I don't know, 1000 pounds

Nateforau

Someone asked me the other day how much weight I had lost. My immediate thought was really "I don't know, like 1000 pounds, are you talking about cumulatively?" haha.

It was actually a pretty sobering question. I have gained and lost my entire life. The question she should have asked was how much weight I have lost since I have known her. I have only known her for several months, so the answer is that I have gained and lost the same 10 or 12 pounds a few times.

On my 30th birthday, I weighed 306 pounds. I had a young daughter and a brand new son on the way and I determined to change for good this time. Over 9 months, by running and eating right, I lost 107 pounds down to my low adult weight of 199. The day my scale read under 200 was the worst day of my life up to that point. Wait, what? I found out that very afternoon about a crushing personal development in my life. I was undone and when I came out of my trance a year later, I was 280 pounds again.

Fast forward a couple of years-I was "maintaining" 275 by eating what I wanted and drinking heavily and doing nothing. I would gain up to 280 and then binge-diet back down to 270. I did it for a couple of years. Then I decided again to make a change. I retook control of my like and dropped back down to 220. I felt better than ever and then, you guessed it, another round of the same emotional turmoil came crashing back into my life, this time much harder and more devastating. I guess it is time to wake up again.

This brings me back around to that question she asked. How much weight have you lost? I honestly don't know the answer to that question. I know that in the last 7 years I have lost a lot. Not just weight. Friends, family, faith, self-respect, confidence, energy, desire for life, but most of all, I have lost belief in myself. This time is going to be so much harder than those times past. Because I have been in the cycle of success and failure so many times, I look around every corner for the failure. I am finally joining a site like this to get motivated and get some support. I am going to do my best to be a regular contributor and user. If you want to help, invite me as a friend. I haven't been on a scale in a week, but the last time I saw it I was 275, so that is where I am setting my starting weight. My goal is 198 so that I can say I did.

N

WisCowboy

Your life style sort of reminds me of my own.

As a man, it's amazing how psychologically our weight affects us. There is that feeling of unattractiveness, losing energy and thinking people viewing us as being lazy, and even affecting our sex life. Obesity in men leads to erectile dysfunction and poor circulation and even losing inches as fat builds up at the base of the penis.

I was really fit through high school with wrestling and football. Once I graduated, I found a comfortable desk job. My body still craved the energy but I wasn't using it up anymore. I started to get close to 200 pounds and I thought to myself, "if I get to 200, I'm going to diet". I did it all wrong and what little I lost; I gained quickly as my appetite became ravenous.

I felt unattractive so I started to date women that were heavier than I was. It was for all the wrong reasons as I wasn't helping myself at all and using them as a way to justify myself being overweight. When I weighed 220, I dated a woman that was 300 pounds. When we broke up 3 years later, I was at 260. I continued to gain weight every year and became very depressed. I always said that there were other people fatter than I was so I did not need to change. It was at Christmas this past year that I lost my job and binged hard. I came to realize how bad I had become when I bought a 5-pound bag of Reese's peanut butter cups and was angry with one of my nephews for eating one.

So, I said enough and I made a commitment to change or end up with heart disease killing me soon. I have a rare kidney disease and with being obese, my systolic blood pressure was often between 160 - 180. For the past four months now I have kept that commitment and started to take medication for my health. I have lost 50 pounds and my systolic blood pressure depending on the day as been between 108 - 132.

My goal is now to be less than 200 pounds. I continue to reinforce my commitment by setting and achieving small goals. One of my favorites is being able to wear blue jeans I have had in my dresser draw I haven't seen in over 3 years. Now they are so loose, I have to use a belt that I needed to punch 4 new holes in.

I wish you luck and a pleasant journey to your health goals.

Nateforau

Thanks buddy. Great job so far and I wish you luck as well. Keep it up.