How to deal with outsiders comments on your food intake

mariluny

Hi!
I started checking my calories back in January and i have since lost 54 pounts Sounds like a lot but I started at 250 and I've been losing much more slowly these past 2 months.
I found that once the novelty passed and you know what to eat and you've re-learn quantities, it goes really well and I usually don't struggle much at all.

What I do struggle with is how people around me react to what I eat. Obvisouly when I go out to restaurants or at a friend's house i put aside the calorie counting a bit, I try to be more cautious and do the smart choices when possible but that's it. I don't want to impose my eating habits to others either.
But with my close friends/family or people I live with, they will make comments quite often. For example when I eat cereal in the morning I usually have it with almond milk instead of regular dairy milk or for dinner i'll have half a chicken breast instead of a full one, have a side salad instead of rice or just skip the salad dressing and sprinkle dried herbs instead, etc... People will make a lot of comments on it and when i say i'm just checking what I eat people start making comments about eating disorder or how i'm obsessed with what I eat. I don't think I am. I do talk about it sometimes but I did lose 54 pounds and i'm so proud of it I want to share what I consider a success. I find that people around me are not that supportive of it and they see it as a problem. Yes sometimes I will crave chips or dessert or french fries or stuff like that and I won't have any at the time being, although if I crave something for more then I few days I usually cave in and have a really small portion of it just so it pass. But they just tell me if I want it now I should have some.

I think I'm being really smart about how I lose weight, I'm not hungry all day long, I eat healthy without using diet/low fat/pre made/etc food, I still cheat quite often when I really crave something so I don't feel so much on a diet but more in a new healty eating habit life.

Does this happen to others? And if so, how do you guys react to it?

ClintonnGottaDoItAgain

I am in the same boat. I have decided that NO MATTER WHAT I need to make smart, sound, beneficial choices to what I eat and how much of it I eat. I applaud your resolve and tenacity.....

weird_me2

I think that when the people we are closest to see us changing, they can get concerned. Also, when you do something that's different from what you've always done and/or different from those around you, it is "weird" to those around you. You've lost 54 pounds in less than 4 months. That's a lot to lose in such a short amount of time. The people you live with and are around all the time are seeing your losses and your "weirdness" about food and are probably truly concerned for you.

As time goes on, they will adapt to the new you and your losses won't seem so extreme and some of their concern will probably go away. In the mean time, it's probably easiest to just not talk about your weight loss / diet and not talk about "can't" have this or that (not saying that you do). While it's fun to talk about our successes, other people, even the ones who love us, don't often want to hear about it. Come on here to brag if you need to, but just stay mum about the whole thing if you aren't getting good responses at home. After all, it's no fun to be excited about something and have someone you care about rain on your parade!

Pattinan

I understand. You are fine. People without food issues might not understand that for some of us, we must have vigilance or we get right back to where we started. Do what you must do to enjoy continued success and try not to let what others say or think affect you negatively. For me, I am not a "normal" eater. I must be very careful. To some it may seem obsessive but I find myself on a slippery slope far too often. I need to take care of me, as you do and am willing to let my behaviors seem a little odd to "outsiders". Keep up the good fight! You have made tremendous progress. Congratulation!

SezxyStef

Sure I get comments, like when I eat a cookie at work or a piece of cake...the comments are usually

"you can't eat that you are on a diet" at which I say..."no I am not on a diet and I can eat whatever I want"

or

when they see I eat as much as I do

"you can't be losing weight eating that much" at which I reply "sure I can"

or

If I post a recipe on FB the comments are usually

"yah like you would eat that" to which I reply

"I lift this *insert pic of 180lb dead lift* so I can eat this"

Either have come backs or ignore them.

firestation12

I think your weight loss is great. Very often other people are just jealous because they need to loose and can't. I told only three very close people that I am on a diet to loose 30 lbs. A friend of mine didn't even comment my 9 lbs weight loss because she needs to loose a lot and can't. So stay on track and don't give a sh... what others think.

arijo7

I have the same thing happening to me! I learned that other people who aren't trying to lose weight don't understand the portion control and moderation. They think it's wrong because that's not what they are used to. You have gotten so far and you're progressing! Don't let any one say anything to make you doubt what you are doing because you are clearly doing this right and you're doing great:)

PJPrimrose

Stick my tongue out like a 4 yr old and say, "I'm skinny and eat ice cream neener neener neener". Just kidding, I explain portion control and smile.

freddi11e

People are going to judge you no matter what you do. They will comment if you eat "too little" and they will comment if you eat "too much." I deal with this all the time with people. But I make it clear that if I want more later, I know where to get it. I'm happy with what I'm eating. And your friends probably just don't know what a real serving size is. Do they know that a serving size of pasta is the size of a baseball?

I am so proud of you for losing 54 pounds! keep doing what you are doing. This is for you, not for anyone else.

Obviously what you are doing is working for you, so don't let anyone influence or hinder your ablility to achieve your goals.

Haters gonna hate.

meganjcallaghan

a little over 100 of my loss has been over the last 9 months, and i do get the ''oh stop counting'' from some people when i do so much as glance at a label. I think some people have it easy in that they CAN eat whatever they want and not gain an inch and seem to think everybody else should be able to do so as well....and others just can't seem to comprehend the concept of being aware of your intake and that in order to be aware you can't just 'wing it'. oh well. screw 'em.

fivethreeone

I always hear that I can't lose weight eating so much....

And yet I do.

That's how I deal with it. By succeeding.

akern15

Keep up the good work and try to ignore everyone's comments. I don't know why people must comment negatively but I don't think it ever goes away. I'm in decent shape I watch what I eat and exercise everyday. I never dole out unwanted advice or tell others what they need to be eating. Just this Easter I went to my parents for dinner and my Mom asked me if I wanted a piece of Apple pie. I said no thank you. Then she rolled her eyes and said: "oh I forgot you're trying to be healthy". Well actually I had just snarfed down two large ham sandwiches and two helpings of mac and cheese.......I was really just stuffed but whatever. I just use comments like those as fuel for my workouts.

ninerbuff

Smile, thank them for their advice and then put on the ignore button.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

cwolfman13

18 + months in and nobody says much anymore...because they pretty much recognize that I could destroy them in any sort of physical endeavor. I used to get comments and then people started to see that not only was I and did I lose the weight...but I became stronger and substantially more physically fit over time. Once people realized that I wasn't really dieting and that I was all about making my life a life that is nutritionally conscious and fitness driven people shut up. That didn't really happen until maintenance when they saw that I was still practicing the same eating and fitness habits but no longer trying to lose weight.

I'm into nutrition and fitness...other people are into video games...whateves....this is how I roll.

Alexandra_S

First of all, congratulations! You've achieved great results!
Second, yes, sometimes our family is not supportive at all. Been there, done that. I suppose they feel guilty because they don't eat healthy, you remind them there are other options and it makes them uncomfortable. I understand you don't impose your views on them, but sometimes you don't even have to do it.
It's not about you, it's about them. I guess they are not happy with their weight or health. But for some reason they don't try to change it. And your success is a reproach to them.
As long as you're sure you're not starving yourself, keep doing what you're doing. I don't know, how to deal with this lack of support. I usually ignore it and just change the subject.

Alatariel75

I've perfected the deadpan, one eyebrow slightly raised stare. Just turn it on them until they get uncomfortable and go away. You'd be surprised how little time it takes.

LianaG1115

YES! YES! YES!! At the same time it pisses me off when they ask how I've lost it, I tell them and they say they could never eat that way or exercise like I do. That's the reality is they don't have the willpower or drive we do and so they make negative comments to deter from their own reality!! 54lbs is awesome!! Keep up the awesome work!!

Alexandra_S

YES! YES! YES!! At the same time it pisses me off when they ask how I've lost it, I tell them and they say they could never eat that way or exercise like I do. That's the reality is they don't have the willpower or drive we do and so they make negative comments to deter from their own reality!! 54lbs is awesome!! Keep up the awesome work!!

Exactly

dsb188

I think you need to stick with with what you are doing. It amazes me how people think they are experts on weight loss but it all depends on the person and how their body reacts to the diet. Take it as a lesson in how to deal with this behavior in the future. I am about 45 pounds down and I had friends tell me what i needed to but yet they have lost no weight. Consider the source.

zeal26

Once (once!) I half wondered about the calories of something in front of a friend of mine and now she never stops on about how I shouldn't be counting calories! That's so obsessive! And dangerous! Every time I put something near my mouth I hear ''how many calories in that eh??''. It's so frustrating, especially coming from somebody who is SUPER skinny and really does eat anything she wants in huge quantities. It upsets me because I've been quite dedicated and my body has already changed entirely and she just can't be happy for me.

It's frustrating. I'm learning to ignore it. I'm doing this for myself, nobody else.

Neliel88

People can often be quite jealous when they see someone succeeding with weight loss, as it's one of those things a lot of people struggle with. People react differently to weight loss success, I've had people say they admire me for how well I've done and I've had someone else say 'you'd look weird if you got skinnier'. Silly, snippy comments.

randomtai

No one makes comments about what I eat. If they did, I would be quite rude and they wouldn't try it again. :ohwell:

Linnaea27

Sure I get comments, like when I eat a cookie at work or a piece of cake...the comments are usually

"you can't eat that you are on a diet" at which I say..."no I am not on a diet and I can eat whatever I want"

or

when they see I eat as much as I do

"you can't be losing weight eating that much" at which I reply "sure I can"

or

If I post a recipe on FB the comments are usually

"yah like you would eat that" to which I reply

"I lift this *insert pic of 180lb dead lift* so I can eat this"

Either have come backs or ignore them.

Haha, I love your comebacks. I only wish my brain worked fast enough in those situations to say things like that.

OP, I think unless the people saying things are those you live with, the best solution is to just go about your business and not talk about it much or at all. If people have the guts/stupidity to make such comments to you, talking about it at all will increase the likelihood of the people saying stuff to you. When they try to tell you you can or can't eat something, just say "no thanks" and provide a distraction.

And SezxyStef's approach is awesome too, if you can do it and the people around you won't get snippy if you say those sorts of things to them.

BinaryPulsar

I don't experience this. It's pretty obvious to the people around me that I am active with health and fitness. People sometimes look or ask questions out of curiosity. People know that I eat good food in moderation and also don't restrict. Once in a while someone probably has a judgement, but it changes when they get to know me.

Nedra19455

I am totally guilty of feeling this way towards my "healthy" friends, even though I rarely made comments. It totally got to me that they would be refusing the delicious cookies I made for them or making comments about how they needed to lose weight when I was 75 lbs heavier and only an inch taller. So I agree that it is totally about their own feelings and not about you.

Also, i think "deprivation" is a commonly associated with dieting. And so people think the best thing they can do for you is encourage you to eat the foods you want -- they know that you're dieting when they're not around, they figure when they are around the most supportive thing they can do is encourage you to "live a little."

I don't think, as a society, we have great ways of encouraging people with their healthy lifestyles. We worry that if we encourage people too much, they'll think we're calling them fat. (I did actually feel this way with a co-worker who was a little militant with her own diet and made everyone around her -- who was bigger than she was -- feel awful at the lunch table because she's comment on everyone's food and tell them how they could eat healthier.) So I think the default is to encourage people to "be happy" and, for many people, they assume you'd be happier if you are the slice of pie.

A colleague of mine, when I explained to her how much I like using my Fitbit and MyFitnessPal, said, "that's so cool! And it's so cool that you're so excited about it and it's working for you!" I think that was the best way she could respond. :-)

AwesomeGuy37

You have to obsess a little if you want to lose weight. At least you are aware of just how obsessive you are.

Getthisweightoffforgood

I too can related to the comments of people who don't understand that I am not obsessing over my calories, I am merely changing my eating habits. I had someone try to correct me, saying I was trying to "starve myself" lol... I simply asked them if the ever really paid attention to what a REAL serving size was ... quickly, they got silent. I noticed they started changing their habits as well.

Missjulesdid

My favorites are people who want to tell me how to lose weight. I was working the morning shift in a convenience store and would often eat my breakfast behind the counter. I can't count how many comments I received about how fattening my breakfast was. A pretty standard breakfast for me is 1 egg, 1 ounce chopped chicken breast, 1/4 avocado and 1/4 cup of homemade refried black beans and 1/2 ounce of cheese and some fresh salsa. ... I once had a woman buying a banana nut muffin... telling me how she could never handle "so much fat" for her breakfast. I had another customer tell me that it was great that I'd lost some weight but that I'd better start eating healthier and cutting out all the eggs and cheese before I die of heart disease. WTF?

MyChocolateDiet

I'm sorry people are butting into your business like that. It's a pet peeve of mine. Especially since you have already achieved success, you really need no one interfering with ideas that may not even work in the face of your success.

Does it offer you no comfort to reflect after ending the convo with them, on the fact you have already achieved so much. Like you can pity them a little and pay them no never mind b/c clearly you know what u are doing and they are just the uninformed? Just quietly think it and smile?

AllonsYtotheTardis

Nobody has the guts to question my eating habits. They know I wouldn't tolerate it.


But for the record, my answer would be something along the lines of "If I wanted to look like you, I would eat like you."

Aaron_K123

People are naturally concerned by change and complacent when things stay status quo even if the change is good and the status quo was bad.

When you were overweight and stayed at that weight probably people were used to it and said nothing. When pounds started flying off you they took notice and that notice became concern, that's pretty natural. I mean I assume if there was ever a time in your life when you put ON 50 pounds in a very short order of time people may have expressed concern then as well.

People just fear change by nature. I think you know what is best for you though so stick with it and don't pay that attention. Eventually you will get to your goal, your goal weight will become status quo and once that has gone on long enough people will relax again.