How has your relationship with food changed over the years?

bunnerfly

I haven't always had the best relationship with food. I grew up very poor with a neglectful parent, and until I moved in with my grandparents when I was 14, it was common for my only meal to be the one I got at school. This led me to have a "eat now, as much as you can, because there may not be something later" mentality. I can remember being so hungry that I'd eat/drink ketchup packets! So anyway, even after I moved in with my grandparents and had plenty to eat, I struggled with binging or constant snacking because it was there and ready. I was very active, so I didn't become overweight, but I did put on weight. My family noticed and teased me about how much I ate. Then one day, a kid at school pointed at me and said, "Oh my God! Look at her cottage cheese thighs!" I was at the upper end of a healthy weight, but it definitely flipped a switch that began a brutal starve, binge, purge cycle. I still battled with the urge to eat eat eat when I could, but had a pretty heinous amount of guilt and self loathing, which meant I'd start avoiding food at all costs, pretty much ensuring I wouldn't eat it. When I would eat, I'd eat until I got sick. I remember eating an entire loaf and a half of bread by toasting it 2 slices at a time and eating it with butter. My grandma flipped, and there set in the guilt again... I lost a lot of weight, to the point my grandma threw out the scales. I hated food, and coveted it at the same time. Eventually, friends stepped in, and little by little, I stopped worrying so much about food.

After getting married and having a child, I went from 135 to 175 lbs within a year. I began restricting again, which lead to purging. I got back down to 145lbs and stalled out. I needed help gaining control again, but when I told my (now ex) husband, he called me a freaking weirdo and told me to stop begging for attention. I ended up pregnant again, but lost the baby early in the pregnancy. I was devastated and ate on another 10 to 15 lbs. my marriage was in the toilet, my husband was abusive and drunk all the time, and the only time I felt in control was when I was gathering food to binge, purging it, or starving. My husband had stopped sleeping with me prior to the miscarriage, and basically wanted nothing to do with me, but would not even let me leave the house without clearing it with him. He was set to deploy and we went to a party, got drunk, and lo and behold, 40 weeks later I had my daughter. What a wonderful oopsie! LOL After I had her, I began restricting and really working hard not to binge. I had made a wonderful friend who worked out with me and who listened as I cried about my marriage. I got down to 140lbs in a fairly healthy way, but my husband didn't like it. He began pouring melted butter into my meals, sneaking in as many calories as he could into anything we cooked at home. If I cooked, he would sneak into the kitchen and dump stuff in. It resulted in no weight change, but it was the final straw. I gave him until the end of my son's school year to get the drinking and anger under control. In June that following summer, I left him.

I worked a lot, and had a lot of anxiety because if the divorce and dealing with my ex. I began eating a lot, not binging, and packed on 50lbs in less than 9 months. Which is where I am now.

I actively try to have a healthier relationship with food, and I do. I try not to freak out if I eat more than I had planned. I will not go hungry the rest of the day if I go over my calories. If I'm truly hungry, I eat something. I think about the reasons I put food in my mouth every time, because I'm prone to eating out of boredom or stress. I ask myself, "Do I really want this? Is there a healthier option?" I'm trying to remind myself that it is only food, the only power it has over me is the power I give it. Weight loss is 100% mental for me.

Domineer

I no longer stuff myself. I still look at food as a delicious treat at times but I mostly see it as nourishment and a way for me to feel better and live longer. My relationship with food can be summed up as "everything in moderation".

bunnerfly

I love the "everything in moderation" view. I don't like ice cream except for Breyers mint chocolate chip, and a chocolate dipped cone from a local place in town, and even then, I don't crave it all the time. But when I want it, I get it. I just don't get a large dipped cone or eat a whole bowl (or two or three) of breyers anymore.