarily in the weight loss area), something you can point to and say "I did this. _I_ did this! I DID this."

    Hold this in your heart. Write it down if you need, And look at it whenever you are feeling low.
  • elghee123
    elghee123 Posts: 489 Member
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    Do you really hate yourself that bad? Please don't.
    Now, set aside all the BS.

    You don't want to live like that forever right?

    Start loving yourself, your body and all because that's all you have and nobody takes good care of it but YOU!

    When you are ready, start cleaning - from cupboard to habits (if you like popcorn, go eat it but instead of the huge one - choose the medium). I mean change gradually. Start on small things you can handle.

    THEN GO FOR A WALK. Start from there darling. You'll gain new friends.
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
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    You are medicating with food. You will never get very far until you fall in love with you. Exactly as you are. The moment I fell in love with me-saw myself as God sees me. My life began to change. I saw everything I had been given and was humbled. I no longer saw what I didn't have. I realized that I had built this prison of food. Like a heroin addict I chased the momentary pleasure of food instead of dealing with life. If I felt bad I ate, if I had a crappy day I ate, if something good happened I ate, if someone died I ate, if I was tired I ate, if I was bored I ate, If I had a lousy meal and failed to get my pleasure fix from it within minutes of finishing that meal I would seek out a better more tasty meal to get the high I needed. Finally I realized that if I died the next day no one would be surprised. I fell in love with me as an obese, short 44 yr old. I take care of myself now-very tenderly. I used to be viciously brutal in my self hatred. I go to Mass and confession regularly. I can't believe I carried all that guilt around instead of giving it back to God. Everything is better in my life now, my relationships, my finances, my work my stress. I cannot even describe the pleasure and happiness I take in every day life. I deal with everything, not with hesitation and fear but with the cofidence of doing my best and knowing that is all anyone expects. When death and destruction come into my life now, I grieve, I cry , I pray, I do not medicate with food to run from the pain. I run to God and with him I deal with my problems. I too completely wrecked 100's of opportunities in my life for my addiction. I have forgiven myself for being a scared little girl running from life. I am too busy planning my future wonderful. Sure, I am covered in wrinkles now and have handfuls of loose skin all over from my weight loss. Sure, I probably look older as well. But I am free from my prison now. Choose to leave your prison. You are the key. Love you perfectly, unreservedly, exactly as you are. You are worthy, you are loved. Take a few baby steps out of that cell and soon they will be miles. Saying a decade of the rosary just for you today. God bless
  • tiffanylindenmuth
    tiffanylindenmuth Posts: 15 Member
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    You CAN make a change! You CAN feel good about yourself. Is it easy? NO! Is it fun? Not in the beginning. But it will be fun! It will make you happy. Happier then any food can make you. I struggle sometimes with cravings, but find other less fattening, sugary, and low calorie snacks/foods that can replace your favorites that aren't so healthy. Then watch your portions. Hey, if you go to the movies and want popcorn, get a popcorn! BUT get a junior popcorn and DO NOT add the butter and salt. You have to eat some of the things you like sometimes. You just need to know when and work out! Workout so hard you can eat most of what you want (within reason). If you know you are going to go have a meal out somewhere and you would like to endulge some then earn it! Whoop your butt on the track or with a good workout video. Burn those calories and then allow yourself to eat special stuff sometimes. As hard as it seems it is only as hard as you make it.

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

    DON'T WISH FOR IT........ WORK FOR IT!!

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