Break up causing weight gain/lacking motivation!

jenna25

Hello friends,
I know this is more of a personal issue but I feel like others have struggled with this as well and would love to hear your thoughts/advice. My boyfriend who i dated for a couple years and he was my first love broke up with me a couple months ago.. i still am struggling with it and have always been an emotional eater. I was doing really well for a while and took control of dealing with my emotions without food and overcame my binging which i still am not binging like i was but sometime i still feel out of control with food and know i am using food to numb/comfort me as embarrasing as that sounds. I was down to my goal weight about a year ago and am pretty much back to where i started which is about 30 pounds heavier, i know this has a lot to do with my lack of motivation and feeling depressed from this whole break up. I have been out of my routine so i have been going out a lot more and being single means a lot more free time with friends which usually means going out to restaruants/bars, i know i am in control of what i eat and i choose to eat bad and drink but i just want to find my motivaiton/drive/happiness again. I feel like its time to allow myself to move on and move forward.... any advice for anyone whos gone through something similar? I feel so insecure/depressed/ and unhappy for letting myself go!

tapirfrog

When I went through the same thing, I decided that knowing myself, I knew I was going to go overboard with something -- and I could go overboard on eating, or I could go overboard on exercise. I got an exercise tape and every time I started to cry, I put on the tape and did the routines. If I couldn't sleep, I would get up in the middle of the night and do them. I lost 24 pounds.

Part of why it worked was, I felt so sh*tty that I was desperate for peace -- and exercising till I was able to sleep was the only way to get peace. And also, the small advances I was able to make during every exercise routine made me feel better about myself. I felt like I was taking care of myself, and there was nobody else who would, so it became this weird kind of self-soothing thing: "There, there. Comfort exists and you can give it to yourself."

This is an example of me harnessing my self-destructive tendencies and turning them to good. I haven't always done so well at it, but it really worked that time.

Edited to add: clicked "Post" too soon. What I should have included was: this obviously is a solution tailored specifically for my neuroses, failings, strengths, and needs -- I have no idea if it would work for you. But it sounds like you need care, and you need the self-love that goes hand in hand with giving yourself care. Is there a way you can tilt your needs and strengths into a reason to get fit? Like, if you're insecure, can you stay inside and do the 30-day shred? If you need company, can you go to five Zumba classes a week?

Sharkington

I'm sorry you're going through an extremely rough time right now. I have been in similar situations before, but I always reacted the opposite way, which was quite unhealthy. What actually helped me was focussing in on eating healthier (while eating enough) while finding an activity I really loved, which was running. I love it and it allows me channel my frustration, sadness, and negative thoughts. I'm not saying you have to get into running, but there is surely something out there for you! I also found that looking up recipes and new ways to cook food was a good way for me to stay interested in eating better.

You also have to remind yourself that these feelings will pass and aren't going to last forever. It's normal to feel broken up and depressed after losing a connection with someone you've spent years with, but you will find more people to connect with who will make you happy again (be it friends or significant others) You are still very young and beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you. Remember the good times, get past the bad ones, and start living your life the way you want to. You're going to slip up from time to time, but that's fine, too! :flowerforyou:

silencioesoro

For me, I threw myself into working out, focusing on me for once. I really put a lot of energy and lost myself in that relationship, so it was nice to rediscover myself after the depression mode. So, I suggest trying to put most of it aside, watch some chick flicks when you need a good sob... and start doing one thing for yourself everyday. Soon, the crying, the hurt goes away, or it just hurts less - not completely away.

You can't find happiness in food, not when you're unhappy. Go out, do things, enjoy life.

sana1314

I went through a tough breakup myself .... Was dating for a few years, everything was serious and then he left me....
But I couldn't eat or drink for a few days I was taking antidepressants, that was my only food tor a few days, And then I was crying and eating... eating and crying
It was more than 2 year ago

I can tell you this: you gonna get better with time, you're not alone, there is so many people out there, just let it go
30 lb is not 300, with a little bit of work they will disappear in no time
can't handle a diet, who need diets anyways?
Stay under your calories goal and try to eat as good as you can right now, with time you'll improve
Go on a date! ( That's what I did haha) You look hot (I'm talking about your picture), you can get a guy or even a few haha
That really helped me, I understood that I'm a gorgeous woman and I deserve a good husband that will love and adore me every day....Do I sound selfish? Well, you can love yourself and still be a good person...

Go on a date to a nice restaurant, get some good french/italian/greek/ ets food (not some junk fast food, I'm talking about real food) with a nice guy!
Look in the mirror and love yourself!!!
DO NOT THINK ABOUT CONTROL and dieting, the more you think the more you losing control, that was happening with me... DO NOT keep sweets and junk food of any kind in the house "out of sight - out of mind"
Do your work (college, school, career ets)
And just live your life, you don't have others options, you cant stop this planet and just get out haha
In a few years you will remember it with a smile

tierra85

Stop beating yourself up! Break ups are really tough and i think its okay that you let yourself work through that pain. During a break up there are a lot of really intense stuff going on in a person's brain. I don't think many people truly appreciate how tough that life experience is. Personally, when I'm feeling down i focus mainly on my dopamine levels. When you were with him those levels were really high, the break up caused them to plummet and ultimately mimic the same experiences as drug withdrawals, and i believe lead to a lot of what you're feeling. I could go off about brain chemistry and everything else that's going on for hours but i will spare you lol Definitely look into all they ways to raise your dopamine levels (without drugs of course).


I truly feel that you are entering a more positive healing phase because you are reaching out. That in itself is a huge accomplishment in my opinion, and you deserve kudos for taking this step. Every relationship is there to teach us something and shape us as individuals. Reflect on what you learned. I have a ton of things i do when I'm feeling down. First and foremost i give myself time to feel sad. I only cry in the shower.. Weird, but i picture it all leaving and going down the drain. After a period of time i force myself to move forward. Every time i find my mind dwelling on anything i switch my thoughts immediately. I have journals for so many different feelings. Maybe have one dedicated just to venting and releasing this situation, and keep a separate one to fill with what you are grateful for. Meditate! When i need guided disks I've always really enjoy Kelly Howell's. Also, smudging helps me a lot. Maybe go buy some sage and cleanse yourself and your house. Also, green smoothies everyday make me really happy. Force yourself to do all the things that used to make you happy, even if they don't at first. If you don't already, log everything! I find it quite motivating to get back on track when I continuously see that red in my diary. Once you really get back into it, you'll lose the weight you want to and start to feel better. That in turn will put more positive energy out to attract a better companion into your life.

You're a gorgeous woman! Any man will be lucky to call you his girlfriend. You will come out of this stronger than ever! Don't forget that.

KimiSteinbach

Before I read any of the other replies let me tell you this; food is NOT your friend; not in this case. It's just making you heavier.

AND; men will come and go. Take your time in picking the right one. This one is gone because he is wrong.

kitticus15

For me, I spent 3 weeks in bed and lost tons of weight, the problem was when other people started being mean about how I looked, I emotionally ate and gained tons of weight back, looking back I know now the meaness was due to how good I looked in clothes, as I kept the weight off for about 2 years, then the ex started talking to people and the meaness started...

Food is not a good support partner, cos the foods that make you feel good are usually high calorie and no good for you...

Iam learning to eat healthier and in turn it makes me feel better, just wish I knew how good exercise was before when the break up happened, cos if I don't exercise I feel down, it really does make me feel better...

kagevf

youre HOT, his LOSS, you will find someone better.

there must be a line up to a mile for the vacant position.

ShibaEars

When I went through the same thing, I decided that knowing myself, I knew I was going to go overboard with something -- and I could go overboard on eating, or I could go overboard on exercise. I got an exercise tape and every time I started to cry, I put on the tape and did the routines. If I couldn't sleep, I would get up in the middle of the night and do them. I lost 24 pounds.

this is a great idea. My boyfriend broke up with me recently. We weren't together for very long, but it has still been very tough. I have the Insanity discs at home, so I could try something like this & see how it goes.

ETA: I've found over the last couple days that talking about it helps. If I don't talk to anyone, the negative thoughts build up and build up and I just end up crying & feeling lost. I'm not talking to anyone & everyone about it, but I have one close friend that knows everything. She lets me vent to her & offers insight that I may have missed. I don't know what I would do without her right now. If you don't want to talk to someone, maybe a journal will help get the bad energy out (like was suggested above).