I realize that this is my own issue, but...

ladyofivy

...anybody have something similar?

When I was obese, I felt like other women shunned me because I was "fat". Now that I'm closer to an ideal weight, I feel like other women shun me because I'm not as heavy as they are.

I know this is all in my head, so I'm not really looking for an answer, just someone who can relate.

Thanks, kids.

ArchyJill

Unfortunately, it's probably not all in your head. I think folks naturally seek out similar folks which makes it hard when you are not status quo.

BUT WE LOVE YOU HERE :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

hrgarry

I can relate. But just because I can relate does not mean it is right that we feel that way.

I always felt more comfortable around heavy people. Now that I've lost weight I feel some of those same people don't treat me the same way. Perhaps they are envious or jealous? I do not know. I do know that love and acceptance comes from within... and the sooner I learned to love and accept myself the more I felt acceptance from others.

LuckyLeprechaun

I never felt shunned because I was fat, I felt invisible. Now that I'm becoming healthier, I notice more attention from people, and more women seem to feel threatened by me when they didn't before.

But I may be insane as well.......it's entirely possible.:flowerforyou:

cuppycake22

I was just trying to make sense of that myself...It seems like the smaller girls I have always known seem to judge me and almost seem to hate me because of my loss...doesn't make sense...Can't they just be happy for what we did! I just try and brush it off now cause I am happy for me and there is lots of others that will show their happiness with your loss as well

bbygrl5

Yes! OMG! ..and sometimes it's the same people! They felt like they could belittle me when I was 70 lbs heavier and now they are jealous b*tches because I'm thinner than they are! sorry, lol.. I'm a little heated about it, lol. Obviously insecure about themselves, so they always have to have others to put down.. how pathetic, lol.

squishyfishy

I had a friend that I saw quite a lot when I was bigger but a lot of the time I was with her we would be eating and drinking a fair bit. When I started me diet I was determined so I would still go to see her but I would take the car and not have any wine and not have many of the crisps and things she left out. She was quite large and basically spent a lot of the time we were together moaning about this before and during my weightloss. I would try to encourage her and be helpful but I never pushed it or made out like she should be dieting with me, it was her personal choice. I used to get a really hard time when I went up about not drinking anymore but she was my friend so I took all her digs and comments. In the end I just stopped going up as it really wasn't very enjoyable and I realised that she pretty much just invited me because I would bring wine. I still see her now and again but she has gone around telling everyone that we were great friends and I dumped her when I got thin because I've changed. I will admit that I have changed, I've become more confident and I'm a much happier person but I've never rubbed it in her face because thats not my style and wouldn't be fair. Its like being fat was what we had in common to her and she can't get past this. Some people will look at you differently and probably treat you differently but I figure that the issues are all theirs and you should be proud of your hardwork and not let it bother you. If they don't like it then its their problem not yours and if they are true friends then it won't matter. We women can be a nasty bunch sometimes.

mem50

Actually I found just the opposite. When I was heavy my "friends" wanted me around, I'm thinking it was because I made them look better! Now they don't hardly speak to me at all! My BFF (yeah,right) hasn't returned a call from me in over a month. That's OK though. I have my friends here. Plus I am making new ones.

So It's not all in your head. Just be who you are and keep at it!

Tasha1476

This may sound horrible, but one of my closest friends is now a "speak-to-once-a-month" friend. It may just be that we are drifting apart naturally, but sometimes it really feels like its about the weight loss. She was always the "sparkly friend" the one everyone noticed and loved and worshiped, she won a beauty pageant and everything.. And I was always the chubby funny side-kick who was never a threat to her at all.. Now, I've always been tall, but it seems somehow that the thinner I get the taller I appear, haha.. and either way, I have always had a good 4 inches on her. So now Im her tall blonde friend who other people notice once in a while... Sadly I suspect our drifting also has to do with the fact that I wont go out and get wasted every night like she does... But I really am in this to take care of my body, and that is NOT taking care of your body. I miss her, but the only thing that has changed are my eating habits and jean size, and if she cant still love me that's her personal issue.

So safe to say I know the feeling you are feeling.. It really is hard to say how much of it is in our heads and how much is really happening..

AmyJopp

I think woman are naturally jealous of each other......who can look better than the other. This is just the way woman think....I think hahah. I have always been a happy go lucky gal and didnt really care what other people think and if I had issues with anyone I just thought that they were unhappy with their life but still treated them with respect. But I hear yeah and dont take it personal its just the way some woman are.....plan and simple!!!! Keep up the fantastic work....YOU LOOK GREAT!!!

raelbee

I've noticed that people are nicer and friendlier to me now that I am thin again. But that may also be due to my increased confidence

squishyfishy

Yeah I would definately say that the plus side of losing weight and gaining confidence is that I find it easier to speak to people so its much easier to make new friends too.

RoadDog

...anybody have something similar?

When I was obese, I felt like other women shunned me because I was "fat". Now that I'm closer to an ideal weight, I feel like other women shun me because I'm not as heavy as they are.

I know this is all in my head, so I'm not really looking for an answer, just someone who can relate.

Thanks, kids.

You're not doing it for them. You are doping it for you. Don't let somone else's BS interfere with your progress.

goochinator

...anybody have something similar?

When I was obese, I felt like other women shunned me because I was "fat". Now that I'm closer to an ideal weight, I feel like other women shun me because I'm not as heavy as they are.

I know this is all in my head, so I'm not really looking for an answer, just someone who can relate.

Thanks, kids.

Ya know it might not all be in your head.
A friend of mine did something similar. She works at a gym in another state. She lost weigth due to trainer and easy access to working out and the girls at work started being really mean to her. She couldnt figure it out. When I saw her, I was shocked at how great she looked- weight lost, toned, new hair style, it was awesome!! Around the same time I saw photos of her co-workers...and then I understood why.
Pure old fashioned jealousy.

Remember that other people's 'suff'' ( problems, issues, hang ups) are just that...OTHER people's problems! Don't let it bother you too much, I know WAY easier said than done) Be PROUD of your success... be happy that you have the determination to take care of yourself.

PaisleyLotus

I've come to the conclusion that some people are only there for you for a certain time and reason. If there are folks who have shunned you in the past and the present, then they just did a favor to you! WHAT FAVOR, you might ask? They have shown their true colors and now you don't have to go through all the drama and find out what kind of friend they would've been! Just stay away from people like that...good thing they give off the "I will probably be your latest nightmare friend" vibe! LOL

You have accomplished something that is a struggle for the majority of the world! And that is something to be so proud of! Keep your head held high and keep striving for the best you can be! :0) And let the others drool and hate you for your accomplishments! I find that if you smile real big and not say anything...it'll only keep them guessing! :0)

rml_16

...anybody have something similar?

When I was obese, I felt like other women shunned me because I was "fat". Now that I'm closer to an ideal weight, I feel like other women shun me because I'm not as heavy as they are.

I know this is all in my head, so I'm not really looking for an answer, just someone who can relate.

Thanks, kids.

I think you need to find new friends!

I'm sure it happens to a lot of people, though. I've been lucky enough not to experience that. I do think there are some very insecure people, though, who make choices in friends based on appearance.

blh_1010

I've had a lot of people tell me I need to eat more, now that I've lost the weight, and when I tell them no I've had enough, or gotta watch those cals they get mad at me. I've also cut back on drinking a lot, and so when we do go out I get one, maybe two, mixed drinks...I was asked if I was expecting because that's the only reason anyone should not be drinking...this was by one of my bf's best friends...I looked him dead on and said "no, i'm trying to be healthier." and walked off...needless to say we haven't talked much, and my bf wasn't too happy with his comment, since I don't look pregnant at all! (i did look it a few months ago, but not now!) Also my friends from my hometown see pictures of me and are amazed to see my weight loss, but don't really want to meet up when I am in town...that is something that came as a big shock to me...but I've met new people here in StL and I have found it easier to move on from those friends. But then along with all that bad stuff has come some good from certain friends...they've jumped on this lose weight band wagon (though they aren't doing it as a life change, like I am...so that is kind of troubling) but one of my best friends growing up is now starting weight watchers...when she saw that I could drop 10lbs and do it in a healthy way she was all over it. She is in the obese catagory so I am very proud of her...she has lost 10lbs so far herself, and she started last month! I have also had some jealous friends of mine who did the HGC diet and it worked the first time for them, but not the second and they gained weight. I had told them if they just watched the cals they could do this too instead of getting shots or taking those pills...they didn't listen and now they have a lot more weight to lose. (I'm not dissing the HGC diet for those of you who have done it/are doing it....it's just not for me, and since I've seen great results this way I'm leaning more towards just watching what I eat.) Those girls barely talk to me...and one of them tries to make me go WAY over on cals when we do go out to eat just to "put some meat on my bones" where in turn I look at her and smack my bum and say "do you see this...that's not bone!" lol we laugh and she tries to push cake back in my face. In any event I think we will all come across this in some formatt...I just wish it wasn't like this...I wonder if it is jealously or something else...

nursevee

I wish it was in your head but honey, it's true. For years (when I was even larger than I am now) I used to walk through the wmall and hear whispers behind me only to turn around and see some pathetically emaciated teenager pointing at me and laughing. It used to make hot tears well in my eyes. If that wasn't bad enough I used to feel people watching my in the food court, observing every mouthful and evaluating the effect it would ultimately have. In part this was the reason I was a closet eater... I could satisfy the outside world with "healthy" food and then gorge myself in private. It happens... People are morbidly fascinated by other people's misfortunes.

Now that I'm smaller, I do notice some women (and I'm far from being at the stage where "most" people are jealous") shooting me looks. It's a new feeling and all I can do is just remember to lift my head up high because fat or thin I'm still me. I've always been me and the external shell is just the difference between a healthy body and mind vs. an unhealthy body and mind.

Keep YOUR chin up high. You have worked exceptionally hard to reach this point and there is nothing about that uphill battle that you should be in the least bit ashamed of (not that you are... but some do feel that they've committed a sin). If anyone wanted to ask (instead of stare) then I'm sure you could tell them exactly what was involved to get where you are!