I've Lost about 80+ pounds and I still feel insecure...

oliviaohair

So, I know that after a 80lb weight loss I look different. But, when I look in the mirror I have a hard time trying to get out of the mold of "the fat girl." I've been heavy my entire life and now I weigh about 188 lbs (overweight, but getting there.) I get frustrated, because I don't understand why I look like this at 188 lbs!!! I feel like there should be a huge difference or something. I still feel as big as a house. I can't seem to see my progress. Any advice or comments would be awesome.

Thanks,
OKOgua

chiccam

I read a book "The Will Power instinct", he covered the topic of when one loses weight but continues to feel big; is similar to a phantom limb feeling.
He mentioned using guided imagery, and reframing with meditation.

erzilie

this is the thing that a lot of people who are unhappy about their weight don't realize: it's not actually about the weight! being 80 pounds lighter isn't going to magically turn you into an endless machine of confidence if you've never had the framework and context for confidence in the first place. it's not wizardry. being thinner is not the cure for a negative self-image. (if it were, we wouldn't have eating disorders that lead to aggressively unhealthy, potentially fatal outcomes.) if you attribute the negativity to fatness and assume thinness will solve your problem, then you're going to be super surprised when that negativity comes back, viciously, in another form--like being unable to see your progress in spite of the obvious numerical data in front of you. it's like believing money will solve everything, or finding a spouse, or having children, or getting a job, or getting a house, etc. it's like taking medicine for an infection that keeps coming back. you're never going to be free of your insecurity unless you treat the underlying causes.

you're windmilling from insecurity because we live in a culture that, for all its cries of "individualism!", doesn't nurture or cultivate healthy self-images or strong internal sense of independence from the perceptions of others. we are trained from a young age to be dissatisfied with ourselves. dissatisfaction can occasionally be a catalyst for positive change; most of the time, it makes a person's emotional state a gross, chaotic mess. if you don't know what satisfaction looks like, you're never going to sit still long enough to be able to figure it out before you're swept away by another wave of dissatisfaction.

it's a matter of reconditioning. you've been conditioned by culture, by media, by family and friends, by teachers, by strangers to be dissatisfied with your body--if you want to be prettier, buy makeup! if you want to fit in, buy these clothes! if you aren't thin you can f*** right off!!--and the only way to undo that now is by training yourself in a different direction. until you get to that point, you're always going to see yourself as "the fat girl" no matter how much you lose. taken to extremes and left to spin in the mud, this can develop into body dysmorphia. i recommend therapy! it's not just ~for crazy people~, it's for anyone who's struggling to build a strong internal foundation but doesn't know how to get from point A to point B. (this describes like 99% of people.) find a therapist you really like who can help you work through your issues surrounding your body, your confidence, your perceptions of yourself, and how society's disordered valuation methods affect you. sometimes we have knots that we need help untangling, and that's ok!

365toHealthy

Erzilie - I thought you explained that brilliantly.

I am glad I read your post!

jennifer_417

The other day, my SO was trying to help me jump down from a rock we had climbed, and I found myself flinching and still thinking of myself as too heavy for such things, even though he's got 8" and 50# on me and could've easily caught me. It takes time for the mind to catch up with the body, I think.

oliviaohair

I read a book "The Will Power instinct", he covered the topic of when one loses weight but continues to feel big; is similar to a phantom limb feeling.
He mentioned using guided imagery, and reframing with meditation.

I do yoga three times a week. It involves a lot of meditation. Everytime I do yoga, it DOES help me see that I'm now capable things I didn't used to be. But I'd like it to happen more quickly. Also, what do you mean by "guided imagery" and "reframing with meditation"?

oliviaohair

this is the thing that a lot of people who are unhappy about their weight don't realize: it's not actually about the weight! being 80 pounds lighter isn't going to magically turn you into an endless machine of confidence if you've never had the framework and context for confidence in the first place. it's not wizardry. being thinner is not the cure for a negative self-image. (if it were, we wouldn't have eating disorders that lead to aggressively unhealthy, potentially fatal outcomes.) if you attribute the negativity to fatness and assume thinness will solve your problem, then you're going to be super surprised when that negativity comes back, viciously, in another form--like being unable to see your progress in spite of the obvious numerical data in front of you. it's like believing money will solve everything, or finding a spouse, or having children, or getting a job, or getting a house, etc. it's like taking medicine for an infection that keeps coming back. you're never going to be free of your insecurity unless you treat the underlying causes.

you're windmilling from insecurity because we live in a culture that, for all its cries of "individualism!", doesn't nurture or cultivate healthy self-images or strong internal sense of independence from the perceptions of others. we are trained from a young age to be dissatisfied with ourselves. dissatisfaction can occasionally be a catalyst for positive change; most of the time, it makes a person's emotional state a gross, chaotic mess. if you don't know what satisfaction looks like, you're never going to sit still long enough to be able to figure it out before you're swept away by another wave of dissatisfaction.

it's a matter of reconditioning. you've been conditioned by culture, by media, by family and friends, by teachers, by strangers to be dissatisfied with your body--if you want to be prettier, buy makeup! if you want to fit in, buy these clothes! if you aren't thin you can f*** right off!!--and the only way to undo that now is by training yourself in a different direction. until you get to that point, you're always going to see yourself as "the fat girl" no matter how much you lose. taken to extremes and left to spin in the mud, this can develop into body dysmorphia. i recommend therapy! it's not just ~for crazy people~, it's for anyone who's struggling to build a strong internal foundation but doesn't know how to get from point A to point B. (this describes like 99% of people.) find a therapist you really like who can help you work through your issues surrounding your body, your confidence, your perceptions of yourself, and how society's disordered valuation methods affect you. sometimes we have knots that we need help untangling, and that's ok!

Perfectly put. Thank you for sharing. I really would like to start counseling.

Shawneb66

Losing the weight is the easy part, getting your head to catch up with your body is something else. A big part of it for me was that I wasn't looking before and now I look everyday! You are simply more aware of your body! Keep up the GREAT work and you will be fine!