A New Approach !

starvingartist

Hello everyone
I'm Melissa, I'm 19 years old, and (for my entire life) I've always been struggling with my weight. I was an only child for 6 years, and my parents spoied the crap out of me. I don't blame them for all my bad eating habits through my life, but I think all that McDonalds and going out helped it along. As a child up until (late, late) middle school, I was pretty overweight. I don't know why, but I remember my doctor telling me in second grade that i needed to lose 20 pounds (I weighed 90 pounds). As many people did, I was made fun of countless times by my peers for my fat-ness.
Around the age of 13 I started evening out (even though I never grew - i'm still only 5'2 lol). I ended up becoming a vegetarian, and started drinking water with my lunch instead of a bottle of juice and I lost about 10 pounds. A year or so later, though, I decided for some unknown reason I wanted to refrain from eating all day so I could be skinny like my best friend at the time. It was around that time that I saw a story on the news about sites encouraging Eating Disorders, and being young and niave, I thought it would be a cool thing to look into. Over the next few years I would randomly restrict, but would forget about doing it and go on normally with my life.
Then, on April 26th, 2007, something changed in me. I was on a school vacation with our music department. Myself, and my two friends, were so psyched to go to Philly. Well, you know what happens - twos company, threes a crowd. Rita and Katie kept sitting with each other and disregarding me (im sure they didnt do it on purpose, they are just more like each other than i was i guess). Being the insecure, unsure of myself person I am, came to the conclusion that the only was Rita and Katie would give me attention on our trip was to not eat. I wanted to feel wanted. That was the day I develeoped an Eating Disorder. My life would be completely different if I hadnt decided to stop eating that day. Biggest mistake ever.
Over the next 2-3 months I lost 30 pounds through excessive exercise and restricting to 200 or less calories a day on most days. I eventually taught myself how to purge and that only screwed me worse. I ended up 98 pounds. People actually told me I looked gross, but I thought I needed to lose more.
Long story short, my mom wasn;t stupid and caught on. She works at a hospital and is friends with a dietician who also helped her understand what was going on with me. She secretly enrolled me in a clinic and i was FORCED to go. I hated her more than anything the day she told me, but i now understand that that was the best thing she could have done. I love my mother more than anyone else in the world She is the ONLY one who stuck by me and tried to understand. I love her.
Anyways, you probably can guess I gained all but 5 pounds back, and I never came to terms with my body. I feel so jiggly, and out of shape. I'm disappointed I developed bad eating habits and gained so much back. I'm DEFINITELY an emotional eater. Not to mention, when you deprive yourself of flavors for so long, you go a bit crazy over food when you DO start letting yourself have things again.
So, I've decided that I would try and lose some weight again. But, I've seen the ugly side of obsessive weight loss and restriction. My metabolism is all outta whack some days, stomach acid has decalcified my teeth, and my gums have receeded a little. Its scary, people, I'm only 19. So this time, I want to lose weight RIGHT. I have realized I need to do this slow and steady so I can KEEP it off. I've learned so much about food, diet, nutrition over these past 3 years since developing my disorder, and I want to use this knowledge to better myself and my lifestyle. I want to get over the negativity and guilt I associate with food and get HEALTHY not emaciated. So, I'm here today.
Many people tell me that I look great how I am, but I know I could look better. I don't want to be scary skinny like i did before, my goal is a loss of about 10-15 pounds and to keep it off. My current height and weight are : 5'2" & 115-116lbs.

blockeramanda

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Alot of people struggle with their self image, even those who look skinny and healthy on the outside may have a dislikes on the outside. It takes a brave person to stand up and say this is what I don't like about myself and I'm going to change it. You are strong! You've made it through the dark side of weight loss and have come out wiser and maturer for it.

Everyone makes mistakes in their lifes hun, some go to jail, some do drugs, others let obessions take control. It how you overcome those mistakes that define you, not the mistake itself. You can achieve your goals! So stick with it but be careful and don't fall into the same trap you were first in. Chin up and head held high!! You'll make it

daryls

Thanks for sharing your struggles with weight and having an eating disorder. I suggest talking to a medical doctor about any sort of weight/calorie/exercise changes.

epa422

Why not focus more on toning and gaining muscle in order to get rid of the "flab." I agree that you should check with a doctor before making any changes given your past struggles, but your weight is right in the middle of a healthy bmi for your height.