How to get out of the All or Nothing cycle

AndreinaM87

Hey guys, I am looking for some advice as I am sure other people are the same.

I have been in a cycle of starting healthy eating/excercise, doing well for a few days/weeks for about 2 years now. I guess I could probably be classfied as a binge eater although more often than not its just this cycle of being on/off the healthy lifestyle that is driving me crazy. I am a total prefectionist and hate only doing things so so, therefore always setting myself unachievable targets, then getting frustrated when I start failing and ultimately quitting until I then restart the same cycle all over again...probably the following Monday.

I know in principal that I should set smaller tasks but I'm a high achiever by nature and find it really hard to do this. Any advice or tips from ppl with a similiar problem would be great as I know it all in theory but can't get it into practice.

obum88

I take it one day at a time and some days hour by hour. I am constantly reminding myself of my goals and keeping busy. It is all about mindset. It is a journey no a race, no one can sustain that all or nothing attitude through all aspects of their lives. Don't know if you have kids, but mine helped me learn to let go some.

Nuttynutnuts

I saw this picture posted somewhere else and found it helpful. It reminds me that a few bad days don't mean all my hard work is ruined!

I'd also suggest giving yourself room in your calorie budget for food you enjoy. Most days I eat chocolate or chips or some other kind of treat, I fit it into my calorie goal. It means I don't feel restricted and don't want to quit. I try not to think of any food as off limit. If it fits into my calorie goal I'll eat it.

Good luck, you can totally do it! Don't beat yourself up.

runningagainstmyself

I am in a similar mindset as you; I am 100% Type-A personality and can get a bit obsessive over getting things "just right". In addition to taking things one day at a time, I also try to focus on 1 or 2 primary goals per day. For instance, my goals today were to not allow myself to go ravenously hungry, and to drink enough water. Tomorrow, my goal may change to something like getting more protein in my breakfast, as there wasn't enough to sustain me.

Live in the present so that you can build for the future. That would be my suggestion. That way, when "the future" comes (and I say that loosely, of course), you already have with you the tools that you need to sustain your success.

Does that make sense?

BookAngel_a

I'm a perfectionist, and I have to fight the tendency to give up when I mess up or have a bad day. Its like my brain says "I'm not doing this perfectly, so why bother?" It's a challenge I will always deal with. So I can relate to your situation. In the past I've been very "all or nothing" with eating plans.

Something a lot of people here have encouraged me to do is log everything, even when I have a terrible day when I go way over calories. It really seems to help to acknowledge that you made a mistake and get right back on track. In the past when I had a bad day I would avoid logging and avoid MFP. Soon I was way off course.

And all my weight loss friends on here have been super encouraging.

So the lesson I'm learning is I don't have to be perfect at this. When I mess up, admit the mistake and keep going, don't give up. Hope that helps your situation, at least a little! You can do it!

dreawest

You can't be much of a perfectionist if you keep setting yourself up for failure. I get it though, although my thing was avoid the inevitable failure by not starting as if I try and fail that would be so much worse than just continuing on.

I know you don't want to set smaller goals but perhaps you just need to rework them. It all comes down to calories in versus calories burnt and you can adapt that in so many ways, meet a daily goal, weekly goal, increase your activity to offset binging, challenge yourself to eat more veg in a day and then buy the mini carrots/snap peas/cucumbers and just snack mindlessly on them....

jenilla1

That "All or Nothing" cycle seems to be the basic diet mentality. Diets are temporary and restrictive, and usually involve some sort of extreme methods, so they don't last. Most people describe their diets as if they are punishments. I think that's why dieters tend to yo-yo. (I've never dieted, so I only say this through observation of countless friends and family who have.)

Whatever it is that you've been doing is apparently too extreme to sustain for very long. You need to figure out some long-term strategies that are easy to stick with and don't make you feel like you're being deprived. The only difference between my weight loss mode and maintenance mode is the amount of calories I eat. Nothing else changes. No weird rules or punishments. Nothing extreme. A holiday off is not cause to abandon ship. I've been on maintenance now for 3 years. :drinker:

I agree with previous posters who point out that just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you quit. As long as most of the days are good, you should keep moving in the right direction. :flowerforyou:

dsalveson

My advice: You'll start seeing results when you stop looking at it as being "on" or "off" your health kick. You don't create good habits by abandoning them at every slip-up. If working out is something you plan on doing long-term, you'll do it whether you ate at your calorie goal or way over it. And vice versa If you plan to eat a moderate diet for the rest of your life, you won't say "screw it" just because you missed a few days at the gym.

AndreinaM87

Thanks guys for all of your really helpful replies. Thats exactly it, if I'm frustrated and I've given up - i won't bother going to the gym, getting my water intake etc as I feel like whats the poiont, I've already stuffed up. I also find that I make my fitness plans too unattainable and then get so frustrated too. My job means I have to eat out a lot, some times twice daily which can make tracking a nightmare.

I think I'll have to cut myself some slack and start at the very beginning - even if I can just get my water intake up and track everyday regardless of how good/bad I've done.

buckleten

I am exactly like this too - I can do well all day, then in the evening once the idea of a small snack has taken hold there's no stopping me, and I will just eat and eat! I always feel like I have ruined my plan for the day so may as well eat as much as I want, and start again tomorrow, but sometimes days or weeks can go by before I can get myself back on track.. so frustrating!! But we will get there in the end :-)

msf74

That "All or Nothing" cycle seems to be the basic diet mentality. Diets are temporary and restrictive, and usually involve some sort of extreme methods, so they don't last. Most people describe their diets as if they are punishments. I think that's why dieters tend to yo-yo. (I've never dieted, so I only say this through observation of countless friends and family who have.)

Whatever it is that you've been doing is apparently too extreme to sustain for very long. You need to figure out some long-term strategies that are easy to stick with and don't make you feel like you're being deprived. The only difference between my weight loss mode and maintenance mode is the amount of calories I eat. Nothing else changes. No weird rules or punishments. Nothing extreme. A holiday off is not cause to abandon ship. I've been on maintenance now for 3 years. :drinker:

I agree with previous posters who point out that just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you quit. As long as most of the days are good, you should keep moving in the right direction. :flowerforyou:

Excellent post.