Effecting my relationship

AmandaCherise

I have gained 30 pounds since I started dating my boyfriend last year. Both of us became extremely comfortable with one another, and basically let go of ourselves. I have been in and out of being committed to my weight loss, and want to get going again because it's really taking a toll on our relationship. I don't feel comfortable anymore with my body and am becoming extremely self conscious. I never want to go hang out with his friends or meet new people because I'm nervous about the way I look. It even effecting our love life. Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you change your habits and become motivated? Yes, I know... only YOU can motivate yourself. But are there any other words of advice?

erc89432

I would say that you should motivate each other! Try working out together! It gives you a reason to hang out and it is good for both of you. Taking long walks together could be a good start. Most importantly is to just watch what you eat. Sub out a few high-fat snacks with something healthier.
Good luck!

AmandaCherise

Thank you!

We have tried going to the gym every morning together but then once one of us doesn't want to go, the other one doesn't go. I'm usually the one doing the motivating. Maybe we will start small and work our way up! Thanks for the advice!

Chezzie84

When I met my OH Chris 5 years ago I was 11 stone. We was work collegues and friends for about a year before we got together.
In the 3 years we had been together, I had put on 4 stone.
Like you I got very self consious of the way I looked and it affected my outlook to our relationship rather than our actual relationship because my fella was supportive.
I didnt get dressed or undressed in front of him, lights were always out (if you know what I mean).

I wrote down all the reasons I want to lose weight so I could read them everytime I feel deflated.

You are right, only you can truly motivate yourself but my biggest advise would be talk to your partner, tell him how you feel about yourself about him and about you as an us.
No matter how much it hurts you, no matter how much you cry, he cant support you if he does not understad because the chances are he does not see when he looks at you what you see when you look in the mirror.

ldocampo

Currently going through this right now. My boyfriend is extremely supportive of me, in spite of our mutual weight gain, he refuses to see anything wrong with me. But, he supports my decision to become healthy. He works away from home 4 days awake so it's a lot easier for me to stick to my diet and exercise regime when he's gone, so I know even if I relax a bit on weekends when he's home I can make up for it during the week when I'm super strict with my diet. I also tell him he'll reap the rewards when I'm more comfortable with my body... maybe that's why he's so supportive?

shrinkingshreya

I became a clichéd and gained close to 30 pounds after I got married. We have been together for awhile but we became even more comfortable with another and both ballooned! I am very uncomfortable about my weight now and happy to be finally doing something about it. It has also affected our love life because I'm not very comfortable with my body-- so I knew it was time for a change. My husband has also gained weight as well-- I would gently bring it up to him. Instead of telling him what to do I refused to buy junk food and kept making healthy meals. I started going to the gym-- and he actually total me last night I motivated him to get do something about his weight too and has started running, so sometimes it can be infectious!

2720cynthia

Don't do it for him--do it for you! You want to be the best person you can be, just for yourself. I'm sure you are a wonderful person regardless of your weight and have no reason to feel ashamed around him or his friends. Don't start thinking your relationship is good or bad based on being fat or skinny--it is good or bad based on your love and support of each other, and your ability to face up to problems if necessary. When you face your own problems and work on them, you become a stronger person with more to give to the relationship. Your relationship improves not out of your need to be loved by trying to be perfect, but because you are a person mature enough to grow and change if necessary. If he wants to support you by going to the gym with you, that's great, but if he doesn't, then--that's okay--because your losing weight can be done apart from him.

spdoughe

I was in a relationship like this.. same exact situation, except mine went on for almost 5 years and got all the way up to 60 pounds gained! Its crazy how quickly you can let things go like that when you're wrapped up in a relationship. Its like the daily routines become so ebb and flow that you don't even want to add in another aspect.. hitting the gym or dieting. I went through the same thing, getting serious about weight loss and then getting back into my old habits. I didn't start getting back into it seriously again until recently but we've been broken up for a year and I've been on my own which has sharpened my perspective about just focusing on me instead of someone else too. We were both in school at the time and working full time jobs so our stress was high and it was easy to just stay in together and eat and be cozy and keep each other company. When we would try and do stuff together, we were so opposite on what we liked to do.. I was a runner, he wanted to do the bike. Same when it came to eating, he didn't want to sacrifice unhealthy things that he liked so he would make them anyway and I would have to make my meals separately. That became really hard, because it felt like we were just living two separate lives, and with both of us being insecure about our bodies, it affected our physical relationship as well.

Looking back, the best time that both of us were serious about getting into shape is when we both has personal trainers. I met with mine once a week. She designed a work out plan for me that was an hour long. Same for him, he would meet with his separately from me. We would still go to the gym together but we would do our work outs separately that our trainers designed for us. Maybe this would be an option for you? We had to shop around for trainers because we were on a budget. But a lot of gyms have specials if you buy a certain amount of training sessions at once they will discount it for you or something. That's one idea in the fitness aspect. Thast just half the battle.

The other half is the nutrition. They say losing weight is 80% diet 20% fitness.. or something like that.. all I know is that the eating part is the most important. So if this is where you feel like you are struggling, you guys will both need to come up with a game plan. Sit down together and try and figure out where the majority of your calories are coming from. Is it going out to eat? Homemade meals? Maybe find a site with healthy meal ideas that you guys could both sit down and look at and pick out what you want to eat for the week. I've found that meal prep is a huge key to success while trying to lose weight. And its something you guys can to together I never knew cutting up veggies and making chicken for the week or a big pot of healthy chili could be so fun to do with a significant other!

It's great that he is so supportive, that is really important too. Once you guys get your routines down it will come easier and easier

skudera27

This has been one of the hardest things to overcome for me. After college, I was about 160, met someone, put on about 25-30lbs, broke up, went back down to 160. Met my wife, put on 30lbs, took it off before wedding, put it back on after wedding (plus some), and now i'm down nearly 30 pounds with about 15 to go.

My wife and I both have memberships to our gym (which isnt cheap) and it's been extremely hard to motivate her to go. So I forced myself to put the situation in my own hands. Having a gym buddy is great, but if they're not on the same motivational level as you...you have to just make it happen on your own. I know what I need to do to look and feel good, that's my motivation.