I Need to Vent about my Family ARGH!

kitkatkarr

Sorry for the errors, my english isn't that good xD

I've started this weightloss journey 3 months ago. I'm still experimenting and reading this forum and learning a lot from it.

My family keep thinking I'm starving myself when I refuse to eat food they cook because I've already ate enough calories for the day. I do not starve myself. They tell me that eating so and so wont make me fat. When I try to explain to them its not the food I eat, its how much I eat during the day which is the amount of the calories. They still don't get it. And just now, I was drinking a diet coke and my sister questions me for drinking it. I told her its zero calories then she went on about the preservatives and how theres artificial sugar in it and such. She even told me it is not exactly zero calories blah blah blah. It's tough, I can't even enjoy some pop? I don't drink it all the time.

It is a hard journey and especially hard when my family members aren't all supportive for the new lifestyle I'm trying to form. My mom often tells me eating healthy means bland food. I tell her what I'm eating taste fine and I'm adapting well to it. She denies it. I'm already frustrated on trying to lose weight, but this just adds more difficulty for me. I'm new to all of this and when I learn something new on this forum, my family will be polar opposites in what I have to say. My dad even told my grandma the other day that I shouldn't be buying a box of crackers because its fattening. Going on this weightloss journey, I've been constantly criticized every step of the way. I just want to vent about this. Thanks!

fredman2

I get the same kinds of replies from people I discuss my diet with, a lot of people have, you are not alone.
As long as YOU know what you want or need to eat, and it satisfies YOU, that is all you need to know.

All I can suggest to make them happy sometimes is maybe eat a little less before dinner so you can eat some of what they offer at dinner, even though they will say you are not eating 'enough'.

I don't like diet soda either, but I would never tell anyone what to eat - or not to eat - the fact you are here and conscious of what you are doing should be enough personal motivation. Healthy doesn't mean bland - that was 20-30 years ago, today it's a different world.

Keep at it, you'll get there.

_KitKat_

Unfortunately some loved ones associate food with love, explains overweight children. Other times when you are trying to improve yourself they irrationally take it as an assault on them. Either way the only thing you can do is nod and smile, and know what you are doing is for yourself and just keep going :flowerforyou:


Edited to add: you may want to keep it to yourself or with us and a select group of friends. Sharing with your family unfortunately could sabotage your efforts.

kitkatkarr

Thank you guys! Yea, I really need to rethink somethings. I guess I should be more considerate because they are putting food on the table for me to eat. Ill keep doing what I'm doing for my new life style that is!

stephe1987

Maybe have what they feed you but in smaller portions? I was surprised to hear that some celebrities eat whatever they want... they just have small portions and of course they exercise.

It is really difficult to stay motivated when your family isn't being supportive or is being very negative. :frown:

I would stay away from diet soda. There are so many chemicals in those drinks to substitute for lack of sugar and we're just now beginning to discover the health problems it can cause. I never had a problem with diet soda because I can't stand the taste but I used to be addicted to regular soda until I cut it out last year. It's not an easy habit to kick.

StaciMarie1974

I don't know how old you are - but I'll guess late teens or 20's. Families often have a hard time 'letting go' of young adults, and letting them make their own decisions. Sometimes that means make their own mistakes (not saying this is your situation). The problem is we learn from doing, and that's part of the process to becoming a responsible adult.

Your family means well. Hang in there!

AlliSteff

Goodness, yes. My mother in law 'shows her love through food' more specifically terribly unhealthy (and not even very tasty) food and baked goods. I just don't understand it as my family was always more of the mindset that you will eat what/when you want and they wouldn't push food down your throat and be insulted if you said 'no thanks.'

She thinks I am just rude when I say no thank you. I also bing all my own food to her home when we go there!

kitkatkarr

I don't know how old you are - but I'll guess late teens or 20's. Families often have a hard time 'letting go' of young adults, and letting them make their own decisions. Sometimes that means make their own mistakes (not saying this is your situation). The problem is we learn from doing, and that's part of the process to becoming a responsible adult.

Your family means well. Hang in there!

Thats true. I'm 21 btw. My family are always the one cooking for me since ever. They're still trying to adjust to what I'm trying to do for myself. It's understandable what youre trying to say.

YorriaRaine

My family uses food as a means to say a lot of things, sometimes its "I love you," sometimes it's "I'm sorry." Either way, I think a lot of families do that. Sometimes though, instead of saying you I don't' want something, or no thank you, I will put a little fluff in it, if its people who know I"m on myfitnesspal I will literately say things like "I'm out of calories for the day but I'll dedicate some calories to it tomorrow, thank you!" or if its somebody who doesn't know the specifics of counting calories I'll just say something like "I am full at the moment, I ate earlier, but I'll have some tomorrow."

That, and you sometimes the tone in which you say things is what leads to arguments, rather than the actual words. If you politely say you don't want something, or you want to drink something, it can end a conversation, but if you say it in an aggravated tone, your family and friends will go on the defensive and take it as an attack against them.

And sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. Continue your journey of tracking calories and just let your results speak for themselves.

kitkatkarr

My family uses food as a means to say a lot of things, sometimes its "I love you," sometimes it's "I'm sorry." Either way, I think a lot of families do that. Sometimes though, instead of saying you I don't' want something, or no thank you, I will put a little fluff in it, if its people who know I"m on myfitnesspal I will literately say things like "I'm out of calories for the day but I'll dedicate some calories to it tomorrow, thank you!" or if its somebody who doesn't know the specifics of counting calories I'll just say something like "I am full at the moment, I ate earlier, but I'll have some tomorrow."

That, and you sometimes the tone in which you say things is what leads to arguments, rather than the actual words. If you politely say you don't want something, or you want to drink something, it can end a conversation, but if you say it in an aggravated tone, your family and friends will go on the defensive and take it as an attack against them.

And sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. Continue your journey of tracking calories and just let your results speak for themselves.

I will definitely do that. I feel so nurtured here haha lol.

lindsey1979

I think a lot of us struggle with this. I know I do, though probably for different reasons. Sometimes doing things differently is really threatening and scary to people (shoot, you'll see it with reactions in forums on this site) and so they react by being very negative, critical or sometimes downright nasty.

My brother is very much like this. There is only one way and it's his way. So if you do something differently, he is very quick to be critical and tell you all about how you're doing it wrong.

Just remember this is your journey, and it's not going to be the same for you as it is for others. Trust yourself. Listen to yourself. And when those critical folks start in with the lectures, tears, etc., the best response I've found is "oh, that's very interesting, I'll look into that" or "that's very interesting, but this works for me." I find that tends to disarm them and that's about all you can do.

I think many people wish others well, but just don't know how to express it very positively or in a supportive manner sometimes. Find some friends here (feel free to add me) and check in with us We'll help each other on our journeys!

FireOpalCO

Why don't you cook for them?

Whether you live at home or are just visiting (though it sounds to me like you live at home or at least eat many meals at home) YOU cook. Just tell the family cook, hey I want to contribute more, let me do the side dishes or let me take care of Monday and Wednesday nights or Sunday breakfast (whatever you think they will let you take over). Say you want to help, say you want to improve as a cook, say you really find it helpful to relax or saw a cool dish on website/Food Network and want to try.

Start wowing them with healthy dishes. Don't sit there and go "is that good? that's turkey sausage" or "did you know that sweet potatoes are high in potassium". Just quietly make some healthy meals and expand the whole family's palate.